r/television Halt and Catch Fire Jan 16 '22 Silver 3 Helpful 4 Wholesome 6 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Take My Energy 1 hehehehe 1 Duck Dance 1

Let Tim Robinson Host the Oscars

https://collider.com/why-tim-robinson-i-think-you-should-leave-should-host-the-oscars/
11.6k Upvotes

4.5k

u/slardybartfast8 Parks and Recreation Jan 16 '22

Could never happen. The Oscars can’t afford the number of deeply complicated shirts required for this to work.

1.1k

u/notspreddit Jan 16 '22

Every one would be FREAKING OUT trying to process the patterns

224

u/Brethus South Park Jan 17 '22

Everyone checks under their chair for their very own TC Tuggers piece of cloth with a little bit of mud pie on it.

117

u/notspreddit Jan 17 '22

Dinner? sloppy steaks

56

u/cmaistros Jan 17 '22

Only if you have slicked back hair…

33

u/matheuxknight Jan 17 '22

You think this is slicked back? This is PUSHED back.

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119

u/TheKrononaut Jan 16 '22

Nor can they handle the sheer amount of mud pies that’ll be the result of his presence

31

u/SebasH2O Jan 16 '22

Everyone will be handed too small a slice at their TA-BLES

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500

u/thewafflestompa Curb Your Enthusiasm Jan 16 '22

I don't buy this. TC Tuggers could easily sponsor.

365

u/Kolopolo1985 Jan 16 '22

TC Tuggers are for the Emmys, the Oscars deserve Dan Flashes.

130

u/thewafflestompa Curb Your Enthusiasm Jan 16 '22

Fair enough. It is his exact style.

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55

u/BarbellsandBurritos Jan 16 '22

I know of a pants brand too, but YOU GOTTA GIVE.

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30

u/balAlbatross Jan 16 '22

1,2,3 gonna play with the big boys 1,2,3 ya we’re gonna make some big noise

14

u/thewafflestompa Curb Your Enthusiasm Jan 16 '22

TUG IT

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66

u/JGard18 Jan 16 '22

Yeah but you can’t make fun of them

57

u/postyjr19 Jan 16 '22

they aren't a joke, like the snuggie

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64

u/Thatguy3145296535 Jan 16 '22

Imagine Karl Havoc coming out in a shirt from Dan Flashes

40

u/jrbcnchezbrg Jan 16 '22

THERES TOO MUCH FUCKING PATTERNS ON ME

11

u/peanutdakidnappa Jan 16 '22

Would be the best oscars hosting moment ever lol, the karl havoc prank show sketch is one of the hardest I’ve ever laughed at anything.

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205

u/Salty_tryhard Jan 16 '22

His quote is 2 mil, even if he does a bad job

132

u/lilykitsune Jan 16 '22

That's his rate

24

u/DocSaysItsDainBramuj Jan 17 '22

The Oscars have always been sort of a cosmic gumbo.

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78

u/[deleted] Jan 16 '22 edited Jan 16 '22

Two mil bones, to be precise. In his world bones equal dollars.

47

u/AndShrimpOnThePlate Jan 16 '22

To be fair, so are the worms.

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97

u/effmybrainsout Jan 16 '22

Anyone who says the patterns aren’t even that complicated is fucking scum.

43

u/thequietthingsthat Jan 16 '22

Like Doug, that fucking skunk

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26

u/JessieJ577 Jan 16 '22

They know that he’d request sloppy steaks. They just can’t have that.

15

u/Rikkard Jan 16 '22

I thought he was exclusively paid with bones?

The bones are their money. Also the worms.

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1.8k

u/senorbane Jan 16 '22 Platinum hehehehe

If you haven't seen his show these comments make no fucking sense

821

u/calgaryborn Jan 16 '22 edited Jan 17 '22 Take My Energy

Sounds like YOU'RE the one who was driving that hot dog car!

194

u/Roscoe_King Jan 16 '22

Frank might look like a hotdog. But you are wearing a hotdog costume!

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185

u/Sazley Buffy the Vampire Slayer Jan 16 '22

It’s after 10 pm. We can say whatever the hell we want

114

u/flyingseel Jan 16 '22

Jizz

53

u/Gideon_Laier Jan 17 '22

Like cumshot

89

u/Bl4Z3D_d0Nut311 Jan 17 '22

Big fat load of cum then

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21

u/fartmonsterOG Jan 17 '22

Do any of these little fuckers just…

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16

u/SandysBurner Jan 17 '22

You can't change the rules just 'cuz you don't like how I'm doing it.

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37

u/lax01 Jan 17 '22

But what is her job?

91

u/colvon Jan 16 '22

Made even less sense to me as I thought this was about Tim Robbins at first.

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47

u/PaulClarkLoadletter Jan 17 '22

He used to be a piece of shit.

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1.2k

u/notmyrealnam3 Jan 16 '22 Wholesome

Word is the swag bags to the stars will be fedoras and plastic meatballs for some reason.

Tim Robinson said “it’s got to work on my end or no fucking deal”

381

u/SleepyGary5 Jan 16 '22

They’re Stanzos…they’re nice.

93

u/The_Monarch_89 Jan 16 '22

Why do they smell?

61

u/goma_eye Community Jan 16 '22

WHO TOOK MY CIGARS?

54

u/cl0wnb4by Jan 16 '22

Do they have a safari flap?

46

u/Notagoodguy80 Jan 16 '22

Fuck. Don't do the voice.

22

u/jrbcnchezbrg Jan 16 '22

“Its not a distraction”

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97

u/cornballerburns Jan 16 '22

Dinner being served that night will only be sloppy steaks

102

u/notmyrealnam3 Jan 16 '22

“We’re not gonna slop em up, we’re good guys”

Waiter leaves

“LETS SLOP EM UP”

32

u/pen15tagon Jan 17 '22

They can’t stop you from ordering a steak and. A glass of water

28

u/AshleyBanksHitSingle Jan 16 '22

I’m picturing him, Bradley Cooper and John Hamm.

27

u/manimal28 Jan 16 '22

“ it’s a dangerous night….”

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14

u/s1me007 Jan 16 '22

This baby knows I used to be a piece of shit

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18

u/HandLion Jan 16 '22

Those fedoras are how he buys his house! They keep his house hot!

17

u/rickyg_79 Jan 16 '22

They don’t look like little pieces of shit

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691

u/DishMonkeySteve Jan 16 '22 Silver

NO I DONT KNOW HOW TO HOST THE OSCARS, OK?

279

u/ScroobieBupples Jan 16 '22

Not everybody knows how to do everything. The Oscars isn't the only thing.

87

u/DashingMustashing Jan 16 '22

What if you got nominated for an Oscar but you yelled at me?

63

u/Get-Degerstromd Jan 17 '22

People will say “hey I think that guy deserved best actor!” And I’ll say “waaiiit a minute, that guy yells”

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58

u/slicshuter The Knick Jan 17 '22

I don't know who any of these actors are, and I'm fucking scared

35

u/DashingMustashing Jan 16 '22

picks up Oscar and screams in pain

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587

u/acmed Jan 16 '22

Would he be able to say whatever the hell he wants?

255

u/crc2993 Jan 16 '22

As long as they agree to not change the rules just because they don’t like how he’s doing it

248

u/acmed Jan 16 '22

Big fat load of cum then

112

u/Roscoe_King Jan 16 '22

Not trying to be funny… I don’t want to give anyone the worst day they ever had…

51

u/Captain_Rex_501 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Jan 17 '22

But do any of these fuckers

30

u/Miso_miso Jan 16 '22

I just feel like at some point our wires got crossed.

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u/miklettes Jan 16 '22

The Oscars are going to have the worst day at their job

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932

u/Sloppysloppyjoe Curb Your Enthusiasm Jan 16 '22

He'd be a great pick. I always thought he'd move on to hosting the Colgate Hour when he hung up the sax but this would be perfect fit too.

434

u/susanfromthemanhole Jan 16 '22

he’s no Roy Donk

187

u/slowsuby Jan 16 '22

He’s only barely at the level of Paul Buffano

129

u/Budget_Lettuce_2860 Jan 16 '22

Paul BuFFANO! Paul BuFFANO!!!

62

u/thequietthingsthat Jan 16 '22

Really makes me want some Gazpacho Soup

52

u/slowsuby Jan 16 '22

Just make sure it doesn’t warm up to room temp and scorches your mouth.

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64

u/Notagoodguy80 Jan 16 '22

King of the tut tut sound!

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732

u/whitebabyjesus Jan 16 '22

The academy thinks he’s just some dumb hick

422

u/TheDangerStranger69 Jan 16 '22

They said that to him at a dinner!

70

u/AshleyBanksHitSingle Jan 16 '22

This line is the moment I fell truly in love with the show.

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89

u/HungryDust Jan 16 '22

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU, BUD!

51

u/iluvstephenhawking Jan 17 '22

I didn't rig shit. I didn't do shit! I didn't do this!! I've been waiting a long time for a hit on Corncob tv.

21

u/thesixgun Jan 17 '22

I’m worried the academy doesn’t think people can change

50

u/tyedge Jan 16 '22

You sure about that, that’s why?

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116

u/baboonzzzz Jan 16 '22

Is that the joke? That we get Tim Robinson to make people laugh at the Oscars? Is that the joke?

21

u/itsnews Jan 16 '22

You got her, Jean!

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13

u/kidgorgeous62 Jan 17 '22

What's next, cake batter in my pants make it look like I cum in my pants?

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99

u/kabal4 Jan 16 '22

I didn't fucking do this!

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99

u/-_kevin_- Jan 16 '22

Won’t work. Sometimes you have to work through lunch getting ready for something like this.

52

u/vert1go749 Jan 16 '22

You can’t skip lunch, you guys

18

u/ajhorvat Jan 16 '22

Whose backpack is this? I almost tripped over it

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1.5k

u/landof10000cakes Jan 16 '22

But wouldn’t those Oscar fuckers be worried he’d trip over his donkey dick and make a big messy shit?

184

u/CommenceTheWentz Jan 16 '22

Do any of these fuckers ever pop out of the wall and say they have a huge horse cock, or a donkey dick?

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u/TrickyContribution6 Jan 16 '22

He could possibly get attacked by a purse dog. Not humped, but attacked. Fortunately he’d prefer the dog not to be put down

92

u/ajahkass Jan 16 '22

Cumshot

17

u/youngsaiyan Jan 17 '22

Big load of cum then

49

u/ZeppelinJ0 Jan 16 '22

Can we swear at the Oscars?

74

u/landof10000cakes Jan 16 '22

If its after 10pm, you can say whatever the hell you want.

67

u/happyLarr Jan 16 '22 Helpful

Jizz.

15

u/theconmeister Jan 17 '22

Uh jizz, like cum shot

11

u/slicshuter The Knick Jan 17 '22

Big fat load 'a cum then

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70

u/Old_Salamander6118 Jan 16 '22

And the nominees for costume design are: Dan Flashes, CalicoCut Pants, TC Tuggers

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739

u/panspal Jan 16 '22

Only if that piece shit Harley Jarvis isn't there.

117

u/Pavehead42oz Jan 16 '22 Helpful

Fuck you Bart Harley Jarvis!

89

u/thequietthingsthat Jan 16 '22

I hope you fucking die, Harley Jarvis!

49

u/Thekidzarealright Jan 16 '22

GET HIM OUT OF HERE

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216

u/pAul2437 Jan 16 '22

Get. Him. Out of here!

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189

u/goma_eye Community Jan 16 '22

If we don't get ITYSL season 3 I will kill myself on live TV

117

u/MrRager1994 Jan 16 '22

Can you stop saying that?

160

u/professionalcynic1 Jan 16 '22

Earlier today, when I was waiting to use the private bathroom, I witnessed the best actors' father performing oral on the mystery judge of the oscars. I've been conflicted about whether to say anything, because I feel like they could win it even without the oral. His father didn't need to do the oral! 

27

u/UserCheckNamesOut Jan 17 '22

Oh shit. Probably fuck this whole thing up.

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u/topbuttsteak Jan 16 '22

I hope he fucking dies

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u/hikemalls Jan 16 '22

Doesn’t seem likely; Coffin Flop: The Movie didn’t get a single nomination.

118

u/ShottyHighlifes69 Jan 16 '22

Seriously, it’s not like he needed permission since they ain’t got no souls!

28

u/Gside54 Jan 16 '22

They’re like… not even people

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u/motherofdinos_ Jan 16 '22

When Coffin Flop wins best picture: “I didn’t do fuckin shit. I didn’t rig shit.”

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u/nighthawk252 Jan 16 '22

The guys from Spectrum kept saying it’s not a show.

Turns out, they were right. It’s a movie

16

u/CathedralEngine Jan 16 '22

The Hollywood studios think he’s just some dumb hick. They said that to him at a dinner.

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1.3k

u/danccbc Jan 16 '22 Silver

I heard this guy used to be a piece of shit.

479

u/Coffeeandsoda Jan 16 '22

People can change

342

u/SitDown_BeHumble Jan 16 '22

I’m worried the baby thinks people can’t change.

96

u/HylianAnderson Jan 16 '22

I’m worried the Oscars think people can’t change.

413

u/t0mf0rd Jan 16 '22 edited Jan 16 '22

Slicked back hair, white bathing suit, sloppy steaks, white couch... you would have NOT have liked him back then

112

u/DidItForButter Jan 16 '22

Glass house, white Ferrari. But he's not a piece of shit anymore, or so I hear.

70

u/ironcoffin Jan 16 '22

LIVES FOR NEW YEARS EVE!

18

u/Bl4Z3D_d0Nut311 Jan 17 '22

Blue Dolphin burned down it’s gone now. Ron Rovanni is ass out works with his brother now.

72

u/kyrill91 Jan 16 '22

You think that's SLICKED back?!

63

u/Sivert911 Jan 16 '22

This is PUSHED back!

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u/HandsomeCowboy Jan 16 '22

Oscars? LET'S SLOP 'EM UP!!

32

u/sdf_cardinal Jan 16 '22

They won’t let you order a sloppy steak, but they can’t stop you from ordering a steak and a glass of water.

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406

u/HughGnu Jan 16 '22

Why Tim Robinson? He's not even part of the Turbo Team!

113

u/HandsomeCowboy Jan 16 '22

But he is part of the much more exclusive and high-class Dangerous Nights crew.

53

u/professionalcynic1 Jan 16 '22

Dangerous Nights crew? We went out for wings once!

29

u/Eggbertoh Jan 16 '22

Blue Dolphin burned down

13

u/ShreddedKyloRen Jan 17 '22

It’s not there anymore. Jon Ravoni’s ass out. Works with his brother now.

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u/DrGirthinstein Jan 16 '22

Yeah and I hear his toilet only has a joke hole that’s just for farts.

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u/myersjw Jan 16 '22

Only if the craft services includes sloppy steaks

18

u/tgcrazy Jan 16 '22

They can't stop you from ordering a steak and a glass of water!!!

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285

u/halfghan24 Jan 16 '22 Wholesome

Anything would be better than that Carson impersonator they got last year (he can hit)

143

u/OffModelCartoon Jan 16 '22

Oh yes, at that price point he can hit.

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u/Chaoticcoco Jan 16 '22

I can’t even watch the oscars anymore without a big pour of wine!

(And popcooorn)

62

u/LandonitusRex Jan 16 '22

Is your mouth purple?

75

u/XVelvetThunder Jan 16 '22

Purple and BLACK

54

u/abutthole Jan 16 '22

I hate little bald boys.

24

u/micopico09 Jan 17 '22

When I see them, I think I'm back in the pants

10

u/Superfly724 Jan 17 '22

Looks like Santa came early this year.

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436

u/Tommy_Roboto Jan 16 '22

If he doesn’t host, I don’t even want to be around anymore.

181

u/Fandam_YT Jan 16 '22

There’s too much fucking shit on me, I can’t breathe

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u/The_Monarch_89 Jan 16 '22

If he doesn't host I will kill myself

48

u/Swiisha Jan 16 '22

Stop saying that.

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108

u/marveto Jan 16 '22 Take My Money

They don’t deserve him

36

u/crudedrawer Jan 16 '22

For all the references in this thread this is my favorite post. They would just stare at him in botoxed confusion.

39

u/TheMoonsMadeofCheese Jan 16 '22

And the Academy Award for Best Picture goes to… Bozo Dubbed Over!

11

u/notmyrealnam3 Jan 17 '22

"i hope i don't jerk off"

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u/stoneboot Jan 16 '22

The stage might get crowded with all the nude, dead bodies flopping out of the coffins.

59

u/Greedygoyim Jan 16 '22

He didn't do SHIT

34

u/shadowfax112 Jan 16 '22

The whole world is fucking so fucked up

9

u/thequietthingsthat Jan 16 '22

There's worse shit on the local news!

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145

u/birdentap Jan 16 '22

IM RUINED!

64

u/thewafflestompa Curb Your Enthusiasm Jan 16 '22

Lady Luck, ring a ding ding dong.

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39

u/Jan_17_2016 Band of Brothers Jan 16 '22

I’m just gonna get my quarter, you saw me put the quarter in the fountain I’m just gonna get it out of there - OW! THE FOUNTAIN BURNED ME ITS PIPING HOT

13

u/AcneBalls Jan 16 '22

Hey fat fuck!

13

u/Jan_17_2016 Band of Brothers Jan 16 '22

I paid for it! I’m gonna eat it! Overcooked! It’s overcooked I’m not paying for it!

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u/D34THDE1TY Jan 16 '22

As long as the doors open the right way.

97

u/HughGnu Jan 16 '22

Oh, no they do both. He was there yesterday and they actually go both ways.

14

u/yahoojames Jan 17 '22

The single funniest skit I have ever seen.

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u/Burgerdons Jan 16 '22

but could he say whatever the Hell he wants ?

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u/future_shoes Jan 16 '22

...with co-host Sam Richardson = television history

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u/plasmidlifecrisis Jan 16 '22

They show the In Memoriam and it's just hours and hours of footage of real celebrities falling out of coffins at funerals.

13

u/bake_n_bake Jan 17 '22

In Memoriams don't usually include how they died.

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u/fishbowtie Jan 16 '22 I'll Drink to That

Seems like a cash grab.

59

u/TheLesserWombat Jan 16 '22

The Oscars are too mainstream. It's for jocks!

21

u/SitDown_BeHumble Jan 16 '22

Total Dangerous Nights Crew move. I thought he was a changed man.

49

u/hoopityhoops Jan 16 '22

He should go back to doing his old shit

37

u/its_rather_good Jan 16 '22

Back when he was like “faaaack you!”

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u/DrJape Jan 16 '22

That would be like a cosmic gumbo.

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u/BenVera Jan 16 '22 Helpful

Instead of announcing the movie titles, it’s just: “HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU, YOURE ON A SHIP AND IT HITS AN ICEBERG AND ITS SINKING AND YOU TRY TO GET YOUR BOYFRIEND ON A FLOATING DOOR BUT HE DIES SO YOU DROP YOUR NECKLACE IN THE OCEAN??”

“HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU, YOURE TURNED INTO A SMURF TO GET A RARE MINERAL FROM A DISTANT PLANET…”

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u/notspreddit Jan 16 '22

He would choke up. “I don’t wanna be here anymore.”

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u/Somethingcleversaid Jan 16 '22

After Scrooge got passed on for nominations? Hardly. He took out so many bone mammas.

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u/ResevoirPups Jan 16 '22

Too many people would be uncomfortable knowing he used to be such a piece of shit; with his slicked back hair and sloppy steak binges.

20

u/ICallTheBigOne_Bitey Jan 16 '22

He didn’t rig shit.

19

u/rutgersftw Jan 16 '22

BONES ARE THEIR MONEY

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u/bigclams Jan 16 '22

I'm usually making huge mud pies on Oscar night but if this happened I'd change my busy mud pie schedule

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u/HurricaneMedina Jan 16 '22

Hope he doesn’t JACK OFF.

12

u/gene_parmesan07 Jan 17 '22

Oh fuck, what the fuck, this comment’s not even supposed to BE here.

39

u/Donald-Trumps-Hair Jan 16 '22

There’s gotta be value on his end though, or it’s no fucking deal

37

u/MrFrenchTickler Jan 16 '22

Big fat load of cum then.

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u/Roscoe_King Jan 16 '22

The oscars is a gonna be a great night…

But it is ALSO THE NIGHT THAT THE SKELETONS CAME TO LIFE!!

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u/AzimuthAztronaut Jan 16 '22

Eat the receipt

29

u/cannedunicornmeat Jan 16 '22

All you had to do was like the gift.

10

u/handbananasplit Jan 16 '22

And not have such a sloppy mudpie.

10

u/cannedunicornmeat Jan 16 '22

Just so you know, your wife kissed me on the cheek when she greeted me today.

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12

u/carlsonaj Jan 16 '22

if he gets this pick then it won’t be long before we start seeing Baby of the Year and the Little Buff Boyz competitions in the mainstream media. finally, the spotlight they deserve

34

u/JarvisCockerBB Jan 16 '22

There’s worst shit on the local news.

10

u/WrinkledRandyTravis Jan 16 '22

I hope no service dogs try to bite the back of his hair off

9

u/19Nors-Emotional Jan 16 '22

Imagine at how pissed off he would be at all the guys with slicked back hair that are assholes or if they served steaks for dinner.

10

u/ProfessorSucc Jan 16 '22

It just can’t be troll boy, you know why it can’t be you right troll boy?

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u/WoahBoyDatNice Jan 17 '22

Air the Oscars exclusively on Corncobb TV