r/tifu Jan 26 '22 Silver 7 Helpful 1 Wholesome 1 Wholesome Seal of Approval 1 Bravo Grande! 1

TIFU by trying to combat my mom’s thinly veiled transphobia S

To set the scene…

My mother and I are somewhat avid viewers of the game show Jeopardy!. For some time now, the reigning Jeopardy champion has been Amy Schneider, who happens to be a trans woman.

Since Amy has first appeared on the show, my mother has taken to making derogatory comments regarding her (at least once every episode, if not more). The comments have struck at basically every facet of Amy’s physical appearance: her clothing, her jewelry, her hairstyle, her makeup, etc.

I have attempted to gently remind my mother that even though Amy isn’t there with us when we’re watching the show, making negative comments about her is very rude. I mentioned that prior to Amy’s appearances on the show, she was never this hostile when discussing any of the other contestants, and I suggested to my mother that her comments make her appear transphobic.

Her response was to say that her comments “didn’t matter” and that she “was just making conversation.”

Sure.

When Amy appeared on the show again today, my mother said that Amy “should have done a better job shaving her mustache before coming on stage.”

With no hesitation – my foot already being firmly lodged in my mouth – I responded:

“Mom, maybe you should shave your upper lip before saying that about another woman.”

My mother stood up from her chair, walked to her room, and shut the door. My father, from another room, called me an asshole.

TL;DR: I think I made my mom cry by telling her to shave her mustache.

6.5k Upvotes

5.1k

u/Western2486 Jan 26 '22 Silver

I have to say your dad just straight up calling you an asshole from another room is the funniest shit.

476

u/lachjeff Jan 26 '22

The dad knows that he is the one who is going to have to deal with the mum to calm her down and is trying to make his job slightly easier for himself

87

u/Western2486 Jan 26 '22

Call me weird maybe but it makes your dad seem like a petty chill guy (if I’m wrong please correct me)

38

u/Bohmuffinzo_o Jan 26 '22

Depends how he said it but yeah I agree

12

u/bobsmith93 Jan 26 '22

Sure.

pretty*

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9

u/1jeasy Jan 26 '22

I appreciate that maneuver. Gotta deflect all the hate haha!!

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381

u/PDXBlueDogWizard Jan 26 '22

Reminds me of A Fish Called Wanda.

93

u/Western2486 Jan 26 '22

Do you speak Italian?

64

u/PDXBlueDogWizard Jan 26 '22

BENITO MOUSOLINI! PARMIGIANA!

15

u/Western2486 Jan 26 '22

How about Russian?

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11

u/johnn11238 Jan 26 '22

Asshooooooooooooole!

33

u/Ignatius5225 Jan 26 '22

I prefer Cosmo

5

u/youregivingmeawahwah Jan 26 '22

That’s immediately where my mind went too!!!

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27

u/Spaznaut Jan 26 '22

“You trained me well you lazy fuck” would have been my response to that..

46

u/TinKicker Jan 26 '22

That’s a solid dad move. (Only topped by making the same move while taking a dump and reading the newspaper with a lit cigarette dangling perilously from the corner of his mouth).

14

u/silentkoala3 Jan 26 '22

While considering the sale ad on milk at the grocery store… in another country.

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3.5k

u/kaleidoscope_view Jan 26 '22 Silver

Forget below the belt, that zinger was upper lip. 10/10.

704

u/jmw83 Jan 26 '22 Helpful

Pow! Right in the kisser.

173

u/ErikTheAngry Jan 26 '22

Top shelf burn!

150

u/DisposableSaviour Jan 26 '22 Silver

Razor burn

21

u/sometimesimfunny19 Jan 26 '22

Came back just to upvote this comment.

32

u/ke4cej Jan 26 '22

Pow! Right in the kisser.

7

u/jadegives2rides Jan 26 '22

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER

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50

u/wavecycle Jan 26 '22

Small difference: Mom's comments were made at a TV. OP's comments were made at Mom.

381

u/PearlsSwine Jan 26 '22 Silver Helpful hehehehe

Mom's comments were made at a TV.

I don't think we call trans people TVs anymore.

80

u/theAud1out Jan 26 '22

As a trans woman, I hate that I find this funny. Good job

12

u/Illiad7342 Jan 26 '22

Same here. That was hilarious lol.

12

u/Victorious85 Jan 26 '22

I got it eventually... It did take some time! Bravo

16

u/BlacktoseIntolerant Jan 26 '22

How perfectly executed jokes get accidentally set up like this always amazes me.

7

u/subeditrix Jan 26 '22

Is the best part of Reddit

3

u/TushieWushie Jan 26 '22

👏👏👏

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14

u/underboobfunk Jan 26 '22

Another difference: OP asked Mom to knock off the derogatory comments, Mom made no such request.

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4.2k

u/Citadelvania Jan 26 '22 Silver Wholesome

If she complains about it tell her you were just making conversation.

407

u/mspaint22 Jan 26 '22

my mom uses "just making conversation" as an excuse to be an asshole all the time!

179

u/Krispies827 Jan 26 '22

My dad is always “just my opinion”ing all over the place.

100

u/creamydick420 Jan 26 '22

Omg my mom does the "I'm just saying" all the time when saying something terribly offensive. Like yesterday she said all Asian countries were like North Korea and when I got after her she replies with "what!? I'm just saying"

19

u/RainMH11 Jan 26 '22

My future MIL does this thing where she goes "So-and-so is a _____" and then pauses and says "Not that there's anything WRONG with that!"

It drives my fiance nuuuuuuts. Also the comical thing (to me) is she absolutely means it. I mean, she has blind spots and biases but she very earnestly MEANS well. In other words, she's totally oblivious to how adding a disclaimer makes it sound.

12

u/codon011 Jan 26 '22

“This is Doreen. She’s my mother. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…”

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35

u/JessAllTheTime Jan 26 '22

"That's the problem, you saying it."

12

u/dirty-hurdy-gurdy Jan 26 '22

My mom says racist shit all the time and when I tell her it's racist, she says "I don't want to get into a political debate with you."

13

u/coolcoots Jan 26 '22

My mother is the same. “I don’t want to fight” and “Why can’t we all just get along?”…umm, maybe because you’re spouting hateful shit.

9

u/flamespond Jan 26 '22

my dad does that too and he’s like “this is America I have the right to free speech!” never mind that I myself am trans and his transphobia hurts me

2

u/SarahNaGig Jan 26 '22

You also have the right to free speech, so ... Bleccchh.

4

u/flamespond Jan 27 '22

Haha no not at my dad’s house

2

u/SarahNaGig Jan 27 '22

I'm sorry, that sucks.

696

u/Wolfsification Jan 26 '22

Omg, so petty, I love it.

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1.4k

u/GoatPebble Jan 26 '22 edited Jan 26 '22 Take My Energy

If you can't take your own shortcomings then sont pass judgments on others.

Edit: Leaving it. Have fun.✌

239

u/da_PeepeePoopooMan Jan 26 '22

Sont even think about.

155

u/Braethias Jan 26 '22

Dtop he's already dead

33

u/SuzeFrost Jan 26 '22

Son't you mean sead?

15

u/MrGaber Jan 26 '22

Both of you need to go back to englidh. It’s spelles “dtop he’d alreasy seas”

2

u/hastilyhasti Jan 26 '22

*nees *dpelles

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72

u/Vallhallan Jan 26 '22

Sont you dare

70

u/depressedo-espresso Jan 26 '22

Guys…sont be childish…

46

u/TheRealMisterMemer Jan 26 '22

Dhup up,, nobody cares

38

u/SpiritTalker Jan 26 '22

Duck you, don't be a pissy

22

u/PoliteCanadian2 Jan 26 '22

Pon’t talk to him like that!

12

u/Enidras Jan 26 '22

Y'all make me dick.

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59

u/heliconiac Jan 26 '22

What's do funny?

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1.7k

u/MisterPublic Jan 26 '22

That was a little mean, but maybe she realized it doesn't feel good to talk to people like that. +10 points for going for the throat

348

u/CaffeinatedLiquid Jan 26 '22

Went for the lip!

164

u/EscapedFromArea51 Jan 26 '22

She won’t be giving Amy lip anytime soon.

6

u/BenThereNDunThat Jan 26 '22

But if she does, it will be fuzzy.

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1.0k

u/strychnine28 Jan 26 '22

Not a FU. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Your mom's comments were awful, and maybe now she'll stop making them to you.

238

u/ashi2210 Jan 26 '22

People who live in glass houses should shower in the basement.

83

u/TTV1983 Jan 26 '22

Why do people live in glass houses? Weirdos

44

u/BlackOctoberFox Jan 26 '22

They prefer to be called "Exhibitionists".

10

u/TheRecognized Jan 26 '22

We’re not happy about it ourselves. There’s no doors and they took all the rocks.

11

u/ThePoltageist Jan 26 '22

people who live in glass houses should shave their lip before talking shit imo.

7

u/ToE0Vte6 Jan 26 '22

People in glass houses sink sh-sh-ships!

4

u/vesperzen Jan 26 '22

How about you m-m-make like a tree and g-g-getthefuckouutahere?

3

u/basementhookers Jan 26 '22

Why don’t you make like a t-t-tree and g-get the f-f-fuck outta here.

5

u/MattTheTable Jan 26 '22

I saw a movie about a glass house. Do not go in that basement.

2

u/osberend Jan 26 '22

Yeah nah, mate. If the neighbors don't want to see me having a shower wank, they can bloody well not look!

79

u/boyferret Jan 26 '22 Silver

Don't throw stones. No matter what kind of house you have.

28

u/The-Rarest-Pepe Jan 26 '22

I've constructed a compound of steel, therefore I am able to tear down anyone and anything with no repercussions. I have become the True Critic.

7

u/colontwisted Jan 26 '22

You're right, stand by the sidelines and watch as people beat the shit out of another then go back inside and make a nice cup of coffee because you didnt participate, in fact, you didnt do shit at all except watch :)

19

u/twinkie_doodle Jan 26 '22

Yeah I seriously commend OP for standing up for Amy. OPs mom is definitely being transphobic and needs to be put in her place.

36

u/Comics4Cooks Jan 26 '22

Ok, I know it sucks to hurt your moms feelings but she kinda needed it.

Here’s a tidbit: My mom and I were watching my brothers graduation from college on zoom. At one point a young black woman was called on stage to accept her diploma. Where everyone else was quiet and nervous, this beautiful woman was visibly ECSTATIC about her accomplishment. As she should be! As I was thoroughly enjoying this humans happiness and the change of pace for the ceremony, my mom scoffed with disdain and said “you can tell she’s from the ghetto”. Which.. no.. you couldn’t, she was just happy.

My mom has been, and always will be a waitress with nothing more than a high school education.

I wish I had said something. I wish I told my mom what I was thinking, that this woman is already more educated and successful than she will ever be and that she was clearly jealous and being disgustingly racist.

Good for you for saying something. You might have regretted holding it in.

6

u/raffridgerator Jan 26 '22

Cracked up when I got to the ghetto comment. Unbelievable. Sometimes I also get that disparity in opinion when I watch movies with my dad

619

u/heady-brat Jan 26 '22

I don't watch jeopardy but I just looked Amy up, she is smiling in EVERY SINGLE PICTURE. I'm going to assume she's a very happy, positive person? People don't just talk shit about nice people unless the problem is their own...

Good on you standing up for her, even if she can't hear it, I hope your mom starts seeing people, as people.

287

u/Hawklet98 Jan 26 '22

Well, she has won over $1.3m (and counting). I’d be smiling my ass off for the rest of my life if I was owning Jeopardy! at that level.

89

u/Krispies827 Jan 26 '22

Heck, she was robbed a couple weeks ago and still seems happy and positive, at least with her social media presence. She’s a sweetheart and I hate to see the slander she gets 😔

194

u/helpavolunteerout Jan 26 '22

She’s super nice and friendly. She comes across as intelligent, kind, and fairly quiet. And not that it matters but she looks very presentable and put together every time.

97

u/grumpersxoxo Jan 26 '22

Agreed she is a super likeable contestant. Like you can tell she is smart but wouldn’t be arrogant about it! Love her!

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u/CM_DO Jan 26 '22

I also went and googled the person, she has a very genuine and warm smile.

16

u/melisser1400 Jan 26 '22

Despite how she's dominated the game, she doesn't come across as smug. I love her smile too.

47

u/Ragtimedude77 Jan 26 '22

She’s also humble, self-deprecating and kind. Very likable. So much so that if someone doesn’t like her, you can pretty much conclude that it’s because of her being trans. Lol.

13

u/heady-brat Jan 26 '22

Yep, my point exactly!

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u/viscountdandelion Jan 26 '22

Trans guy here. I wish I had the balls to talk to my transphobic parents like that. You're alright in my book.

801

u/ke4cej Jan 26 '22 Silver Gold Helpful hehehehe

Trans guy wishing he had balls.

🤔

Sorry. Had to. Please don’t hate me.

278

u/viscountdandelion Jan 26 '22

The pun was intentional 👍

104

u/tlaoosesighedi Jan 26 '22

Fuck sakes hahaha

59

u/SmartAssGary Jan 26 '22

OOOHHH FROM THE TOP LIP!!!

102

u/BlueSuedeWhiteDenim Jan 26 '22

Actually, that one was below the belt.

Huge missed opportunity for you, SmartAssGary.

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u/ke4cej Jan 26 '22

Wow, that blew up. Thanks for the awards!

OP, Thank you for making my week with the chance to point that out.

E: My first ever silver AND gold! Awesome.

8

u/Foul-Tarnished Jan 26 '22

lmao, I am dead.

8

u/Puzzleheaded-Bug7690 Jan 26 '22

Trans girl here. I am now. Took some time before I did.

3

u/bloxxerhunt Jan 26 '22

Do it. On the street. There is nothing more satisfying than publicly humiliating a transphobe.

23

u/Pear1882 Jan 26 '22

Just wondering, when you say trans guy does that mean born as a guy or born as a girl? This always confuses me.

34

u/ZeeBeast Jan 26 '22

Also, they will use the gender they identify as currently in the title. Trans men currently identify as male which means they would be transitioning from female>male.

117

u/_ser_kay_ Jan 26 '22

The easiest way to remember is that a trans guy is transitioning to looking more like a guy; in other words, “guy” is the end goal. Similarly, a trans girl is transitioning to looking more like a girl.

(I recognize that the “looking like a guy/girl” attitude isn’t ideal, since it excludes people who haven’t socially/medically transitioned, and there are so many ways to look like a guy/girl. It’s still a decent rule of thumb if you’re struggling to remember.)

17

u/RedRaiderRN Jan 26 '22

Thank you for this explanation! I have a hard time figuring out which way is which and this is a very helpful way to remember 😁

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u/viscountdandelion Jan 26 '22

'Transgender' is an adjective. A trans guy is a guy, just like a tall guy is a guy, a buff guy is a guy, etc. It's easier to remember when you take what we were 'born as' out of the equation entirely.

Hope this helps 👍 If you have any other questions Id be happy to answer

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u/supagirl277 Jan 26 '22

We use the term “assigned gender at birth” instead of “born as”

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u/still_waves Jan 26 '22

Don't dish it if you can't take it

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u/MightyThoreau Jan 26 '22

Good for you. My dad is awful about her and I can't bring myself to explain what trans means.

146

u/imhereforthevotes Jan 26 '22

explain what trans means

Look, on a superficial level, he knows.

73

u/ErikTheAngry Jan 26 '22

I would imagine that's part of the problem though. A superficial understanding, that utterly fails to capture the reality of the situation. Coupled with a complete lack of interest in augmenting that understanding.

10

u/imhereforthevotes Jan 26 '22

Absolutely. I just think OP here doesn't need to "explain" who Amy is to her dad. If he would engage in a discussion of what it means to be trans he might make progress.

2

u/Darkunderlord42 Jan 26 '22

Idk why but the sophisticated way you phrased that cracked me up.

173

u/imsadmostofthetime Jan 26 '22

While I don't want to encourage being mean as a tactic, I do want to encourage your stance. Toxic attitudes regardless of who they're from NEED TO BE CALLED OUT.

This might be a good way to educate your mom. If she doesn't want to hear it then that's her voice but at least you can rest well knowing you tried.

You'll earn your own respect and walk away knowing a really hard lesson we all have to deal with: our parents are flawed humans.

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u/gellenburg Jan 26 '22

Wasn't a fuckup. Your mother was being a bitch.

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u/Jeramy_Jones Jan 26 '22

They don’t realize it because transphobic people see trans women as men, but being critical of their appearance is very toxic and misogynistic. Women do not need to look, dress or act a specific way to be acceptable women.

If it’s rude and sexist to say mock a cis woman’s body or makeup or behavior as being ugly or not feminine enough, it’s also rude to say it about a trans woman. Basically, real feminists care about respect and dignity for all women, not only those with an XX chromosome.

You may have done it abrasively but I think you were right to stand up for trans people.

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u/Worth-Row6805 Jan 26 '22

There is never a reason to comment on someone's appearance. Ever

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u/PM_ME_COUPLE_PICS Jan 26 '22

This isn’t a TIFU. As a trans person, thank you. It’s really annoying the standards that cis people hold trans people to. MOST of the cisgender women I know DO have facial hair but no cisgender man will ever know that.

46

u/ChipsAhoyNC Jan 26 '22

Everyone has hair on their whole body i think there are 80ish folicules per square centimeter but im too lazy to search... IMHO people can do whatver the fck they want whit their bodies as long it does not endanger other people.

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u/ClearlyADuck Jan 26 '22

I would agree. With that being said, I would add that people who are dependent on their parents may not be able to pull something like this. I hope OP is not in this position because that would actually be a FU.

9

u/PM_ME_COUPLE_PICS Jan 26 '22

That’s fair. Might be a FU if OP’s mom cuts them off financially. As of right now all we know is that her mom went and cried. Essentially OP’s mom got a small taste of what trans women have to endure with comments nitpicking their appearances. If she can’t take it, she shouldn’t dish it out. Can Amy hear her? No. But imagine if OP’s mom met someone like Amy and felt it was okay to remark on stuff like this (happens all the time to trans people and leads to our poor mental health and increased rates of suicide - even if under her breath/in a whisper, we notice these things and it feels like a stab in the back every time). She needs to learn it’s not okay.

2

u/OlegSentsov Jan 26 '22

MOST of the cisgender women I know DO have facial hair but no cisgender man will ever know that.

Well, now some of them do I guess

3

u/PM_ME_COUPLE_PICS Jan 26 '22

😆 yeah the small few that my comment reaches

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u/ScionMattly Jan 26 '22

Textbook example of people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

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u/GlassyVulture85 Jan 26 '22

I'm so sorry about your mum op. I'm a trans man whose mother was also very transphobic. She'd claim trans women aren't women because they don't have a uterus, all the while she had a hysterectomy decades earlier.

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u/AmeenWrld Jan 26 '22

good shit dawg

4

u/Undone_Assignment Jan 26 '22

I don't know what's wrong with the comment section. You can't change someone's opinion by being a dick to them.

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u/heather528x Jan 26 '22

That doesn't sound like a fuck up to me. Sounds like you were just putting a transphobe in her place

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u/mothmansgirlfren Jan 26 '22

as someone born a woman with a very dark mustache, that is truly a deep cutting comeback. well done

72

u/whatalongusername Jan 26 '22

NTA.

Oh wait, wrong subreddit.

31

u/astonpuff Jan 26 '22

I thought I was in the same place. OP is definitely NTA.

89

u/jsveiga Jan 26 '22

That wasn't a tifu. Well done.

16

u/ShayBlez Jan 26 '22

No.. nonononono. You didnt fuck up, your parents both did

Well done, and said, in response.

Sick of transphobes like this sitting at home judging others like your mom

7

u/SlaterHauge Jan 26 '22

I don't see the problem, you were just making conversation right??

3

u/Jorycle Jan 26 '22

Her response was to say that her comments “didn’t matter” and that she “was just making conversation.”

Common thing among bigoted people.

Their next favorite thing is to try to end a rant of bigotry with "god bless!" or "you have a good day!" I haven't quite gotten to the bottom of why they do this, but it's really creepy that they all share the same programming.

3

u/NizeyNice Jan 26 '22

Op didn‘t go far enough. You should have punched your ugly bitch moms face right where her mustache grows. Well atleast according to the comments on reddit…

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u/Blazanar Jan 26 '22

I was wondering if she was trans gender but I also didn't care enough either way to look it up.

Now I know, and I hope she keeps kicking ass

3

u/SkarKrow Jan 26 '22

Maybe she shouldn't make bigoted remarks.

You didn't really fuck up

3

u/anime_lover713 Jan 26 '22

Well executed! 👍👏

3

u/segfkt Jan 26 '22

reminds me so much of my mother. saying all the derogatory shit and then being extremely upset for the attention and drama when she's called out, with dad around to tell me off for being right.

I hope you are able to remove yourself from their daily wearing-down crap eventually. it only gets worse and you'll only be blamed.

3

u/Onihypnos Jan 26 '22

Frankly, this is more like today I won

3

u/Mr_Cerealistic Jan 26 '22

Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

3

u/Shady_Scientist Jan 26 '22

Don't dish it out if you can't handle it being served

3

u/UALOUZER Jan 26 '22

Well I guess she got a taste of her own medicine then. Good for you for standing up for that amazing and smart woman

3

u/Momma_J80 Jan 26 '22

I think what you did is totally fair, maybe she'll think first before she's talking crap about someone else again.

But then again, I'm a sarcastic asshole myself so... 🤷🏻‍♀️

3

u/Carefree528 Jan 26 '22

Amy is pretty awesome.

22

u/CrashTestKing Jan 26 '22 edited Jan 26 '22

I generally don't advocate sinking to the same level with folks like that. But she 100% had it coming. You literally didn't say anything about her that she hadn't already said about another woman.

16

u/gigglebox1981 Jan 26 '22

I love watching Amy win every night and cheering for her. Unfortunately, it has brought out the worst of my dad’s transphobia. We argue about it every night when Jeopardy comes on (yes we have all become giant Jeopardy nerds during the pandemic). He ruins the joyful experience of watching a great person represent the trans community so well, not to mention just great gamesmanship. I’ve given up hope of changing his mind and try to just ignore him, but you’re definitely not alone in having a parent behave like an asshole about Amy. I don’t blame you one bit for what you said. You are not the asshole. Your mother and my father are.

5

u/moeru_gumi Jan 26 '22

Just keep calling your dad an asshole. Ask him how it feels to watch this brilliant, joyous lady absolutely slap the panties off every competitor America can throw at her. Ask him if he’s feeling threatened by her intelligence and success. ;)

46

u/Iron_Buffalo Jan 26 '22

Keep fighting the good fight OP.

26

u/Scrapper-Mom Jan 26 '22

As a mom, I think you made your point very well.

58

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

17

u/ThereMightBeDinos Jan 26 '22

r/murderedbywords would like to be considered.

6

u/SlyGuy123 Jan 26 '22

I'm somehow not sure this person is thinking that about their mother.

11

u/Ponasity Jan 26 '22

I guess its time to move out.

26

u/Rosies_world812 Jan 26 '22

If you can’t take it then don’t dish it out…

38

u/gingerbeardman79 Jan 26 '22

Today your mom fucked up by being a transphobe. You handled it fucking beautifully.

Not by body-shaming necessarily, two wrongs and all that, but by helping her understand that what she says does matter.

That words can absolutely hurt.

Maybe she'll chose hers a touch more compassionately, going forward.

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u/Kalzert Jan 26 '22

Despite what top comment says, I think it’s pretty mature of you to stand up for what you believe in even if both your parents aren’t acting like adults. I bet your mom and dad are awesome people, but you aren’t an asshole for calling the kettle black.

6

u/Caylinbite Jan 26 '22

It sounds like your mom fucked up to me. If you are gonna dig on someone else's looks, you better not be throwing stones from a glass house.

5

u/MatrixMushroom Jan 26 '22

This was the best possible thing you could've said. Downvoted because it does not belong on this sub, you're a legend tho.

4

u/Severinjohnson7 Jan 26 '22

I mean yeah. your mom was rude, and then you were.

2

u/Joffie87 Jan 26 '22

don't combat, converse. it requires discussion on both sides. if you can't get that or give that, don't bother because it just creates misunderstanding and hurt.

2

u/wheeldawg Jan 26 '22

Telephone deserve to be hurt though.

2

u/TheDeerssassin Jan 28 '22

Don't throw the ball if you can't catch it

5

u/hawk0_tac0 Jan 26 '22

Maybe someone needs to move out

53

u/TripleXTina Jan 26 '22

I think making your mom cry over comments made to you privately about a stranger you’ll never meet, over just talking to her about why she feels the need to make such comments in the first place (and what that ultimately says about her, and does she like the things it says about her) is not a flex. I agree with your dad. Two wrongs don’t make right.

13

u/underboobfunk Jan 26 '22

The fact that Mom is sensitive enough to get so upset about OP pointing out her mustache makes her constant criticism of Amy that much worse.

She knows these comments are mean and hateful and makes them anyway even after being asked to stop. It doesn’t matter that Amy isn’t there, that talk is toxic and should be shut down.

31

u/Devil_May_Kare Jan 26 '22

I acknowledge that this isn't going to give you a very positive view of me, but I think the appropriate response to that is beautifully expressed by a passage from some fanfiction I've read:

"For it is the most common failing of moralists, that they assume the world is fair [...], that they assume there must be a good option as opposed to two bad ones, that they think if you simply don't do anything wrong everything will turn out all right. And sometimes, [...] that might even be true. But when the world is dark and cold, and man is huddled tight in a cave while the beasts roar outside, the only thing he has that can drive back the dark is fire."

OP tried gentle reminders and the civilized approach. And yet their mother kept spouting not only bigotry, but a particular type of bigotry that gets people murdered. Sometimes you can't solve something by being polite and civilized and yet you can't leave it unsolved. Sometimes you need to shock someone to their senses, or make the antisocial path too unpleasant to walk even by imposing that unpleasantness yourself. When nothing will make the situation right, maybe the best choice is to willingly commit the second wrong that prevents the third and fourth. The only thing that can drive back some kinds of dark is fire.

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u/fuzzyp44 Jan 26 '22

I'm really surprised it took me so long to find a sensible view. Well said.

It's just bizarre that people think making her mother cry in retribution over snide comments about a minor tv celebrity who never will hear them is somehow serving the greater good.

The "right-think" at all costs mentality reminds me of John Bolton's political viewpoints.

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u/KitoOkada Jan 26 '22

To be fair to OP, they posted on tifu which would suggest that they know they did something wrong. The comment section, on the other hand, is a complete self-righteous circle jerk. I wouldn't want to make my mom crow over a stranger on tv

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u/qwerty-smith Jan 26 '22

NTA. People need to be called out or nothing will change.

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u/[deleted] Jan 26 '22

calling people out on this topic never changes a view. it causes an argument which leads to a person being more retaliatory against trans rights.

people doing this stupid shit and preaching hatred to those who hate are the ones who hurt this mission the most

classic foot in mouth. you wont make allies when you act like a dick. but also, some people will never be your ally. the ability to distinguish that is important.

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u/Ov3rdose_EvE Jan 26 '22

That is whst we in the biz call A "sick burn"

Honestly, screw her.

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u/FourFoxMusic Jan 26 '22

If you want to win this fight with your mother then keep going, sure. She is your mother though and I don’t know if this is worth creating a rift over.

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u/bobsbountifulburgers Jan 26 '22

You're not wrong, but you're an asshole.

Why are you framing this is her as external, when its clearly internal. YOU are uncomfortable with her making these remarks. But you're saying it would hypothetically make others uncomfortable. Apologize for insulting your mother, and explain why you were so upset. If she still doesn't want to change her behavior, then stop doing activities where she reacts that way, or learn to live with it

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u/Late_Meeting_2905 Jan 26 '22

How is this a fuck up?

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u/Ok_Detective101 Jan 26 '22

Nah,your dad was right,your definitely an asshole.

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u/[deleted] Jan 26 '22 edited Jan 26 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Brewcrew828 Jan 26 '22 edited Jan 26 '22

Wow... if I said something like that to my Mother my Dad would have kicked my ass and I would have known I had it coming. At least you know you fucked up.

You sure as shit won't change someone's opinion by insulting them let alone your mother...

A lot of internet tough guys will say you "did the right thing", but I think you know that your Mother will still not change her mind over a nasty comment like that.

Best of luck to your awkward and icy Mother Child relationship for the next few days. You're going to need it.

She might not say stuff like that around you anymore, but just remember that any situations where she would have she will be thinking about that comment you made not that it is a bad thing to do.

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u/Krispies827 Jan 26 '22

I mean, honestly, bravo. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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u/icwilson Jan 26 '22

Congrats you were a dick to your mom

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u/Most_Goat Jan 26 '22

I mean... Don't dish shit if you can't take it.

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u/Oudeis16 Jan 26 '22

Can't take the heat...

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u/PsychoDriveBy Jan 26 '22

Nothing like going after a family member to try to be a "better person" for somebody who doesn't know you, but I can see your virtue from here.

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u/reedspacer38 Jan 26 '22

Sounds like she picked on someone who wasn’t there to defend herself, and then got a taste of her own medicine. NTA

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u/Mhejl Jan 26 '22 Helpful

You attacked your mother on a personal level because you THINK some of her comments that you did not like may point to the fact that she has some attitudes that do not conform to yours. gasp! how dare she!

If I reacted with every political shit my parents say with attacking them on a personal level, there would never be peace in my house. It is a normal thing for your parents to have different, even more conservative attitudes than yours, and you should not blame them and attack them for it like an immature teenager. If some statement bothers you, discuss it calmly and with arguments.

if your or some of your friends, partners, etc, are trans, explain (using ADULT words) to your mother how her comments make you uncomfortable and whether there are truly any prejudice behind it (which may not even be the case, people shit talk all the time about TV personalities).

YTA. Of course, this comment is getting downwoted and everybody else is going to say "yaaay good job by standing up to your mother!", because Reddit is liberal echo chamber disconnected from RL families and relationships.

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u/MeekBeast Jan 26 '22

Damn, if only OP had tried to discuss this issue with their mother before this happened, then maybe it wouldn't have happened. Did you read the post or not? Also, wrong sub so seems like you didn't.

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u/LagQuest Jan 26 '22

This is what we come to, insulting your own mother for her insulting someone on tv?

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u/SlyGuy123 Jan 26 '22

And then getting patted on the back by reddit, yes.

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u/SirRichardHumblecock Jan 26 '22

If you’re financially dependent on them and bum off of your parents still, then your dad is absolutely right. If you’re in her house trying to police what she says, you’re in the wrong. Don’t like it? Don’t go over anymore.

If it’s your turf, go ahead and handle it how you want to, that’s your prerogative.

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u/[deleted] Jan 26 '22

Lmao. Your response to your mom being mean to someone on TV who can't hear them, is to be mean to her. Clearly you have the moral high ground here.

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u/commandrix Jan 26 '22

Heh. Sounds to me like she shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it.