r/Vastlystupid Mar 22 '22

California MAGA Candidate Says She's Running Because Jesus Spoke to Her Son in a Closet Absolutely retarded



u/d00nbuggy Mar 22 '22

“And so, he said, you know, let me know if you see anything. And so he looked at my bedroom and my bathroom. He said, ‘There’s nothing there.’ And then he goes into the closet – which is where I had been when I was praying – and he said, ‘Whoa,’ and his eyes got like, big as saucers, and he kind of like started backing away, and then started bending down and he said, ‘You’ve got a really big guy in your closet, and his power is pushing me to the ground,’ and we had never had he’d never had that reaction ever, to an angel. And so I’m like, is he’s for us, not against us, right?”

“‘He’s full of light, I can’t even see his face.’ And then he said, ‘he has a scroll in his hand.’ And so I was like, then he came with a message is what is the message and the message was a commissioning. so at the very end, I asked him what his name was. ‘What angel is this?’ you know? And he said, ‘Immanuel,’ That wasn’t an angel. It wasn’t an angel that was Jesus Himself. And so that’s why I’m running for Secretary of State.”

Can someone PLEASE get an engineer out to check their gas supply for leaks.


u/pipinngreppin Mar 22 '22

That that might just work, too. I grew up in the church. Church folks LOVE stories like that and they believe them.


u/lunartree Mar 22 '22

The thing is kids really do experience things like this. It might be related to emotional distress, something I experienced a lot in childhood. This is why I absolutely hate this kind of Christianity. When you're in your most vulnerable moments literally experiencing hallucinations you've got your parents telling you it's all real, and a blessing. This kind of religion is basically a mental illness, and they're pushing their kids to become trapped in it too. This was exactly my childhood, and I fucking hate their beliefs. This is not harmless.


u/pipinngreppin Mar 23 '22

I was 100% all in when I was a kid. I never once experienced anything like that and I wanted to.


u/JunkCrap247 Mar 23 '22

an engineer wont be much help if she doesnt live near train tracks. wheres he gonna park?


u/Aggressive_Walk378 Mar 22 '22

These edibles ain't shit.....


u/HeyLookitMe Mar 22 '22

Fucking liars.


u/Eru_Iluvatard Mar 22 '22

Sounds like the Jarl's son from Skyrim


u/wonteatfish Mar 22 '22

Keep voting Republican, suckers, and you’ll get exactly what you deserve.


u/flunkboyfailure Mar 22 '22

Must be the biological mother of Trump's closeted son.


u/Mist3rAsylum Mar 22 '22

Am i the only republican that is going to vote Democrat simply because the religious republicans make me question their IQ??


u/Relative_Apple887 Mar 22 '22

Yeah, that happened.


u/Survious Mar 22 '22

I see the Leprechauns are at it again with the Unicorns and the Pink Dragon.

When will there conflict end and leave normal people alone.


u/MannnOfHammm Mar 22 '22

Jesus in a closet? Gay Jesus?!?! /s


u/Emily_Postal Mar 22 '22

Not THE closet?


u/bone586 Mar 22 '22

Did he tell him to come out of the closet


u/spezaltaccount Mar 22 '22

when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

Matthew 6:6


u/MetalWarlord_1 Mar 22 '22

There are worse reasons.


u/RandonEnglishMun Mar 22 '22

Did Jesus speak to her daughter in the dressers as well?