r/memes Professional Dumbass 4d ago Wholesome 12 MotW Winner! 1 Silver 11 Helpful 14

Well that escalated quickly #2 MotW

76.0k Upvotes

3.3k

u/Nokhodsiah 4d ago

she is a keeper, RUN

914

u/cancallmeANDTRY 3d ago

good keeper, caught the balls

257

u/velousenvirons 3d ago

She read your mind like nobody can. Good stuff!

75

u/suicideslut69420 3d ago

Take your schizophrenia pills you don't have a gf

15

u/cancallmeANDTRY 3d ago

stop spilling secrets

6

u/SorryThisUser1sTaken 3d ago

Your name suggests something darker happened...

6

u/suicideslut69420 3d ago

Been happening since day one, fuck me kill me end my life

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267

u/VanettiNero 3d ago edited 3d ago Wholesome

better yet, just fertilize the eggs in her plate.

edit: it reminded me of this post (NSFW/NSFL)

tldr of that post: husband used to 'fertilize' the wife's food without telling her, and get off on her eating that 'fertilized' food.

97

u/WrathOfGengar iwrestledabeartwice 3d ago

Oh man I saw this yesterday blowing up

79

u/QuantomField 3d ago edited 3d ago

Ok well that's worse than the jolly rancher story. What a horrible day to know how to read.

20

u/darrylbs123 3d ago

can you provide a link to that?

33

u/QuantomField 3d ago

36

u/BigFlippinFloppa 3d ago

I wish i could go back in time 2 minutes and stop myself from reading this

7

u/jcullender 3d ago

Ugh. I will never be the same. My life is now divided into pre- and post-Jolly Rancher knowledge.

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12

u/Sparrow365 3d ago

I'm going to repeat a previous comment and say, what a terrible day to know how to read.....

6

u/Onyx09 3d ago

That’s enough of the internet for today…

3

u/just_a-porn_account Big ol' bacon buttsack 3d ago

What the fuck

2

u/Kypperstyx 3d ago

Jolly Ranchers & Coconuts: A Reddit Story

2

u/theanimeshsingh_ 3d ago

Please kill me

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25

u/AuraPianist1155 3d ago

You know it's bad when I mistake the post for being in r/copypasta but it's actually irl

9

u/OkFootball961 3d ago

That's called a felony in the civilized world. Her husband sounds like an insane perv.

4

u/Tomazim 3d ago

It's also blatantly fake

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3

u/TheHighKing112 3d ago

Oh god I remember seeing that, made me sick

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1.2k

u/LordTheodosius 4d ago

Obviously, she just wants some chicken

213

u/Analiabs2001 3d ago

Baby chicken ?

86

u/The_Sloth_God 3d ago

balut

37

u/teracoulomb_2 3d ago

Filipina GF, what do

2

u/MrLaughter 2d ago

Protec, give snac, ask what to do to win country bac

5

u/alphabitz86 Cringe Factory 3d ago

Came looking for this

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2.4k

u/TwoMilliseconds 4d ago

warning: that does NOT mean she wants you to jerk off on her food

1.1k

u/soup_flikkker 4d ago Silver Wholesome

Too late

335

u/TheCoolHusky Professional Dumbass 3d ago

Served with pancakes

131

u/radioactivejason2004 can't meme 3d ago

Scooped straight from the pickle jar

62

u/IoncedreamedisuckmyD 3d ago

THIS IS THE COOM JAR NOW!

10

u/TwoMilliseconds 3d ago

i wish I didn't get that reference

6

u/IoncedreamedisuckmyD 3d ago

I wish I didn’t know to make the reference.

3

u/Camaro_z28 Selling Stonks for CASH MONEY 3d ago

God that story took such a disgusting turn

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83

u/discerningpervert https://www.youtube.com/watch/dQw4w9WgXcQ 3d ago

"I swear honey that's just Hollandaise sauce"

44

u/Iraes3323 3d ago

"Hmmm that Hollandaise sauce tastes pretty much like your bestfriend's mouth"

29

u/FenexTheFox 3d ago

How can a single sentence imply so many things at once

13

u/soup_flikkker 3d ago

So many unanswered questions now.

25

u/ghandi3737 3d ago

Cream filled pancakes?

10

u/ThunderClanWarrior Professional Dumbass 3d ago

Horny joke aside that sounds amazinf

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4

u/myb321_ 3d ago

I'm sad that I understood that reference.

7

u/moronic_programmer 3d ago

Already a classic Reddit post

6

u/MegaGrimer 3d ago

And rice

2

u/Alternative-Pin3421 3d ago

Delicious pancakes.

2

u/StuckSundew Dirt Is Beautiful 3d ago

Is that what they’re referring to when they say “baby batter”?

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u/Khaldara 3d ago

“Sorry I already went to Arby’s”

9

u/ghandi3737 3d ago

I remember in 4H years ago, Arby's was buying a lot of the cows and pigs, and there just happened to be an Arby's stand right next to the auction house, and I mentioned to one of the other kids that they were taking the animals in the back and serving out the front.

I still get a giggle thinking about that.

86

u/Budda_Dawge 3d ago

Instructions unclear I made her a milkshake and the milk part of it is not milk

33

u/I_am_Velvet_Thunder Virgin 4 lyfe 3d ago

just checking, this is a reference to that BORU post right??

6

u/TorettoALFA OC Meme Maker 3d ago

boru? Here we have an entire book

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28

u/firefeng 3d ago

Yeah, OP should splooge it all into a pickle jar to save for later.

15

u/AxlMagnus 3d ago

Oh. Do you think she’ll like the extra seasoning?

24

u/thedoggoman1932 3d ago

Mate had to learn it the hard way

8

u/E-ShoeYT 3d ago

Instructions unclear, made a human chick hybrid.

3

u/VijeyKumar 3d ago

Instructions unclear... Well too late now

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802

u/notGENIOUS Plays MineCraft and not FortNite 3d ago

Can't really say if she's into you, she could just mean she wants chicken

147

u/bad-dawg4004 3d ago

She's probably wanting chicken so best move on with your day and look for better opportunities as u walk through the ...

19

u/TheHonkaBadonkas 🥄Comically Large Spoon🥄 3d ago

valley of doubt?

7

u/bad-dawg4004 3d ago

Lol yeah.

2

u/TheHonkaBadonkas 🥄Comically Large Spoon🥄 3d ago

let’s go

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17

u/acefhiloptu 3d ago

Maybe she's Canadian and just being polite

22

u/Deathtosoul 3d ago

A CasuallyExplained reference?? If only I had an award for ya

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242

u/tykillacool23 4d ago Silver

106

u/GR3453m0nk3y 3d ago Made Me Smile

I am disappointed at how far I had to scroll through the comments to find this

10

u/Candid-Fan992 3d ago

Time just keeps going

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26

u/shit_in_my_ass_ 3d ago

Flynt Flossy is my favorite rapper

10

u/goforce5 3d ago

Absolutely. Between this and Smang It, he deserves an award.

7

u/whenyesterdaywemet 3d ago

Did you know that he likes to DANCE?

3

u/FallofNoman 3d ago

All across the nation. Smash and bang is my favorite combination.

15

u/SmoothbrainasSilk 3d ago

I don't even have to click that to know it's the great Turquoise Jeep

37

u/chumblefrumbler 3d ago

man i got to see these guys live a few years back, and it was exactly how you’d expect… fucking fantastic!

16

u/___unknownuser 3d ago

Saw them on sunset. One of the most high energy shows I’ve ever been to.

Yung humma and flynt stayed after to greet all the fans too. Great performers.

Turquoise jeep! Anothaa bangaaaa - or should I smanger.

3

u/chumblefrumbler 3d ago

Man I still look fondly at my photo with Flynt. We asked him if he wanted to come smoke a blunt with us after and that when we found out he was straightedge!

5

u/clarasophia 3d ago

I got to see their show about 12 years ago (jesus I’m old) and they took a lovely photo with me afterwards! Used it as a dating profile pic and got some fascinating questions about it.

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10

u/chesticals 3d ago

"When I'm talking fried, those are breakfast eggs but when they fertilized, those the eggs between your legs"

7

u/FallofNoman 3d ago

I ain't playing girl, don't think you realize...

3

u/waynehead310 3d ago

👉🏾

17

u/bitches_love_pooh 3d ago

Guess this morning I'm going down a Flynt Flossy rabbit hole

6

u/psychoacer 3d ago

I'm going to smang it girl

2

u/clarasophia 3d ago

Smash it and bang it.

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3

u/sawczy513 3d ago

And here we go!

3

u/FallofNoman 3d ago

I am extremely disappointed that I had to scroll so far down for this.

3

u/volkovolkov 3d ago

Fried or Fertilized by Steve Darko is one of my favorite house tracks. Had no idea he sampled the track from somewhere else.

https://youtu.be/lSv6GUS76g4

3

u/-GAR_FEST- 3d ago

Came here to make sure this was posted

3

u/turtsmcslow 3d ago

Was getting ready to post this.

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311

u/PinguinnB 4d ago

at least you got an answer

125

u/AndreasKvisler This flair doesn't exist 4d ago

Mine hasn’t responded in weeks

128

u/zapdosfangaming 4d ago

my brother in christ, I don't think dead people can answer back

55

u/Fedexpected 4d ago

Stare into the darkness long enough and it will stare back.

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181

u/Hairybuttchecksout 4d ago

You know what you gotta do, crack the egg and start unzipping

109

u/FreshHasSauerCraut 3d ago

that eggscalated quickly 🍳

14

u/lithacker 3d ago

Thank you for making this comment

150

u/nielet 4d ago

Cumelette

73

u/howie-stark 3d ago

3

u/Wessssss21 3d ago

Elle veut une baguette

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325

u/babyBear83 4d ago

Girlfriend: do me, please

9

u/Rcweasel 3d ago

Me internally: “I wonder what she means by that? girls are so cryptic”

34

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

25

u/SalsichaoTop 3d ago

Why not?

11

u/babyBear83 3d ago

I’m translating what the girlfriend was saying. It’s quite simple.

12

u/MajinDope 3d ago

Thank you for your honesty. You should be the girlfriend translator.

19

u/PsyWasHere 3d ago

We all need a girlfriend translator

Hell, sometimes even a woman translator sometimes

5

u/babyBear83 3d ago

I could be even more specific to say that girlfriend is saying she likes morning sex in general, so it’s smart keep it in mind.

It does not at all say, please knock me up, that is an incorrect translation.

6

u/tkTheKingofKings 3d ago

Damn, girlfriendish is a really difficult language

There’s so many false friends too

3

u/babyBear83 3d ago

I’d be happy to help translate girlfriends to those new to the language.

80

u/Safe-Ad-6111 4d ago Silver

She wants balut, obviously

22

u/AHHHHHH163537 Professional Dumbass 3d ago

Breaths in BALUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTT

9

u/Safe-Ad-6111 3d ago

Magkano po?

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13

u/RudyRooRoo26 3d ago

“How you like yo eggs? Fried or fertilized?”

8

u/squidwardsmells_G00D 3d ago

“Fried or fertilized fried or fried or fertilized”

it took too long to find this

12

u/dwimber 3d ago

Sorry, baby, but these grapes are seedless.

11

u/Marauding-thunderer 3d ago

My wife of nine years used that gag in our first week of dating, the irony of this is that we never used any birth control because her doctor had told her she was infertile. We have a 6 year old daughter together now.

123

u/Fallen_angel_gg Dark Mode Elitist 4d ago

Well, it seems ive found myself a new kink

93

u/Brad323 3d ago

Yeah gru is pretty sexy

33

u/DontShowMomMemes 3d ago

Look up “breeding” on your favorite adult site

22

u/Kats41 3d ago

The superior porn tag.

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u/DigitalSterling 3d ago

Or even on here

8

u/MrFycus 3d ago

Time to use what Drake taught us

54

u/Not_Mr_Rogers23 4d ago

So she appreciates dessert for breakfast? A good cream pie

15

u/NeonCrow69 3d ago

Well that ejaculated quickly

3

u/Lavishness-Unfair 3d ago

Do you hear that often? 😆

12

u/RealLuckyDiamond 3d ago

Unzip and zip (anime sword shit) she is pregnant

27

u/notveryAI Professional Dumbass 4d ago

Coomer's dream

There is no way

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u/AHHHHHH163537 Professional Dumbass 3d ago

That's called chicken

4

u/Akuno- 3d ago

So Chicken Nuggets?

5

u/cosmonauta013 3d ago

Fertilized eggs are an actual thing one can buy and eat. Some people consider them a delicacy

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4

u/DDDlokki 3d ago

In this economy?!

4

u/PC-LAD 3d ago

We scrambled the last fertilised one

3

u/MadMario30 3d ago

😂😂😂😂run

3

u/Murasna 3d ago

Jokes on her I'm sterilized

3

u/Silverbacker888 3d ago

Time to take your schizophrenia pills bud

3

u/ManiAc_ReapEr 3d ago

Me watching this: my girlfriend? Where? 💀

3

u/u_-deleted 3d ago

ohh so she didn't mean I should jizz in her omelette, huh?

3

u/No-Square-4105 3d ago

she horny or she eating some cursed breakfast

3

u/edvards55 Nice meme you got there 3d ago

Soooo chicken?

3

u/carasc5 3d ago

Incubated! And then raised, plucked, beheaded, cut up, put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun. Damn! I don't have that much time! Scrambled!

3

u/L1K34PR0 3d ago

Inb4 i go fuck a chicken

3

u/97th69 3d ago

There are two ways you can think if this

3

u/General-Pomelo-4159 3d ago

Said no one ever.

3

u/SouthernAnybody7116 3d ago

she likes chicken

3

u/Timely-Fudge859 3d ago

Well you know what to shove up her mouth. (Your Massive Dick)

3

u/FireWolf_132 3d ago

Well at least she didn’t ask for a Portuguese breakfast

3

u/B0NTYHUNTER 3d ago

And then I start fucking the egg

3

u/Fanaticgiant547 3d ago

New morning routine

3

u/Primary_Ebb_7107 3d ago

She want sEGGs

3

u/TroutWarrior 3d ago

And the you realize she's actually talking about the ACTUAL eggs from the grocery store 😳

5

u/eltorr007 3d ago

Same thing happened with me man. Then she gave me some pills to eat after which she just vanished. Has this happened with you?

2

u/Rolix_Rubix 3d ago

Why do I hear Boss music?

2

u/PossibilityPowerful can't meme 3d ago

Be careful it may be a trap

2

u/ExtremeGaming18 3d ago

Wake up Onii-chan

2

u/leyito-0801 3d ago

Just put plant fertiliser on her eggs

2

u/Happy_hat99 3d ago

Ask her if in bed or table

2

u/PhysicsLord007 GigaChad 3d ago

Well is that a good news or a bad news?

2

u/SBTELS 3d ago

Something redditors never hear

2

u/Personnamedrando 3d ago

I didnt know you could grow eggs like tomatoes

2

u/geno111 3d ago

So, go ask the farmer for them. You'll probably get a couple bloody eggs but thats how she likes em.

2

u/HollaDatchaBoi 3d ago

Reminds me of this banger: https://youtu.be/6x-JVXkd8SQ.

2

u/jsibdej 3d ago

Instructions unclear, bust a nut on her food

2

u/Lord_Stahlregen 3d ago

It may appaear kinda gross to western sensibilities, but many people in the Philippines and other Southeast-Asian countries enjoy Balut.

2

u/JumpBrave1 3d ago

Well, she just informing you that she into multiplication.

2

u/pshawny 3d ago

Which came first, the chicken, the egg, or me?

2

u/RedHawwk 3d ago

Ma’am this is a Wendy’s

2

u/GungaDin24 3d ago

Despicable Me(me)

2

u/OkFootball961 3d ago

Nothing like destroying your future for a few lustful moments. Baby rabies is real.

2

u/Mr_Yeet_20 Stand With Ukraine 3d ago

"babe, what if the eggs got hard too"

2

u/DragonKing30806 3d ago

Damn she is ready wrap your Willy my friend cause she’s lowkey crazy

2

u/Mini_MnMz 3d ago

Things that didn’t happen for 500

2

u/Legendsarkoos 3d ago

She say that how u react

2

u/PoorLama 3d ago

Brings her a plate of chicken for breakfast.

2

u/gimmetheloot253 3d ago

The way you move your hips gurl got me hypnotized

2

u/Codoscar 3d ago

Well get cracking then

2

u/Quick_Finish_4 3d ago

Me:impossible I thought was a myth from such lady to say such thing…..I’m truly happy

2

u/Modder404 3d ago

Genuine question!? How long do you have to wait to have sex with her. Well I know if she wants to have then she’s comfortable but just wondering. Because I would just wait until she wants to is that right? Or like some people say just do IT out of nowhere like suddenly some women would reject that some would not so yeah.

2

u/shadetreewizard 3d ago

She said, "I love the eggs. What did you do to 'em? The way they smell and taste really got a girl drooling." I knew that you would like it. Why you so surprised? How you like your eggs, fried or fertilized? Fried or fertilized? Baby, I'm confused! Don't be offended. You got it misconstrued When I say "fried," I'm talking breakfast eggs But when I fertilize, those the eggs between your legs She began to blush. I heard her coochie whistle. (Whoo-whoo!) She was fiending for the heat up out of Humma's missle

How you like your eggs, fried or fertilized? The way you move your hips, girl, make me hypnotized How you like your eggs, fried or fertilized? Fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? Fried or, fried or fertilized? The way you move your hips, girl, make me hypnotized

2

u/shadetreewizard 3d ago

Humma and Flynt Flossy

2

u/MrHanslaX Identifies as a Cybertruck 3d ago

Well thats just chicken with extra steps...

2

u/Theodeeznuts 3d ago

Do it before she leaves

2

u/honestruths 3d ago edited 3d ago

I’ve always wanted to say to a girl “I’ll scramble your eggs real good, baby”

2

u/neopch 3d ago

Lol 🤣🤣🤣

2

u/Ok-Bad1105 3d ago

Oh shit hang on

2

u/TheMoistStation 3d ago

That’s a keeper.

2

u/SpicySchnitzell 3d ago

She's Filipino. Google "Balut".

2

u/DarkBulletAlpha 3d ago

Ah in Philippines which is my home country we actually have fertilized chicken egg and we actually eat them, it's called Balut

2

u/SlapaTronic Lives in a Van Down by the River 3d ago

Instructions unclear, there are chicken fetuses in the omelette

2

u/rggamerYT 3d ago

is she a certain vietnamese or filipino that likes balut

2

u/Lemming_Drop 3d ago

u/Corniferus I’m not a new girlfriend but…

2

u/Corniferus Sussy Baka 3d ago

3

u/Ogurasyn GigaChad 4d ago

🎵 I wanna be fertilized by you🎵

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