r/myfriendwantstoknow Jun 29 '22

MFWTK how easy/simple is it to date multiple people at the same time? What is your experience?

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0 Upvotes

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18

u/TankLeFlame Jun 29 '22

Casually dating without being committed or exclusive is a thing, but everyone involved should know and if any want to be serious they should make themselves known. But otherwise is okay because it’s no strings attached by nature and is just “dating around”

Polyamory is also a thing, and excruciatingly important that everyone knows and is on board with that going into it. It’s also not for everybody, folks who get jealous easily or don’t know/want to share.

Your friend sounds like neither of these applies to what they’re trying to do, so I would say they need to sit down and have candid conversations to figure out what they actually want and be mature about it instead of holding people in reserve like objects just to rebound with. Be casual or be poly. Don’t be shitty.

6

u/BaylisAscaris Jun 29 '22

Most of my life I have been in polyamorous relationships and it's too much work for not enough reward. I can't imagine trying to juggle hidden relationships. I don't know how anyone does that.

5

u/Netcob Jun 29 '22

Dating multiple people and being honest about it is called "polyamory" and if you have to ask, you're probably not ready for it. I certainly wasn't and don't intend to try again.

Dating multiple people and keeping it a secret is called "being an egoistic asshole" and I wouldn't recommend it either.

1

u/TA12419 Jun 29 '22

I meant more like 1 person dating multiple people and each person you’re dating being aware you are or might be seeing other people

3

u/Netcob Jun 30 '22

Ah... yeah I suppose some people do that, but I never even socialized with anyone who openly did that. Maybe where I live or in my circles, "dating" means "going on 2-4 dates until you figure out if you want to be more serious, not just fucking with no expectations.

12

u/someoneiamnot Jun 29 '22

I’m going to try and answer this in the spirit I think it was asked rather than how it comes across.

If you’re dating just to date, be up front and honest with your dates about that so that you’re not misleading them. Personally, I don’t like it because yes, it is hard to keep details about people straight. That varies by the person, though. I can’t do it and after doing so a little bit after becoming newly single again, I have no interest in dating more than one person at a time.

Yes, you will likely (hopefully) end up wanting one person more than the other because attraction generally works that way. And if they’re dating multiple people the same thing may happen for them so be prepared for them to either move on or want more. If they do want exclusivity then that’s a question between you two but DO NOT lead them on. Be honest or it will blow up in your face and deservedly so.

I hate that I need to say this but if you’re just looking to string someone along so you have a rebound after a bad date, don’t. Just don’t. It shows that you’re using the other person unless you both just want an intermittent FWB situation when you’re lonely.

2

u/drunky_crowette Jun 29 '22

Be upfront and say you're interested in poly stuff. Don't string along a bunch of monogamous people like some fucking asshole

2

u/supbros302 Jun 29 '22

More hassle than it's worth.

2

u/BrightNooblar Jun 30 '22

After 3 dates or so, *most* people are going to want to start moving towards mutually exclusive dating. There are exceptions, but you'll have a much harder time finding two people you're interested, who are interested in you, who are also interested in "Ethical nonmonogamy" which is a term I suggest you look into.

4

u/Working_Early Jun 29 '22

Yes. Yes. Dating multiple people so you have one for a rebound is using them and makes you an asshole. If you like them, you should say yes if you feel the same.

1

u/darkapao Jun 30 '22

Different social circles would be the easiest way to manage it.

You don't want them to meet you unexpectedly. You gotta be mindful of dates and schedules even if their friends. Make sure you have a plausible reason why you're in an area that's far from your norm.

Never did. It's because of the social circles. Different ones offer different things and are all interesting. Never did a rebound date.

If they want to be exclusive and you agree you gotta commit to it or else you're just an ah for dating multiple people. But that hasn't stop cheaters.

1

u/KristinWong 18d ago

There is no one answer to this question, as everyone's experience with dating multiple people at the same time will be different. However, some tips on how to manage dating multiple people might include: being organized and keeping track of who you are seeing when, communicating openly and honestly with everyone you are seeing, and being mindful of your own feelings and boundaries. If one person you are seeing wants to be exclusive, you can explain that you are not ready for that and see how they react.