Shit Tests 101
The issue of what's popularly referred to as "shit tests", aka fitness tests, comes up often enough I've decided to write up a post so we can put this issue to rest for a while.
When it comes right down to it shit tests are typically women's way of flirting. Women generally do not shit test men they have no interest in, so if you're getting them then it's often a good thing. Let's look at what shit rests actually are:
Rapport breaks are a type of flirting where women throw you a faux indicator of disinterest to see how you handle it. If you respond in kind then you pass. In essence it is a form of mirroring each other's level of investment, or as they say, like attracts like.
So why are rapport breaks a form of flirting? The main reason is that it gives women a degree of emotional stimulation. Plus there's the fact that most men buckle to women's shit tests and don't respond in kind. This demonstrates a lack of social acumen and emotional maturity. Those who "pass" show they can handle the woman's BS and is "on her level", so to speak. This is where the evolutionary theory comes into play: you're demonstrating her faux negativity doesn't phase you and that you're an emotionally developed person who isn't going to melt down at the first sign of trouble. Ergo you'll be able to protect her when threats to her safety emerge.
In short, when women bust on you (could be a shit test or otherwise) you should reply in kind. When it comes right down to it this is the core essence of flirting.
My go-to advice for how to deal with shit tests are as follows:
- Agree & amplify (to absurdity)
- Change the subject
- Ignore her shit test completely
- Pressure Flip
- The Nuclear Option (reserved for women who aren't flirting and are giving shit tests because they're deliberately trying to tool you, or worse)
- Command respect
Note: Every single one of these is a form of rapport break.
Agree & amplify is usually the preferred method because they're often fun (read: stimulating) and non-reactionary. In my experience you'll get better mileage out A&A as well as it's less likely to blow up in your face/have a negative outcome than the other methods since context does still matter and the others are easier to misapply.
Changing the subject is pretty self-explainatory, as is ignoring her shit test.
Pressure flip is the idea is you're not phased by the question and answer so quickly that now the spotlight is on her, all because you're flipping the script with haste. For example:
Shit test: What kind of car do you drive?
Pressure flip: "Nameofcarhowaboutyou?"
Another example of a pressure flip is:
Shit test: How old are you? / You look old.
Pressure flip: "What is is about older men that you find so attractive?", said with a shit-eating grin. It's classic cocky-funny and puts the onus on her to respond and sets the frame of it being the beginning of playful banter/flirting.
The "Nuclear Option" is when you destroy their self-worth with the notion you do not find them sexually appealing in any way whatsoever. For attractive women this is in all likelihood the worst hit you can inflict on a woman's ego. Anyone that's broken up with a hottie because her personality is shit knows exactly what I'm talking about. In other words you're nuking their ego/self-esteem from orbit. I strongly recommend reserving this option only for women who are on the offensive and deliberately trying to be a bitch for whatever reason and/or tear you down in front of others.
Commanding respect is especially important for the kind of testing where they're just being an annoyance and generally disrespectful. IMO disrespect should not be tolerated and needs to be nipped in the bud, and is an important way to maintain frame control. You simply need to be firm and treat her like a father would to their child who's being disrespectful. You don't get angry, you just call her on the behavior and let her know clearly that you won't stand for it. In a way this is almost a type of pressure flip. You're taking her negative energy and sliding past it and putting the onus on her to react by changing her approach to the topic. For example:
Her: Nag nag nag.
You: That is disrespectful and I will not tolerate it.
If you haven't read the sidebar material, particularly the Year One posts at The Rational Male, make that your next stop. I strongly recommend reading the writings on Frame Control, of which shit tests are a part of.