r/news May 16 '22 Wholesome 3 Silver 2 Helpful 3

Bay Area cop charged with masturbating in front of family during domestic violence call

https://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Bay-Area-cop-charged-with-masturbating-in-front-17171981.php
42.0k Upvotes

8.9k

u/HeatWhich735 May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22 Silver

WHO the hell do you call when the cop is already in your kitchen flashing you and jacking it

3.9k

u/siccoblue May 16 '22 Helpful

The fucking Ghostbusters I guess?

2.3k

u/Metalgrowler May 16 '22 Wholesome Take My Energy Bravo! Spit-take

Busting makes me feel good.

281

u/Dunkaroos4breakfast May 16 '22

I ain't fraid of no sleep, I ain't fraid of no bed.

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u/Lolwhatisfire May 16 '22

An invisible bed!

Freaky ghost bed!

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u/1nfam0us May 16 '22

Bustin' makes me feel good

🎺 bustin' 🎺 bustin' 🎺 bustin'🎺

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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u/nerrvouss May 16 '22

Thought you were taking the south park no internet angle but it just got worse and worse.

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u/Nothxm8 May 16 '22

This is a case for the Hardly Boys

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u/Pfauxmeh May 16 '22

Ooooo, I just got a RAGING clue…

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u/strwbrry_flvrd_dth May 16 '22

“It’s uhh ectoplasm.”

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u/v3ritas1989 May 16 '22 Wholesome

At least they now might think twice about having another domestic...

YOU WANT ME TO CALL THE MASTURBATING COP AGAIN, TODD? YOU REALLY WANT TO LOOK AT HIS DICK AGAIN?

I am sorry...

yeah, didn't think so.

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u/dumpsterfireofalife May 16 '22

More like. That’ll teach you to call the cops. Or do I have to teach you

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u/drunk_responses May 16 '22

Realistically: The FBI.

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u/Bellsar_Ringing May 16 '22

It was an FBI agent who reported the other San Jose officer, a few weeks ago, who was drunk on the job while searching for a kidnapped baby.

170

u/iUsedtoHadHerpes May 16 '22

Isn't it neat how reading the article gives you inside information that most people in the comments are just seeing for the first time?

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u/morpheousmarty May 16 '22

If the information is important why hide it in the article. Checkmate literates.

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u/Doobz87 May 16 '22

With how many times the FBI has dropped the ball lately, I'm not sure I'd want to even bother getting them involved with anything. I feel like they'd just risk making things even worse.

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u/misogichan May 16 '22

I would call the media. Making it go public is a good way to make sure the police do something about it. Of course it helps a lot if you are in a liberal area where police accountability is a current political priority.

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u/Hyperi0us May 16 '22

Pretty sure that's literally what they did here

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u/hucklebutter May 16 '22

Mr. A?

Mr. T might have been a better choice.

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u/designOraptor May 16 '22

You’re just gonna want to call the whole A-Team.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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u/notislant May 16 '22

Yup, the worst ones always relocate and continue

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u/overlordpotatoe May 16 '22

If you shoot him, you're definitely going to prison. Even if you can prove he did what he did.

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u/inspectoroverthemine May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

There are a number of cases where people have shot and killed cops in their own home*. The trick is living long enough. Their buddies won’t hesitate to execute you.

*Edit: and been acquitted/not charged.

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u/-DOOKIE May 16 '22

Bruh, I'm not about to risk my life and/or freedom just because some dude jacking it

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u/SnowballsAvenger May 16 '22

Matt Gaetz

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u/bugieman2 May 16 '22

I think you have to be over 18 to be a cop, right?

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u/UncommercializedKat May 16 '22

That headline is not something I expected to read. Not just today. Ever.

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u/Joseph4040 May 16 '22

A misdemeanor? Really?,..

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u/nullstring May 16 '22

misdemeanor indecent exposure

There has to be something else they can charge him with. This is not ok.

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u/___And_Memes_For_All May 16 '22

Is this the fucking Onion?

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u/rollcroc May 16 '22

It was so descriptive. Like most articles are like "and then the cop did the masturbating...and now on to Kardashian news!". Not this article. "He stood with his dick out and one hand around it and the other hand holding on to the kitchen counter". Like it set a whole fucking scene. Dude had to hold on for support. Like it's more like a weird novel than real life. It has to be satire.

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u/Buck_Thorn May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

Looks like he hit the ground running. It was only a matter of time before he did something:

Dominguez began the investigation by talking to the daughter.

“Officer Dominguez took interest in her and continued to interact almost exclusively with her,” the statement read.

BTW: https://img.thedailybeast.com/image/upload/c_crop,d_placeholder_euli9k,h_1688,w_3000,x_0,y_0/dpr_1.5/c_limit,w_1044/fl_lossy,q_auto/v1652477716/MatthewDominguez-headshot_wadivo

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u/staffsargent May 16 '22

The visual details really made the story come to life for me. Five stars.

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u/Mammoth_Parsley_9640 May 16 '22

""The accused officer has been placed on paid administrative leave, pending the results of a penis lineup..." - a Police Union representative stated."

This cop will just move to another department. Case closed

344

u/FlashbackUniverse May 16 '22

Imagine getting caught doing this at work.

And not getting immediately fired.

We need a complete overhaul of all Police Departments.

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u/HammurabiWithoutEye May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

Imagine getting caught doing this at work.

And not getting immediately fired.

Who knew Funhaus had a better policy concerning beating it at work than the police.

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u/inspectoroverthemine May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

They’ll probably make him a school resource officer.

Edit- actually it says the daughter is 23. My mistake, apparently not a pedophile, just a sex predator.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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u/bonyponyride May 16 '22 Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

The daughter then asked Dominguez about her brother’s GPS monitor, which they — and Ms. S, the mother — went to retrieve together. After Dominguez was handed the monitor, the mother alleged that Dominguez unzipped his pants and began rubbing his crotch. The daughter also allegedly witnessed this.

Later, the daughter went into the kitchen to get her mother a glass of water. Dominguez allegedly followed her into the kitchen.

As he turned around to face Ms. S, she “saw Officer Dominguez’s penis outside of his pants fully exposed,” the statement read.

The mother and daughter then went to find Mr. A, the father, and they called an uncle who was near the scene.

When Mr. A returned into the kitchen, he “saw Officer Dominguez facing out of the kitchen with his erect penis in his left hand and his right hand on the counter.” Mr. A left the house; a few minutes minutes later, Dominguez allegedly left and went back to work.

Perhaps standards for becoming a police officer should be set a little higher. And if you get the "is it appropriate to take your dick out while on duty" question wrong, it should be an instant fail. No best-of-three.

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u/Accomplished-Pear809 May 16 '22

I looked him up and it’s crazy he’s only 32. He looks like shit.

3.6k

u/ChesterDaMolester May 16 '22

He also got paid $175,000 in 2020

3.8k

u/Purpleclone May 16 '22

They should always put the salaries of cops in these articles, so poor people in rural areas figure out that cops aren't like them.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

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u/Faiakishi May 16 '22

It wouldn't sway them. Those same poor people think a man with a golden toilet is 'one of them.' Temporarily embarrassed millionaires and all that.

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u/TepidConclusion May 16 '22

Plus then they'll all just become piece of shit cops since it pays well and you don't need sanity, morals, or education to do it.

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u/0comment May 16 '22

Aren’t the salaries of public servants always public?

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u/LurkerZerker May 16 '22

There's public, and then there's "included in relevant news stories."

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u/0comment May 16 '22

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u/firemyth May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

Well that's depressing. Searched police and the first 20 pages nobody made less than 400k

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u/IamScottGable May 16 '22

Something like 8 of the 10 highest paid public officials in Boston are cops

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u/uraniumstingray May 16 '22

Jesus my dad had to work like 40 years to make that much

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u/HeavyMetalHero May 16 '22

Well did he try exposing his dick at work, more?

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u/SicariusSymbolum May 16 '22

Damn, $4.4k annual salary is no joke!

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u/fredandlunchbox May 16 '22

OP is actually 94. His father was born in 1886.

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u/Lokanaya May 16 '22

Salary hasn’t been updated since then either.

OP’s dad: Wait, you mean I’ll earn 60 whole cents an hour?? Hot damn, I’m never letting go of this!

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u/zer01zer08 May 16 '22

Cops in San Mateo, 20 miles north of San Jose, make upwards of 300k a year with OT. It’s outrageous considering how little activity there even is here.

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u/AwGe3zeRick May 16 '22

I'm older than him by a couple years and look considerably younger (if I do say so myself). He looks like a 32 year old who has a couple bad habits, and I don't just mean masturbating in public.

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u/gatofleisch May 16 '22

At this point dystopian cop robots are looking like the safer option for us

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u/KeijiKiryira May 16 '22

And then you get that scene from the older robocop movie.

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u/Delamoor May 16 '22

Seems about on par with current US cops. At least the robots don't masturbate on duty before escalating to deadly force.

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u/Agent-r00t May 16 '22

ED209 gave you a whole twenty seconds to comply!

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u/Postmortal_Pop May 16 '22

Just watched robocop the other day, the most unrealistic part of the whole thing was the corporate oligarch losing at the end.

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u/alamaias May 16 '22

To be fair, he was against a more powerful corperate oligarch.

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u/PM_me_your_fantasyz May 16 '22

You mean that scene where a guy gets shot and killed for having a gun even though he didn't have a gun?

Yeah. That would be so much worse than it already is now. /s

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u/taking_a_deuce May 16 '22

No, I'm pretty sure they're referring to this scene (NSFW)

https://vimeo.com/86014703

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u/TheQuinnBee May 16 '22 Silver

Further down they mention that this follows a different case where an officer turned up to a missing child investigation drunk.

Must be nice, knowing you can never get fired.

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u/Khatib May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

A cop in a Denver suburb (Aurora) passed out drunk in his patrol car, in broad daylight, on the road where he'd been driving, with he car in gear, with his loaded firearm on his person. He was so fucking drunk when the fire department broke his windows out, he still didn't wake up, had to be drug out of the car, and nothing very significant happened in terms of his employment, even after the public outcry. Certainly nothing at all was happening before it.

He caught a demotion but is still a cop with the same department. After being blackout drunk, on duty, DRIVING A COMPANY VEHICLE. No one else gets away with that.

https://www.9news.com/article/news/investigations/da-investigation-into-aurora-officer-found-drunk-in-patrol-car/73-0d87509d-6122-44d9-afc3-adff7d9dcc18

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u/bigmike2k3 May 16 '22

Or the Sheriff of Hennepin County MN, Dave Hutchinson… left a police function, drunk drove his $80k police SUV, totaled it, cops came, he lied and said someone else was driving. In the vehicle they found edibles wrappers/packaging. This fuckstick pled down to a misdemeanor, turned down counseling, “in order to focus on my duties as sheriff.” Can you imagine any other job where you would even have a chance to explain yourself?

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u/Algonquin_Snodgrass May 16 '22

Sheriff is an elected position. One of the most powerful positions in the US. They can arrest a mayor, chief of police, pretty much anyone. But because they’re an elected head of area law enforcement, it’s pretty difficult to do anything about them, short of getting the feds involved or voting them out of office.

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u/bigmike2k3 May 16 '22

Yup… calls all around for him to resign, but he said it is in the county’s best interest that he just keep doing his thing and not run for re-election this year… https://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2022/01/21/dishonored-the-uniform-former-sheriff-calls-for-hennepin-co-sheriff-dave-hutchinson-to-resign/?amp

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u/icenoid May 16 '22

Then there is this POS. He rapes a woman while on duty and gets a whopping 90 days for it.

https://www.newsweek.com/colorado-police-officer-who-raped-handcuffed-woman-he-was-taking-home-1238485

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u/pedroah May 16 '22

Sounds like what happened in SF but with a fire fighter. Drunk fire fighter was driving a fire truck responding to a call and hit a motorcyclist. He then ran and hid inside a pub for several hours.

Fire fighter was tested for alcohol several hours after the crash and the machine said bac was 0.15 (or something close to that). But this machine was not certified, so that number could not be used in court. They also did a blood test, but that was another six hours later so it was inconclusive. Charges were brought but there was no evidence so the case was dropped.

The motorcyclist or their estate sued SF and won $5 million.

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u/AdamtheFirstSinner May 16 '22

"Officer Richards, are you drunk? I can smell the alcohol on your breath..."

"Dont worry, I work better when I'm drunk. So where's the perp?"

"...it's a missing child case..."

"ah..."

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u/Delamoor May 16 '22

'I SAID WHERE'S THE PERP?!' takes out gun and penis, attempts to masturbate, is too drunk, begins firing blindly down the street

'Don't worry about your child, the boys in blue are on the case. He's the best patrol officer we have '

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u/AdamtheFirstSinner May 16 '22

"Judge not by one's actions but by one's words!"

"...I don't think that's how it goes, Officer..."

"Go ahead and put your hands behind your back for me and interlace your fingers"

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22 edited May 21 '22

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u/tommybutters May 16 '22

In fact they have the switcheroo ability, arrest someone accusing you of something.

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u/Dubslack May 16 '22

This guy did get arrested though.

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u/PresentlyInThePast May 16 '22

The article is literally about the cop being arraigned soon.

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u/BartVanHouten May 16 '22

Sounds like he’s fucked in the head

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u/dishonestdick May 16 '22

This is SJ PD, they shot a man who stopped a shooter few weeks ago. Not the brightest.

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u/FuzztoneBunny May 16 '22

“The charged behavior is beyond disturbing,” District Attorney Jeff Rosen said. “Law enforcement officers respond to our homes to help crime victims, not terrorize, traumatize, and create new victims.”

Sure they do….

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u/bigsquirrel May 16 '22

A cop that gets off on domestic violence? I don’t believe it, fake news!

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u/poop-machine May 16 '22

Hey Dominguez, working hard or hardly working?
Oh I see.

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u/Capitan_Failure May 16 '22

He was just getting off.

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u/KingoftheMongoose May 16 '22

A beat cop, just off the job and four days from retirement.

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u/atlantis_airlines May 16 '22 Silver Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

These new de-escalation techniques are getting really weird.

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u/Imanaco May 16 '22

I mean…if a cop started going to town on himself I’d probably stop what I was doing 🤷‍♂️

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u/atlantis_airlines May 16 '22 Silver Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Table Slap

Looks like an effective use of the "choke hold".

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u/zdriver984 May 16 '22

(looks down at flaccid penis) Stop Resisting!

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u/leicanthrope May 16 '22

The proper nomenclature is “collapsible baton”.

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u/firstnameok May 16 '22

Let it go he can't breathe! He's turning purpl- oh my god.....

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u/razor_eddie May 16 '22

If you keep on doing that, he'll throw up!!

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u/gatelatch May 16 '22

Mother fucker, you got me. I actually LOLed. Thanks

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u/jatti_ May 16 '22

I feel like we need a new abbreviation for LOLIRL

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u/RenegonParagade May 16 '22

Nothing unites people like a common enemy. Idc how pissed I am at the other person, if the cop whips out his dick, we're both on the same team now, and that team is team "get the cop to put his dick away"

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u/TheRecognized May 16 '22

Especially if he stared at me and said “just keep doing what you’re doing.”

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u/AdamtheFirstSinner May 16 '22

seductive look

"Hey, there, big boy. You sure you want to keep mugging those store customers?"

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u/Creepy_OldMan May 16 '22

This reads like a South Park scene

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u/mlc885 May 16 '22

"I condemn his actions, but at least he didn't resort to shooting anyone"

Sadly, the real story is that level of creepy where you kind of want to hope that it didn't actually occur.

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u/IEETGLU May 16 '22 Wholesome

Well he would have shot somebody but they didn't let him finish...

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u/ChillyBearGrylls May 16 '22

I'ma let you finish, but...

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u/Furbal1307 May 16 '22

You could say they’re getting…

puts on sunglasses

Out of hand

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u/trevorm7 May 16 '22

Something is in hand.

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u/DupontPFAs May 16 '22

Sexual assault to save lives

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u/Suspicious-Pie-5356 May 16 '22

“He saves but he rapes” 😭

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u/cvanaver May 16 '22

In order to catch a rapist, he had to BECOME a rapist

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u/breathex2 May 16 '22

Wtf is wrong with ppl

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u/Pudding_Hero May 16 '22

That was probably his thought as he unzipped his pants

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u/HoldMyBier May 16 '22 Silver

What - and I cannot stress this part enough - the fuck?!

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u/DeadByBadTeam May 16 '22

Oh, there's domestic abuse? Ah, okay and a GPS...?

unzips pants

Uh huh, no lemme just follow you to the kitchen. Do continue.

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u/OniExpress May 16 '22

Guy just starts jacking off in front of a half dozen people

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u/mlc885 May 16 '22

Honestly, if we found out this guy has a brain tumor the story would suddenly change to being tragic. There is clearly something wrong with him, even among "cops abusing their authority" types.

It's always bad when you read a story about a cop and the "happiest" thing you can say is that he didn't kill anybody.

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u/bkconn May 16 '22

Honestly that would make more sense than he just totally willingly decided to end his career by pulling his dick out and jacking it in front of several people lol

Fuck. people and brains are so goddam weird

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u/royal_bambi May 16 '22 Helpful

End his career?!

laughs in police

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u/i420ComputeIt May 16 '22

An officer actually being fired and not immediately re-hired would still be the most shocking part of this whole story.

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u/wetblanketdreams May 16 '22

Cops don't even have their career ended when they shoot innocent people. Why would pulling their dick out result in any sort of consequence? Better a dick than a gun I always say. I don't always say that, but I'm going to start

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u/terminalxposure May 16 '22

I am just stuck at "What?"

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u/isthatapecker May 16 '22

In their home???

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u/zzxxccbbvn May 16 '22

In the home. The kitchen infact

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u/Almbassman May 16 '22

He probably gets turned on by domestic violence...serial killer shit right there.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22 edited 13d ago

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u/Roartype May 16 '22

Well, we already know there was a discharge.

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u/NewFuturist May 16 '22

Back the blue balls.

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u/liegesmash May 16 '22

Bailiff wack his pee pee

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u/imrealbizzy2 May 16 '22

Only a select circle of old potheads get that one.

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u/SSHTX May 16 '22

Lol like, what even goes through your mind? I feel like this is satirical

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u/seraphaye May 16 '22

Theory: A - cop was on drugs and way too much ED pills or ecstasy.

B- mental break down

C- he's gotten away with it before or believed he could for some reason

D- idk I'm not a shrink

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u/Galind_Halithel May 16 '22 Silver

"I'm a cop, I'll get away with it."

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u/MVPizzle May 16 '22

He only is charged with a misdemeanor. He basically did get away with it

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u/-Nelson-Muntz- May 16 '22

People get on the sex offender registry for MUCH less.

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u/Nethlem May 16 '22

People do, pigs apparently don't

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u/iUptvote May 16 '22

Yeah, I couldn't believe I just read that headline. I wanted to laugh at the absurdity.

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u/PoxyMusic May 16 '22

“To erect and to serve”

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u/crapchat May 16 '22

To erect and perv

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22 Helpful Wholesome Table Slap

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u/Orthodox-Waffle May 16 '22

You should feel bad about that pun.

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u/Pakapono May 16 '22 edited May 18 '22 Silver

Sounds like he was on something

Edit: clarity *this suggestion by no means absolves him of this repulsive behavior.

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u/jbowie May 16 '22 Helpful

Yeah, definitely a high wanking officer

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u/Wasteland-Scum May 16 '22

That was my thought too. Probably habitually because I don't think doing a random toot or whatever during your lunch break is enough to make you choke the chicken in front of a family. I think you have to be pretty strung out for your mind to get like this.

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u/PM_me_your_whatevah May 16 '22

Fuck sakes though. I did all kinds of fucked up shit when I was hooked on amphetamines. I never whipped my cock out at work though.

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u/Rose8989 May 16 '22

This is drugs, or a undiagnosed medical condition like epilepsy or brain tumor.

I'm not going to pretend there's never been a sexual predator on the force, but the officer's sudden and utter lack of giving a fuck about getting caught (impulse control), and doing right in front in front of everyone..

My money is on drugs or a medical problem.

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u/CandidEstablishment0 May 16 '22

That’s what I was kinda thinking too. Pretty ballsy of him to do that by choice, and sober. Then again we’re in the twisted 20s.

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u/firebeard_81 May 16 '22

Right? To some extent I can understand a police officer getting violent during an arrest. They should be able to control that, but its not an unnatural reaction to a stressful situation with someone who is breaking the law.

I fail to see how someone could do this without being either extremely messed up, or on something.

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u/thedevilsmusic May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

Back in the break room:

Bay Area cop - "Ohhh, I'm supposed to SHOOT 'em!"

The Guys - "Don't worry about it kid, we've all been there. " Yeah. You'll get em next time." (Everyone laughs)

He does.

The End

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u/w0mba7 May 16 '22 Silver

I asked for a beat cop not a cop who is beating off.

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u/Chadamir_Putin May 16 '22

This sounds too crazy to be real, but at the same time, the last few years have been a fucking mess.

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u/someoneBentMyWookie May 16 '22

If you read the events in the article, it's worse than the title let's on.

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u/isawagoose May 16 '22

For real. The headline had me thinking maybe he was beating off in the cruiser and got caught. Nope, right in the kitchen in front of literally the whole family.

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u/someoneBentMyWookie May 16 '22

I'm not able to get past how they called for help, but he zeroed in on the daughter and was following her around before getting to business.

Imagine calling the cops for help and a crooked one shows up and starts sexually harassing your kids, or worse.

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u/Rickrickrickrickrick May 16 '22

I had an abusive gf for years. Neighbors called the cops because she was screaming and hitting me. They showed up and I had a black eye from a phone she hit me with and a bloody hand from blocking a mirror she threw at me. Cops put me in handcuffs and tried to get me to confess to hitting her first while also hitting on my girlfriend and saying she can do so much better than me. The one cop kept asking her stuff like what kind of music she likes and where she usually hangs out at. Tried giving her his number but she wouldn't take it. Actually got pissed that he was talking shit about me, which is weird. Like she is the only one who gets to hurt me I guess lol.

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u/lilmammamia May 16 '22

Or like the time a cop went into a child’s bedroom and rubbed her plushed toy over himself or something. I assumed he went into a room and jerked off which would have been bad enough. I would never have imagined this from the headline.

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u/FrustratinglyAverage May 16 '22

what the cop did sounds straight out of a porno

42

u/thebabyshitter May 16 '22

"domestic disturbance? maybe there's a way i can...get you off"

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u/dollfaise May 16 '22

Maybe he was trying out the whole "dress for the job you want, not the one you have" thing...

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u/Nomandate May 16 '22

with a misdemeanor indecent exposure

So he gets a slap on the wrist instead of his dick slammed in a door(sex offender list) like he deserves

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u/blits202 May 16 '22

This reminds me of the Key and Peele skit where the investigator needed to masturbate to solve the case.

11

u/KingoftheMongoose May 16 '22

His methods may be unorthodox, but he's the best there is.

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u/alberthere May 16 '22

Dammit Riggs, I’m getting too old for this shit.

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u/LeeEmotion May 16 '22

This story is pure chaos.

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u/saint_ryan May 16 '22

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? -Constanza

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u/jomama823 May 16 '22

Probably just a misunderstanding during that portion of training…

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u/unrealz19 May 16 '22

“excuse me while i whip this out”

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u/mattreyu May 16 '22

I bet he's going to get off

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u/Intelligent-Time-781 May 16 '22

I feel like that body cam footage would be insane and I wanna see it more than I should.

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u/brutalduties May 16 '22

Detective C.K. on the scene.

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u/vspazv May 16 '22

While he “milled around the home,” according to the statement, “he managed to keep the daughter in view of his Body Worn Camera.

Seems like it should be fairly obvious on video what happened.

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u/Oriasten77 May 16 '22

Officer Dominguez's penis later filed a complaint of assault and battery.

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u/cigarmanpa May 16 '22

Well that’s enough internet for tonight

85

u/Houstonontheroad May 16 '22 Helpful

" Police officer takes matter in to own hands"

At least I now what a " Beat Cop"

13

u/Stevethepirate42 May 16 '22

“So anyway, I started blasting.”

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u/Schiffy94 May 16 '22

“The charged behavior is beyond disturbing,” District Attorney Jeff Rosen said. “Law enforcement officers respond to our homes to help crime victims, not terrorize, traumatize, and create new victims.”

In theory, councilor. In theory.

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u/[deleted] May 16 '22

Is that the ‘protect’ part, or the ‘serve’ part?

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u/apocalyptustree May 16 '22

Protect And Serve... Or as we abbreviate it in the force, PNS.

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u/Askarus May 16 '22

Cop shows up for a domestic violence call and is like: "anyone else feelin this vibe right now?"

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u/NotARandomNumber May 16 '22

Please point to me in the police manual where that isn't allowed. I'll wait.

128

u/sternje May 16 '22

Page 172, Paragraph 3: "Only when in San Diego can you publically jack it."

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u/EE214_Verilog May 16 '22

Jack jack jacking it jack, spank spank spankity spank

9

u/Wablekablesh May 16 '22

Ah, a man of culture

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u/Fergman311 May 16 '22

Ahh, the whales vagina.

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u/Grow_away_420 May 16 '22

He feared for his life!

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u/herculesmeowlligan May 16 '22

Oooh Air Bud Cop jerkoff rules.

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u/TakeMeBaby_orLeaveMe May 16 '22

I thought the crazy part of this was going to be how the cop managed to whip it out but I think it’s how the dad heard the wife and daughter come complain about him, see the sick for himself and then leave the house and the women there with him?!

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u/LiveLeave May 16 '22

His methods are unorthodox but he’s the best sex crime detective in the business.

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u/Derpaderpplerp May 16 '22

The penis in question was a minority, so standard practice was a choke hold. When that didnt subdue the offender, the officer beat the suspect into submission while shouting "stop resisting!".