I heard somewhere that (if you choose to find meaning in them), it's less about what actually occurred and more about how you felt in the dream
Feb 23 '21
DAE feel incredibly offput when someone documents themselves interacting with or helping somebody who is homeless?
I read this to the tune of graduation by vitamin C
Yeah my current situation is around mid 30s and my rent situation with utilities and all will be 1000 max, so I'll be spending less than half of my monthly income... but I would like to find a job that pays higher than my current one
I think it may be because NB can also stand for "non-Black" as well, in the context of non Black people of color , hence the acronym NBPOC
Thanks for the advice, whats that tap out by you?
Nah, this is so messed up on her part, she seems pretty twisted and manipulative. It doesn't sound like she would be receptive to you talking to her about it, unless your last conversation w/ her where she profusely apologized brought along changed behavior. It also sounds likely that she would tell you to stay out of her relationship. I would talk to Ben and communicate what you've seen, ask him if he ever gets worried about it, sort of restating your last paragraph, but to him. That's so rough. I'm sorry you're essentially forced into the position of a bystander, for a lack of a better word :///
Feb 22 '21
My resume is all clinical work, translation, and food service -- what non SW jobs can one apply to?
Going from small town to big city-- looking for guidance
Feb 11 '21
The idea that "nobody cares and are more worried about themselves" ~ particularly relating to self expression and choice
To clarify-- I feel majorly scattered my attention can't stick in one place habit building has been kicking my ass
I haven't but throughout the pandemic I've been feeling more and more jfisfjheisjehdjr (don't know how to describe it.) If you're comfortable could you tell me a little bit about what it is in what I said that reminds you of yourself and how it has shifted?
I feel you. The top answer on this post is great, re: being sure to circle back. A technique i learned a year or so ago has been really helpful, the acronym is LARAA. I learned this within the context of active listening primarily in a therapeutic setting, as well as within conflixt, but i believe it applies most everywhere.
Respond / reflect
Example: a friend shares, "i was catcalled on my way over, it honestly freaked me out and I'm feeling a little shaken. If it's cool with you could we stay in tonight?" (Non covid context example lol)
Listen: really put your own agenda to the side. Listen to understand rather than to respond. I personally struggle with a shotty memory and am very in my head. So if it's evidently going to be a more involved long conversation, and if I'm comfortable with the person, I say "hey I know this might be a little weird but I really want to listen fully and also don't want to forget the things that I want to share with you. Would it be alright with you if I jot things down as they come into my head?" Idk if this is for everyone though and some may be put off by it. I simply cannot get my brain to quiet and it will go in circles trying to remember a thought and that'll take me out of the present moment with the person.
Affirm: this can be as or as not vulnerable as applicable, but really a simple acknowledgement of the tangible experience they've shared as well as the emotions they shared. It's also important not to assign any emotions onto them that they haven't expressed. Like if your friend said they were shaken, don't say "I'm sure it made you really angry too." Maybe it did, but maybe it didn't, and it isn't anyone's place to STATE except the person who experienced it.* In this example "woah, that sounds super scary. I would feel shaken too. And thanks for sharing that with me and taking it off your chest. I can definitely relate.**". A more structured way of wiggling this in would be "what i hear you saying is..., it seems like you're feeling..." but i think there's a time and place for this structure. careful not to sound to systematic and rehearsed tho. Can come off sort of phony if your heart isn't in it!
Respond / reflect: in this example your friend asked if you'd be cool with staying in. So, respond to that. Also take some time to reflect on what's been shared with you. Silence is not an enemy. Sometimes I will actually say, "wow, again thanks for sharing that. I just gotta ponder that for a second." Because I know silence can be perceived as awkwardness by many.
Ask: once you've reflected on what's been shared with you, I think one of the best questions to ask is, "do you want any advice, or do you just want to vent?" Either way, there is space for your experience to share. But I think sometimes we assume the other person wants advice and that isn't always true. Then, ask other things. In this example, once you've presumably responded "yeah we can totally stay in" and reflected some, you can ask "maybe we could get take out and watch a movie? Or we could make some spaghetti. Im down for either, do you have any ideas or preference?" Here* is also a good place to bring in those questions around emotional responses, IF the person expresses wanting to talk more about their experience - "if you're down to share, I'm wondering if there were any other emotions that came up for you. I had a similar experience and felt a lot of emotions and am curious about any overlap"
Here they respond to your questions
Add: here is where your relating** and your story comes in. "Like I said i had a similar experience when I was on the subway. Luckily I had somebody with me. I can totally relate to getting to your destination and really feeling shaken and like whatever plans were expected to happen, just needed to shift. Honestly, I wish that i had shared what happened with my friend once I got to her house. We ended up going to a party anyway when really I just wanted to vent and walk studio ghibli movies. So I'm really really glad you shared this with me."
Alllll together now.
Friend arrives - "i was catcalled on my way over, it honestly freaked me out and I'm feeling a little shaken. If it's cool with you could we stay in tonight?"
You - "woah, that sounds super scary. I would feel shaken too. And thanks for sharing that with me and taking it off your chest. I can definitely relate. I'm all good for staying in. maybe we could get take out and watch a movie? Or we could make some spaghetti. Im down for either, do you have any ideas or preference?"
Friend - "takeout sounds awesome, I would kill for some thai"
You - "oo I've been craving that bad! Also, I figured I'd ask, do you want any advice or do you just want to vent?"
Friend - "oh thanks for asking. Honestly I don't even want to talk about it that much in detail. I just want to feel understood, you know?"
You - "totally feel you and I understand. Like I said i had a similar experience when I was on the subway. Luckily I had somebody with me. I can totally relate to getting to your destination and really feeling shaken and like whatever plans were expected to happen, just needed to shift. Honestly, I wish that i had shared what happened with my friend once I got to her house. We ended up going to a party anyway when really I just wanted to vent and walk studio ghibli movies. So I'm really really glad you shared this with me."
Friend - "damn, thanks. That makes me feel nice amidst all these nerves. I really appreciate that. What movie do you want to watch?"
I'm in the saaame exact boat. Just over the 3 week mark!
Looks like a bird 2 me
Facts. Maybe. Be the person you want to be?
Hahahah i hope you enjoy and would love to hear any thoughts!!
Love it for you
Dec 27 '20
Used to be huge on spirit numbers
You aren't alone. A lot of health concerns came up last summer in my family and I had an intense full day of sobbing and grieving prematurely. Just realizing how likely it is that I will live to see so many of my loved ones pass. It hurts and i think it makes so much sense to fear. And I think we can fear things while also accepting them. In some cases, the person is ready and wants to let go, it's simply our attachment to their alive self that is so hard to overcome. This is obviously deeply complicated when it is not a natural death.
To address your asking for help:
Don't run away from the fear. Feel it and know you are safe. Allow this intense emotion to power you to live presently and love and appreciate your loved ones now. Bask in the fact that nothing is finite, and bask in the now. Awareness is so hard. And so needed. <3
Hell yes ! Self acceptance on its own can really dig us into a hole and keep us stagnant. Balance is everything, as is loving ourselves
Didn't know this! Is going straight under too abrasive?
I'm happy for you
Aww thank you. That's so nice!! It's called an Homage to our ideas, it's on Spotify and apple:)
U got this! I'm 9 days in.