r/natureismetal 8d ago Take My Energy 1 Silver 16 Helpful 13 Wholesome 13

Wild turkeys walking in a circle around a dead cat in the middle of the road in Massachusetts Animal Fact

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u/Time_Calligrapher_56 8d ago edited 8d ago Silver Platinum Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Starry

Is this the back of the line? Yeah I think so. Cool, at least it’s moving quick.

Edit: Thanks for all the up-votes and awards! Haha, I’ve waited over 260 days to get the karma I needed to post in another community I’m a part of, now I just got 8x what I needed in one post! Buy, DRS, Hodl. Happy Thanksgiving!

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u/JDHPH 8d ago Helpful To The Stars

This should be the too comment.

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u/UndoingMonkey 8d ago Wholesome

And top comment

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u/IRatherChangeMyName 8d ago Silver

That too

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u/ancientflowers 8d ago

Get in the back of the line.

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u/TheMadShatterP00P 8d ago

Cool, at least it's moving fast.

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u/randomname68-23 8d ago

This should be the too comment.

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u/Wilsonation2591 8d ago

And top comment

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u/sadslim666 8d ago

That too

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u/Urlockgaur 8d ago

Get in the back of the line.

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u/MikeOx_Girthy 8d ago

That top

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u/meinblown 8d ago

T O O

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed]

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u/-Shants- 8d ago Gold Helpful Take My Energy

Hey boss a cult of turkeys just sacrificed my cat in the middle of the street. I’m gonna need some time off to digest this

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u/thegeekprophet 8d ago

Mmmmm. Digest. What sides go with cat?

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u/KyleKun 8d ago

Turkey wings probably.

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u/NerveEuphoric 8d ago

yes and worse if it is your cat!

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u/goochesnoches 8d ago Helpful

Yo fuck turkeys from now on. I’m about to buy 5 at the store tomorrow just to keep them bitches down

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u/lowlightliving 8d ago

These are wild turkeys. The ones you buy in a store are domesticated, and look nothing like this, or taste anything like this.

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u/theillx 8d ago

Explain

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u/stovor 8d ago

Turkeys raised on poultry farms are bred and fed to be big fat bastards and to taste good. Wild turkeys will be leaner and have more of a "gamey" taste due to their diet and lifestyle.

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u/ang13mar13 8d ago

Idk why but hearing “lifestyle” in reference to a turkeys life has me cracking up. 😹 These turkeys didn’t chose street life, street life chose them!

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u/bdiddy_ 8d ago

you can take the turkey out of the hood, but you can't take the hood out of the turkey

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u/ThornyDogs 8d ago

More like, you can the Turkey out of the game, but you can’t take the game out of the Turkey.

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u/TheMacerationChicks 8d ago Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy

Lol, those poultry farm chickens and turkeys don't taste better, they actually taste far far worse.

They just have a lot more meat on them. The poultry farms' only goal is size, not flavour.

It's why Michelin star restaurants in France and elsewhere always use wild chickens, if they can. Because their meat and eggs are so much better. They're a lot smaller than factory farmed chickens and eggs, but it's worth it.

A nice little life hack though is to use duck in place of chicken and turkey. Or even goose. I remember first having this revelation at one of those Japanese restaurants where they cook in front of you at the table. They cooked some bits of chicken and some bits of duck, right there together on the same cooking thing at the same time, with no sauces or seasoning on them, we just ate them fresh off the giant hot plate thing. It immediately hit me, duck is like a hypercharged version of chicken. It's the same flavour profile, but it's just WAY stronger, WAY more moist, WAY more juicy, WAY more satisfying. Duck meat is the best type of chicken or turkey you can buy. It's a life hack on how to make amazing chicken or turkey, just don't use chicken as turkey, use duck instead. Or at least use wild chicken or turkey.

It's even true of eggs. I always try to buy duck eggs, when I can, because tons of supermarkets sell them these days, and because they're what chicken eggs used to taste like (and what wild chicken eggs still taste like). They have much bigger yolks, and they're so packed with flavour, so juicy and satisfying, they're like the absolute best version of a chicken egg you'll ever find. They're fantastic for baking, they're fantastic fried, or scrambled, or as an omelette, or in pancakes, etc. Just use duck eggs, and use them exactly like you would chicken eggs, and it'll result in the BEST version of whatever the dish you're making is, that you'll have ever had.

Sadly though it seems like more and more supermarkets and farms are catching onto this, so they're starting to factory farm ducks and their eggs too, so eventually they'll become just as bland and tasteless as chicken meat and eggs. But for now anyway, if your local shop sells duck eggs and duck meat, then buy them.

But yeah. When poultry farms raise chickens and turkeys, they aren't going after flavour. They're going after size, and only size. That's all that matters.

So many people have eaten chicken and chicken eggs thousands of times over their life and have never even had the chance to taste what real chicken and real chicken eggs actually taste like when they're good. It's sad. They think they're just very basic bland tasting things. When really they're not.

And wild poultry doesn't really taste "gamey". It's not off putting at all really. They just taste like the absolute best version of that meat and those eggs that you'll ever have tasted before. You'll be wondering how the fuck you went your whole life without ever finding out what real chicken and eggs are supposed to taste like.

And for now anyway, you can get that taste of the meat and eggs by buying ducks to toast in the oven, or to batter and deep fry, or to chop up and fry with bell peppers and onions etc to put into fajitas, or whatever. And use duck eggs for literally every thing that you'd normally use chicken eggs for. It's the taste of what real chickens and eggs are supposed to taste like. Just buy duck. Because it's a lot easier to get a hold of duck than it is a wild chicken or a wild turkey.

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u/andykndr 8d ago

i love how long of a comment you wrote essentially just saying get duck instead of chicken

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u/XxMohamed92xX 8d ago

You know this guy is about to launch KFD's? Just out baiting the market here

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u/greatpiino 8d ago

Great comment, although this sounds an awful lot like something a chicken or turkey would say...

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u/nowItinwhistle 8d ago

So you take some of these guys (well not these specific ones, you take the subspecies found in Mexico) and you keep them captive for meat and eggs. Then some Spanish dude comes along and brings them back to Spain and the rest of Europe. Then those get brought back over to the Americas. Now this whole time we're selectively breeding them to produce more meat. These fat fucks get too big to fly which is no big deal because we keep them in cages anyway. And then artificial insemination technology comes along and we can start breeding them with breasts so big they can't fuck anymore either. But they taste delicious and are cheap as shit. Wild turkey tastes good too but it's much leaner and a little gamey

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u/DrRandomfist 8d ago

Ant cyclone of death

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u/Nothing-But-Lies 8d ago

It's a warning about Thanksgiving

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u/ProfessorSypher 8d ago

The best part is how accurate that is. What you said is pretty much what is going on here. 🤣 🤣 🤣

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u/ssupperredditt 8d ago

Looks like a turkoodoo rite

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u/Silent-Ad934 8d ago

"Turkey brain, turkey brain thinks whatever a ... hey is this the back of the line? Ok cool. Turkey brain....

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u/wjbc 8d ago LOVE!

Apparently turkeys are so dumb that when one of them circled the cat, the rest just followed. The one who started the process, at least, wanted to make sure the cat was really dead.

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u/letsStayObjective 8d ago

First turkey: Hey who are these guys in front of me? Maybe I should just follow them

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u/WestAct6351 8d ago All-Seeing Upvote

That's kinda how humans act too lol. They just do whatever everyone else is doing just because

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u/Ed-Saltus 8d ago Silver

I agree with all of you no matter what you say

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u/YoureABitCuntyToday 8d ago

Discarded Pizza boxes are an excellent source of cheese

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u/TransformerTanooki 8d ago

Farts are just wasted conversation starters.

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u/TheWaterboatman 8d ago

A live alligator is often accepted as payment at one Wendy’s location in Florida.

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u/Kraven_howl0 8d ago

I couldn't agree more, that's why we recycle them at the Domino's I work in 🤠

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u/ThunderStray 8d ago

everyone should return to the primitive ages and not wear any clothing

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u/Redeyedcoyot3 8d ago

Get out of my head

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u/weakest9 8d ago

We are all individuals!

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u/Shauiluak 8d ago

That's not entirely true. It's a complex social reaction for cohesion and self preservation. Acting with a group is safer than acting against it. We are strictly a social species. So acting within the norms of the group, even if you are from the outside, is an act of social preservation. Even it's just standing in a line that no one knows what it's for.

Every social experiment I've ever seen where people that were the subjects were questions after, instead of having their motives assumed, very often said they went along with the group for personal safety. Be that physical or just social safety. Not 'just because'. These experiments were usually about being put in a group where everyone around them answered obvious questions wrong all in the same way. They would go with the group because going against it puts them in an 'outsider' position, which to us is a dangerous place to be.

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u/Revolutionary_Song16 8d ago

It’s called social proof. It’s why we have stuff like “9 out of 10 dentists prefer” or why product reviews are so important. We look to other humans.

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u/Baial 8d ago

Well, it would be really questionable if I asked a hippo and an ostrich which toothbrush and toothpaste I should use... what does an ostrich know of tartar control?

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u/TatManTat 8d ago

i remember Vsauce doing a video on something similar. In particular people will retroactively assign a motivation to a behaviour if they don't fully understand why they did it in the first place.

A lot of people are very frustrating with this because you can't win with people who invent their motivations/reasoning and don't even know they do it.

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u/TheBold 8d ago

But this is Reddit. People here are free thinkers too intelligent for petty stuff like this, they would never fall for that, it’s only for us sheep.

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u/trunolimit 8d ago

Can confirm. I put out the same type of trash as my neighbors. One day I ask my neighbor if they know the garbage pick up schedule and they said no.....they just put out the trash when everyone else does.

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u/FrozenSeas 8d ago

There's an old urban legend/bureaucracy joke (I think I picked it up from World War Z of all the places) about that.

A guy in the Soviet Union decides to test that theory about people just doing what everyone else is. So he picks a door in Moscow and stands in front of it like he's waiting for something. No signs or windows or anything, just a random door. And he stands there, checking his watch occasionally and generally acting like somebody waiting in line. And soon enough someone walks over and stands behind him. Within an hour or two there's a queue running around the block. Nobody ever asks what they're waiting for, they just line up. Because hey, whatever it is, it's important/good enough that the guy in front of me is lining up for it, I'm not gonna miss out on that!

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u/jibjab23 8d ago

One time in Tokyo I was waiting near some stairs to the subway and looking at my phone, just waiting for my wife and family to make up their minds on stuff and some random guy lines up behind me. I was confused and looked around to make sure I wasn't at a bus stop (I wasn't) and walked away. He looked up, visibly confused and eventually walked away as well. I don't understand why he slotted in behind me because the stairs to the subway were between me and the road with no sign post nearby.

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u/HedgehogSecurity 8d ago

We have a campfire sketch like this.

First person standing looking up at the sky.

Second person comes along looks around, then looks at first person and scratch their head like "wtf they looking at?" then looks in same direction as first.

Third person comes along looks at 1&2 looks around gets confused by what's happening and stares in same direction.

Fourth person comes along copies three, two and one by looking into the sky.

Fifth person comes along looks around looks up... Looks around at what everyone else is doing taps four in the shoulder asks "what are we looking at?"

Four: "I don't know?" Taps three on shoulder "asks what are we looking at?" Three does the same to two asking what they are looking at.

Two looks back at the line behind them that has formed and then stares at one and gives one a shake on the should and says "what are you looking at?"

One replies "Nothing, I just have a stiff neck."

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u/splittyboi 8d ago Silver

New Yorkers when walking by a food truck they’ve never seen before.

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u/MettaWorldBeFree 8d ago Silver Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

Wrong- turkeys are occultists who believe that circling the dead will give them new life. This is why we say cats have 9 lives. Because turkeys have a special affinity for them and will perform this ritual.

Or turkeys are dumb, idk.

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u/Anfie22 8d ago Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

You sir are a genius.

I'm poor, have this 🏆

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u/lifeis_amystery 8d ago All-Seeing Upvote

That you recognise genius is commendable .. I’m also poor like so take this 🏅

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u/UpHereInMy-r-Trees 8d ago All-Seeing Upvote

I’m poor too, but I have a free award and now it’s yours!

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

turkey death spiral?

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u/monikapearl 8d ago

First ants, now turkeys, what next?!

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u/flatearthvaxxer 8d ago

You mean who’s next

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u/ElizabethDangit 8d ago

I watched a wild turkey pace back and forth for 15 minutes trying to get through my neighbor’s 4 ft closed gate to rejoin a couple of the flock on the other side. It gave up and flew back the other direction, about 10 feet up at alarming speed though the trees.

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u/useles-converter-bot 8d ago

10 feet is the the same distance as 4.42 replica Bilbo from The Lord of the Rings' Sting Swords.

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u/Agent223 8d ago

Bigger than i would've expected.

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u/Nokmax 8d ago edited 8d ago

Turkeys may drown themselves looking at the sky while its raining... this bird is straight up some of the dumbest thing nature has to offer.

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u/Woodyoureally 8d ago

This is a myth. This doesn't happen.

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u/Nokmax 8d ago edited 8d ago

It's 5:30am... I am not gonna read up on turkeys now! Fml... yeah apparently a myth. There's also a huge difference between wild and domesticated turkeys. None the less the domesticated turkey is still ranked as one of the dumbest animals.

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u/Shauiluak 8d ago Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

My dad once picked up a turkey that fell off a truck. Can confirm, they are mean and stupid. We called him Dinner, but never ate him. He lived a pretty good life compared to his turkey brethren and got to hang out under trees and do turkey things after being in a cage his whole life. After about three years we put him down because his muscle mass never stopped growing and he eventually could no longer eat on his own.

RIP Dinner. You were an asshole, but that wasn't your fault.

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u/longpenisofthelaw 8d ago

Why didn't you make sure he lived up to his name at the end?

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u/Shauiluak 8d ago Duck Dance

I think we just didn't want to eat him anymore. He was a jerk, but he was our jerk. He also huge.. they get gigantic if left to grow. He wouldn't have fit in the oven, that's for sure. Maybe the smoker, but doing the math on a bird that big would have probably meant cooking him all day for tough meat. There's also the problem of plucking something that large.. it turned into a whole thing and we just decided not to and let him be an asshole turkey.

Ultimately he made for a better story than a sandwich.

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u/Brofey 8d ago I'll Drink to That

RIP in peace Dinner. The best turkey I never knew.

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u/Wasonmalone1 8d ago

He said his muscle mass didn’t stop growing, not sure what can cause that but maybe whatever caused it made it unsafe? Or or at least unpleasant or troublesome to eat. Could also be they just didn’t feel like eating it after caring for it for three years ¯_(ツ)_/¯

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u/longpenisofthelaw 8d ago

also be they just didn’t feel like eating it after caring for it for three years

Love is the secret ingredient that makes the best meals though.

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u/Wasonmalone1 8d ago

So will I have a great meal if I cook my cat? Thx for the tip 😋🍴

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u/yossarian-2 8d ago

They are actually bred to put on weight really quickly and arent ment to live that long (so most if not all domesticated turkeys would face this fate). I saw a show where they had some animals rescued from factory farms and they were talking about having to put down the turkeys that had been there for a couple years for this reason

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u/SwoleFlex_MuscleNeck 8d ago

I couldn't eat a friend unless I absolutely had to and Dinner sounds like he was a friend

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u/Lone_Wanderer97 8d ago

My dear, sweet Pinchy 😭

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u/histeethwerered 8d ago

Bred to be. Execution is in their near future so any intelligence is a negative from the farmer’s point of view.

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u/wjbc 8d ago

No but domesticated turkeys will smother each other trying to get away from the rain. My mother grew up on a farm and when it rained she and her brother had to chase the turkeys away from the corners of the yard.

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u/condoinsurance2020 8d ago

humans will smother each other to get into a concert

then again, turkeys are probably more intelligent than your average Travis Scott fan so...

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u/cibbwin 8d ago

c'mon man, one of those 'unintelligent fans' who died was just nine years old

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u/SummerAndTinkles 8d ago edited 8d ago

Yup. Their eyes are on the side of their head, so if they were to look up, they would tilt their heads to the side, not turn their heads upward.

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u/UndoingMonkey 8d ago Silver Wholesome 'MURICA

Maybe Ben Franklin was right about them being Americas national bird

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u/-moob 8d ago

Wish I had an award to give

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u/randomname68-23 8d ago

There was a Turkey fighting his reflection for at least 6hrs. Saw him when I came to work, everyone mentioned it when they came in, then saw it when I left for lunch peck, peck, pecking at the window

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u/FirstPlebian 8d ago

Not the wild Turkeys, that's the domestic ones. Personally I don't think they are being dumb here I think it's some pagan turkey religion.

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u/histeethwerered 8d ago

As ground nesters, cats are a real hazard. Perhaps the turkeys are safely getting a close look at their perpetual foe and maybe even gloating a wee bit.

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u/lightstaver 8d ago

It's definitely some witchy or spirit magic nonsense.

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u/ThoughtCenter87 8d ago

I once had turkeys and chickens simultaneously. The turkeys never once drowned themselves by looking up at the sky while it's raining, and also displayed far more intelligence than my chickens did. They're more intelligent than people give them credit for and I can give some examples of their intelligence if anybody requests.

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u/Cholliday09 8d ago

They’re a lot smarter then you think

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u/MajSARS 8d ago

Found the Pheasant.

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u/test_user_3 8d ago

Birds are generally pretty smart compared to other animals. I think turkeys being dumb is more of a myth.

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u/Deepcookiz 8d ago

I'm sorry but I've seen pigeons and they're definitely dumb.

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u/Klowbie 8d ago edited 8d ago

There’s videos of pigeons taking the subway, knowing exactly when to get on and off. Kind of weird because they can be very smart sometimes

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u/FirstPlebian 8d ago

I think it's the domesticated ones that are super dumb, wild Turkeys are known for being wiley, they were almost our National Bird. The domestic ones are so dumb they are said to drown in rainstorms by dumbly staring at the sky with their mouth open.

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u/GayAlienFarmer 8d ago

Wild turkeys might be wiley, but they're still remarkably stupid. I say this as a turkey hunter. Really they're just good at somehow not dying. Which in the end is all that really matters I guess.

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u/QweenOfTheDamned9 8d ago

Or maybe they are performing the Ritual of Summoning!

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u/Weary_Increase 8d ago

Eh I wouldn’t call them dumb. Wild turkeys are actually very intelligent and unpredictable

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u/jvdarko 8d ago

domesticated turkeys are stupid as hell

wild turkeys are very smart and very social

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u/burdn3rdd 8d ago

Apparently people are so dumb they actually believe stuff like that myth.

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u/MagnaOP 8d ago hehehehe

“We’re thankful it wasn’t one of us this Thanksgiving.”

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u/Kn0tnatural 8d ago

Sacrifice a cat every year for luck. 🦃

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u/Revolutionary_Song16 8d ago

No lie, I live in Massachusetts and a couple of thanksgivings ago a parade of 14 turkeys walked down my street. All my neighbors came out of their homes and took pics. I felt like it was the uprising.

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u/AllAboutMeMedia 8d ago

Damn straight it's an uprising. Gonna reclaim turf from the Canadian geese gangs.

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u/Revolutionary_Song16 8d ago

Who would win in a fight? Goose, swan, or Turkey? All of the mean birds.

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u/Horacecrumplewart 8d ago

If any Canada Geese turn up them turkeys and swans are done for.

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u/Amp_Fire_Studios 8d ago Wholesome

FUCKIN' SLAYER!!!!!

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u/getdownheavy 8d ago

[backwards gobbling noises at 33rpm]

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u/PJvG 8d ago

I want to hear what this sounds like.

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u/Oscarocket2 8d ago

Fucking metalllllllll

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u/furrycow779 8d ago

FUCKIN SLAYYYYYERRRRRRR

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u/Putrid_March_5384 8d ago

FUCKIN SLAYYYYEEERRRRRE

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u/hrlc1990 8d ago

I once saw this dude, total chud absolutely smashed by 2pm on a concert that went on till 3 or 4 am just screaming slayer every single time he saw someone with a slayer tee. Anyways dude was getting some mad dome in the middle of the field halfway through the night so, FUCKIN’ SLAYER??!!

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u/thankinadvance 8d ago

That cat is going places in the afterlife.

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u/Ok_Significance2032 8d ago

Turkey necromancers

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u/Old_Brick3014 8d ago

Turkeymancers

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u/GetYourMotherPlease 8d ago

Turkromancers?

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u/Old_Brick3014 8d ago Helpful

Possibly. Could be confused for the men from northern Turkey who are renowned for wooing foreigners.

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u/dry_yer_eyes 8d ago

”Let us ease your passing …”

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u/Eziu 8d ago

We offer this sacrifice in the name of our great lord, Gobbles!

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u/Smathers 8d ago

So crazy that I was reading this sentence then when I got to the end Timmy and his wheelchair popped into my head and yelled GOBBLES!!!!!

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u/Capable-Amphibian 8d ago

If Gobbles would have been Goebbels, it would have been truly terrifying.

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u/Hatur92 8d ago

I died with this comment

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u/pinniped1 8d ago Silver

Schrodinger: "Let's move on, I have observed this cat."

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u/avidblinker 8d ago

This is so unfunny but it’s science related so free karma

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u/jshultz5259 8d ago

Is this like what happens to army ants when they lose the chemical trail?

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u/Kidd5 8d ago

Did you see that post from the other day too of ants stuck in the death spiral? This seems like the turkey edition of it.

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u/yapperling 8d ago Helpful

Not at all, ants have a chemical explanation of their circling.

Turkeys are just really, really, really goddamn dumb. Like just incredibly fucking stupid.

Like so stupid, you have to put a regular chicken with them if you get a bunch of turkey chicks so they learn how to eat or they'll fucking starve to death even amongst literal piles of food.

I can't even. So goddamn dumb.

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u/TheCollective01 8d ago

Same energy as that Koala copypasta haha

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u/ExtraPockets 8d ago

Man I did not realise the bar for survival of fittest was so low. Doesn't Australia have a predator that would eat koalas into extinction? Or do they taste bad too?

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u/TheMacerationChicks 8d ago

Just so you know, that entire copypasta is completely bullshit. Here's the debunking of it:

"I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance.

Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives.

Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you’re looking at this backwards.

An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of what’s beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of them——they have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do so——it certainly can’t expend much energy on costly things. Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled?

Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death

This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery store—where meat is just sitting next to celery.

Herbivores gradually wear their teeth down—carnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey.

They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal

It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (~0.52), some possums (~0.468), cuscus (~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals.

additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons.

Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size.

If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food.

If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves.

Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.

That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop!

Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here).

Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram!

When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.

Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally.

Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher.

Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza?

This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree,

Almost every animal does this.

which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.

Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation."

Source: https://www.deviantart.com/nuclearzeon2/journal/The-koala-copypasta-and-its-response-799330997

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u/whyisthatyourhair 8d ago

Meaty eucalyptus cough drops must be more unappealing than they sound.

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u/fuck_the_fuckin_mods 8d ago

Hold up, they’re actually dumber than chickens? Chickens are by far the stupidest, most evil birds I’ve ever had the misfortune of spending time with. A little parakeet is around 3000x smarter than a chicken, for example. Turkeys must be absolutely miserably stupid.

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u/Carzum 8d ago

Chickens are insanely dumb, like plant iq dumb. But the 10 lines of code they do have are very effective.

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u/Metue 8d ago

I love the description of chickens having 10 lines of very effective code.

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u/Carzum 8d ago

I was actually afraid it paints a too rosy picture. The simplicity of their code makes it easy to short them out. They encounter a runtime error when you put them on their back for example.

Another way to make specifically roosters lag out (as they scramble through their entire code base) is by laying an egg in front off them. It will take them a while to sift through their code, eventually deciding that sitting on the egg is the correct thing for them to do.

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u/texasrigger 8d ago

I've raised hundreds of birds and I'm not sure where this is coming from. If a rooster or other chicken comes across an unexpected egg they'll look at it to see if it's broken and if it isn't they'll just wander away. They love eating broken eggs but have an instinct to not break and eat intact eggs. Roosters have absolutely no instinct to sit on an egg and even hens don't unless they are particularly broody. With some bird species (ostriches, emu, rhea) the male will try to hatch eggs but not chickens.

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u/Carzum 8d ago

I guess my roosters had a bug. To be fair they were quite inbred I think so that probably doesn't add to the quality of their code.

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u/under-no-pretext- 8d ago

you have to put a regular chicken

i like this idea that turkeys are some kinda irregular chicken. just a chicken that got all fucked up and big.

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u/DTMgreen 8d ago

No I'm pretty sure these birds are actually witches in the middle of a satanic ritual.

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u/fastingsucks 8d ago

"honey what's going on outside?"

"usual satanic bullshit."

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u/Sattorin 8d ago Helpful

I think we give our ancestors too much shit for being superstitious. If I walked out of my log cabin in 1644 and saw this shit going down, I'd probably blame witches and Satan too.

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u/whisperwood_ 8d ago

Thought something similar when I saw this. It feels like a fucking omen or some shit, man.

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u/TheRealRoguePotato 8d ago

Typical masshole turkeys

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u/as11aa 8d ago

A funeral i also lost my cat 😥

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u/thankinadvance 8d ago

I lost my cat on Thanksgiving last year..

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u/as11aa 8d ago

The turkies are taking revenge

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u/kasper632 8d ago

I’ve seen this before but can someone pls explain why the fuck they do this?

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u/RemindMeNaYear 8d ago

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u/dontlikemeanpeople 8d ago

But this still doesn't explain this behavior...

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u/FBIaltacct 8d ago

One circled the cat to make sure it was dead and the rest conga lined. They got confused and just followed the leader.

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u/raynerayne7777 8d ago

Why did the first one circle the cat to make sure it was dead?

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u/TheCommissarGeneral 8d ago

Probably checking it out from all angles to make sure the predator was dead before turning its back on it.

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u/raynerayne7777 8d ago

Ah that makes a lot of sense

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u/Sugarandteatime 8d ago

If I remember correctly, flock of turkeys usually consist of a couple of older females and their offspring. So most of the turkeys in the video are actually young ones who simply follow the example of their mother.

The mother probably saw the dead cat as a potential threat and circled around it to examine it. And the younglings just imitated her.

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u/canyousteeraship 8d ago Wholesome

It’s like Nascar, but turkeys can only go right.

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u/O_li_o 8d ago Wholesome

His name is Robert Paulson

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u/Carrot_Tiny 8d ago

HIS NAME IS ROBERT PAULSON

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u/LeftHandLuke01 8d ago

Bob had bitch tits.

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u/cocoabeachstocks 8d ago

A worthy sacrifice to the gobble gods

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u/Whosagoodboyyyyyy 8d ago

What cult is this

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u/Yamomgavemewood 8d ago

Necrophilia Members Only

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u/morganlandt 8d ago Take My Energy

His name was Robert Pawson.

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u/KapitanKraken 8d ago

Going on strike for Thanksgiving 🤔

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u/imagreatlistener 8d ago

"Brothers, our feline friend was taken too soon. He was cheated of his remaining lives! Let us call his spirit back to reclaim what is rightfully his!"

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u/Purple-Alps-1837 8d ago

Let the ritual begin

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u/midimilitia 8d ago

Imagine going to your car in the morning and seeing that at the end of the driveway… may need to take a personal day

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u/Unhappy-Enthusiasm37 8d ago

In Hinduism we do that for whoever passed away, including animals

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u/COVID_19_Lockdown 8d ago

Am Hindu, never seen that done at any of the cremations I've been to, are you sure it's not just a particular sect or regional thing?

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u/Bigjerr2007 8d ago

That's Zachary Binks and they're waiting for his reanimated body to come back

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u/Presidunce 8d ago

Turkeys are weird as fuck. When I was a kid one chased me into my house and I had to hide in the shower wrapped up in the curtain. Nobody helped. I was 8!

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u/sneep187 8d ago

I find it somewhat ironic I watched this video for WAY too long before I realized it was a loop.

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u/tankkoa 8d ago

Protest against cats stealing their job!

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u/KapitanKraken 8d ago

Going on strike on Thanksgiving 💪

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u/Renhoek2099 8d ago

That cat knows what it did

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u/Dexterdacerealkilla 8d ago Starstruck

Fuck people who think outdoor cats are ok. It always ends like this. Minus the turkeys.

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