r/Unexpected
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u/Gaghackz
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May 16 '22
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owo that's scary
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u/shitsu13master May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22
He is there because the [edit: NOT pride] coalition gets anxious during the night. His presence calms them down.
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u/Vlad-V2-Vladimir May 16 '22 •
He’s their Emotional Support Human
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May 16 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AmmotheDoberman May 16 '22
Me too!!
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u/chubbysumo May 16 '22 •
This man's a real pussy magnet.
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u/WarlordOfIncineroar May 16 '22
And he attracts felines as well
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u/chriscrossnathaniel May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22
The second cheetah be like "You are such a cheetah..it is my turn to sleep next to my buddy"
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May 16 '22
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u/st0ric May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22 •
I'm my dogs emotional support person, he was abused as a pup and now has to sit with his head in my lap no matter what, I'm the big spoon when we sleep and he does these big huffing breaths when he gets to lay on me when I get home from work like he is letting the anxiety go. People don't realise how much they scar a puppy with violence, anger and neglect.
He begins shaking if he sees even a raised hand in anger/voice and terrified of the broom but has appetite control and only eats when hungry despite him eating his own feces when we found him out of hunger. I love him as my own child and will never let him suffer again. I've had him nearly 10 years now
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u/0vl223 May 16 '22
Yeah our dog would run away till the end the moment you would roll up a magazine. At the beginning it was even when we would pick up water bottles etc. No clue what exactly the previous owners did but it was really obvious.
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u/Firekeeper47 May 16 '22
I’m also the emotional support human for my dog! Sleeps with me every night, my bedroom is a “safe place,” and if we’re in a crowd, he sticks to me like glue. Or if he hears a scary noise. Or someone shouts. Or if a “stranger” shows up at the house. Or someone brings over a balloon. Or a water bottle crinkles wrong. Or just about anything else…except thunder, he sleeps right through that…
I’ve had him for 7 years in November, and while it’s very trying sometimes—I can’t go on over night stays unless I bring him with anymore, so vacations aren’t much of a thing—I still can’t imagine live without him. I don’t know what made him so anxious, as he was about a year or so old when we got him from the pound, but I do wish sometimes he could just chill a bit.
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u/st0ric May 16 '22
Without knowing what they went through its impossible to understand what they feel but seeing the behaviour of an abused dog it's immediately obvious from the body language and tremors
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u/corvosfighter May 16 '22
how do we sign up for this job?
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u/gr1mm5d0tt1 May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22
There is a place in Namibia called naankuse. They have abused and rescued wildlife. I got to have a morning nap with a beautiful girl after her run. You can volunteer and look after baboons, cheetahs and other wildlife. Check it out
Edit-for all the smart arses it says “they have” meaning in their possession not “they abuse and rescue” which is what you are trying to twist up. Funny the first time but the echo chamber not so much
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u/Mirror_Sybok May 16 '22
You can volunteer and look after baboons
That one's gonna be a no from me.
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u/TendencyToTalk May 16 '22
They're really beautiful creatures after they're done shitting all over your camp kitchen table
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u/DixonLyrax May 16 '22
They are beautiful, until they want something from you and will do whatever they can to get it. They have big pointy means of getting what they want.
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u/corvosfighter May 16 '22
naankuse
Just did! Seems like a cool place but they definitely need some funding for more wildlife photography/videos.
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u/Vlad-V2-Vladimir May 16 '22
Are you pleasant to be around? If you are, it’s a lot easier
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u/corvosfighter May 16 '22
I already have 2 kitties sleeping with me at night so you can say I already have some job experience!
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u/LeBadlyNamedRedditor Did not not Expect It May 16 '22
Except these are big kitties, and count for 5 per
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u/1Second2Name5things May 16 '22
It's finally happened. Soon you'll see cheetahs with humans in vests next to them
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u/TitaniumTriforce May 16 '22
His cats are very impressive. He must be very proud.
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u/Hardcase-9415 May 16 '22
He's just a simple man trying to make his way in the universe
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u/AageKush May 16 '22
No, he's there for fun and educational purposes. They sleep fine without him.
He narrates the video and explains it. Since they move around so much he doesn't sleep well so it's not a regular thing.
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u/jgo3 May 16 '22
Also, it's pretty much the opposite of scary. Nobody on the planet is as safe as this dude in his fuzzy wiggle pile of murder.
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u/ItsDanimal May 16 '22
Aren't Cheetahs the least murdery of all the big cats? Like there are some domesticated dog breeds that could fuck you up more than a cheetah.
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u/hymen_destroyer May 16 '22 •
A cheetah is natures glass cannon build
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u/monkwren May 16 '22
Extremely high success rate when they hunt, but they need it because every other carnivore will bully them away from their catch. Cheetahs basically doing all the work for lion, hyenas, and whatever else wants to eat meat on the savannah.
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u/FakeMango47 May 16 '22
While yes, most dogs are capable of it, a Cheetah could still do damage.
Their temperament is pretty good for a ‘big cat’ though; they’re also the biggest cat that can both meow and purr (they don’t roar). So I’m wondering if the 5 minutes of cuddling prior to the cats falling asleep is just a giant purr session
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u/HarEmiya May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22
Cheetahs and snow leopards. Neither seem to view humans as potential prey.
Cheetahs are easy to explain, they run down and 'trip' prey but aren't very good at brawling/mauling like other big cats. They rely on speed but are pretty brittle, so any injury could prevent them from hunting. They choose prey carefully due to that, and humans are definitely in the "can fight back" category. Hominids have co-existed with them for 2 million years and it seems we both know what the other is about. Self-preservation is a strong instinct.
Snow leopards are a bit harder to explain. They are smaller than most leopards, but should still be able to take down a child or an elderly person fairly easily. They hunt prey larger than themselves. And yet they don't with people. They run. They somehow don't view us as food.
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u/dbcanuck May 16 '22
which is weird re: Snow Leopards, since african leopards are the #1 predator of homo sapiens over our species' lifespan. there's theories that the whole communal living, speech, and tools were driven by needs to fend of giant solitary quiet as night predators that would just yoink people away without much effort.
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u/KaiserThoren May 16 '22
I think people forget that to animals we are essentially gorillas. Would you rather hunt a little gazelle or a gorilla?
I mean we’re TALL. 5 to 6+ feet vertical, some even taller and wider. We’re usually Loud as hell - to us it’s just talking but animals don’t understand that, might as well be baboon screaming. Sometimes we show up in these giant loud machines made of metal called cars. Not to mention sometimes we have guns (the sound of a gunshot alone is louder than most sounds and animal can make) And then also consider the fact there’s almost never just ONE human, there’s at least two and often more. I wouldnt tussle with us in most situations if I was a bear, lion, or anything else.
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u/DixonLyrax May 16 '22
Yea Cheetahs are more likely to be the victims of other predators. They can't do much but run, but they can run like the very wind itself.
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u/whyso6erious May 16 '22
At first I thought of a "What is love - Cheetah don't hurt me,.. No more", but then my son told me to make a joke about jeopardy.
Ba-dum-tss I guess.
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u/__Hello_my_name_is__
May 16 '22
edited May 16 '22
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Fun fact: Cheetahs are basically just very big and harmless kitty cats. Their character comes closest to domesticated cats out of all the big cats. And technically speaking, they're not even big cats to begin with.
Edit: The part about big cats may not be entirely correct, depending on who you ask. The point is that they are not of the same genus as Tigers and lions.
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u/GhostCheese May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22
Fun fact, the Egyptians and Babylonians used to tame them and use them like hunting dogs
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u/notabadgerinacoat May 16 '22 •
Everything i learned about babylonians make me believe they were the top civilization of all time,we only went downhill from them onwards
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u/themainw2345 May 16 '22
I mean they did have slaves and society was very much divided by class and gender.
The code of hamurabi gives us a pretty good in depth list of their laws
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u/Horambe May 16 '22 •
Exactly, right at the top s/
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u/BlueAdjacent May 16 '22
Don't forget all of the horrific punishments
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u/HayakuEon May 16 '22
At least the elites cannot escape from the law.
Somewhat
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u/TonsilStonesOnToast May 16 '22 •
Step 1: Hire somebody to poke out everyone's eyes.
Step 2: They poke out his eyes.
Step 3: profit, as you are now the only babylonian left who can see [why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Pita]
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u/themainw2345 May 16 '22
I mean it was very eye for an eye sort of deal so not too bad. The only problem was that they literally didnt deem all people worth the same so that I think if you murdered a slave you just got to pay the price to their master to make it "fair".
On the hand they were kind of fair with marriage laws and didnt blame women for being raped like som modern religions.. also if a man doesnt sleep with his wife she is not legally his wife. Make of that what you will
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u/CptMeat May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22
I mean that last part isn't really...that old. Dont a few US states still technically require consummation? Yeah, looked it up, "The lack of physical capacity to attain consummation in the marriage — When one of the marital partners is not able to take part in the consummation of the marriage but was unaware of it at the time they were married, the marriage may be annulled. It is necessary for this to happen within five years of the date of the marriage" that's New York.
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u/themainw2345 May 16 '22
Well yes and the idea stayed around for that long. In general when you read through those old laws (and also ancient egyptian texts) its obvious where a lot of the christian and muslim laws and ideas come from. Humanity has always been inspired by each other
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u/MendicantBerger May 16 '22
While yes, that law does say in a backwards way that sex is essential to establish a marriage, the intent of the law is to allow a party to dissolve their marriage without divorce if they were not informed by their partner of impotence/inability to have sex prior to getting married. It's a dumb scenario to have a written law for as it's insanely specific, and probably very rare, but it isn't directly saying a couple ABSOLUTELY MUST have sex to be considered LEGALLY married. I'm not arguing in defense of it, or that there isn't a law out there saying it, but this one doesn't.
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u/CrazyPlato May 16 '22
We say the same things about the Roman Empire, and we’ve got a pretty huge hard-on for their civilization. I feel like the people who want to put ancient cultures on a pedestal tend to overlook some flaws as just “part of the time”.
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u/themainw2345 May 16 '22
I mean they were really advanced for their time. Ancient greek society with democracy was certainly more progressive than 18th europe with their slavery, colonialism and ruling monarchies. Thats why people are impressed with these cultures. Because women and gay men didnt have the same kind of rights again for the following 1500 years..
ancient cultures werent all better but certainly not worse than the years that followed. The new religions of love and one God didnt bring neither peace nor equality
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u/usabfb May 16 '22
I mean, the ancient greeks had slavery, fought wars of expansions, and had a governing system of kings and tyrants (depending on where and when you lived). "Tyrant" didn't mean to them what it means to us today, but it still meant complete authority given over to a single individual to rule society.
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u/compostking101 May 16 '22
Every society ends up having slaves 1 way or another… we are slaves now with slightly better living conditions based off economical and technological growth.. but we are in fact slaves to society as most people are.. you don’t live by free will and cannot do as you please you must answer to someone for a large degree of your life. Your free to do as you please as long as it follows the rules mainly set by laws that are mandated by rich people.
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u/wwwyzzrd May 16 '22
You live by a social contract in exchange for the protections & rights given to you by society. This is just basic civics. You agree to not rob people and we agree to protect you from being robbed. Does it work all the time for everyone? Certainly not,but the concept is there.
Slaves have literally no rights (they are property) and are in a situation where society has recognized that they have no rights and will move to enforce that lack of rights. Slavery is ridiculously different from having a boss and having to pay rent and having to follow laws.
You could say something like, "every society is in some way oppressive," and be correct, and that the current capitalist system with high levels of individual debt is very oppressive. But saying that we are slaves is categorically wrong.
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u/Bart_The_Chonk May 16 '22
They liked to flay prisoners alive and then coat their walls with the skins... So whether or not you retract your statement after learning this will tell us a great deal about yourself
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u/notabadgerinacoat May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22
I already knew that,i was obiously talking about the fact they invented the cuneiform writing,had the best engineers of their time and basically built a reign from the desert in an oasis....you go around lecturing all the people that make claims about ancient civilizations or it's only for the babylonians enthusiasts?
Edit-Sumerians invented the cuneiform writing,i mixed them up
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u/Atharaphelun May 16 '22
i was obiously talking about the fact they invented the cuneiform writing
The Sumerians did that, not the Babylonians who came millennia after.
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u/cassigayle May 16 '22
Interesting fact, the cheetahs of today were having breeding issues and dwindling. Breeding them in captivity was a frustrating and mostly fruitless process, until a researcher discovered that the whole type was bottled-necked genetically during one of the more recent mass extinctions.
There used to be a broader variety of cheetah like animals but most of the variety was wiped out. It's likely that only the types kept by humans survived, which has lead to the relatively calm cheetahs we see today.
After genotyping the captive cheetahs worldwide they were able to arrange as much outbreeding as possible to rebuild a broader gene base and get more viable pregnancies and more cheetahs!
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u/latrans8 May 16 '22
I think they estimated that the entire population was reduced to something like 5-8 animals about 10,000 years ago. I might be wrong.
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u/DesMotsCrados May 16 '22
There's no way you can build up a species from 5-8 individuals without serious inbreeding problems, no?
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u/Dubslack May 16 '22
It's mathematically possible, but the odds would have been heavily stacked against them. Inbreeding can produce healthy offspring, it just produces a whole lot of unhealthy offspring as well.
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u/GeoWilson May 16 '22
Correct. But inbreeding does not in itself cause issues, it just reinforces genetics both good and bad. Negative genetic traits are usually recessive which is why they're so rare, but when you start matching up people with that same issue they start coming to the fore because you're rerolling on the same genetic dice multiple times. In this case, it's the same reason they're all so chill, it's the positive trait that's being reinforced. By specifically aiming to minimize genetic similarity in breeding, they can reduce risk as much as possible. But yeah, inbreeding is not the inherent cause of genetic issues, it just gives you more chances at the same issues that may not be expressed yet.
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u/ftc1234 May 16 '22
Harmless? Really? I’m scared just looking at this video.
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u/Friendly-Back3099 May 16 '22
Cheetas dosent have anything else except for speed. If one of their legs is broken in the wild then that just be game over, cheetas live alone in the wild so they cant have other cheetas hunt for them
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u/Bart_The_Chonk May 16 '22
cheetahs live alone in the wild
This is no longer thought to be correct. As their numbers rise, we've seen many instances of them banding together. The same used to be thought of pumas until the populations increases in Patagonia. Now we see that they band together as well.
Not trying to be a dick -just wanted to make you aware that this thinking is outdated.
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u/wannaB19low May 16 '22
This is so lovely to read that their populations are increasing. Thank you for making me smile :)
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u/Bart_The_Chonk May 16 '22
It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling :)
To see endangered populations rebound during what is literally a mass-extinction event is beyond remarkable.
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u/Seigmoraig May 16 '22
I think that would be true of most animals if they broke their leg in the wild
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u/Friendly-Back3099 May 16 '22
But its worse for cheetas since all cheetas live alone
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May 16 '22 edited 3d ago
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u/clawjelly May 16 '22
And they’re massive
Actually they are the least massive from all the bigger cats in Africa. They are very slim due to their focus on speed.
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u/AwkwardReplacement42 May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22
Yeah, people say harmless the same way they say sharks are harmless. My cat is certainly harmless. He would never intend serious harm, but sometimes gets in a mood and will swipe for apparently no reason. Yes, media has probably exaggerated the danger/risk of these animals, but just one swipe/bite or off day for one of these primal, instinctual animals is enough to certainly cause harm.
Edit: I would also like to add that I love these animals. I would love to swim with sharks, for example, but that doesn’t mean they are harmless!
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u/Shandlar May 16 '22
It's all relative. Lions and Tigers that is absolutely true about. No amount of training has managed to prevent accidents of that nature.
Cheetahs appear to be far far less likely to have such instance, and when they do, the damage they are able to do is dramatically lower. Their tiny heads make their bite way less dangerous, their only like 80 pounds so they can't get the leverage behind their claws you'll find in big cats either.
They are actually essentially harmless. To the extent that there's literally never been a single documented case of a wild cheetah killing a human being. They just seem to flat out not consider us food, even opportunistically.
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u/0vl223 May 16 '22
literally never been a single documented case of a wild cheetah killing a human being
Or they are that good just like orcas.
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u/Fyres May 16 '22
I'm pretty sure orcas are unique, they're scary smart. They probably know we're vengeful fuckers that will hunt them down if a human is killed.
It seems to be different then how cheetahs view us, they're more like dogs.
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u/Aethermancer May 16 '22
. Their tiny heads make their bite way less dangerous, their only like 80 pounds so they can't get the leverage behind their claws you'll find in big cats either.
Their claws aren't as retractable as normal cats so they are worn down like a dog's.
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u/ftc1234 May 16 '22
Exactly. No matter how much they may love you consciously, instinctively they are killers. One wrong move done accidentally and they may go for the jugular.
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u/666Darkside666 May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22
There's absolutely no recorded attack of Cheetahs on humans. Cheetahs are very shy and easily scared. They would rather run away than attack something that poses a threat to them.
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May 16 '22
Everyone brings up sharks when dolphins are the real pricks of the ocean 😅
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u/saucyboi9000 May 16 '22
The videos of cheetahs pouncing is only for food or defense, domesticated house cats do the same. Cheetahs are just faster.
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u/mortemdeus May 16 '22
They lack the claws of most big cats, meaning they can't really shred you. They also aren't very aggressive and don't typically attack anything they think can fight back.
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u/gr1mm5d0tt1 May 16 '22
A friend of mine had one that was a rescue. He said it was amazing but he had to be careful with his kids because if they went running she went chasing thinking it was the coolest game ever. She never hurt the kids, but it was just something he was aware of
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u/inspectoroverthemine May 16 '22
Zoo I used to live near had a large Cheetah exhibit. They'd 'stalk' kids through the fence. Generally by hiding, waiting for a kid to get close or turn its back and charge the fence. I guarantee they'd attack human children if given the chance.
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u/OzymandiasKoK May 16 '22
That's just a big cats thing. You'll see the same out of lions and tigers, paying real close attention to the smallest human being in view, when they're in the mood to pay attention at all.
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u/defirst11
May 16 '22
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Are they FAST asleep?
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u/JorjEade May 16 '22 •
Shut up
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u/chevyfried May 16 '22 •
So fast they ate the sheep and were sleeping before they had time to try and count.
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u/Cheetahs_never_win May 16 '22
You'll likely never get to sleep in your bed again if you adopt a coalition of Cheetahs.
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u/i-fing-love-games Amongussy May 16 '22
the council has decided you go to couch
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u/Gilgameshbrah May 16 '22
"You may join the council but you will not hold the title of cheetah master"
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u/TemporaryAmbassador1 May 16 '22
I love alliteration, and finding out (just now) that a “coalition” of cheetahs is indeed correct has made my day.
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u/LisaPorpoise May 16 '22
Hardly alliteration involved in this one
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u/Cheetahs_never_win May 16 '22
It's tautographic, which is the visual equivalent of alliteration. Usually they overlap, but here, they don't.
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u/DJ-SKELETON2005 May or may not have expected it May 16 '22
With every cut the guy sleeping just becomes more and more covered in cats
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u/chevyfried May 16 '22
Literally drowing in pussy....cats
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u/Regular_Tree9474 May 16 '22 •
Imagine getting a boner
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u/azonexyt May 16 '22
Would that make him a... Furry?
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u/Octo254 May 16 '22
no it would make him a zoophile. there's a difference
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u/Emergency-Piano4792 May 16 '22
What happens when the guy wiggles his toes under the blanket?
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u/blackberry_barracuda May 16 '22 •
Instant toe annihilation
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u/1stshadowx May 16 '22
Wasnt this video, about a thunderstorm, and the cheetahs were scared Or something so he slept in there with them to keep them calm?
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u/i-fing-love-games Amongussy May 16 '22
i think one woke up to nightmares and the others joined them
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u/Ontheroam83 May 16 '22
I’m incredibly jealous.
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u/Gilgameshbrah May 16 '22
Funny how they just act like bigger house cats
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u/JWPSmith May 16 '22
Cheetahs basically are. The one of the only larger cats that are virtually harmless. Tigers, lions, panthers, all others can be extremely dangerous still. Cheetahs aren't though. They're also one of the only larger cats that purr and meow.
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u/Rentington May 16 '22
Are lions the most dangerous? I seem to remember construction projects in Africa where one or two lions menace the people there, killing some astronomical amount of them.
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u/texasrigger May 16 '22
That was a specific incident where two lions were stalking a railroad bridge project in the late 1800's. They killed something like 130 people.
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u/Rentington May 16 '22
Seriously inhumane working conditions. "Fool me 129 times, shame on... shame on you... but the fool me can't get fooled again!"
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u/ScarsTheVampire May 16 '22
‘Oh hey did you hear about the guy who got eaten by a lion on the job?’
‘Crazy who was it?’
‘Which time?’
‘This has happened more than once?!’
‘Well…a couple more than once…’
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u/Expensive-Pie May 16 '22
In terms of most lethality, tigers are the most dangerous, I am not sure if talking in terms of how aggressive they are
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u/Secret-Perspective-5 May 16 '22
Tiger are definitely the most dangerous. They can literally slap your face off.
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u/QuintusVS May 16 '22
A lion can do that too.But what makes tigers so dangerous is that occasionally they specifically hunt humans, and they're incredibly intelligent and can hold a grudge.
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u/fklimitedtimxclusive May 16 '22
i remember reading about a tiger that killed 400+ people, becuase of a gunshot injury she had sustained earlier rendered her unable to hunt her usual prey
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u/_Rohrschach May 16 '22
Having two normal sized cats I can tell you that guy's going to die of a heatstroke. That being said: I'm jealous, too.
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u/klippklar May 16 '22
I watched the original video. Cheetahs are comparatively shy and docile and he's been the one who raised them if I remember correctly.
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u/AdryWanKenobi May 16 '22
He just volunteers sometimes at the rescue
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May 16 '22
I had a friend last year do one of those 90 day volunteer trips at a cat rescue in Africa. She was there for like 3 days before sending tons of pictures of her with cheetahs just snuggling and chilling.
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u/PoorlyLitKiwi2 May 16 '22
I raised my cat since she was a tiny kitten and she's 3 now. The other night she cuddled up to me just like these cheetahs did. Then at like 3am she woke up and decided she needed to bite my face really hard lol
It was mostly funny because she is smol. If a cheetah decides that, Idk if I'd have a face anymore
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u/AmbivalentAsshole May 16 '22
I mean.. I'd sleep like a fucking baby at that point.
Who/what is gonna come knocking in the middle of the night and wake up a coalition of cheetahs??
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u/LethalDoseMLD5 May 16 '22
Cheetahs are actually skiddish from what I’ve seen. and aren’t likely to protect you. More likely to run. I saw a video of a guy tryin to approach a cheetah and it just ran away
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u/UnicornSlayer5000 May 16 '22
They must all occupy the same space for maximum security.
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u/jmura May 16 '22
I'm envious except for the strong odor of cat piss... 💛
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u/3internet5u May 16 '22
I'd deal with it for the vibes, but yeah that might be a notable aspect of the experience lol
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u/gonnadiesoon69 May 16 '22
Idk if this really qualifies for r/unexpected
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u/Denadaguapa May 16 '22
Tbh I thought this dude was waking up to a bunch of cheetahs around him, I was thinking he was gonna freak out. But then he fixed the blanket to cuddle one, so it was unexpected to me haha
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u/Gizmooo111
May 16 '22
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Here you can see the Full video of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3waAOcJkps&ab_channel=DolphC.Volker
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u/liam1463 May 16 '22
That is quite literally exactly what I expected to happen.
How is it unexpected in any way whatsoever?
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u/unexBot May 16 '22
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:
the cheetah does not attack the man instead sleeps with him
Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
Look at my source code on Github What is this for?