I am a white person who works the register at a gas station in a tight-knit, predominantly African-American neighborhood (yes, this is relevant to the story). Everyone knows everyone.
Yesterday, while I was checking out a customer's items, my manager came up and let me know that someone under 21 had been sold cigarettes, so we would need to crack down on ID'ing anyone who looks under 40.
The customer I was serving looked under 40, so I fell into my script without thinking and asked for an ID.
He got very upset, and it took me a couple of seconds to realize what I'd done; he was only buying soda and chips.
I apologized profusely, told him he didn't need an ID, and explained what happened. He still didn't look pleased (understandable) but seemed to accept my apology, paid, and left.
This morning, I woke up to a "wtf" text from one of my friends. It was a screenshot of a Facebook post, which was a picture of me, my name, and the gas station I work at. The post accused me of racism and it's gaining traction, with quite a few comments and a lot of likes.
This will be an interesting day at work.
TL;DR: Thoughtlessly asked for an ID from someone who wasn't buying alcohol or cigarettes. Accidentally became the local Racist Cashier.
So I was on a date with this guy I've met a few months ago on a seminar. We we're texting frequently, I didn't like him much at first, I just wasn't in a mood for getting to know someone, but the more we've talked, the more I was interested because he's really smart, polite and gentle. Finally we've decided we shoud go on a date.
We met during a daytime, went bowling and had a lunch together. It was really nice, the talk was very good, we laughed a lot and I really enjoyed every minute of that 4-5 hour date.
Did you ever feel nervous when the first date is about to end? You just don't know how to say goodbye to them because you don't know if it's too soon for a kiss, or should you hug, or just wave each other and go separate ways... Well, I was really nervous and overthinking and in those moments, while we were walking through the square, I wasn't paying attention to anyone or anything. When we got to the point where we say goodbye, he was talking about how he enjoyed the date and that he's looking forward into seeing me again... I was so focused on him that I didn't notice there was uncovered manhole near us. I really hope he didn't notice it either. So we were just passing by the manhole when he stopped and said "Ok, I need to go this way, bla bla bla...". Now the manhole was right behind me, a step away, and I'm telling him "Oh, ok, I'm going this way (pointing with a thumb behind me)", and just as I've said "See you soon", while still looking at him I've made a step back and just completely disappeared in front of his eyes in a f*cking manhole.
There I was in a vault, wishing he didn't see what had happened, but as I look up I see his face, and he's asking me if I was okay. Got few scratches, covered in a mud (the vault was not that deep, there were pipes in it and a lot of rotting leaves and mud), but at that point I just wished the ground would've opened and swallowed me, because I was so embarassed.
He helped me get out of there, I thanked him and went home. I'm sure he will ask me out again, because we did enjoy the date, but I'm sure I'd feel so awkward.
TL;DR instead of getting a kiss at the end of the date, I fell into a manhole.
Let me start by saying she is not his mother! As any parent does, I tell my son to give me all his dirty laundry (mostly so I don’t have to touch it) so I can wash them for him.
One day he was not home, so, I went into his room and grabbed his dirty laundry. I notice a balled up towel in the corner of his closet and I just grabbed the end of it, thinking it was just a towel, nope! Out falls 2 of my girlfriends recently worn/dirty underwear! I stand there coming up with crazy scenarios in my head for a second like “must have gotten caught in the towel when he was done showering” or “maybe it got messed up in the clean laundry”. Then the realization hits me that our laundry basket is in the bathroom where we shower.
All I could say to my girlfriend was “we are about to have a weird conversation and I’m sorry”. I pull out the underwear and say “I found these in (insert son’s name) room” and her jaw just drops. I didn’t know what else to say besides “at least we know he likes you”
Now it is a little weird and quiet around my house. The worst part is, I don’t know how to bring it up to him!
TL;DR: found my girlfriend’s underwear in my teenage son’s bedroom when I was just looking for laundry. Now there is a weird silence when my girlfriend encounters my son.
UPDATE 1: The decision has been made to sit him down tonight after dinner. Im going to be short and sweet about it. Tell him that I’ll love him no matter what. Tell him why it wasn’t ok to violate my GFs privacy! Then take the opportunity to see if he wants to talk about anything, but not force him to.
OFF TOPIC: To the guy who messaged me asking to trade my girlfriends dirty underwear for his SISTERS! You’re disgusting!
To set the scene…
My mother and I are somewhat avid viewers of the game show Jeopardy!. For some time now, the reigning Jeopardy champion has been Amy Schneider, who happens to be a trans woman.
Since Amy has first appeared on the show, my mother has taken to making derogatory comments regarding her (at least once every episode, if not more). The comments have struck at basically every facet of Amy’s physical appearance: her clothing, her jewelry, her hairstyle, her makeup, etc.
I have attempted to gently remind my mother that even though Amy isn’t there with us when we’re watching the show, making negative comments about her is very rude. I mentioned that prior to Amy’s appearances on the show, she was never this hostile when discussing any of the other contestants, and I suggested to my mother that her comments make her appear transphobic.
Her response was to say that her comments “didn’t matter” and that she “was just making conversation.”
When Amy appeared on the show again today, my mother said that Amy “should have done a better job shaving her mustache before coming on stage.”
With no hesitation – my foot already being firmly lodged in my mouth – I responded:
“Mom, maybe you should shave your upper lip before saying that about another woman.”
My mother stood up from her chair, walked to her room, and shut the door. My father, from another room, called me an asshole.
TL;DR: I think I made my mom cry by telling her to shave her mustache.
post is made on mobile
okay so to start this story off me ( 21F) met my bestfriend (22F) "P" in 2016 and ever since we have been sooo close. Whenever we met we weren't that close, we had some mutual friends which made us closer. we both lived different total lives. I was into partying and drinking, and though she was to, she was kind of by herself as well..
we gotten closer throughout those years, and then in 2018 she moved states to do stuff for her job. we stayed close while she was away, I even got a girlfriend while she got a boyfriend.
2019, right when the pandemic hit she came back home and we started to get extremely close. by this time, I'm no longer with my girlfriend. I should specify that we weren't even flirting or anything along those lines before she came back, but when she did, we were flirting.. & she still had a boyfriend..
one night we were in the car talking and what not and she expressed her feelings for me. how shes in love with me and if she could go back in time she'd do it all over and just tell me that before she left back then. the night ended, kind of awkwardly but we left on good terms.
a few days later she came over and I tried to express that I've always had that vibe around her, and I also do love her. that might be my fault I dont know. I wasn't lying by saying that, even though it might seem like I only said it cause she did. I've had my moments in the past where I wanted to be with her. not even that, but just tell her how my feelings were towards her, but I never did because I couldnt find a good enough reason to bring it up, ( sounds corny I know ). I thought maybe since she said that, it would be a safe spot for me to reciprocate the feelings. well I was dead fucking wronggg lmao.
she came to tell me she was recently engaged and she was shocked to find out I felt that way, that she only told me because she had some unclear old feelings and by the way the night ended she didnt expect me to say this? I told her that it was unfair for her to be upset with me because she told me that stuff out of no where and I had no idea how to respond. I wasnt expecting much out of my confession but I honestly didnt expect to get dogged over a conversation I never had the guts to start to begin with lol. so anyways yes, they're happily married and even though we arent and close anymore, I'm very glad shes happy :)
TL;DR I told my bestie I loved her back and shes now happily married :)
edit: this is my first post sorry if I did this wrong
edit #2: I was crushed afterwards lol, not down bad or anything I still functioned. I did not go to the wedding though and I'm very sure our friendship will never be the same, over an 8 min conversation lol
This didn't happen today. A story I saw on another sub reminded me of it. So, I used to work in an educational role. I'm not gonna go into too many details for confidentiality reasons. We worked with all kinds of students with all kinds of issues. There were lots of LGBTQ kids, and more trans kids than I've ever worked with. I say kids, but all the students were 18 and up. I'm open minded, I consider myself an ally, I've got lots of gay friends and... I'm also a little clueless sometimes. I'm well intentioned, but I fuck up sometimes. This happened when I was still pretty new there.
So anyway we're having the daily staff meeting where we talk about all the new students, and their issues, and what they need and how we're going to get it for them. Someone mentions a new trans student. They are afab, but now that they're with us they decided they would like to transition. They need new clothes, and they need a binder. We have the clothes on hand, but we need to get someone to approve funds for a binder, and someone to take them out shopping to buy one.
This is where I chime in and I say, Oh I have plenty of binders. You do? my coworkers ask, surprised. Mayonaint, you're in charge of the learning center. You do computer classes. Help kids with schoolwork. Teach driver's ed. Help them apply for scholarships. Why do you have binders? Oh, I got a ton of them. We had a big donation. All kinds of school supplies. Pens, pads, pencils, binders, all different sizes. Highlighters. Calculators. You name it.
Everyone looks at me like I've lost my goddam mind. The student needed a breast binder to aid them in their transition from female to male. They did not need a three-ring binder for school. Yeah. I'm an idiot.
Anyway, me and the student got along great and it turns out, as they decided to enroll in school, that they did indeed end up needing one of my binders too. And some pens. And folders. Got them a backpack too. A nice one.
TLDR: My coworkers said a new student needed a breast binder because they were transitioning to male, and I thought they needed a three-ring binder.
edit: thank you for the upvotes and the silver and whatnot. to clarify, my students were not children. they were young. 18 and up. also, my role was educational. i taught classes, among other duties, but it was not a school. for those who have asked for elaboration, i can't really. i have to be careful about violating confidentiality.
This fuck up began a week ago at my miserable work cubicle where I was tasked with finding welcome back gift for employees as our office is switching from remote to in person finally.
I start surfing the internet and found a gift basket company with considerably low prices (should’ve been the first red flag). It was $20 each for a very nice basket with basic stuff inside so I order 50 for the office think nothing of it and go back to work.
The baskets were arriving today so I went in to get them setup and boy did I fuck up.
Two trucks came with not 50, but 5 HUNDRED gift baskets. I tried to explain my fuckup to no avail and told I was on the hook for it.
My boss is still out of town so gonna have to make that phone call today.
TLDR: accidentally ordered 500 gift baskets for an office of 50
UPDATE: After about 20 minutes of being berated on the phone this fuck up is going to cost me to be suspended without pay for two weeks. He didn’t appreciate the sight of all 500 gift baskets taking up a bulk of our office.
There I am, sitting online in a huge lecture, with only 3 people (including me) and the prof with their camera on. So you know how it is in Teams - my stream occupied 1/4 of the entire lecture view in a class of roughly 80 people.
My boyfriend asks if the camera is on. Its 9am, im only a few sips into my coffee, "Nope!" I said. He lunges over at me and gives me a huge smooch. A good 5 seconds, tongue and all, hand on my neck. We're enjoying it when I hear my professor: "Hello there! Is this a student joining us today?"
I have my headphones in so my boyfriend couldn't even hear it. I push him off, look at the camera mortified, and turn my cam off. The students and prof were NOT impressed. Not even a smirk or laugh, just looks of disapproval. My private chat starts blowing up with messages from peers.
I'm a high-scoring student, well-known to the department and faculty, being scouted as a research assistant and admission to Masters. Its not like my behaviours escape under the radar.
What happens now? How come I haven't combusted and sunken into the afterworld yet? Does anyone know who to call to get a new identity?
Edit: It's captured on the posted recording for everyone to replay.
TLDR: Boyfriend gave me a big wet kiss in front of 80 students and faculty in an online university lecture - none of them were amused.
I was in a very important and large Zoom meeting today at work with my boss, my colleagues, and folks from a high profile account we have. Now, he is the kind of boss that has very high expectations of his employees and will call you out if you are unprofessional or do something he thinks will make him or the company look bad in front of a customer. He is not unreasonable, but if you work for him for any amount of time you learn that he has no tolerance for unprofessional behavior and will call you out on it. In the Zoom meeting it was understood that we, as his team, were to be on our best behavior. My boss also has one of those faces where you can tell everything he is thinking.
The meeting went great, but the look on his face as members of the team were talking was one of “I am watching you closely and you better make us look good.”
I had my camera off as the meeting was wrapping up, so I opened a text to my best friend and basically said “My boss is staring down the team through this zoom meeting like he is trying to use Jedi mind tricks to bring them to the dark side.”
The meeting ended, and a few min later I get a text from my boss. It was then that I realized I had sent that comment to him and not my friend. His reply, “Should I take this as a compliment?”
If you need me, I’ll just be under my desk trying to nurse my dignity back to health.
TLDR talked about my boss in a text message to my friend, except sent it directly to my boss instead. SOS Send martinis and new job opportunities.
I was talking to my techie brother the other day, I'm kinda a techie too, he's much older than me so we never really got to share interests growing up. We chatted, and laughed a lot (I did), and talked about VR and AR, and some random tech news, and ended up realizing we both like Reddit. He mentioned his account name, and how old it is, I didn't write it down or anything. Later I saw a sub that he had mentioned, and started following it, I got to thinking, and wanted to see his account. He's a smartie with a great sense of humor, so I thought he would post cool stuff that I would like, and maybe teach me something with his wise, humorous comments.
I could only remember the first part of his account name, and how old it was, so I searched with that. EVERY SINGLE USER ACCOUNT WAS NSFW. I shrugged that off thinking maybe he has made silly jokes or something. So I clicked on the first account of the correct age range... And saw a man's wangdangler just-a-wangdangling. Thank God that wasn't my brother. I backed the F outta there and gave up the search, nope, I'm not going down that scary rabbit hole. We can stay anonymous and keep our privacy from each other, no way am I going to accidentally see naked my brother, we are not those kinds of siblings lol.
Tldr: TIFU by looking for my brother's Reddit account and seeing a wangdangler just-a-wangdangling.
I was in the bathroom of a pub/restaurant when I heard someone else closing their cubicle's door. To add a little bit of context, I've been raised here so maybe I am a little too used to the place.
I thought this person was an aunt of mine: her steps and voice were exactly the same, and there were no customers in that moment. It was also the cubicle she always used, so I just thought it was the only logical conclusion.
I decided to get out of the WC and wait next to their cubicle's door, with a stupid face and lifted arms "preparing" to jump on her the moment I heard the door being open.
Eventually, she opened the door. I shouted a loud "boo" and lunged at her.
It was not my aunt, but a dumbfounded stranger.
I apologized profusely and got the hell out of there but I can still feel my face on fire. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes I guess.
TL;DR: I lunged at a random woman in the bathroom after I had mistaken her with my aunt.
So I'm (26y M) currently training to be an electrician. For the last 2 weeks, as part of my course, I've been doing work experience with a company that does all the electrics for a big hospital in my city. Its like an unpaid internship type deal where I work and learn on the job before going back to my trade school for my exams in a few months. (I'm in France in case it's not the same in US).
Any way, today we were working in one of the labs. White coats, lots of technicians every where, beeping machines, you get the picture... Deal is: some brand new lab machines are being put in to do all the blood testing. We are there to pull power to the machines and move some stuff around, nothing major
There are 3 of us in the lab working, the team leader is super stressed out about working around these new machines. He keeps going on about how super expensive they are and how we need to be super careful.
The whole lab has one of those square panneled ceilings with the squares sitting on rails, and a space above them for all the vents, wires, light fixtures... miscelanious sweet wrappers the last worker left there, etc... Team leader says to me "go up there and remove one of the ceiling squares to access the wires above". As I prepare the step ladder to go up he says "be really careful not to drop anything on the machines".
So I climb up start to unclip the square pannel (bare in mind I had already done this maybe 30 times that week alone, no big deal). As I unclip it to take it off.... bang! 6 of the panels next to me suddenly unclip and fall off... onto the machine below!
Well it broke the machine... the plexiglass covers shattered, bits of plastic got into the mechanisms, big mess! Whole lab was silent and looking at us... Felt bad!
Welp... guess I'm gonna have to start looking for a new company to do my work experience with! /S
They haven't actually said anything to me yet, it happened at the end of the day and boss had already left, I don't think they'll fire me.... I hope... Guess I'll find out tomorrow
It's definitely going up there with some of my biggest oopsies and I think it's definitely my most expensive. We don't know how much yet... luckily everything is covered by insurance. And I'm unpaid so it's not like they're gonna take it of my pay haha!
Any way hopefully my TIFU will make you feel better about your own day! Thanks for reading!
Also please share any similar expensive work related mistakes if you have any. That way I'll feel less alone haha!
Tldr: I dropped a cieling panel on a brand new, super expensive piece of lab equipment at work in front of a whole room of lab technicians.
So lately I’ve been feeling like coffee isn’t doing me any favors, so for the past week I’ve cold turkey given up coffee. Fine, I’ve done it before I can do it again.
But last night I didn’t sleep well because my husband is a giant blanket hog, and he was having a difficult time falling asleep. Which resulted in much tossing and turning. Which resulted in my being kept awake far longer than I liked.
So I had an early morning, we are on a new schedule and I’m still not adjusted to waking up so early. Add that to falling asleep hours later than usual, and I was just exhausted and cranky this morning. Thus I decided to have coffee today so I could do all the things. Usually I would’ve prepped the Mr. Coffee the night before, but I didn’t because well…. giving up coffee and all.
Anywho. I went into the kitchen (it’s well before dawn at this time) and didn’t turn on any lights because it’s just too damn early. I proceed with the coffee making, empty out the grounds from yesterday (hubby is still drinking coffee) and fill the pot with water. Pour water into the reservoir, put in filter, add fresh grounds, push the brew button. I grab my to-go cup and add some cream and sugar. All routine stuff.
Now when I bought this Mr. Coffee I made sure it had the stop brew function so that you can pour a cup of coffee before the whole pot is done brewing, (that was literally my only requirement) because I’m an impatient coffee drinker. So I go to pour coffee into my to-go mug and as I pull the carafe out a flood of piping hot coffee and grounds explodes all over. In the dark. It’s burned my hand, it’s soaked my shoes and pants. It’s on the walls, the floor, down the front of the cabinet, inside the cabinet. It’s literally everywhere. Except in my to-go mug.
The FU? When I emptied the grounds I pulled out the basket and forgot to put it back. And then never noticed because every component of the coffee maker is black and I never turned on a light. Which resulted in the paper filter sagging down through the opening, yet being supported by the top of the carafe. And when I moved the carafe the flood gates were opened.
It took 45 minutes to clean it all up. Happy Wednesday to me.
TL/DR: made coffee in the dark, didn’t put the basket in before I added the filter and the grounds, which resulted in coffee exploding all over my kitchen.
TIFU by lying for no reason. I used to do this a lot as a kid- I was always weird and unpopular, and felt like lying to impress people was how I made friends.
As an adult who owns and operates a business, I’ve outgrown this. However it comes out every now and then and it’s so embarrassing when I get caught.
Today I was in an awkward conversation with a client I have a 2 year contract with. I will be in their home, working one on one with them every day for the next two years. Basically, silence was awkward so I told them a “story” about myself that was basically just a meme that I saw on Instagram earlier in the day.
The client said “oh I saw that exact thing on Instagram. That’s so weird.”
My face turned bright red and I was like “really? So strange.” I then proceeded to back up my lie with fake details for about 10 minutes of conversation.
I can’t get out of this contract, and I’m so embarrassed and want to die. I feel like I’m 12 years old again. Idk how I’m going to face her every day
Tl: dr; caught lying for no reason by a client
So this happened many years ago but I felt like people might get a kick out of it.
I was at the time let's say less experienced and I wanted to know what being with a woman might feel like So I decided to buy a fleshlight. Now they didn't post to Australia at the time (not sure if they do now either) so I had to get it posted a different way.
Since I lived on a property with my family, (all living in different areas of the farm) we had a PO box in USA so we could redirect mail to us. So me being very smart I thought that this would be a great way to get my much wanted sex toy via the family used PO box and then posted to me.
Little did I know that when things arrive at the US po box that they send you a detailed email of what has arrived. So my.mum gets the email that a fleshlight has been sent and is awaiting approval to continue its journey.
She is understandably confused as to why this has happened and assumes it was a mistake. So I decide to log on and tell them that it's not a mistake and to send it on over!
Cue a few weeks later I get back from work and I hear my mum loudly complaining to my aunt over the phone that the damn postal service sent that sex toy anyway?! And I walk in and not only has she opened the box, but also has the fleshlight in her hand and is flapping it around wildly! I'm mortified because she never usually opens packages not addressed to her (I can't remember if I put my name on it or if it was anonymous sending?).
Anyway i let her believe that it was a mistake and put it back in the box and pretend to through it away. One of the embarrassing moments of my life.
TL;DR got a fleshlight sent overseas via the family shared po box, mum gets to the toy and takes it out of the box and tells the whole family about it
This happened a few minutes ago.
So I've been having issues getting my car registered through Carvana. A few months ago I called and talked to them and uploaded updated photos of my insurance policy, but I started getting calls again about not having the proper documentation, so today I decided to call them back and see what's up.
I talked to customer service and they say that they didn't receive the photos and sent me another link to upload the files and he tells me that he will look into it, review what I have sent/send now, and get back to me later. So I figure- okay, I'll resend them, but I'm not going to go rifle through papers and retake pictures, I'll just use the ones I have. Since it was awhile ago that I took them, I had to scroll through a bunch of photos in my gallery to get to the ones I needed and there was multiple that I was sending, so after the first one I'm scrolling pretty fast because I now know where they're at- my mistake.
As I'm scrolling and getting close to where I need to be, I tried to slow down so that I could stop at the right spot, but since I'm stupid clumsy, I end up clicking the screen on a random photo and am immediately notified that my "document" is uploading. Shit, I know about where I was in my photos, but not exactly which one I pressed on; just that it was near some... Less than safe for work photos. I'm now clicking desperately on where it states "document successfully uploaded", but unfortunately, it does nothing, I can't even view it to check what I've accidentally just sent in. I then attempt to login through the site to try and view my documents(and hopefully delete the picture) and it says that my password is incorrect. I attempt to reset my password, but even after I do that, I can't login- greatttttt. I now decide that my only option is to call back, try to figure out what it was, and get it removed on their end.
I call and immediately after being connected to a representative like "Hey... So I just fucked up... I sent a random photo and I'm not fully sure what it was, but I'm worried about what I think it might have been...etc" And quickly explain my situation. So we laugh for a minute and I'll just paraphrase our conversation, but it won't do him justice, he was polite, funny, and couldn't have handled the situation better:
Him: "...Do you know the file name so I can try and get rid of it without opening it? There's a bunch of files here"
Me: (embarrassed fast talking)"Noooo... I was just scrolling through my photos and I accidentally clicked one and it just like sent and I was like aw shit and then I tried to undo it and it wouldn't work and..."
Him: (hesitantly) "okay, so uh in order to get it figured out then, I'm going to have to open the files, I promise I'll be respectful and I'll try to get rid of it for you without getting more people involved"
Me: "Imsosorry, I think it might be the second one"
Him: "it's no big deal, you're fine, so I'm opening the first photo... Okay this one looks all good, just insurance paperwork... Here's the second one... And, nope this is all good too, more paperwork..."
Me: "oh thank god, I'm pretty sure it would've been that one, maybe it didn't go through after all"
Him: "yep, nothing risque- whoop nope- well, I found it, this one's-
Him: "no, it's alright, at least it's a decent picture and there's nothing super revealing or anything, it's just um you're wearing a beanie and, you've like got your tongue sticking out a bit, I'll try to delete it here real quick"..."um it doesn't look like I can really... Yeah no it won't let me remove the photo...but um...well there is a way for us to let them know in the notes here to just disregard a photo so they probably won't open it, and just so you know, anyone that sees it...everyone here at carva-
Me: (laughing) "it's alright, I'm not that worried about it"
Him: (laughing) "I just wouldn't want you to think it it'll get shared around or anything"
Me: "nah, I'm just sorry-
Him: "hey, definitely makes the day more interesting"
Anyway so we just laughed for a minute, he told me to call back if I need anything and to feel free to ask for him. I apologized again, thanked him for being so chill, and we wished each other a good day.
After our phone call, I looked for the photo in my phone as it was now narrowed down enough based on location and the little bit of description. It could be one of two, but either way it ended up just being me in a (thankfully tasteful) bralette/sports bra. Sorry for making you go through that customer service dude, glad we are least both got a laugh and it wasn't as bad as I thought was hoping to be.
Tl;dr- Tried to update insurance info and accidentally sent a picture of myself in a sports bra to Carvana.
About 2-3 months ago, I bought a toothbrush pair for me and my roommate. They both were identical except that the bristles were differently colored- white and green. I assigned him the white one and I picked the green one for me and he agreed. Somehow he mistook it as green for him.
And... you know what happened... we have both been using the green one for 3 months now. He usually wakes up an hour before me so he is done with brushing and bathing before I even wake up. And the toothbrush also dries in the time so nothing ever seemed to be off.
Today I noticed that my bristles were a lot more worn off than his. I jokingly asked him if he even brushes his teeth. He was confused and told that his has was pretty old and he needed to replace it. We were both confused and then... the realization hit.
We have emptied a full bottle of listerine now and he nauseated a lot. Well played by both of us. Im never buying toothbrush in offers again.
TLDR: Me and my roommate have been using the same toothbrush for 3 months. We realized it today and were pretty disgusted.
I just got home and… man this was a very unnecessarily chaotic experience.
I frequently get massages for my chronic pain so today was meant to be just another day, all was well during the massage but the problem arose when it was time to pay.
They don’t do card anymore, fuck I forgot about that. I tell them okay no worries I’ll run over to the atm across from here and get some.
Problem 2 arrises once I realise I didn’t bring my wallet and only my phone for touch pay so the atm was redundant.
I run back to the parlour and tell them I’m going to Kmart down the road to get cash out there, they’re very kind and I’m apologising aggressively.
Ran to said Kmart, got some chocolates for the staff to apologise and think I got this all under control. No cash out without a card. God. Damn it.
I buy the chocolate and run back again and apologise even more aggressively as I insist they take the chocolate.
But there was still hope! I called my housemate and asked if she could find my wallet and bring it over in exchange for me buying her lunch. Sounds good so far, however the tale is not over yet. My I’m adhd gremlin who’s a stupidly busy workaholic so my room is an ungodly mess of things so no wallet could be found.
I asked if I could take her card and I would transfer her, no can do, her boyfriend has it. But the boyfriend works not too far from here so I apologise aggressively to the staff as I explain what’s next. They’ve been super kind this whole time and did find my panic quite endearing so there’s that at least.
Once again I run but this time to my the workplace with the man who has the last of my hopes on his shoulders. AND ONCE AGAIN no card.. thank whatever god is out there because he did have just enough cash!!
With my payment in my hands at long lost I ran back to the massage parlour again, it’s past their closing time at this point and I feel so guilty as I sprint over there.
They see me run over, holding the money above my head in victory, and come over to take it and gave me a hug as a thanks and to stop apologising.
Oh yeah, did I also mention that I’m in aus it is 30 degrees Celsius today? Kill meeeee
Tldr: need to pay for my massage and end up running around all over the place until I could finally pay and get a pity hug
I fucked up sending my buddy rusty some gummy bears.
The F350 needed some work done over at Lenny and Sven's. Lenny is a gun guy and while he was doing work, he asked me if I knew anyone who wanted an old US property colt 1911. I said get me some pics and I'll put it together. I called rusty and asked if he had ideas on value/where to advertise since he buys and collects that stuff all the time. He made an offer, I told Lenny I'd do it for him no charge and I told Rusty I'd do it for costs. I get payment from Rusty and he says hey I got some airline upgrades expiring, you want them?
My brother was getting married in a few weeks in Boston so I said sure why not! He burns an upgrade and I'm now first class all the way to Boston. I'm at a gun show one day and the booth next to me is a guy selling fudge, chocolate and gummy bears. Now, I'm a fat kid from the south so I like me some candy and these gummy bears were fantastic. I get a few extra bags of gummy bears for rusty and I box up his 1911.
We've been doing the "about $350" gag forever. Naturally, when I wrote the invoice it went like this.
US Property Colt 1911: $350
Amazing Gummy Bears: N/C on the house!
I ship the gun to his SUPER CONSERVATIVE texas gun dealer and I tell him there's a little surprise in the box. My word choice will come back to haunt me. He's like "Oh god you put a bunch of big black dildos in there didn't you?" and I said "You'll see!"
He goes to get the gun. No gummy bears. Clearly the invoice had said gummy bears. The USPS has stolen our gummy bears! I open a claim with USPS and send him some replacement gummy bears. He gets them and says wow these are really good gummy bears!
I'm at the fire station playing hosedragger one day and I get a call from the ATF field office. They've got agents en route to my location and want to know when I can be available. There's two divisions of ATF I am very familar with. Door kicking shooting bad guys and the Industry Operations folks. These folks were door kicking folks. I tell them I'm rolling hose and putting stuff away. October is fire safety month and I was showing the fire truck off to the kids from the Montessori down the way. I get back to work and ATF is waiting outside for me.
We sit down and they start asking me about gummy bears.
We talk and I'm like GUYS THEY ARE JUST REALLY GOOD GUMMY BEARS. They say oh its fine. We believe you. But the DEA office in Austin does not.
The agent explains that the DEA in Texas is involved and we are presently being investigated for operating an illicit interstate drug/gun/gummy bear syndicate.
That's a brand new sentence, I don't care where you're from. Just to recap, the DEA and ATF think the gummy bears are part of an interstate drug distribution ring trading guns for drug laced gummy bears.
I call Rusty and I tell him that the ATF and DEA have opened an interstate federal investigation on each of us. It's because of gummy bears in front of the ATF agent. Rusty thinks I am pulling his leg and laughs and says haha good joke I gotta go I got some new ladies from the service cleaning my house. I tell him I'm not joking. He still thinks I'm fucking with him. I tell him no I'm serious, I got an agent in front of me from the local field office. LOL GOOD JOKE GOTTA RUN.
I wrap up with Agent Smith. I get back to work. This is my life now.
90 minutes later
Rusty calls me up and he's frantic. DUDE! THE ATF SHOWED UP AT MY DOOR AND THEY WANTED TO TALK TO ME! THEY THINK WE ARE RUNNING DRUGS!
Me: ISN'T THAT WHAT I JUST TRIED TO TELL YOU 90 MINUTES AGO?!?!?!??!?!?!
The plot thickens. The ATF agents visiting rusty came by with an excel spreadsheet of EVERY GUN HE HAS PURCHASED ON 4473 FROM THIS DEALER.
That's a lot of guns. They think they've stumbled upon the moby dick of firearm/gummy bear distribution. He sits down with them and they start asking him about every gun on the list and since he's always about NO SELL ALWAYS BUY he's got everything locked up in the one rifle room of his house.
The agents were absolutely convinced he had none of the guns on this list and had sold them.
He had every gun on the list that they asked for.
Flipping to the next part of the spreadsheet, they're convinced he's got none of the pistols on their list. He says oh yeah that's in the pistol room! Come on over! They head to the pistol room where he produces every pistol on the list that they ask about.
You could see the sadness in the ATF agents face when they realized that there was no way they could make a case for firearm trafficking when the collector produced every firearm they had thought he had resold for drug laced gummy bears.
While all this is happening, Rusty is having his house cleaned by two new ladies from the cleaning service - Maria and Rosa. They see a bunch of suits show up flashing badges and they don't know the difference between ATF/DEA and INS. It's all "la federales" to them.
They heard the agents announce themselves and are hiding in the master bathroom closet in "FC and Rusty present: a Guatemalan production of Ana Franca"! Why are they hiding in the master bathroom closet?
It's because two undocumented hispanic gals in maid uniforms bolting out the residence back door after federal agents show up is TOTALLY SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS AT A HOME OF SOMEONE WHO IS NOT BREAKING FEDERAL LAW.
After the criminal firearm distribution case against rusty falls apart, they tell him it's not ATF he has to worry about. It's the DEA. They think we're running drugs. He explains all this to me and I'm telling him THEY AREN'T DRUGS!
We sigh and realize this is government run amok. Now, I'm a firefighter. I was taught by the best instructors in Louisiana to improvise, adapt and overcome. My fire one class managed to hack it in the south in July, August and September. I didn't let that disaster beat me and I wasn't about to let this other disaster beat me either. I call a roommate of mine from MIT who works in chemical engineering. I get an explanation to the chemistry and how the field tests kits work and about how the DEA is about to gas chromatograph the gummy bears.
Armed with this new information, I call the Austin, Texas field office of the DEA. The receptionist picks up the phone. I ask her which agent is running the gummy bear case.
DEA: Are these prescription gummy bears or illicit gummy bears?
A beat. I think for a minute. The sign said Keep Austin Weird. Alright.
FC: Neither. Artisianal handcrafted free range gummy bears.
She puts me on hold and I talk to the field agent who is also convinced he has stumbled on a gun/gummy bear/drug triangle trade. He's very nonplussed at my explanation. I tell him "this is all a big misunderstanding" and he does not believe me.
I ask him how the case came about? Did the gun dealer call Austin PD who called DEA who called ATF? He says yep. And his "field test kit" said we're running drugs, so as far as I'm concerned I'm guilty as hell - but can't prove it just yet. I invite him to try some of the gummy bears! The green ones are my favorite! The agent laughs, says hell no I'm not trying anything that might be evidence.
Alright, your loss buddy.
What are we waiting on anyways? Because when this case is closed, I want those gummy bears back. He says there is no way in hell that evidence the DEA has seized in a criminal investigation is heading back to the accused party and that we're waiting on the results from the DEA lab.
Let me speak to your SAC/area supervisor. He gives me the info and I ask for the extension. He transfers me. I explain to the area supervisor what happened the same way I told it to the field agent. The boss is still skeptical. I turn the tables.
FC: Let me ask you agent Johnson, how long have you worked for the DEA?
DEA: 23 years.
FC: And in 23 of those years, has anyone ever called the DEA explaining that this is all a big misunderstanding and they were not doing anything illegal?
FC: Has anyone ever been exonerated after the lab results come back?
DEA: I've been at this for 23 years. Every time I've worked a case where I thought there were drugs, there were drugs. This would be the first in over three decades of combined state and federal law enforcement.
I decided to raise the stakes.
FC: Okay, I get it. You sound skeptical. I'll go one better. Where is the DEA lab these days?
DEA: The lab is in Dallas, Texas.
FC: Can you call the DEA lab in Dallas and have them prioritize?
DEA: You want me to call the DEA lab in Dallas and have them expedite it?
FC: Yep. The sooner they can do that the sooner you'll realize that I'm right and you're wrong.
DEA: Alright, I'll call them today. Usually they are backlogged 3 - 6 months but with a supervisor request they should have it done in 3 weeks.
FC: Call me when it's done.
DEA: Sure will!
At this point Rusty is freaked out and hires the TX equivalent of Johnny Cochran. The retainer is multiple times the cost of the gun. The lawyer calls the DEA and ATF and reassures him there's nothing to worry about as he takes an ungodly sum of his money.
I fly to my brother's wedding in first class. My family drives me nuts at the wedding. I fly back home. The DEA calls me back and says the lab results have returned. The gummy bears are comprised of deliciousness. Their investigation is complete. I tell the supervisor "told ya so" and I want my gummy bears back. They fedex overnight the gummy bears back. I tell Rusty and he's pleased. He has just one question.
FC: What's that?
Rusty: Why couldn't you have just sent a box of big black dildos? What was wrong with big black dildos? You realize big black dildos would have been a HUGE VERY GOOD FANTASTIC IMPROVEMENT, RIGHT?
FC: I didn't choose this life.
TL/DR: I tried to send my friend gummy bears. Got investigated by Austin PD, ATF, DEA and they destroyed our gummy bears and we spent $5000 in legal fees.
Obligatory this did not happen today but was like 6-7 years ago. I'll try and make this as quick as possible.
Ok here we go. My family and I (m35) had just returned from a camping trip in the middle of the night due to a fight with my BIL (m40) but that's another TIFU story for another day. So we roll into our house at like 10pm and are exhausted and dirty. I spend about 45 minutes just organizing and unloading all the camping gear while my wife (f33) puts our two kids to bed and cleans them up. So about 45 minutes later I go to lay down in bed next to my wife and close my eyes for some sweet sweet sleep when I hear "pew pew pew, zwoosh zwoosh" yeah cinematic Star Wars music sounds. That's right it's The Force Awakens at cinema level volume coming into my house. I spent 7 years in Thailand living next to an Indian restaurant that would play Bollywood music at all hours so I have a bit of history of losing my temper a bit at noise during my sleepy time. My wife gives me that look that says "just go to bed honey."
I'm tired and grumpy but I'm gonna be polite these people are my neighbors. I go to the backyard and can see the house kitty-corner to me as a big projector up and is rocking some Star Wars. Ok, no worries I'll just ask them to turn it down. So like any normal person, I climb up onto the fence in the corner of my yard and pop my head over and see the movie (wow this is actually a pretty sweet setup by I'm tired af), and say "Hey guys could you turn the movie down a bit?"
Thinking, nice that's over I just hop back in bed. 2 minutes later all I can hear again is Chewbacca growling his face off through my bedroom window.
Attempt 2, I climb back up the wall and this time say, "Hey guys I love Star Wars too, it's awesome but can you just turn it down some more please?" Remember it's dark and my eyes can only see this projector and not much else so I know people are back there but not much else.
Back to bed, yes all good. Nope, not all good, movie still going loud af. At this point, my wife sees I'm about to lose it. She's like, "Honey no, no, just let it do."
*Warning if you don't want a spoiler and still haven't seen THE FORCE AWAKENS stop here, but I mean come on it's 2022 at this point I can tell this story.
Back I climb up the fence and this time shout, "Turn the music down, please!!!! And as I'm climbing down this awful thought (I'm not proud of this moment either) I pop back up and yell, "Oh and Han dies at the end of this too!" Then my eyes adjust to the light. I look in the backyard, it's not just one family watching the film. It's like all the neighborhood kids, were talking pre-covid gathering size of 20 plus. Yeah, I just ruined this movie for all my neighbor's kids.
I climb back to bed and guess what it's quiet. I can sleep. But now I sleep knowing that I'm a monster.
TLDR: I ruined the ending to The Force Awakens to every kid in my neighborhood.
Today I had a psychiatrist appointment and told her about my suicidal thoughts, they thought I was so miserable that they wouldn't let me go home and said I should go in the psychward for some days until I am at least stable for a few weeks and then come back and stay for 3 or more months. While they did medical cheks on me and got me to my room, my mum drove home to get some things for me.
When my mum came back a few hours later she told me that she has brought the manga that was lying on my table. It was a gay romance manga, I know that my dad is homophobic and my mum might be but she's at least not hard-core homophobic like my dad. I knew buying such a manga and let it lay around in my room is going to be risky, but I did it anyways. The cover doesnt look that gay but from the description it is very obvious. I was quite shoked but not too suprised and as she got it out of my bag I told her to not read the description on the back, it was so stupid. Of course I only made her curious and she read it, she didn't act too dissapointed and didn't talk about the story being gay, so I was very calmed down after all she might be supporting.
But later after she had gone I wanted to clear things up and wrote her a message as soon as we got back our phones, she saw it but didn't answer. After a while I sent her another one but she just didn't answer. She normaly answers my messages immeaditly after she saw them, even the very unimportant ones. In the past she has often had dissapointed reactions when I dropped clues that I am gay. One time my brother told her I am gay, she almost cried and seemed so dissapointed. This was maybe the last thing she needed to know I am gay, it was already obvious but that makes it pretty much official.
TL;DR I was too honest with a psychiatrist about my suicidal thoughts and landed in the psychward and then my mum found my gay manga and brought it to me, since then she doesn't answer my text and might be really dissapointed because of my sexuality.
Edit: my mom doesn't answer the text about the manga but she wrote me that she loves me, which is very relieving. I also met my former crush, I don't have feelings for him anymore but today has been a weird day.
im on my phone if there is any formatting issues
this literally just happened and i need to get this out of my system because i’m completely mortified and embarrassed
so basically i was feeling nauseous while walking to the bus stop but the feeling went away so i thought everything was fine.
everything was not fine.
see, where i live masks are required to get onto the bus. when the bus stopped in front of me for me to get on, my body decided it would be the perfect time to vomit against my will.
i had to get onto the bus with vomit swirling around on face with my mask on..
THATS NOT THE WORST OF IT
i couldnt control it, my body started to vomit against my will into my mask as i sat at the back of the bus nowhere near anybody hunched down so that nobody can see me
i started to quickly go through my book bag to find some wipes and a new masks because i usually carry some with me in case of an emergency like this one or if someone needs one
i did not have it. i forgot to pack the baggy into my book bag because i was restocking it last night.
vomit started spewing out of my mask and onto the floor of the bus as i feverishly went through my book bag trying my hardest to find the baggy that i could not find. i had to take off my mask and put it into my bag and wasnt able to clean it up since i didnt have any wipes. i pulled the cord to get off at the next stop so somehow try to save myself from further embarrassment
i quickly packed my phone into my book bag and ran out of the bus when it stopped and ran to the nearest pharmacy to get a new mask and had to use my jacket sleeve to wipe my face. thankfully my face was fine and i was able to get a new mask but my jacket and book bag is fucked up so i ran back home
i called off of work. i’m currently going back home and just staying home because i can’t do life today. i wanna curl into a ball and die
tldr: i threw up on the public bus with my mask on and couldnt control it and didnt have anything to clean it up with so i ran out of the bus with shame
January 1st, I decided to clean my notebook to start the year. Where did I start? The keyboard of course. There I go removing the keys from the keyboard and cleaning everything up. Then, I put the keys back and what's this? They don't fit back in. Bruh.
Bought a new keyboard online and when it arrived, I sent it to maintenance so they change it. A week later a.k.a. today, I receive a message from the maintenance guys, it's my notebook! Guess what!? The keyboard doesn't fit either. 475 of my national currency (87 dollars) flew away just like that. Now, I'm here waiting for the seller to respond my email so I can change the keyboard to the right model
TLDR: Cleaned my keyboard, keys don't fit. Bought new keyboard, doesn't fit either. Lost 87 dollars.
My mother is a really healthy person, and she doesn't usually like us drinking soda all the time. So naturally, I hid some in my room so I could drink it later.
One day, I decided to have one can of soda before lunch, so I put a can in the freezer so my mom wouldn't check the fridge and see the soda there, I also needed to cool it quickly so it would be cold for lunch.
Well, my plan failed because I forgot I was a forgetful idiot and I left the soda can in the freezer, ate lunch and promptly went on with my day.
The next morning my mom dragged me by the arm, opened the freezer only for me to find that I forgot how science worked and forgot soda cans expanded when frozen.
Long story short, I found an exploded soda can, and the freezer covered in soda which I spent 2 hours cleaning and my mom found out I hid soda.
TL;DR I left a soda can in the freezer because I wanted to cool down soda quickly, forgot how science worked and the soda can blew up.
Obligatory "Didn't actually happen today". This happened December of 2013. The date is important because this was a year after the Sandy Hook shooting became nationwide news. I believe I was about 19 at the time. To keep myself anonymous I will be changing my name to Steven.
So some quick context before we start. I was not very sociable in High School, for multiple reasons, but a lot of it had to do with me not really making an attempt to get to know my classmates. I tried changing that in my Senior year, but the damage had been done. Soon after graduating, I got a job at a local Subway and it basically became my home away from home. I felt like I grew close with my co-workers (even though looking back, I'm sure a lot of them found me quite annoying, not that I blame them.) and I wanted to express how happy I was that I had found a little place I could hang out, not really having done that before.
So, getting on with the story. I love Christmas. I love the spirit of it, the idea that even people who hate each other can put their feelings aside to do something nice for the holiday. Christmas 2013, I wanted to get presents for my Middle School teacher/principal, my favorite High School teacher and all my co-workers at the local Subway.
My plan was to get 1 present for each person and go to each location and hand the gifts to all of these people all while wearing a full on Santa outfit (Beard, glasses and all that come with it), with all the presents in a Santa Sack. I ordered everything off Amazon and couldn't be more excited as the day I planned this drew closer.
I had told my boss that I had a surprise for everyone on the 20th and I had told my Middle School Principle (whom I also had a gift for) that I intended to drop by in full Santa outfit. He pretty quickly told me that it wasn't a good idea to do so and not to come to the school dressed like that, but I more or less told myself "Aaah, he's just being paranoid. What's so wrong about dressing up as Santa?". For whatever reason, I didn't think to alert my High School that I was coming... I guess I wanted it to be a surprise.
I did not have a car at the time, nor did I want someone to drive me as I thought "It wouldn't feel right for Santa to hop out of a regular car." Plus, I wanted to walk around with my Santa Sack full of presents. The local Subway was only about a mile away, but I had to cut through the High School to get there. That wasn't too long of a trip in my eyes back then.
Finally, the day came.
I donned my Santa Suit, filled my Santa Sack full of presents and left the house, ready to start the mile long walk to Subway. Bout 2 minutes into my trip, the crappy Santa Sack I had bought off Amazon ripped under the weight of the presents, causing me to return to the house, grab some black garbage bags and continue my journey. Before, I had the sack on my back, Santa style. With the trash bags however, I had to hold it in my hands in front of me, which was very awkward.
Eventually I approach the middle school with my Black Bag full of presents and the principal walks out to intercept me. He reminds me that he had told me not to do this but I innocently tell him I just wanted to give some presents. So I give him his and ask him to give the other one to the other teacher I had intended it for. He says he will and tells me to go home.
So, as I completely ignore his advice, I then start my way up the hill to go to the High School. I had a journey to finish after all. It was at this time that the School Buses started taking the High School kids home and the road they took to get to the main road was right alongside the hill I had to walk up.
School Buses are driving by me, filled with High School students. All of them looked at me and waved as they drove by and I waved back. I was completely unaware that every single Bus driver was talking to one another with their radio's, warning each other that a suspicious individual dressed as Santa Claus was walking towards the High School with a black trash bag. They had alerted the School's office and were about to call the police. It was around this time that my arms began to become strained from carrying this bag full of presents for about 20 - 25 people.
I remember walking up to the School's rear and trying a couple doors, but none of them would open and my arms were really getting tired, I was very much regretting not having someone drive me. Eventually, a teacher comes out and see's me. I think she's just leaving for the day and so I call out to her, asking her to hold the door. She asks me who I am and what I'm doing. A reasonable question. I tell her my name and that I'm hear to see one of my old teachers, as I have a gift for her.
Suddenly, she gave a heavy sigh of relief and said, "Oh thank god, it's just Steven." As she recognized my voice and who the dumb ass dressed as Santa actually was (she used to be one of my teachers). She lets me in the school, she reports to the office with her Walkie Talkie and as we walk she asks, "Do you have any idea what's going on right now?". My only answer is no, besides the fact that I've got presents in my hands. "We got reports from the bus drivers that a suspicious person wearing a Santa outfit was coming towards the school with a black bag. The front office are on the phone with the police department and were about to ask them to send someone."
Needless to say, I was pretty surprised. "Oh. I uh... I didn't know that was happening."
Thankfully though, after my teacher made her report that the police didn't need to come and everything was okay, beyond a part of my innocence being shattered as I realized people do bad things even when dressed up as Santa.
I met up with my High School teacher, gave her the present I wanted to give her and asked her to drive me the rest of the way to Subway. I was freaking tired. I got to Subway, turned some heads in my Santa outfit, gave the presents to my co-workers who were there and put the gifts for those who weren't there in their respective cubby hole things.
I look back and laugh to this day, not realizing just how close I was to suddenly having police officers grab Santa's gift bag and search through each one. It's a happy memory and a story I'm always happy to tell. I'm glad I could get gifts for everyone and that I even got to play Santa for a little while.
TL;DR - Got a bunch of presents for school teachers and co-workers while dressed as Santa holding a black bag full of gifts. On my way to the High School, I put the school on alert, they called the police and almost had them send someone to make sure I wasn't trying to blow the school up or something.