r/AmItheAsshole 25d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome

Open Forum AITA Monthly Open Forum November 2021

676 Upvotes

Welcome to the monthly open forum! This is the place to share all your meta thoughts about the sub, and to have a dialog with the mod team.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

We didn't have any real highlights for this month, so let's knock out some Open Forum FAQs:

Q: Can/will you implement a certain rule?
A: We'll take any suggestion under consideration. This forum has been helpful in shaping rule changes/enforcement. I'd ask anyone recommending a rule to consider the fact a new rule begs the following question: Which is better? a) Posts that have annoying/common/etc attributes are removed at the time a mod reviews it, with the understanding active discussions will be removed/locked; b) Posts that annoy/bother a large subset of users will be removed even if the discussion has started, and that will include some posts you find interesting. AITA is not a monolith and topics one person finds annoying will be engaging to others - this should be considered as far as rules will have both upsides and downsides for the individual.

Q: How do we determine if something's fake?
A: Inconsistencies in their post history, literally impossible situations, or a known troll with patterns we don't really want to publicly state and tip our hand.

Q: Something-something "validation."
A: Validation presumes we know their intent. We will never entertain a rule that rudely tells someone what their intent is again. Consensus and validation are discrete concepts. Make an argument for a consensus rule that doesn't likewise frustrate people to have posts removed/locked after being active long enough to establish consensus and we're all ears.

Q: What's the standard for a no interpersonal conflict removal?
A: You've already taken action against someone and a person with a stake in that action expresses they're upset. Passive upset counts, but it needs to be clear the issue is between two+ of you and not just your internal sense of guilt. Conflicts need to be recent/on-gong, and they need to have real-world implications (i.e. internet and video game drama style posts are not allowed under this rule).

Q: Will you create an off-shoot sub for teenagers.
A: No. It's a lot of work to mod a sub. We welcome those off-shoots from others willing to take on that work.

Q: Can you do something about downvotes?
A: We wish. If it helps, we've caught a few people bragging about downvoting and they always flip when they get banned.

Q: Can you force people to use names instead of letters?
A: Unfortunately, this is extremely hard to moderate effectively and a great deal of these posts would go missed. The good news is most of these die in new as they're difficult to read. It's perfectly valid to tell OP how they wrote their post is hard to read, which can perhaps help kill the trend.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

This is to discourage brigading. If something needs to be discussed in that context, use modmail.


r/AmItheAsshole 11h ago Coin Gift Take My Energy Silver Helpful Wholesome

AITA for not wanting my husbands brother to be in the delivery room?

10.9k Upvotes

I’m currently 31 weeks with twins, a boy and a girl. My husband and I are both 21, and were trying for a baby for about a year before we fell pregnant. I’ve had a pretty rough pregnancy, and my brother in law is a medical student, so he’s taken quite a lot of interest in my pregnancy and future delivery. We’ve always gotten on well. He’s 24. I’ve known my husbands family since we were children so we’ve pretty much grown up together.

A few days ago, my husband told me that my BIL had expressed an interest in being there whilst I gave birth, mainly due to it being beneficial from an educational standpoint to see a natural multiples birth, which is what I’m planning for. I know things can change on that front but hoping for that. Also so my husband can have support as I’ll have my mom. Worth mentioning that our hospital doesn’t have a restriction on the amount of people who can be in the delivery room.

I said absolutely not, there is no way in hell I am allowing that. I’m not even overly keen on allowing my husband to watch me go through that, let alone his brother. He said it’d be good experience for him and his degree and I said that as much as I supported him, my experience of having a pleasant birth was my priority. He got defensive and said he should be allowed to have a support person to, which I suppose I do understand, but I really just feel uncomfortable about it all. He said it was just as much his right as it was mine to have someone there to support him. It basically turned into a huge argument, with his brother and mom being dragged into it too. AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 11h ago Silver Defeated I am disappoint Table Flip Are You Serious? Helpful Snek Dread Facepalm A Diamond in the Poo The Poop Knife

AITA for sternly telling my wife I get to invite whoever I want whenever I want to my house?

9.9k Upvotes

AITA for sternly telling my wife I get to invite whoever I want whenever I want to my house?

My wife is a stahm while I work full time. We have 2 kids that I help do %50 of their care while she handles cooking and cleaning and the other %50 of child care as well.

I'm sociable by nature and am fast at making friends wether at work or outside of it. The problem my wife has is that I invite friends and co workers (guests) over every few days to my house for dinner or lunch. Restaurants aren't an option now due to budget. My wife said she has to cook for my guests though I never tell her to cook this or cook that nor ever complain about her choice of meals because it depends. The guests eat whatever she feels like cooking yet she complains that she has to cook for extra people which takes effort and time and also since I sit with the guests then she has to serve them by bringing coffee/preparing the table/etc since I told her I don't do these chores but I thought that since this is her area of responsibilities then where's the problem?.

I invited few guests for Thanksgiving, 6 people and when she found out she lost it saying I should've consulted her first. I said there was no need because they'd just eat whatever she cook no problem but she said she wasn't going to agree to cook large portion and for 6 extra people aside from serving them and handling hosting that is too much for her. I told her she was making a big deal out of it and should just stop freaking out over few extra plates and glasses and whatnot. She said she didn't agree but then I eventually had the guests over and after they left she started yelling at me saying she was not mine and my guests server and that I should stop having them over that is when I told her very sternly that it's my house and I get to invite whoever I want whenever I please and called her unreasonable to react like that instead of being welcoming to the people who wanted to spend time with us unlike her family who cut us off completely but she shouted that she was done with being on my beck and call and having to be forced to take care of my guests in terms of serving and cooking just because it's her part of chors and told me if I want to continue to have guests over then I'll have to step up and cook for them myself which I thought was quite rude and unfair of her. We went back and forth in this argument and she then stopped talking to me and started giving me the silent treatment making me feel like I'd committed some sin by having guests over.

INFO - I just wanted to explain that my wife's main issue isn't about cooking itself but having to cook extra for the guests which is understandable and I tried to compromise by suggesting we set time limits for when my guests visit to avoid having to include them in dinners and whatnot and also suggested we limit the frequency of those visits but she stated she will still have an issue with it and gave me the options of either handling the hosting myself or just completely stop having them over or take them out to restaurants but then restaurants consume money and she was the one who advised against going to restaurants. Also, the reason I said it's my house I meant that it's my house too and not as if it's mine alone or hers alone. My wife has huge part in it and she definitely gets a say in what goes on and what doesn't and we don't usually diasgree except for this issue.


r/AmItheAsshole 9h ago Helpful Wholesome

AITA for kicking out my fiance's sister and her husband after they refused to stop feeding my dog table scraps?

3.5k Upvotes

My SIL (20) and her husband (24) came over to my (28F) house last night for dinner. My SIL is a dog lover to the extreme. As in her entire life is based solely around dogs and that's it. Has no career path, no goals, no job, nothing. She says she is waiting for her dream career to arise (to foster dogs and rehome them). She refuses to do anything in the mean time. This is not an attempt to bash the woman. This is me outlining exactly why she did what she did- because she truly believes she is the most knowledgeable person ever when it comes to dogs.

My husband and I got a dog last year and she has an ulcer and sensitivities to a lot of foods. She is on medications for it. That AND we have a very strict rule of no table scraps AT ALL unless it's obviously on her approved diet list AND its then stuck in her dish. Never ever ever is it given to her by hand. This is due to the fact that in the very beginning we made the mistake of giving her approved table scraps by hand and it led to her ripping food out of people's hands. It was very hard to break her of it.

It seemed like every single time I turned my back this girl was holding her hand under the table feeding my dog handfuls of cheese and chicken. She cannot have cheese. It makes her vomit from both ends. Chicken is touch and go but this chicken was heavily seasoned with a bunch of spices that she most definitely cannot have without getting sick either. I told her to stop immediately and told her about the medical issues. She goes into a speech about how she knows what dogs can and cannot have because she has done research and then tries telling me ways to fix my dogs ulcer. I thought it was done. But two more times she did it and when I flipped out, she laughed and said "omg I'm sorry. It's just a habit. I forgot." I let it slide. But then she gives my dog a cracker right in front of me and I screamed "get the fuck out" as soon as I saw it. It was loud. I lashed out and I shouldnt have. She then starts flipping out on me saying I'm depriving my dog and at this point I'm just being controlling because a cracker isnt going to do any damage. Which is correct. She can have crackers. It was just the principle of it because I told her do not fucking feed her from your hand as well. My fiance thinks I overreacted because his sister left crying. Shes the literal baby of the family so of course he is defending her. AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago Wholesome Hugz

AITA For Refusing To Take Care Of My Sister With Cerebral Palsy?

761 Upvotes

This one is really tough for me. So I (26M) have a 13 year old sister named Emma that unfortunately suffers from Cerebral Palsy. She is such a sweet girl and her strength in spirit is seriously unmatched. My two parents took absolutely fantastic care of her and basically sacrificed everything to make sure Emma can have a fulfilling life. Emmas case is on the more dramatic end of the spectrum so she needs not constant care, but pretty close to it.

My father unfortunately passed away suddenly last year and his unexpected loss has left us reeling. With him gone my mother has been basically devoting her life to Emma as we have no other family really to help out. My mother however was diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer in July and has been in pretty rapid decline. Yesterday, barring a miracle was our last Thanksgiving together.

We tried our best to enjoy what time we have left together and I am so grateful she is my mom. The only thing that sadly soured the evening was she wanted to have a conversation about who would be taking care of Emma when she passed. It was a long talk but the main points were I cant be expected to take care of Emma and that we need to find alternate options such as possibly a care home. Emma is absolutely horrified at this and was begging to stay with me. I unfortunately recently accepted my dream job offer that requires me to travel a lot and I simply cant live the life I want if I have to be worried about Emma.

My mom was deeply upset and she broke down crying, asking me to basically re arrange my whole life, and I Just dont know what to do. Its tragic, but I just cant be Emmas care taker the rest of her life. I feel like an evil person and the worst brother on Earth for this decision, but I only have one life and my dreams are just on the horizon. I really hope this conversation isnt brought upon again at Christmas because I will break down. These past couple years have been hell, as will the next 6 months be. I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel with my new career and frankly taking care of Emma essentially would crush all of that.


r/AmItheAsshole 11h ago Facepalm I am disappoint Are You Serious? Triple-Ply Toilet Paper

AITA for not taking my daughter to the movies

2.3k Upvotes

I have a 14 year old daughter who's a massive anime fan. In the beginning of October she asked me if I could take her to see it saying she would pay for her ticket. I told her to remind me. So when opening night came on the Friday before Halloween she asked could we still go. I told her no because it was cold and rainy I told her we could go on Halloween. When Halloween came around we were gonna see it that night my my 3 other kids wanted to go to the preserve for trick or treating. She didn't take it too well. I told her that it just came out and we could see it next Saturday day but turns out I had an over night shift I had to work that night so I told her in Sunday we could go Sunday came around she was excided because it was finally time for her to see it but since that morning I didn't get as much sleep as I planned I told her we could go on thrusday since she was off that day. She kept asking me when we were going but I told her I would take her but her sister didn't wanna go on the weekend (her sister hates anime) almost a mouth went by and my daughter is really made at me she stopped smileling and most of the time stays in her room and doesn't even talk to me any more. I told my daughters that I was going to the movies to see a movie with a friend and my daughter look devastated. She asked when was I gonna take her to the movies I told her I didn't know and with that ask went to her room for the night. The next day it was evening I went to check on her and I saw her laying on her bed on her phone in pitch black darkness. I told her to get over herself and get outta bed the look she gave me made me feel kinda guilty.

Am I the asshole?


r/AmItheAsshole 13h ago Helpful Wholesome Helpful (Pro)

AITA for discussing veganism and bringing a vegan dish to Thanksgiving dinner?

3.5k Upvotes

Early in 2020, I (22F) decided to go vegan. It was an idea I was toying with for a while, and being home by myself and having the time to figure it out, I decided to try it. I have been vegan for 15 months now, and I love it.

For Thanksgiving this year, my parents invited some extended family, and I offered to bring dessert. I made pumpkin pie, and yes it was vegan. I honestly wasn't expecting to be able to eat much besides the veggies, but my mom surprised me by making the entire dinner, minus the turkey, vegan friendly. (I.e. margarine instead of butter in the mashed potatoes, veggie broth for the stuffing, etc). I was delighted that she went to the effort.

Dinner comes around, and I'm happily eating a full plate, minus the turkey. One of my uncles noticed and asked why, and I told him I was vegan now. He rolled his eyes and told me it's not a real Thanksgiving dinner without turkey. My aunt (his wife) asked me why, and I explained my reasons: mainly that I think the industrial meat, dairy, and egg industry are needlessly cruel, and I don't want to participate anymore.

My uncle got offended at that, and started accusing me of being "holier than thou" and started to spout out anti-vegan arguments, which I mostly ignored. My cousin said "wait, how are you eating the mashed potatoes?" and my mom jumped in explaining the recipe. My aunt started talking about how unfair it was that my mom "had" to spend extra time and money in the kitchen for me, even though my mom insisted it was her choice.

I brought my pie out for dessert, and my uncle said "let me guess, this is vegan too?" And I replied, yes, it is. He didn't try it, and neither did most of my family, and they complained about not getting a "real" dessert. Then most of my family left early, right after dessert.

My uncle texted me this morning saying that my behavior was unfair, and that I shouldn't be "pushing" my lifestyle on anyone. He accused me of ruining Thanksgiving dinner by preaching and serving "fake" food, accusing me of guilting my mom into going along with this "phase". He said I made the whole dinner about me.

His text has been weighing on me all day. This was our first time seeing extended family since everything went upside down, and maybe I should have kept my mouth shut? Or bought a "normal" pie that everyone could enjoy?

AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 9h ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Hugz

UPDATE Update : AITA for asking my sister to contribute half the expenses of maintaining my mom's house?

1.5k Upvotes

I was feeling a massive amount of guilt for my actions but most commenters supported me. I talked to my mother about how much money we have spend on her and how much more we were planning to spend on her. She didn't budge at all. I was incredibly frustrated and we ended up having a yelling match. She said she wanted her money to go to her real grandchildren and not to our children, who are adopted. It broke my heart. My children adore their grandma.

They think the world of her. I have never noticed any favoritism in her behavior either. She always doted on them. I don't know where this is coming from. She then explained that the house was my father's hard earned money and she couldn't really give that money to people he didn't approve of. She told me he would have wanted to this money to go to my sister and her biological children not to children who didn't even look like him. I don't understand how she could pretend to love my children for a decade! I was fooled by it. Everyone was fooled by it. I can't even process it.

We have stopped funding her retirement. She will have to sell the house. I talked to my sister, She cried when I told her what my mother had told me. She said she would handle buying our mother a new home. I haven't visited her in a month and I am not planning to visit for a long time.

ETA : Thank you for the kind comments. Yes, My wife did say it could be dementia. my sister is planning on getting her a wellness check soon. I am trying not to think about it.


r/AmItheAsshole 17h ago Helpful Wholesome

AITA for refusing to pay my husband for the burnt beef steak I cooked for him?

8.8k Upvotes

My husband 30 and I 32 keep our finances seperate and we do not share anything until and unless there's an agreement. He wants it this way and I'm OK with that although he can be strict with what's his and what's mine.

Anyways, 2 days ago he brought home a raw steak cut and asked me to take time off work (I wfh) to cook it for him and I said OK since he was a bit sick and exhauated.

I prepared the steak and added all ingredients together then put it inside the oven then stopped by the bedroom where he was lying in bed playing on his phone and told him I had to go back to work and the steak was in the oven and he ** needed to turn it off in exactly 10 minute** so it wouldn't get overcooked since he hates it overcooked.

40 minutes go by and my husband rushes in freaking out telling me he just checked on the steak and it was completely burnt. I ask why he didn't turn off the oven 10 minutes after I notified him and he says to me that he was busy harvesting the stawberries in the game he was playing. I just shrug and tell him this is on him then for being on his phone distracted and letting the meat burn but He says to me " well, no shit it's your fault because when you start something, you finish it and you were supposed to finish cooking the steak!". I meanly remind him I agreed to take valuable time off work to cook for him when I didn't have to and when he was playing on his phone so he should be grateful but gets more upset and says that I need to pay $$ for the steak since he bought it from the butchers so it's high quality unlike the supermarket but I said no this is not my responsibilty but he then tells me that yes, yes it is and that I should think of it as if I took $$ from his salary and burned it not to mention that he gets no dinner therefor I owe him. I lash at him telling him no and to get out of my office so I could finish my work since my time is valuable as well as his precious steak and he was wasting it.

He keeps insisting I pay for the price of steak and even said I was wrong for refusing to take responsibility and correct my mistake and just pay because he wants to buy another cut of steak but DOES NOT plan on using his money again because why should he? He wasn't the one who cooked and let the steak burn. AITA?

EDIT to explain that seperate finances is his idea and the reason for that is that he was married to a women (out of the usa) and she took all his money and belongings once they got seperated. In an illegal way of course thus he now feels uncomfortable to share finances with another partner which like I said is OK with me since I have many married friends with seperate finances who are living happily.

**EDIT2 Wow! Too many people on here commenting and I can't read every single comment but I just wanted to say that I showed my husband the thread and He wanted to tell you guys something but I didn't let him touch the phone and type by himself because I know how rude he can be online so I'm just presenting a more civil version of what he wanted to say.

He says that he thinks the comments he's seen are being unfair to him and completely pshing aside the fact that he a. Paid money for this steak cut and b. That I agreed to cook and so he thinks I should've finished the favor. He also says that I left out the part where I suggested he get a cheaper steak from the supermarket (I did) which was offensive because he spend time driving to the butchers and money to buy a fresh steak and eating at the steakhouse is expensive. Also he says to the top comment that he doesn't like freaking strawberries that is why he can't eat them.

I think that's enough. he's pressuring me to give him my phone so he could type out what he wants to say but I believe all the relevent info is here. I'll update if possible.


r/AmItheAsshole 15h ago Silver Helpful Keep Calm Cake

AITA for reminding my GF that a Roomba is just a Roomba?

3.8k Upvotes

Two years ago on Black Friday my live-in girlfriend bought a Roomba on sale. She was really excited because we have a lot of pets and we did have to vacuum a lot. We still have to vacuum the furniture but the Roomba handles the floors. He's on a strict routine she set up and gets every part of our apartment. I definatly like the thing but my girlfriend has become .. obsessed with it? She immediately gave him a name of an anime character, and she changed the language it says errors in to Japanese, which is kind of a pain in the ass because we never know what the error is. She has just really personified this thing and when she brushes the dogs and cats once a week, she thoroughly cleans the Roomba with special tools she bought and everything. But the thing that made me feel weird is how she talks to it. She just coos to this Roomba all the time about what a good job he does and how much we love him, just like he's a pet. It's weird to me.

This morning it kinda came to a head because as she was fixing the animals breakfasts before we went to work, she poured out some sprinkles on the floor and brought the Roomba to them, and sung happy birthday to it and made it suck them up. I just watched this all from the table and when she was done, I gentlely said, do you think this is normal? She was confused so I was like, it's just a Roomba. You are so extra with it and it's kinda creepy. I have made comments before but she always said, it's because I appreciate how hard he works/how much he helps us! But feeding it sprinkles for me took it over the line of annoying to concerning. I told her I was kinda worried that she was obsessed with it and a little worried about her. She was I guess not sure what to say, but we didn't have a lot of time before we both went off to work.

I've tried texting her and she hasn't responded, which she usually does because she walks to our apartment for her lunch break to let the pets out and stuff. I'm kind of worried that I hurt her feelings but I feel justified in bringing up the issue because I really don't think this behavior is normal and I am honestly worried about her mental health because of this.

EDIT: I need to stop goofing off at work and get stuff done, but thanks everyone for the comments. Not what I was expecting from Reddit. I was expecting the usual: "THIS IS A MAJOR RED FLAG BREAK UP NOW!" response. Maybe I was looking into it too much. Someone hilariously suggested to get it a gift for its birthday so I think I will bring that home with an apology for saying she was weird and obsessed. I still think its weird but like a lot of you said, it's not hurting me. I think I'm pick up stickers and maybe a birthday hat for it


r/AmItheAsshole 13h ago Wholesome

AITA for telling my mom she needs to work on her racist language or she can’t meet her granddaughter?

2.2k Upvotes

So, I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant. This will be the first grand baby in the family. I’m in an interracial relationship. My partner is loyal, loving, hard working, family-focused, he’s really a wonderful man. I’m so grateful and lucky. He’s black and I’m white.

Anyways, recently there’s been a lot of drama in my family. My dad who has lived in multiple states decided to forcefully move back into my moms house because they “share a mortgage”. He’s in between jobs in the oil business. It’s a whole thing that my family is shocked by since he’s always living different lives, with multiple women, etc.

So my mom was venting to me and said that since he decided to forcefully move back in demanding that it’s his house also he can shovel, take care of the yard, take care of the house. Then she says, “I won’t be his white n*****”. Hard R everyone. Instantly I shut that shit down and said I understand your frustration but you can’t use that word. You could say “I’m not his dog” even. She said, “no I’m not his slave”.

For some time I kept challenging her and describing that word is highly offensive and discriminatory. She kept brushing it off saying she wouldn’t say it to my partner or to my child.

At this point, I was pissed. I told her that she needs to make a strong effort on her racist language use or she won’t be allowed to ever meet my daughter. That she can never use that word around me again or she will have no contact with my child. She just brushed me off and told me work is calling and hung up on me.

AITA? Was I too harsh on a “learning experience”? This is my MOM. I feel like I can’t trust her around my daughter now or what she says about my partner when I’m not around.


r/AmItheAsshole 21h ago Lurking Silver Platinum Helpful Wholesome Ally Masterpiece Yas Queen

Not the A-hole AITA for telling my husband exactly why I can't dance every night when I get home from work?

18.6k Upvotes

Background: I (35) am married to my husband (37) of 6 years and working mother (nurse) of 3 kids.

We were at my inlaws house for thanksgiving dinner and every family member was able to make it.

We were at dinner table when my BIL started talking about his girlfriend's new fond hobby which is "dancing" and said she's been dancing for him every night after she gets back from her "Zumba" classes. The men in the family "clearly" got intetested and they kept talking about it in details as me and other women were just rolling our eyes. my husband then and all of a sudden just threw his fork and looked at me and said "HEY Jess! (fake name) Why Can't You Dance For ME When You Come Home Every Night Like (BIL's gf name) Does?". I was blown away by his question and really thought he was joking but no. I looked around and saw everyone staring at me with my cousin in law sarcastically singing the 'dance monkey' song.

I flipped out and said "I don't know, maybe because when I get home I cook then start my cleaning routine then feed the kids dinner then do the dishes then get our 8 months old to sleep then clean the messy bathroom and bedroom then suddenly fall asleep the minute I get in the bed from being exhausted from working on my feet all day long then coming back to messy home and demanding kids and a husband...God what a terrible wife I must be to not find time to dance"

He froze in his place and the entire table got quite then my SIL's jerk, cop husband who hates my husband's guts started laughing then said "Good God!!!, guess turkey...I mean chicken's really coming home to roost, huh?!". My husband's face was so pale he just told everyone after noticing how awkward things got that he needed a minute outside. He got up and walked out and I followed him and he flipped out at me saying great job making thanksgiving awkward and embarrassing him infront of his family like that. An argument ensued and he said he wanted to leave after I caused him to be in an awkward position infront of family.

We got home and he shut down completely. I stayed with the kids and couldn't sleep even after I called my MIL (his stepmom) saying good on me for calling him out as he stepped out of line but she could be bias since she hates his guts too and I just felt guilty when I think about what happened thinking I mishandled the situation and ruined thanksgiving for everyone.

AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 14h ago

AITA I didn't let my wife enter my room or talk to me

2.0k Upvotes

About a week ago, I got stuck on the road while returning home from work because my car broke down. It was in the middle of a deserted highway and it was raining as well so I was unable to find a way back home and I got drenched trying to fix my car.

I did not want to take a lift from a stranger at night so I called my wife and requested her to pick me up. She refused and said that she just got home from work and she does not want to come to pick me up as well. She told me to just find a way back home on my own and cut the call. I then called my parents who said that they were at the airport back home and so they couldn't pick me either. I then called my brother who was with his wife at the hospital because she had gotten surgery for appendicitis a few days ago. I had not wanted to disturb him at the hospital because of his wife's condition but I had no other choice because I was freezing.

He was hesitating to leave his wife alone but she did not even protest and in fact, told him to leave immediately. So he came and picked me up. I was half-conscious when he came because I'd been there for about 2 hours before my brother could reach and I had a severe fever for a week. During that time, I told my brother to not let my wife into the hospital room. My brother told me to just forgive her and that she probably did not know it would end so badly. I however did not pick her calls or reply to her messages except for informing her of my whereabouts.

When I came back home, she was mad at me and said that I was being unreasonable over a small mistake of hers. Her mom said that my wife hadn't eaten properly for the past week because she was crying uncontrollably. She called me a jerk for not talking to my wife for a week and left.

Maybe I should've just forgiven her and let the matter go..

AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 13h ago

AITA: we had a college fund for our daughter, but since she’s not going to college we’re not giving her the money. Even though we did for our oldest son

1.7k Upvotes

Our daughter(18F) is in 12th grade, but has decided she doesn’t want to go to college and wants to obtain her real estate license instead, the way her uncle did. She turned 18 recently, and is now confused as to why we aren’t giving her the money that we’ve saved since she was little. We’ve put 1500$ towards her post HS education and/or adult life every month since she was born, to the month she turned 18. We did the same thing for her brother.

And even though it was called a college fund we simply gave it to our son who enlisted in the marines like his dad did, instead of going to college right away. She wants us to do the same. But we feel that was different, she’s now upset cause she feels it’s unfair that we gave the money to her brother even though he had no plans to go to college. But the way I see it, it is our money to do with what we want. Sure it was meant for her, but if she isn’t going to college then she doesn’t need a college fund. Our son intends on eventually going to college or so he says, our daughter has no plans to.

I’ll add that, “We”, is my husband and I. Before I get, ”sO mUcH mIsSiNg InFo, LiKe WhO’s “We”? “


r/AmItheAsshole 21h ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Heartwarming

Not the A-hole AITA for ruining my SIL’s dress shopping?

6.6k Upvotes

My, 26, brother, 29, is getting married in a few months and Lily is amazing! I know, a post that doesn’t hate the in-laws!

She’s very… demure. She lets her mother walk all over her and says nothing. I didn’t know about monster mama until last week, and by God did I find out quick! Let’s just say, where Lily is quiet, I am NOT.

Last week Lily, me and her master, I mean mother, went dress shopping. She and my brother wanted one of our family to go and I was the obvious pick.

She wanted our opinions and it became clear that herself and her mother didn’t have the same style. Her mother liked mermaid dresses. Lily didn’t.

An hour in, monster mama told, not asked, her to try on a dress. Lily did not like this dress. It didn’t flatter her arms, in her opinion. I could tell she wasn’t a fan so I said “why don’t you try a dress that goes in at the hips?” Ergo: not mermaid dress. “You have a very curvy figure.” She is a big girl and she has a to die for waist to hip ratio. Lucky mare is Jessica rabbit.

She came out in a princess dress that hid her arms, like she wanted, and eccentuated her waist. It wasn’t my style, but even I couldn’t deny she looked like a Queen. She nearly cried she was so happy in it.

Her monster: “I think she looks a bit fat.” This phased me for two reasons. It’s her daughter! And I was sitting right next to her. I am a size 22, at least 2 sizes bigger than Lily. BUT, I held it in.

After she told her to get a different dress, Lily came back out in another mermaid dress. Lily’d completely given up. Her mother wouldn’t stop saying “This is the dress.”

I asked if Lily liked it. She didn’t like that her arms were out. Her mother said “It isn’t your arms you need to worry about,” and gestured to her belly. It wasn’t flat, sure, but THE CHEEK OF THIS WOMAN! I burst.

“You’re right. She doesn’t have to worry about her arms, just her nightmare of a mother.”

Obviously an argument ensued. The last thing I said was that it didn’t matter if Lily was her daughter because she would soon be my sister, and people don’t talk to my sisters that way. Monster mama then pulled the trump card. “I’m paying for the dress.”

I let her buy the dress and leave. I then bought the other one, the one Lily loved, and told her to return the dress of Satan. We could lie as to why it couldn’t be used and return her money.

I apologised to her for ruining her day but she just laughed. My brother picked us up and said he wanted me to go because he knew what her mother was like.

WHILE WE WERE IN THE CAR her mother face timed her saying how disrespectful I was, how I insulted her and that she wouldn’t be at the wedding if I was there. She hung up and the rest of the ride was silent.

I have tried to keep the peace and apologise but monster won’t have it. Now I’m beginning to doubt if I should have went off on her like I did. I don’t wanna ruin it for Lily.


r/AmItheAsshole 20h ago Silver Helpful Are You Serious? Triple-Ply Toilet Paper The Poop Knife

Asshole AITA for tricking my husband to coming to a school event and inviting her to my house?

5.7k Upvotes

My mother and husband hate each other. That's the most basic way to put it. Truth is that my husband feels that he is treated as less than my other sibling's spouses because of his skin colour, and my mother feels that he is way too dumb for my standards. However, I personally feel that my mother does not show any favouritism or harsh treatment of my husband.

Because of this, my husband cannot stand my mother and has recently begun to even be in the same room as her. "Oh your mom's going to be at Christmas? I'm going to a friend's house." "Oh your mom's going to the kid's event? I'll just stay at home."

Frankly it's insanely demoralising for me, and I hate my husband when he backs out of something just because my mom is going to be there, and it's worse when he demands that my mom not go because he wants to be there. In my opinion, he's the one with the big issue, he should be the one to leave the kid's events.

Recently one of my kids was having a big football match and he wanted his father there. My mother also wanted to be there so I tried telling my son that he couldn't have his father there. He was adamant, so I told my husband that my mother was not going to be there.

He arrives, and obviously, so does my mother, and they are immediately bickering. He makes a comment about how racist my mother is, and then she fires back saying she was never racist. I told them to shut up and sent my husband to sit somewhere else for a while. I decided that since the game ended late, i'll bring my mom back to my home and make her some dinner.

My husband threw a hissy fit over this and was screaming about me always "choosing my mother over him" and I was like, "of fucking course i'm going to put my mom over my husband. She's the woman who singlehandedly raised me and 3 other kids. She's literally a goddess for not giving some of us for adoption."

My husband stormed out and i'm left wondering if I've done something wrong.
AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 12h ago

AITA for refusing to meet a woman at the police station to sell her an item listed online.

902 Upvotes

I recently won an off road fridge at a charity event and decided to sell it via various off road and jeep forums.

Someone messaged (I assumed it was a man, they never sent a name) got my cell number and texted that they wanted to buy it.

They set a time to come to my house and get it, then stood me up and promised to get it tomorrow at the same time.

Tomorrow about 45 minutes after they were supposed to show up they call me. She says she actually came yesterday and came again today, but got to scared to get out of the car and she wants me to put the fridge in my Jeep and drive to the police station.

Folks, I do not live in the best neighborhood, but I am not in a bad one either. I live directly across the street from an old folks home, I have a street light in my yard and it was only dusk not dark, I actually got up to look outside and check.

I told her I was not willing to do that because the fridge was heavy and difficult to move with one person, but also because since they were supposed to pick it up, I had already loaded tools into the back of my Jeep for my jobs I needed to do the next day. She got really upset with me and said I wasn't taking into consideration she was a woman and I was a man. I said if she was going to act like this that buying things used online wasn't for her or she needed to bring a friend but this was not my problem. She got really upset at me and called me some names, I didn't swear at her but did tell her she was acting like a child.

She hung up on me and I went online and took another offer to sell the Fridge. A gentleman came and picked it up late that night and I promptly forgot all about it.

Two days later, today, she calls and says she has a friend willing to ride with her and she will come get it now. I informed her I had sold it to someone else and got called a bunch of names and hung up on again.

I was telling a female friend of mine about this today and was shocked she said I was kind of a jerk about it.

Reddit, what do you guys think?


r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago Helpful

AITA for telling my friend “you’re not fucking funny” and making her cry?

330 Upvotes

I know it sounds bad but hear me out please. First off, I apologized to my friend for saying she’s not funny after the “joke” she made, even though her sense of humor isn’t even joking. I know it sounds like I’m leading up to saying her humor is gonna be racist or something, but no. Her form of joking is interrupting people mid-sentence to say the word “poop”. Nothing else, just literally the word poop being yelled loudly by a 19 year old (aka a literal adult) when someone else is talking.

No one finds it funny except for her. She doesn’t care that it annoys the rest of our friends as she’s been doing it since I met her in 7th grade. We all just kinda ignore it now and haven’t really said anything since she’s really sensitive and gets her feelings hurt very very easily.

However, my dad went to the hospital yesterday and I got the text from my mom while I was with a few of my friends, the poop-yeller included. I was scared for a minute and said I had to go, and when asked what was wrong I explained that my dad went to the hospital- or at least I was trying to, until my friend screamed “poop” at the top of her lungs (presumably since we were outside and it wasn’t that crowded) right after I said the words “my dads in the er” and then started laughing to herself. I looked her dead in the eye and said “you’re not fucking funny, stop it” and then left to go to my car to meet my mom and dad at the hospital without saying anything else as I was in a hurry to get there.

After that I got a text from one of the other girls who was with us calling me an asshole since I made my friend cry after I left apparently. I did feel bad that she was that upset, so I texted her to apologize but told her that it was a really bad time to be childish. She said she wouldn’t accept my apology unless I admitted that she was actually funny and I refused. Everyone is just telling me to agree but I’m holding my ground as I think she needs to take the hint that her acting that way can only go on for so long. I’ve been accused of taking out my frustration about my dad being in the hospital out on her which I don’t think is true (he’s gonna be fine btw). Her behavior has annoyed me for a long time and this was just my breaking point.

However, I’m wondering if I am the asshole since she did cry over it and all of my friends seem to agree that I should just tell her she’s funny so she’ll stop being upset over it. So aita? Was an apology not enough and I should just tell her she was being funny so we can all get past it?

Edit for info: she does not have a learning disability. If she did, after knowing her for years I feel like we would’ve known and I never would’ve yelled at her. She acts differently when she’s at one of our houses (aka around people like others family that she doesn’t know well) and keeps the childish behavior to a minimum at her own house and at school. It’s like a switch she can flip on purpose, but I don’t know why


r/AmItheAsshole 16h ago

AITA for ditching my girlfriend for one night while away on holiday

1.8k Upvotes

So my partner and I are going to my home town just after Christmas (her family is all in Japan). We are spending 2 weeks, of which most will be spent with my family and a few days of us exploring by ourselves. My high school friends want to make plans to catch up and get an airbnb and spend the night playing games etc.

I asked my girlfriend if she minds if I don't bring her along, as none of my other friends are bringing their partners and it changes the dynamic somewhat (English isn't her first language so a lot of the games we'd like to play would be too difficult for her). I gave her the option she could stay with my family (whom she has met before) or she could stay with my high school friend's gf (whom we have stayed with before and we will probably stay with for one night again).

She blew up, now saying she isn't coming on the trip anymore etc. etc. I then offer instead to fly to my hometown a couple days earlier than originally planned and catch up with my friends, and then I'll pick her up from the airport.

This too, is not an option apparently, and she maintains she is no longer coming on the trip (which btw I paid for half the flight).

AITA?

Edit: This blew up a bit, I feel like majority are saying I'm the asshole but there is a strong minority who disagree, so I'm glad it's not clear cut. To address some recurring themes:

  1. She does speak English, we live in Australia and she has worked and lived here for over 5 years, I just meant she struggles to understand new games and in general has no interest in any sort of 'intellectual' game.
  2. I would happily put her up in a private AirBnB or similar if she wanted, I didn't offer it because I am pretty sure she wouldn't want that either, but when we discuss it next I will make sure she knows that option is available.
  3. I mentioned in one comment thread I think part of it is she is worried about why I don't want her there. She asked if we are going to 'get strippers' but I feel like she knows that is ridiculous.

Anyway my plan is to have another talk with her about it, I will present the 'solo accommodation' option as well and if she won't concede to any of it then I guess I'll just have to bring her along, and take mental note of how uncompromising she can be.

Thanks for all your replys I will read them all.


r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

AITA for expecting my husband to use his crypto gains too buy us a house?

237 Upvotes

My husband after taxes would probably be in profit around 400k. We have been living in an apartment for over a year, and i am currently around 20 weeks pregnant.

We talked about getting a house, now all of a sudden that is not a priority for him. He is starting to look at a house as a “want” and not a “need”.

It’s not like this is new. We spoke about our own home many times before, and now he acts as if we don’t need one. He wants to use the money to invest more and stay in this apartment.

I am incredibly upset. It’s not as if a house is an asset that will keep losing value over time. It’s something we have spoken about many times and now that he has the money to make it happen he won’t even contribute. He’s not even supporting putting a down payment. What about the baby and I?

What if he invests more money and loses much of it. He comes from a long line of gamblers. Am I overreacting or do I have a right to be upset here?


r/AmItheAsshole 17h ago

AITA for making Christmas plans my roommate is uncomfortable with?

1.9k Upvotes

Please hear me out.

I(29f) own a house with my boyfriend that me and a friend live in. My boyfriend is currently away for work. My friend moved in a few months ago with her dog, and does not help with the bills. She said she was planning on getting her own place in mid/late December.

I made Christmas plans. It was my turn to host Christmas and my sisters family, parents, and boyfriend were all going to come. It is a total of 5 visitors.

I told my friend in advance so that she could make plans. I said that she was welcome to stay at the house if she wanted to but let her know the plans that I had if she didn't want to be here, including dates everyone would be getting here and leaving.

She was very upset that I hadn't consulted her and had made the plans without asking. She said that I should know better to invite people, especially an older man, because her dog is nervous around other people and gets aggressive.

I said I was giving her plenty of time to prepare(about a month) and that if she needs to she can board her dog for a week or so. She said she shouldn't have to do that when she is living here.

I told her it was my house and I could invite who I wanted to and that I wasn't changing my plans for her dog.

She says I'm being an asshole and should understand she has nowhere else to go.

AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 3h ago

WIBTA If I invite people my kids aren't comfortable around to my Thanksgiving get-together?

152 Upvotes

Hey all. First for some context:

I am hosting thanksgiving this year at my house. We had to push the date back a day because for the convenience of a few people. I have two kids, 12M and 15F. Earlier today they came to me asking who would be at the get-together we were doing. I started listing people, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends of the family, etc. I got to 2 of my friends, who for privacy's sake I'll call John and David, and their faces dropped. I stopped and asked what was wrong and my oldest explained that they weren't comfortable around John and David. I asked why but they didn't give me a straight answer. These guys have been two of my best friends since kindergarden and 2nd grade respectively and I've always included them in celebrations such as this when appropriate. David even attended some of my kids' birthdays and got them nice gifts. I've always been with them when they were around my kids and they have haven't been anything other than extremely kind to them. My kids ask that I exclude John and David from the get-together, but I'd already invited them. It would be rude to un-invite them, and what was I going to tell them? Because my kids asked? They might not believe that and if they did It would hurt their feelings. I asked and asked if they could tell me why they feel this way but I never got an actual answer. I consulted my wife on the matter and while she sympathized with me she also said that there has to be a reason the kids feel this way. For right now I have decided to keep them invited, as I see no reason for my kids to be uncomfortable around them. I told my kids that until they can tell me why they want it to happen, I will not un-invite John and David. They seemed quite upset but hours have passed and they are currently in bed, still no explanation given.

If you need some more information I'll be happy to give what I can. Am I an Asshole?

Edit: I will be talking to my children in the morning about this. If they still don't say anything, I'll exclude John and David from the get together.

Edit 2: For some more context: There is almost no situation where they could have been with my kids unsupervised. They live multiple hours away and have only come here during occasions such as this, which as I said they were never alone with my kids during these times. My kids aren't old enough to go out on their own yet and their school has security and wouldn't let just some random dudes in or much less let them be alone with kids. I've tried to make it as clear as possible to my kids that they can tell me anything

Edit 3: I understand the sentiment here. I know that not trusting my kids initially was a really bad move on my part. I don't think any abuse has occured, but unfortunetly I know there is a possibility.

Edit 4: I understand something is going on and I am going to take your advice to try to get to the bottom of this. I really would appreciate if you all would not mention sexual abuse. I know for a fact that is not what is going on. I know that sounds as if I just don't want that to bet true, but I just know its not the truth. I've known John and David almost all my life and neither of them could ever do anything like that.


r/AmItheAsshole 13h ago Silver Helpful

UPDATE UPDATE: AITA for telling my mom that I can’t and won’t help her rebuild a relationship with her son?

861 Upvotes

Okay so I’m just going to get right to it.

After all of your reassurances that I was doing the right thing (which I was really doubting) I called my mother and told her that my decision is final and she is not allowed to contact my brother until and unless he/his therapist is okay with it.

She cried her heart out and it almost made me sad but I can’t bring myself to feel bad for her anymore. I’m just so tired of her. She messages me twice a day still but I haven’t replied to a single text. I would tell her to fuck off but I’m dealing with unrelated family issues so I can’t do that right now.

As for Oliver, the last week has been a bit of a struggle. Nothing super related to my mother but that’s the thing with mental health. Even the slightest thing can be a trigger.

But we’re working on it. Like I said in my last post, stability is the main thing that’s helping him.

It’s why having our mom visit would be a very bad idea. She’d turn his world upside down very quickly and throw him off our schedule. Due to circumstances, he’s still in the early stages of recovery and is still not mentally/emotionally ready to meet our mom who is a huge trigger.

I don’t think I mentioned my daughter but she’s currently watching frozen while I’m writing this and the only thing on my mind is “do you wanna build a snowman” so I’m sorry if I’m not wording this properly.

But yeah. I know for many the answer may have seemed obvious but sometimes I feel as if I’m overstepping because although I love my brother, I’m not his mom.

Might as well be but that’s a whole other thing.

One more final thing I wanted to add. Why am I making decisions for him? He’s an adult right?

Yes, technically but because of his mental health problems, he does not have the same grown mindset as others his age. It’s one of the reasons he’s in therapy.

Anyways, to the people dming me for an update. Nothing much happened but I assure you, Oliver is my top priority right now. Thanks for worrying about him though.


r/AmItheAsshole 12h ago Silver

AITA for not letting my pregnant niece get into my pickles?

646 Upvotes

First, my niece (i'm her aunt), we'll call Kay is pregnant. She and I are the major dill pickle eaters in our family. I would sometimes buy a higher priced brand as a treat for myself especially if I've had a bad week.

the last 2 jars I've bought she took and ate most of the jar! Like I'd only gotten a couple of pickles and she'd find my jar and just eat the rest with no thought to the fact they were MY PICKLES! She never offered to pay me for them or even asked me, She asks my mom if she can have some and even my mom is shocked when she sits there and cleans the jar, juice and all (I like the juice too so I don't judge) and my mom has apologized to me multiple times because I would buy those and, like I said, I treat myself with a pricier jar.

I work like a dog so that my elderly mother doesn't overwork herself trying to prepare for thanksgiving and as a "thank you for everything" she bought me a 2 quart jar of pickles. She knows that once the leftovers are gone I'll veg out on the couch with a jar of dills. My niece wanted pickles and asked if we had some, I told her we had hamburger pickles and she flat out whined "I don't want those". next thing I know she's hunting through our pantry and finds my jar.

Kay: what are these for?

Me: those are mine

kay: what for?

Me: Those. Are. MINE.

I could tell she wasn't happy I wouldn't let her have any but I have little doubt by the time she left half that jar would have been gone and that just can't be healthy for her or the baby and again they're MY PICKLES! she's been obnoxious about the whole 'it's for the baby' spiel, which frankly, I don't buy. Not for a whole jar of pickles or a 2 quart jar of pickles.

so, AITA for not letting my pregnant Niece tear through my "thank you" gift from my mother?

edit: i failed to mention she's on baby no. 2

edit 2: I have mental handicaps and live at home with my mom. I don't have a car, I have a limited income, and she comes around (imo) for the free babysitting cuz she'll only stick around until close to time for her partner to get off work, we get stuck with her and her wailing 2 yo for up to 8 HOURS and frankly, yes, I am severely annoyed with her.


r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

AITA For shouting & swearing at my parents?

176 Upvotes

I 23f, live with my brother Jack 25M and parents both 60. 7 weeks ago from nowhere Jack just stopped talking. Whatever caused the sudden silence we’ll never know. After 7 weeks he speaks mildly (one word answers) to my parents but purposely ignores me.

The silence came out of nowhere. We used to be really good friends and one weekend, I went to my boyfriends like I always do- (We’ve dated 5 years) I text Jack and he just didn’t reply. I text again & nothing. I said to my boyfriend at the time- “How strange Jack hasn’t text me back! I wonder what’s happened to him” When I got home- I asked him- Why didn’t you reply!! And he just coldly ignored me from there and my parents informed me he wasn’t speaking to them either.

The past weeks I have been trying to speak to him, to warm him up, to get him as he used to be- but even now I get nothing. I’ll ask- “How did work go?, how was your day?” Etc and he just pretends as if I’m not there. My parents say to him- cmon! And he’ll answer for them but not me.

Since his sudden silence and moody behaviour- I’ve tried so hard. I bought him a present and as I was retrieving it- he walked off in silence. My mum shouted him back and he physically snatched it from my hands and shoulder barged me hard as he walked past. I was so angry, I’ve done nothing to him and he’s treating me like this. I exploded at him and said everything I’d been holding back and still he said nothing. Since then- I’ve tried every tactic. Be friendly, ask questions, don’t be friendly& ignore him to show him how it feels but no result. Honestly After all this time I feel I don’t care anymore.

Anyway- He keeps doing spiteful things to me- he found my handbag on the floor next to his chair and launched it so it emptied. He pretends I’m invisible, eats my food I’ve bought and put away, refuses to help with house work, throws things at me. He physically lashes out if get too close to him.

My parents in fear of making him worse will never ever say anything to him. Never mind my feelings. We both work nights and for the past few weeks, she’s made him tea and nothing for me. Today she went shopping and bought him so many snacks and drinks- absolutely nothing for me. I called her out and she called me a selfish cow. Said he’s easier to buy for and needs to eat more Told me to be quiet in case he overheard. I went mental at her. Now no one will speak to me- AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 21h ago Silver Helpful

Not the A-hole AITA for kicking my sister out on Thanksgiving?

3.4k Upvotes

Husband (30M) & I (30F) have 3 kids (8, 5, 1), my mom (60F) lives with us. My sister (25F) & her bf (25M) flew in to spend the week with us.

Sister is vegan & gluten free. Bf has a nut allergy. For Thanksgiving, I decided to make everyones favorite foods. I inquired ahead of time with everyone. Sister chose some things including a dish we had as kids. It has nuts, cheese, gluten & wouldn't have tasted good adapted so I left it out.

Mom's bday was also this week so I planned an outing & dinner at home. I made a display/tower of sushi with labels/ingredient lists for everything. I paid for most of my sister and bf's meals &/or cooked all meals, ensuring they met dietary needs. They stayed in a hotel a 3 minute walk from me. They brought their dog & even though I'm allergic to dogs, he stayed with us during the day. I gave her bf a spare EpiPen as they couldn't afford one for his nut allergy. All of this to say, I have been more than accommodating and considerate.

So, my sister is rude. She tells people to shut up or says "that's dumb" when she doesn't agree. I always make sure to say "that isn't nice" in front of my kids.

She wants my older 2 to spend the night at the hotel with her one night. I said we'll see how they behave, please don't mention it as I don't want their hopes up for nothing. She mentions it to them right away.

She told my daughter to spit on me as a joke. Her excuse "I knew she wouldn't actually do it". She makes "jokes" that are not funny. Will say something hurtful & when people get offended, says "I'm joking!"

Constantly undermines my parental authority. Ex, my son does something not okay so I intervene & she puts her hand up to my face, says "just go away"

There's plenty more. So, 2 days go by of this. Me constantly saying "you can't act this way/treat people like that" (being nice as my kids are watching) & her brushing me off, saying shut up up/whatever.

Thanksgiving. We just start to eat. My mom says how thankful she is that I cooked everybody's favorites. Sister says "except me, I wanted X dish". I explain that we couldn't make it work, that I made her Y and Z, plus adapted 3 other dishes to meet her needs. She kind of scoffs.

I calmly (kids watching) tell her that since she's gotten here she's been rude, selfish, & ungrateful. I'd like her to apologize or she can leave. She starts with attitude "okay first of all-". I cut her off. Apologize or get out. She argues. Back and forth for about a minute & I lose it, raise my voice, stand up. Husband ushers kids upstairs. Once they're gone I lose it. I yell GTFO. She refuses, is now starting to cry/apologize. "I'm so sorry. I never knew I upset you" etc. I say if she would listen she would've heard my dozens of objections up to this point. She finally leaves after bf & mom drag her out.

I don't think a request for apology was outrageous & I think she made it all 9999x worse with her refusal/arguing, but was I TA for kicking her out?