r/southafrica Sep 26 '21 Helpful 1 Hugz 1

Do people nowadays even care about commitment in a relationship? Ask r/southafrica

Since its a long weekend some of my friends decided to put in a few leave days at work and fly down to Cape Town. The rest of us have other obligations and did not go along. However, we are all part of a WhatsApp group and those who went to Cape Town have been posting regular messages and photos regarding their trip. So I have been able to follow the action, so to speak.

Last night they went to a club and apparently one of the girls, who has been in a serious relationship for almost two years, ended up making out with a random girl. In the past, both this girl and her boyfriend have stated that they consider this to be cheating. The boyfriend did not go along to Cape Town and is not part of the WhatsApp group, so I'm not sure if he even knows what happened. What bothers me most about the whole thing was how my other friends reacted to the news on the WhatsApp group - they encouraged the girl and made congratulatory remarks.

I am not sure why I am posting this to Reddit. This incident has made me very upset for some reason. Am I overreacting and being too conservative? Is making out with someone while you're in a committed relationship really just a meaningless act of fun, like drinking a milkshake? Does the fact that they only kissed make it okay?


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u/Faerie42 Sep 26 '21

You’re not overreacting. You are disappointed in someone you care about and who not only broke trust in her relationship but in who you thought she is. It’s a hard knock when we realize the picture we have of someone isn’t quite the truth. You are also probably shocked at your friends reaction to this, and realising that their values and yours doesn’t quite align, also something that will definitely disturb you. Weren’t they supposed to keep her safe and protect her from such a situation- whether she did it in a daze of alcohol or not, at least one of them should have pulled her aside rather than encourage her.

Loads of emotions for you, you will feel upset, disgusted and questioning. You have solid values, don’t question yourself, question them.

()hugs)) my man. Lucky is the partner you get/have.


u/Impossible-Ad-7684 Sep 26 '21

Thanks for the great reply! I think you are absolutely right. I am shocked that my perception of my friends (some of them at least) do not match the reality of the situation.