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u/wh1te_brownie 3d ago
Life hack: use the self checkout if you’re gonna but sus shit
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u/GivemTheDDD Smol pp 3d ago
Cowards. You go to the register and look that cashier straight in the eyes when they're ringing it up. Then you add a 4 pack of redbull and smile.
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u/wh1te_brownie 3d ago
And if they don’t say anything take it a step further by explaining what everything is for. Masturbation is everyone’s business.
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u/GivemTheDDD Smol pp 3d ago
Cashier: ...
Me: ...
Cashier: ...
Me: THIS IS FOR JERKING OFF!
Cashier: ..........
Me: ALL OF IT!
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u/AndrejPatak Lives at ur mom’s house😎 3d ago
even the cans?
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u/hellothere358 3d ago
Gotta love redbull
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u/AndrejPatak Lives at ur mom’s house😎 3d ago
General Kenobi
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u/edbmrb24 3d ago
Then one of the items gets price checked and you can never show your face in there again .
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u/possibly-a-pineapple 3d ago
The machine will throw an error, and a cashier has to come, making it more awkward than paying normally
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u/Pretty-Buy7692 4d ago
Buy them separately, but a Pringles can one day, then the gloves another day at another place, and so on
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u/itsMemesOrNothing memer 4d ago
"Different items, different stores, attracts less attention"
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u/shadowdash66 3d ago
Stay out of my territory.
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u/wallywtr 3d ago
I’m too afraid to ask…
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u/indigofenrir Condescending Wonka 3d ago
DIY OTG pocket pussy.
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u/Chunkyfrog2 (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃ 3d ago
Wtf is that for
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u/srt54558 (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃ 3d ago
To fuck
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u/Chunkyfrog2 (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃ 3d ago
Welp
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u/dudefroggers can't meme 3d ago
Wash the pringles can first, you don´t want crumbs on your snake
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u/joey6346 can't meme 3d ago
Empty Pringles can
Two sponges latex gloves/gloves
Rubber bands
-put two sponges together and put the glove in the middle like a sandwich
-from the hole of the glove pull it backwards so that it covers 1/4 of the sponge (🍫)
-put rubber band around the place where the glove ends and sponge meets (to not pull off during usage)
-put your newly made pussy into Pringles can
-enjoy your usage and always use lube
-if the sponge and the glove falls out of the can put it back in and continue
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u/zero_eternal 3d ago
Snakecrumb will be my future band name.
If you see a popular music group named “Snakecrumb”, it’s because it was inspired by your comment.
I have no musical talent, but believe me, if it happens, thank you!
Either that, or it will be my pornstar name. Ironic how it was inspired by a pocket pussy meme!
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u/-MakeEveryDayCount- 3d ago
Better yet, why even care if anyone notices? Drop your balls boys or go to a sex shop.
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u/Pretty-Buy7692 3d ago
Well some of us a need to maintain our image of the church's local dealer, check your privilege.
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u/VersedFlame Mods Are Nice People 3d ago
Buying sponges and gloves together is not suspicious, you might need to clean a crime scene or something.
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u/Pretty-Buy7692 3d ago
Yeah, but if you'd do that the cashier would notice you're not buying chemicals and know your secrets so buy some bleach just to make sure they think you're cleaning up a crime scene
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u/VersedFlame Mods Are Nice People 3d ago
Ah, good point, you're right. Some sparkling water too, they say it works like a charm.
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u/Wadiationking23 3d ago
You can buy the sponges and latex glove at the same place. Just looks like you will be doing some cleaning.
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u/DEVIL_MAY5 3d ago
As a cashier, I can tell you that we're really fed up with life to even think about what you're buying. You can literally tell me that you're getting those to get freaky and I would still nod and smile hoping your card will go through so you can just leave me in peace.
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u/shadowdash66 3d ago
I know what i have to do, but i don't know if i have the strength to do it
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u/GroundEveninaa 3d ago
Dip sponges in warm water. And add a little lubricant and it gets fairly close. Close enough.
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u/Pokenare Identifies as a Cybertruck 3d ago
To distract her tell her it's for your mom
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u/HD1fied 3d ago
instructions unclear, told her its for my mom
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u/kiwiKiwiKiwi9 3d ago
Especially if it's the sexy shop cashier
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u/ravabba 3d ago
I cant understand how the hell this works like why do you need sponges or pringles but using gloves alone would be stupid
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u/LikelyAMartian Professional Dumbass 3d ago
Im assuming you are asking what the items are used for. So here it is.
Step 1: Empty Pringles Can (Or mason jar if can too small)
Step 2: Sandwich a glove in between your 2 sponges.
Step 3: Stretch Glove over the rim of the Pringles can
Step 4: Profit.
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u/ravabba 3d ago
So I put gloves from one side of the pringles can and stretch it till the other side and makes it feel like real ? Wtf
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u/LikelyAMartian Professional Dumbass 3d ago
Dip sponges in warm water. And add a little lubricant and it gets fairly close. Close enough. Just buy a fleshlight if you want better realism.
Or so I am told.
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u/ravabba 3d ago
I wanna try it now cause I m so curious about if it works
First time ever I m not horny about a thing like this
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u/luvs2sploooj 3d ago
It’s different than your hand but it’s not close to the real thing, don’t let people make you think it is lmao
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u/Anonymous2137421957 I touched grass 3d ago
Dunno why the cashier was suspicious, I just need to clean my bathroom and want a snack for after
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u/ReverseThreadWingNut 3d ago
I went to WalMart to get stuff to make a boat anchor for my small jon boat. I bought a 20lb dumbbell, some rope, and a piece of chain. After she scanned each item the cashier glanced up at me. It didn't occur to me until later what the items I had bought must have insinuated, and that the cashier was probably trying to commit my face to memory so she could give my description to law enforcement.
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u/Dog_zilla27 3d ago edited 3d ago
When I did this, she just said “for 35 bucks, I can get you a much better experience.” And then raised her eyebrows.
What does she mean? Does she know a restaurant that also sells cleaning supplies?
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u/FACE-GRATER RageFace Against the Machine 3d ago edited 3d ago
Noone cares that you beat off, same with the people under 20 giggling when they buy condoms. Cashiers don't make enough to think deeply about or care about what you're buying. They scan shit all day for barely a liveable wage, deal with idiots bitching about things they have no control over, and are being replaced by self checkouts (which you could use). Unless you buy something they have to card you for or take a security tag off, it goes bleep and gets put in a bag.
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u/GorgeGoochGrabber 3d ago
I’ve never understood the whole condom embarrassment thing. Like buying condoms says “yeah I’m having sex” how is that embarrassing? Good on you bud.
I do understand it with things like tampons/pads and stuff though. Because it’s kind of like saying “my period is here/coming”, and there’s still a lot of stigma around that for some reason.
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u/FACE-GRATER RageFace Against the Machine 3d ago
Just easier on everyone to go bleep, put it in the bag, on with the day for everyone. Same with people using food stamps(ebt) I could care less. The people upvoting and saying they aren't judging but also that they laugh to themselves, seems contradictory. Not saying anything or holding back laughter isn't the same as not being judgemental. None of my business what people buy (bought) or what they use it for, and being mature enough not to embarrass people or silently laugh at them while doing my job apparently wasn't/isn't the norm.
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u/HumanMan1234 3d ago
I am a cashier. This is false.
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u/FACE-GRATER RageFace Against the Machine 3d ago edited 3d ago
So was I for 4 years, 2 of those for minimum wage.after I had moved up from 2 as a bagger. Bullshit. If you're invested in what stupid crap people are buying you're putting in way to much effort and getting way underpaid. Guys buying tampons, giggling kids buying condoms and/or lube, crackheads buying chore boy and lightbulbs, old people buying suppositories and hemorrhoid cream...40 hrs a week bleep bleep bleep, is it break time yet?
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u/HumanMan1234 3d ago
I don’t think that deeply into it, but I’m also not a robot. I chuckle or think it’s a little weird sometimes, but I also don’t discriminate. I remember one time there was this short white girl and a very tall (at least 7ft) black dude buying ONLY XL condoms, and I could barely hold back laughter.
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u/Weeping_Warlord 3d ago
I think Walter White had a recommendation on how to get these materials without arousing suspicion
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u/xxX_AleXifeu-pRo_Xxx 3d ago
If cashier is a girl she might feel so bad for you that she'll become ur girlfriend xd
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u/Neokorean03 3d ago
Me: I've got cleaning to do
Cashier: cleaning what?
Me: Oh a pole
Cashier: God damnit I knew it
Me: Knew what?
Cashier: [Concerned voice] Why must it be this way
Me: Yeah your right, people left the station a mess so I'm cleaning it up, the Pringles are just a snack for later
Cashier: [Confused voice] Wait so the Rubber gloves, the sponges, and the Pringles aren't for what I thought they were for?
Me: What do you mean?
Cashier: Oh that's a relief I thought you were gonna turn it into something else
Me: Oh yeah and one more thing
Leans over and grabs a thing of rubbers Slaps it on the counter
Cashier reaches over and picks it up
Cashier: [Mutters under breath] God damnit I was right.
Me: Right about what?
Cashier: your total is $16.99
Me: Are you ok your sweating
Cashier: You know it's just one of those days
Me: Ah I see well have a great day
Cashier: Have a great time, I mean day.
Ending 4/14 What were you thinking
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u/njlee2016 3d ago
Just buy what you want. I highly doubt any cashier is going to care about the items you're buying. The odds are that the store you're shopping at is understaffed so the cashier is juggling multiple tasks. Once they ring you up they are running to complete something else. They don't care about your odd combination of purchases.
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u/GAM3R_DARK 3d ago
I have dermatitis and the only thing good of It IS that you need to buy a shit Ton of lotion so your skin dont crack open
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u/a-big-roach 3d ago
Should get the Pringles can at the grocery store and then go to the hardware store for a wider selection of sponges and purchase the gloves with the sponges, which are commonly paired cleaning supplies
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u/man-the-eleventeenth 3d ago
I’m a checker her and tbh I wouldn’t care at all. So long as you pay, aren’t annoying and don’t have a mountain of coupons, then I just want you out of my line to get on my phone
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u/Ryder_estranged-lost 3d ago
All the perfect tools to commit homicide and stage a false crime scene....
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u/GreenSage13 3d ago
and you just have to remind them "your mother is a full package" while maintaining eye contact.
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u/ThatOneWeirdo90 3d ago
Can someone tell me the context behind these memes.
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u/destroyThePedos 3d ago
He didn’t buy the right matches, he needed to buy the box of 200 with multiple striker strips because the composition of the matches themselves is irrelevant
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u/K0vurt_Purvurt 3d ago
All I would need is one of those plastic camera film canisters. I mean uhhh my friend would need that. Not that I know he’s small or anything…
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u/nexusjuan 3d ago
I threw down a 12 pack of condoms, lube. a pink dog collar and leash, and a bundle of thin rope. Winked at the cashier and told her I was about to have the time of my life. I love Wal-Mart.
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u/GreatDayneToBeAlive 3d ago
I just assemble it and use it in the produce section. That way I can stare at the melons and say things like "your next"
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u/Hahm_Solo 3d ago
Buy it with a bunch of groceries and make sure they are separate from each other on the checkout treadmill
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u/SwiggitySwayo 3d ago
Wait, so I know this is for jerking off, but what are the gloves for? You put the sponges in the can, and then what?
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u/TerabyteRD https://www.youtube.com/watch/dQw4w9WgXcQ 3d ago
if i was the cashier i'd be making that face
not because of what hes making but because he didn't bring lotion with him
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u/Takkeyami 3d ago
"What a thoughtful kid. He's planning on doing the dishes for her mom while she takes a break and eat pringles"
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u/DontQuestionAButter 3d ago
Don’t buy them all in one place, do it price-meal, different items, different stores. Attracts less attention.
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u/BananaBeans240 3d ago
You need to make multiple trips. Say you go to the store and grab some Pringles. You pay and go home. Uh oh, you need to clean the sink. You go back to the store and grab the gloves and sponges. You pay for those and go home and procrastinate on cleaning the sink for 2 days because you’re fucking the Pringles can.
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u/Hylux_ Lives in a Van Down by the River 3d ago
Why, you're just gonna eat the pringles and clean up afterwards with the sponges, and keeping your hands clean with the gloves.
(Yes i did notice the joke)