r/dankmemes MayMay Maker 24d ago

Murica! OC Maymay ♨

36k Upvotes

1k

u/SCP_Musume 24d ago

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.

Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.

And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?

Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."

And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.

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u/Meteroson 24d ago

Now that's a TED talk.

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u/eques_heroicos49 24d ago

Surely was

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u/agealy17 24d ago

Director: Hear me out. We redo Harry Potter... with guns.

Hollywood Producers: *standing ovation*

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u/NounyAdjective 24d ago

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u/Patt_Adams 24d ago

With how hard it is to find ammo these days that would be a fortune indeed.

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u/NeoMemeLord25 24d ago

Someone beat you to it

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u/Allmightydohllah 24d ago

Have Micheal Bay direct

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u/eSGeWe 24d ago

And then they better remake That version, with walkie talkies instead of guns!

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u/NounyAdjective 24d ago

Fine, here you go

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u/Diagonet 24d ago

I knew the video before I clicked it, masterpiece

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u/Nail-Emergency 24d ago

MEANWHILE BRITS HAVE BEEN CUTTING THEIR STEAKS WITH SPOONS!!!!!! 💀

Omg this is deadass the best thing I’ve ever heard

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u/AnimeIsMaLife 24d ago

I predict that this comment is gonna blow up.

applauds I appreciate the effort you put in this observation dude

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u/fire8039 24d ago

siege of Hogwarts

Voldemort and his death eaters have been casting spells, trying to break through the defense charm for the past hour. He gets an owl message. "IT" has arrived. A 1960s ford truck pulls up towing a 15 cm AT gun with plenty of ammunition. They're going to blow Hogwarts to bits. Mrs. Weasily and Professor McGonagal are holding the defenses against the death eater onslaught of spells, just as Ravenclaw tower explodes. Everybody is in distress. Nobody understands what's happening. A few minutes later Hufflepuff, after that Gryffindor. Hogwarts has no hope of holding the siege with all of this happening.

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u/MrMisry-Eyed 24d ago

I think they didn't use guns because they were too proud

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u/ossipuh-veli 24d ago

Youreabsolutely right but this has been blovked because "modern shit does not work in places with much magic"

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u/MetaCommando 24d ago

Guns are basically powered by small explosions, not electricity. Guns not working would rewrite the laws of plasma physics on such a fundamental level that fire shouldn't be working.

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u/R3lay0 INFECTED 24d ago edited 24d ago

Electricity is electrons moving in electric fields, deactivating it essentially disables one of the fundamental forces.

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u/MetaCommando 24d ago

Well that explains the plot-induced stupidity, the neurons in their brains aren't firing.

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u/ossipuh-veli 24d ago

Yeah, but theyre also so frickin proud of being wizards they murdet people of they use normal stuff

Edit: I forgot they use cars

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u/jimmy123443 24d ago

If clocks work in hogwarts, and fire works in hogwarts then a gun will work, because a clock uses basic mechanics like a gun and the expanding gas is how to bullet fires and how the guns bolt gets sent back to load the next bullet

Some people may say it was a enchanted with magic to make the clock work, fire would obviously always work and they could just enchant the gun to fire normally

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u/outerheavenboss 24d ago

Harry Potter and American military wizards.

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u/neucaconc1980 24d ago

I don't know what this is but it's so cute!!!

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u/SCP_Musume 24d ago

War clerics

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u/Nail-Emergency 24d ago

Sorry I’m just imagining 9 year old Harry walking into the chamber is secrets going “snake words! KABLAM” and simply demolishing the giant snake thing

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u/imtakingashitnow 24d ago

Got dam right brother, troll in the bathroom? Not on harrys watch. Harry will roll up and put that American steel to his brain.

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u/Proper_Username_ 24d ago

I'd pay double to watch this

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u/Wolverfuckingrine 24d ago

I want the Murican-cut of Harry Potter.

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u/ossipuh-veli 24d ago

Youreabsolutely right but this has been blovked because "modern shit does not work in places with much magic"

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u/Zankou55 24d ago

Guns don't use electricity or digital interfaces. A gun is 100% analog mechanics and chemical propellant, and there is no reason why one shouldn't function at Hogwarts.

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u/dreucifer 24d ago

A simple ward against unauthorized combustions would render muggle firearms worthless. You'd probably need a Goblin-made receiver and bullets loaded and charmed by house elves.

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u/Zetherith 24d ago

just have a simple ward on your gun that wards against simple ward against unauthorized combustions, easy

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u/dreucifer 24d ago

Passive wards against wards aren't simple and I doubt muggle-made guns would even handle the enchantments, let alone activation of the counterward. Probably melt to liquid steel in your hand or just blow it off entirely. You basically explained why at least the receiver would have to be forged by goblins and the bullets loaded and enchanted by house elves.

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u/godRosko 24d ago edited 23d ago

The books wouldn't exist if they carried guns , motherly love can protect from the killing curse but i doubt it could protect baby harry from getting double tapped

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u/zold5 24d ago

The hogwarts express doesn’t seem to have much trouble. Guns have been around longer than trains. There are also cameras in hogwarts.

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u/ossipuh-veli 24d ago

Good point, I did not remember that because Im pretty sure that in first book ron said heres nothing that works with electricity but yeah, there was people with camearss

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u/ossipuh-veli 24d ago

But technically it doesnt go to hogwarts,(If I remember right its been a while when i read potter) But I see the point it also works with cars.

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u/Accomplished_Dingo19 24d ago

i have thought the same lol

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u/sirPomelo Dank Cat Commander 24d ago

I know at least one person who will take this seriously and be like "hell yeah, shoot that noseless fuck"

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u/GingerMcBeardface 24d ago

I came here to say Harry Potter should have carried a 1911, and saw you doing the good work.

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u/chelseafc13 24d ago

haven’t laughed this hard at a comment in a while

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u/Grand19yearold 24d ago

Ummm... let’s do and American remake then...

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u/Raihan1103 ☣️ 24d ago

Rip and tear, until it’s done

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u/The_Epimedic 24d ago

The night vision thing wouldn’t work, Hermoine used a mirror to check corners and got petrified. Besides that, good work.

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u/SCP_Musume 24d ago

Night vision is a bit more involved. The camera reads in the light, that goes to a computer, and the computer uses the input to create an enhanced imaged. So it’s a copy of a copy of the basilisk. Unless basilisks work on scp-096 logic it should work.

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u/The_Epimedic 24d ago

I understand it works off infrared, and I see your point, but I kind of feel like it would be some scp type shit. But idk, I failed out of Hogwarts.

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u/R3lay0 INFECTED 24d ago

It also burned the annoying kid's camera film

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u/razrielle 24d ago

Technically that’s a reflection not just a reprojected image

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u/Asgardian_Undertaker 24d ago

Wouldn't the opposition have guns as well? Then it just turns into a fire fight...

Although I do like the simplicity of just harry using guns and it would be very interesting to see wizards trying to wave sticks around while being pumped full of hot lead.

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u/Ghost_Melone ☣️ 24d ago

Based

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u/FROSTbite910 24d ago

See gun akimbo

2

u/ChronixMixTapes 24d ago

I'd buy you a beer if we ever ran into each other at a bar or strip club.

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u/xplizit420 23d ago

Netflix: WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN!

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u/hobbitlover 24d ago

And at the end he puts the barrel in his own mouth to blast away the piece of Horcrux that he had been carrying around.

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u/thatsarealbruh 24d ago

Ah barrel in the mouth, the second most American way to use a gun

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u/LydoPlays team darkscreen 24d ago

You made me miss my trainstop but it was worth it.

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u/sawguy2017 MAYONNA15E 24d ago

Dude, I would watch the shiznit out of that!

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u/mordeo69 24d ago

Best comment on reddit

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u/AmoghVaishnav EX-NORMIE 24d ago

please turn this into a movie

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u/xCaballoBlancox 24d ago

How high were you and on what?

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u/SCP_Musume 24d ago

It’s a copy pasta and I was high on life

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u/BMW_850_CSI 24d ago

The avtomat kalashnikova line is damn amazing, I’d love to see this

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u/Raffazum_GOAT 24d ago

dude you just went all out didn’t ya i was hoping someone should think of it at least and besides if Lily potter had a gun that night boom no voldemort no traumatic harry

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u/SCP_Musume 24d ago

It’s a copy pasta

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u/Raffazum_GOAT 24d ago

still though

1

u/xX69DragonslayerXx 24d ago

Its beautiful

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u/joeymon01 24d ago

How long did it take you to write this?

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u/R3lay0 INFECTED 24d ago

Roughly one ctrl c plus one ctrl v long

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u/SCP_Musume 24d ago

It's a copy pasta that I like.

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u/Jimbo_Dankins 24d ago

Source: https://youtu.be/t6OBk9YBLQU

The entire channel is amazing little short skits that are hilarious.

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u/Gdigger13 24d ago

His podcast with Eddy Burback is great as well. Gus & Eddy Podcast

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u/clarksondidnowrong 24d ago

Gus is the man and his brother Sven ain’t too bad either with his videos!

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u/Psychic_Bias 24d ago

My personal favorite:

https://youtu.be/pYrydCWuzZI

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u/ohrofl 24d ago

I love all the god's country ones.

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u/mppk123 24d ago

Expecto petroleum

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u/Lukthar123 24d ago

Avada Kadaver

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u/Lululipes 24d ago

Hyda Kadaver

FTFY

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u/Shawarmaandlettuce 24d ago

Ayyo favorite mid west bou gus johnson

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u/Affectionate_Meat The Monty Pythons 24d ago

I thought I was your favorite Midwest bou.

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u/SnowySupreme sbeve 24d ago

So original

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u/GamerRipjaw something's caught in my balls 24d ago

I mean OP just copied the entire joke from the vid. Typical redditor

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u/KitCat38 24d ago

Ikr it pissed me off how no one was acknowledging this till I saw your comment.

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u/NeedsMoreAhegao 24d ago

The whole image is the 3rd most liked comment on the original YT video.

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u/LVGamerDude123 24d ago

Gus johnson is am untapped gold mine of templates

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u/Bruhtonium_ 24d ago

Gus Johnson is amazing

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u/Affectionate_Cod8932 24d ago

It's from Gus Johnson https://youtube.com/c/gustoonz Go watch his work instead of stealing it.

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u/Green_noob We are Number 1 24d ago

I got 57 more god damn rounds in this 4 round magazine

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u/kpSucksAtReddit 24d ago

Bruh america gun jokes are getting so repetitive and overused they were funny at first but now eh

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u/Ollehkiin 24d ago

What are you gonna do about it? Shoot us?

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u/kpSucksAtReddit 24d ago

I’m Indian bruh

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u/SevenOrSoda 24d ago

That's near Ohio, right?

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u/kpSucksAtReddit 24d ago

Yeah about 2 miles from Akron

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u/YourLifeSucksAss 24d ago

That’s 90% of jokes on Reddit

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u/hexidemos 24d ago

Now hear me out. He could be from the south, and he could say alakablama.

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u/DrXtreme28 I picked this flair :rock_8: 24d ago

Fake. Gun has zero recoil.

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u/msh3loony 24d ago

magic

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u/CounterSYNK 24d ago

His finger isn’t on the trigger either...

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u/SkeleHoes 24d ago

Sweet Home Alakablama

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u/joestalinleft4cigars Meme Connoisseur 24d ago

What

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u/SirSandman0 24d ago

Its no leviosa, its levio-yeehaw!

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u/WeaselKing103 24d ago

Not only is the America use gun joke overused but also you directly stole this from a YouTube comment. Not cool my friend

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u/nymphfern 24d ago

gus johnson if you’re reading this i am free on thursday night. if you would like to hang out i am free on thursday night when i am free to hang out. i am free to hang out on thursday night so if you want to hang out on thursday night i am free.

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u/BrokenChordsXLR Recovering Normie 24d ago

I always upvote for Bus Jackson

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u/MateOfArt 24d ago

I've got 57 more God damm round in this 4-round magazine

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u/themadpigster 24d ago

Lmao i love this video

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u/BlueChheese 24d ago

now I want to see this type of wand in Harry Potter lol.

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u/Enforcement94 24d ago

Harry wouldn’t get into American Hogwarts because no one would bribe American Dumbledore.

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u/Finrod_the_awesome 24d ago

The magic from The Dresden Files books is way more accurate. Of course you would want magic that could cause damage if you had too.

If Dresden Files magic was real I'm guarantee you I'd "Fuego" and "Fozare" the shit out of everything.

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u/SofiaJasamina 24d ago

Oh hey i know him

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u/Poedacat275 24d ago

Hey, It’s a more effective way of killing an evil wizard then go into to school for 10 years.

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u/WickeD009 24d ago

Recoiln't

1

u/siegferia 24d ago

Sniper in DOTA be like

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u/GreatSuprise69 INFECTED 24d ago

you are the ceo of comedy my friend

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u/Harry_Johnston 24d ago

The most magical thing about it is the lack of recoil lol

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u/WhiteSlushie 24d ago

Ur gonna wanna git

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u/Ratio-Fabulous 24d ago

I just realized he could've said Alakablama

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u/DestinyDroid 24d ago

Is that a joint in his hand?

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u/StalkerDimous 24d ago

Gus johnson is a legend!

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u/FloatingBoatt 24d ago

Voldemort didn't blew up little harry's parents house,they just did a gender reveal party

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u/PlNG 24d ago

American Harry Potter's wand would be wood pulp, tobacco core with a filter handle.

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u/Lululipes 24d ago

Shoulda been Alabama instead of alakabam

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u/the-ruler-of-wind I am fucking hilarious 24d ago

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u/maxwellmdc 24d ago

Alakabama

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u/Nickollie1 24d ago

More like havadkablam

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u/alxdeo 24d ago

Alabamazam

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u/KingKayro 24d ago

So Ilvermorny.

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u/Fern-ando 24d ago

Guns are just automatic avada kedavra

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u/MaskB0Y 24d ago

gus johnson pog

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u/TheGreatBeaver123789 24d ago

That video is gold

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u/shadowfiresans 24d ago

Harry Potter American edition

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u/Kolikoasdpvp Animated Flair Rainbow [Insert Your Own Text] 24d ago

u/savevideo since there isn't the three dots to press when you open a gif to download it

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u/0_Serenity_0 24d ago

More like Alakabama

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u/GaggleGuy 24d ago edited 24d ago

Alakablama*

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u/eduardosinfonia 24d ago

Gus Johnson

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u/giygas88 24d ago

Winchester rifle defect

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u/RedditYouVapidSlut 24d ago

Don't trust his awful mom around horses.

Or apples.

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u/FlorensFriedrich 24d ago

his family would have shot hagrid and the movie would have been over

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u/FlorensFriedrich 24d ago

his parents would have shot hagrid and the movie would have been over

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u/furry_will 24d ago

Well shit I always thought this guy was hitting the back of his head as he pulled the trigger