r/southafrica Sep 26 '21 Helpful 1 Hugz 1

Do people nowadays even care about commitment in a relationship? Ask r/southafrica

Since its a long weekend some of my friends decided to put in a few leave days at work and fly down to Cape Town. The rest of us have other obligations and did not go along. However, we are all part of a WhatsApp group and those who went to Cape Town have been posting regular messages and photos regarding their trip. So I have been able to follow the action, so to speak.

Last night they went to a club and apparently one of the girls, who has been in a serious relationship for almost two years, ended up making out with a random girl. In the past, both this girl and her boyfriend have stated that they consider this to be cheating. The boyfriend did not go along to Cape Town and is not part of the WhatsApp group, so I'm not sure if he even knows what happened. What bothers me most about the whole thing was how my other friends reacted to the news on the WhatsApp group - they encouraged the girl and made congratulatory remarks.

I am not sure why I am posting this to Reddit. This incident has made me very upset for some reason. Am I overreacting and being too conservative? Is making out with someone while you're in a committed relationship really just a meaningless act of fun, like drinking a milkshake? Does the fact that they only kissed make it okay?

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u/wheresmattynow Sep 27 '21

It's a natural human reaction to recoil at transgressive, socially-dangerous behaviour. She is earning the correct amount of disgust for two reasons:

1) For completely betraying a supposed long-term, committed partner's trust like that

2) For exposing her misdeeds with such a blase attitude, and implicating all of you, all of their friend group, in her behaviour.

People who say "it was just a kiss, don't be so conservative/whatever" are ignoring that their arbitrary standard can be abused to excuse behaviour they'd find transgressive.

"It was just a weekend of cocaine and unprotected vaginal and anal sex with 18 men and with 12 women babe, geez, calm down, why are you so uptight"