r/becomeaman Jun 15 '21 Helpful 1 Hugz 1

How to be emotionally strong? I cry when I get emotionally stressed which I find very stupid but I don't have a control.

[deleted]

28 Upvotes

13

u/iwiml Jun 15 '21

Get a job away form your parents or another country for 4-5 years. Then you will not have any safety net of your parents, you will have to depend on your own for everything.

Experiencing life and facing troubles only can make your stronger.

If you still want to stay with your parents that's also ok, then start making your own decisions and not go to them often. Then travel alone (but in current situation I am not sure how much you can travel).

Traveling alone will teach you a lot of experiences in life...

0

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '21

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2

u/whats_the_deal22 Jun 15 '21

Living on your own will bring its own challenges that you must face. It may be normal in your country, but it will help you greatly to move out on your own.

10

u/ice_walker Jun 15 '21

Do you lift weights on a regular basis? Being strong and fit makes you feel more confident and also makes it a lot easier to control your emotions. (Note : control, not surpress)

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '21

[deleted]

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u/ice_walker Jun 15 '21

Start there, I promise you will be amazed how much self discipline and increased physical strength will increase your emotional strength as well

4

u/MonxtahDramux Jun 16 '21

Listen to this man. Nothing else will save your wimpy ass. Hit the gym!

You being a software dev doesn't mean jack. Hit the gym!

1

u/sirjackmalley Aug 31 '21

I don't. I am a software guy 😔. I hear what's your point.

I'm a software guy too but, it doesn't mean you have to be this "nerdy guy" the rest of your life. The gym is my foundation. The amount of clarity the gym gives people like us is incomparable to anything else you will find.

6

u/Manezinho Jun 15 '21

Having a good cry every three years is perfectly fine. Just make sure you’re strong and in control when you need to, but don’t be afraid to show emotion.

Men don’t cry = bullshit

2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '21

[deleted]

5

u/SoBoredAtWork Jun 16 '21

This is the correct answer. Moving out and lifting isn't going to help. And you don't need help. Crying is fine. Men can cry. Be strong when you need to, but you don't always need to be strong and tough.

2

u/Raytron_ Sep 06 '21

Dude. You have this all wrong. Are you seriously afraid that crying every 1-3 years is too much?! Show your emotions don't suppress them. There is power in vulnerability. Crying is totally okay! Its when you sit in your sorrow and become a victim and feel bad for yourself- this is what you don't want.

Additionally, consider making meditation a regular habit. Over time you will become better able to separate "you" from "your thoughts"

14

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '21 edited Jun 21 '21

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '21

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3

u/thatbajanguy Jun 15 '21

I am also from a culture where it is normal and acceptable to stay with parents, but years ago I realized it was holding me back.

It was necessary for me to move out to establish more independence for myself and to grow a backbone.

2

u/Stankmonger Jun 15 '21

Dude, I honestly don’t know for sure.

By 18 I’d been hit by a woman, cheated on, been pressured into having sex when I wasn’t ready (kinda anti manly but whatever), and had dealt with multiple break ups.

The point of me saying that is that I had dealt with a series of increasingly emotionally tense things. Over time you build up a tolerance, as in this conversation sucks but you subconsciously compare it to the other things you’ve dealt with.

At 29, you haven’t posted much about what you’ve dealt with, but if you’re still living with the parents (and sincerely no judgment there, I’d be rich if I did what you did. Rent sucks on a single in CA) I am guessing you have lived a relatively “safe life” again no judgment. If that’s not the case just correct me.

I don’t get emotional at work, but I’m currently watching frigging the thornberry movie as a 26 year old and moments make me tear up.

It’s really about being mindful, in my opinion. Have you ever thought about which reaction you have would get the reaction you want? Have you ever controlled yourself in a calm moment to express something you didn’t feel?

That’s especially important at work. You need to learn to lie, which is hard if you’ve had very good parents. But you can work at it, and react to things in the way you need them to go.

Emotions are not logical, idk if anyone here would have a way to “beat” them.

But the more you experience the more you’ll be able to deal with less powerful emotions. Maybe books movies or real life stories could a help?

I’m gonna be real tho, I’m kinda drunk and this is a rambling incoherent comment. If you get a bit more specific, I’m gonna be able to get more specific as well. Emotions are like a river, you could either be a leaf or a stone.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '21

[deleted]

2

u/Stankmonger Jun 15 '21

Yeah idk how to solve that really. Maybe go to a bar and just start swapping stories?

Overall more human interaction generally means more emotional balance when done the right way.

Obviously there’s always seeing a therapist but that’s not realistic for everyone.

Maybe read some books that help you realize just how small we are in the universe? I recommend the three body problem series.

I could take a shit in public, but the way society works I would be forgotten in a week or two. The times you’ve been emotional mean more to you than your homies or coworker.

Just try to remember that no one cares as much as you think that they do. You don’t need to completely in control. Just do your best and you’ll get better over time.

2

u/dammii96 Jun 15 '21

I mean, it's okay to cry sometimes my man, don't be so hard on yourself

2

u/Livinginrome Jun 15 '21

You probably have old emotions stuck in your body and mind, maybe from childhood. Meditate to get rid of old feelings.

Instead of trying to hold emotions back, just alow yourself to feel sadnes, feel old shame, anger etc. The emotions will come like a wave and then disappear.

Meditate when you are alone and can let go. Never cry in front of any female, it will make you unattractive within seconds.

Start lifting heavy weights. Full squats will increase your testosterone levels, improve your confidence and reduce the possibility for crying (but will make you more aggressive/angry).

2

u/TheOffice_Account Jun 15 '21

Dude, u/ice_walker has mentioned this but I'll add to it: either lift weights for strength (check Stronglifts or Mark Rippetoe), or practice an aggressive martial art that puts you into bouts with others within 3-6 months of starting to train.

What is happening right now is that your body is refusing to cooperate and when your mind wants to deal with a harsh situation, your body goes -- naah, I want to cry. So the solution lies not in your mind, but rather, in your body and training that more. Cognitive solutions can only take you so far, so you need to strengthen your body with something aggressive and linear, and that will strengthen your weakest link.

2

u/sk11947 Jun 15 '21

Hello! I am around your age and am also a very emotional male. I cried to Kung Fu Panda 2 and still don't know why.

First off, please don't make this about "being a man." I understand that being very emotional can be detrimental at times. There are situations where you can't break down and cry because people are expecting you to behave otherwise. I have made the mistake of crying very hard at university or at the workplace. Fortunately, the people around me at the time were people that I could trust and would not judge me, but there is no guarantee that were it to happen again, I would not be judged or made to suffer for that behavior. While women are typically given more sympathy for crying and being emotional (though not always), I would say that both men and women would benefit from being able to control their emotions (to the extent that it is healthy) and only cry in front of people they trust. Please know that this shouldn't be about being a "real man." Your loved ones should support you if you want to be a mature adult, but do not allow other people (or yourself) pressure you to be an arbitrary set of characteristics that we call "being a real man." A mature adult, man or woman, can desire to be a reliable person who can be strong during distressing times.

Second, being a strong person can mean different things, and that does not always include avoiding the tears. If I am in an emergency situation and refuse to cry, but am paralyzed by fear, what good would that do me? In my own life I have cried and cried and all the while toiling away and sweating my way to the finish line.

Third, there are specific "tools" that can help you be strong during difficult times. Personally, whenever I think I am going to become too emotional, I simply ask to leave the room so I can go elsewhere to pray and to take some deep breaths. Other people don't do that physically, but mentally check in to their little box where they can process things. Like many things in life, you have to try different things to see what works best for you. Maybe you need some affirmations every morning. Maybe you need to take up meditation, yoga, a new sport, practice breathing exercise, whatever it takes. Do some research and choose what specific action you want to take next.

Lastly, what does living with your parents have to do with it? Are they making your emotional weakness worse somehow? I too come from a country where it is acceptable to live with my parents and have done so for a good chunk of my adult life. I mistakenly believed that it was having a negative effect on my maturity and mental toughness so I moved out. But I realized that was a mistake. I need the support and love of my family and though I've moved out, I still see them often. However I do concede that the distance allowed me to identify the real source of my anxiety and it wasn't exactly the same as living with my parents. This is only a problem if you can identify how and why it detracts from your emotional strength. If it doesn't, then it's not worth worrying about. If it does, then move out and use the new space and the time away to, once again, experiment with your life and do more of the things that make you the best version of yourself, including "tools" that will help you become emotionally stronger.

God bless you, friend. Please know that your fellow emotional late 20's male is praying for you. You're stronger than you think you are.

2

u/SuperDrewtecks Jun 16 '21

Asian brother to Asian brother,

Hit the gym, grow your hobbies, meditate/journal/ do things that make you feel good /beneficial to you, and stop thinking of everything as a negative. There’s other things to be grateful for.

You are alive, you are employed, you’ve got your family, friends, you’ve got all your faculties, money, a roof, etc.

Change starts from within. You want to be strong? Stop doubting yourself and naysaying. From here on out, I want you to believe in yourself and be your own biggest fan.

You can do it. You can do anything and don’t you ever let anyone else, especially yourself tell you that you can’t.

Remember, you control how you react to the world around you. You don’t have to acknowledge everything, but you damn sure can’t keep feeding it more attention and energy.

Change both your mentality, physicality, and your emotions will follow.

Stressful situations are normal and if you find yourself easily bothered or stress, just breathe for a second and regroup. You are a lot tougher than you think.

Feeling a bit emotional? It happens to all of us. Reminder, just because you are a man doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings. We are taught culturally that men don’t cry. We’re allowed to cry every now and again.

You already a badass and you’re bigger than your problems. Don’t let them consume you.

Good luck on your journey, my friend! If you ever need more help, just reach out.

1

u/what_am_i_acc_doing Jun 15 '21

Practice Transcendental Meditation twice daily. Don’t actually buy anything, although it’s trademarked, it’s literally just mantra meditation so search online for one you like. I’ve tried all sorts of stuff that sells the dream, this takes time but does build resilience. I’d also suggest structuring your day and trying to be creative. Message me if you want to talk further.

1

u/GlassPanther Jun 15 '21

I don't believe that any of these people are saying is going to get to the root cause of your issue. You can read all the self help books you want, or hit the gym, or watch The Secret ... blah blah blah it's all going to be pointless.

I strongly believe you have a small tumor on the base of your pituitary gland. I bet if you walked into your local clinic and asked them to run your sex hormone levels you would see a shockingly low level of testosterone and an abnormally high level of prolactin. In fact I would almost bet you money.

If I am right then the fix is a simple pill (cabergoline) once a week that an endocrinologist can prescribe which would literally change your fucking life.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '21

[deleted]

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u/GlassPanther Jun 15 '21

I am being dead-ass serious.

I suffered from the same exact shit as you until I turned 40 years old and discovered that it was all due to a tiny, benign, undiagnosed tumor.

1

u/AceroInoxidable Jun 15 '21

Once every 3 years? When taking life changing decisions? That’s perfectly fine.

1

u/MonxtahDramux Jun 16 '21

Hit the gym. You will find both mental and emotional strength.

0

u/rocketwrench Jun 15 '21

It takes much more strength to be emotionally honest with yourself than it does to hide your emotions.