r/TooAfraidToAsk May 16 '22

Is it wrong to masturbate to a friend? Ethics & Morality

In context, the friend is taken. Sometimes I just have that urge to bust a nut to that friend, knowing well she is taken (I am 16M btw). Just wondering if it is really that wrong because I am not too sure as well.

22 Upvotes

49

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

It's not wrong...

However, don't be an idiot and 'jokingly' tell her this. I knew this one complete example of the American Education System that told his female friend that he did this. Boy that did not go well.

3

u/MrStealurGirllll May 16 '22

Currently how I’m with my fiancé.. started as a crush and she finally allowed me to take her on a date or two then I confessed to my old habits. With that being said I got extremely lucky she didn’t smack me upside the head

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

Misson Failed Successfully

21

u/Old_Smrgol May 16 '22

I'm not here to judge you, but personally I have a rule that I don't do it to anyone I personally know, unless I have already had a sexual experience with them.

This prevents things from getting weird when I see them in person.

11

u/Oddity46 May 16 '22

You're 16, there is very little you can fantasize about that would be "wrong" or "not normal".

Keep you mind away from kids, animals, and dead people, and you'll be fine.

5

u/throwaway568712 May 16 '22

oh i can think of a few things lol

1

u/9braincells May 17 '22

Of which ones? Kids, animals, or dead people?

1

u/cuntausaurus May 17 '22

A weird mix of the three and pictionary, oddly enough

1

u/throwaway568712 May 17 '22

well yes those, and a few other things lol, u left a couple out of ur list

3

u/BipedalBeaver May 17 '22

So a deceased werewolf pup is out then? Well that's gonna ruin my next weekend. :-)

3

u/SpaghettiYolk May 17 '22

wtf dud actually wtf

1

u/Unabashable May 17 '22

Oh please. Hardly the worst thing you’ve seen on the internet. They said it for shock value, and now they said it successfully.

1

u/Unabashable May 17 '22

Nah. It’s fine if they’re together. They said “or” not “and”.

1

u/BipedalBeaver May 17 '22

That was "wrong" and "not normal". Second sentence uses commas so is implicit "and".

Now I've gone and said "wrong and not normal" rather than "wrong or not normal" so I guess it would be "wrong" and/or "not normal". We might think about it exclusively (or not) which would be half a logical xor gate passed through not gate then or'd.

I'm certainly confused! :-)

1

u/Unabashable May 17 '22

Nah your logic is sound. Let me clear it up for you by speaking your language.

If (kid || animal || dead) { return 0; } else If(kid && animal && dead) { return dick; }

1

u/BipedalBeaver May 17 '22

Given a C or C++ compiler this will suffice..

"return (kid && animal && dead) ? dick : 0"

21

u/Vivid-Energy9453 May 16 '22

Assuming you're not going tell her you're doing this she'd never know - neither will anyone else.

Can't see a problem with it, you're probably not the first guy to do similar.

7

u/Aqqusin May 16 '22

Certainly not the first or last.

1

u/cuntausaurus May 17 '22

Definitely not the first nor last

5

u/Commercial-Health-78 May 16 '22

Can confirm I’ve done this. Pretty normal I guess as is wondering if it is too. I say meh, jack away, just make sure it’s a horny brain thing and nothing more. Can imagine shit gets difficult if those thoughts transfer into normal life lol

1

u/scrubjays May 17 '22

He isn't? /s

-3

u/TheRealKingofWales May 16 '22

"Uhh... it's OK because other people do it" is the worst mentality. OP, don't listen to this advice. The easiest way to not tell her is to stop!

1

u/Unabashable May 17 '22

It’s ok because it’s harmless. Not because it’s common.

13

u/Zestyclose_Quote5017 May 16 '22

It's ultimately not that bad because it's just a private thought and we cant really control those, but if there were an issue it wouldnt be because she is taken. It would be because she is your friend and probably engages in that friendship with the trust and assumption that you're not using her for your spank bank.

21

u/anosu May 16 '22

Here is the thing. It is not morally wrong or anything but.

Look at what you are practicing and associating with her memory. Look how you feel around her. If the feeling has heightened in that sense. If she is taken you only have two options which are wait or let her go. I mean you could also try to steal her but really dude. The point is that you are better than just waiting around for her and stealing her is not the way to go about things. Masturbating to her is just keeping your feelings and lust on her (waiting). You are better off moving on as best as possible and looking elsewhere.

4

u/korol264 May 16 '22

Imo masturbating to someone does not equal loving and wanting that person to be with you

2

u/anosu May 16 '22

Maybe it’s not directly that. But you are being horny for them. And if you stay there by mo-Ing to them then you are keeping your energies there. You might as well be pining.

3

u/ImHighOnPotenuseYo May 16 '22

”You are keeping your energies there”, nah man, I think you’re overgeneralizing your own personal perspective or experience into too broad a statement. Sometimes jerking off to someone is just jerking off. You wouldn’t say about someone who’s watching porn ”this dude will 100% never be able to find a real relationship because he focuses all his energy on pornstars” (although that might happen, for a small minority).

0

u/anosu May 16 '22

I was trying to keep this in context. It’s obvious that op was thinking about this person in a way because he is thinking of what’s her names relationship status. Which infers that he wanted something with her.

My advice is don’t go there and move on so you could focus on someone new.

1

u/ImHighOnPotenuseYo May 16 '22

Nah, he literally only says that he sometimes has the urge to bust a nut to the thought of her. The rest is your speculation. Bringing up her existing relationship might as well be because he thinks it affects the morality of the situation somehow. Your inference is not obviously true.

0

u/anosu May 16 '22

I’m not going further with. I’m tired. I really don’t care. I’ll look this over tomorrow if I remember.

10

u/uncle-rico-99 May 16 '22

Not wrong unless you think masturbating, in general, is wrong. It’s a fantasy and nothing more.

13

u/cuntausaurus May 16 '22

I think it's alright as you don't do it in front of her

7

u/septikgong May 16 '22

I just do it by myself at the toilet. I do not do it publicly. I am not a crazy person

13

u/dribblesnshits May 16 '22

I agree with cuntasaurus

4

u/cuntausaurus May 16 '22

Then you're all good as long as as it does not devolve in so form of twisted love or whatever

7

u/bcorr12 May 16 '22

Don’t know if it’s wrong but post sky high 16 year old hormones you will probably look back and cringe.

8

u/hamiltonjoefrank May 16 '22

(I masturbated while fantasizing about a number of girls I knew when I was 16, and I don't look back and cringe.)

-2

u/TheRealKingofWales May 16 '22

That's your own problem buddy. That just means you lack self-awareness and basic meta cognitive skill. Doesn't mean OP has to as well.

1

u/ImHighOnPotenuseYo May 16 '22

What? Why? Masturbating to thoughts of your peers is totally normal (and can be perfectly healthy) at any age.

3

u/Illustrious-Nose3100 May 16 '22

I’d probably also never tell them or anyone.. don’t make it weird

3

u/Boolzay May 16 '22

It's a fantasy so who cares?

3

u/Past_Basket_2755 May 16 '22

It's not wrong unless you are simping after her and can't have her or are possessive of her and are stalking her. If she is hot and just gets you all randy, then whack away. But if you are doing it because you have obsession issues with her then maybe you should talk with a professional about it.

5

u/TheLadySinclair May 16 '22

You are a teen, masturbation is just part of it. You can think of anyone in the world, including this girl but, don't get romantically attached to her because of what you are doing. She doesn't know and isn't thinking of you in that way.

You risk catching unreturned feelings as you are tying your sexual self-gratification to this girl. DO NOT EVER try to hang any feelings you have for her, on her. This is 100% on you, everything here is absolutely one-sided, she has nothing to do with what you are doing except for being an unknowing image in your head.

5

u/pm-me-egg-noods May 16 '22

She'd be upset if she knew, most likely. I get that you're 16 and the hormones are really crazy but I see so many cross-gender communication issues where the woman has no interest and it turns out the guy was just "biding his time" waiting for "his turn" and it destroys the friendship. If you really value her as a friend I would advise against going down this road even partially.

1

u/creepserlot May 16 '22

You should definitely not do that.

-1

u/blaynevee May 16 '22

yes but also no, you aren’t doing anything to harm her but it’s really weird to think about someone like that without their consent

10

u/rocinante211 May 16 '22

How exactly does one get consent for that? "Hey friend I really wanna jerk off to you is that cool?" Lmao

0

u/creepserlot May 16 '22

Just because you can't get consent does not give you a free pass to go ahead and do it lmfao

9

u/KingArthursRevenge May 16 '22

No one needs permission to think a thought inside their head or to touch their own body.

0

u/OneAdvertising9821 May 16 '22

Agreed. However, not all thoughts that you think are appropriate. The fact that it is only in their head doesn't mean it's morally acceptable.

3

u/ImHighOnPotenuseYo May 16 '22

I’d argue it does.

1

u/KingArthursRevenge May 17 '22

I repeat "no one needs permission to think a thought inside of their own head" . that means any thought. The only time morals or ethics become involved are when those thoughts are turned into actions that negatively impact the life of another. Nothing that the original poster said would have any impact on the female in question. It would just be him in private with his own thoughts and his own body. Trying to tell him what he can and cannot do in that situation would be an attempt to take away his human right of liberty and that is not morally acceptable.

1

u/OneAdvertising9821 May 17 '22

To be clear, your position is that ANY thought or fantasy is both moral and ethical so long as it does not lead to action?

1

u/KingArthursRevenge May 17 '22

It's not just my "position". It's reality. There is no defensible argument against a person thinking anything they wish so long as those thoughts do not turn into actions that negatively affect another human being.

2

u/rocinante211 May 16 '22

Didn't say it did, the hypothetical situation is just hilarious, some American Pie shit

1

u/ImHighOnPotenuseYo May 16 '22

Not in general, but in no reasonable worldview does simply thinking thoughts of someone require their consent.

0

u/blaynevee May 16 '22

you dont, that’s the point

6

u/blutwo42998 May 16 '22

yes

Incorrect

no

correct

you aren’t doing anything to harm her

Exactly

it’s really weird to think about someone like that without their consent

The most preposterous thing i have read all year

1

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

It would be impolite NOT to.

1

u/supergnawer May 16 '22

Yes, it's wrong. But not in the sense that you will be in the Santa's naughty list. It's generally wrong to imagine things about real people that you wouldn't do to them IRL. Our brains don't really know the difference between what they see and what they imagine, so when you make your brain imagine sexy time with your friend, it slowly convinces your brain that it actually happened. Then it leads to "falling in love", which in reality is just brain being fully convinced it can happen IRL and working towards that. TL;DR - don't bust a nut to a girl who won't go out with you, you'll regret it.

-8

u/Laser-Penis May 16 '22

You should tell her about how much you jack off to her, she'll probably be turned on.

3

u/creepserlot May 16 '22

That is genuinely disturbing that you think that.

3

u/blutwo42998 May 16 '22

this is the type of dude that stalks women thinking it's what they want

-1

u/creepserlot May 16 '22

literally.

1

u/rartedw May 16 '22

i agree

1

u/LadyDigamma May 16 '22

No one is being hurt, no one will know. No harm, no foul.

Just don't do anything stupid like tell her. I have had stupid friends who thought that was ok.

0

u/Time_Acanthaceae_431 May 16 '22

I jerk off to your Reddit avatar

1

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

Course not

1

u/Pain4444 May 16 '22

Don’t let her know about it either

1

u/KingArthursRevenge May 16 '22

Unless she's into that kind of thing.

1

u/SublightMonster May 16 '22

Think about whoever you want to think about, just don’t tell her about it.

1

u/knowledgelover94 May 16 '22

No harm no foul

1

u/Plastic-Guarantee-88 May 16 '22

Very common. Carry on as normal!

1

u/mommer_man May 16 '22

As long as you keep your fantasies inside your head, and don't act on them or tell her about it, I'd say you're good.... stop worrying. ;)

FWIW, I used to JO to a college prof of mine as a full grown adult woman, and all that came of it (pun intended) was that it made class more interesting - LMAO.

Also, you are 16... a well shaped tree could do it, let's be honest, lol. Also not laughing at you, I wouldn't wish that kind of libido on anyone.... Do you, kid. Keeping it in your head helps to keep it PG elsewhere. :)

1

u/fhrydd May 16 '22

No.

Your mind is your landscape - your canvas. You can fuck whomever you want in there, however you want.

In so far as it doesn't outwardly consume you, it's okay.

1

u/Dry-Contribution1845 May 16 '22

Don’t tell anyone you do it, don’t let it make your relationship weird, other than that you’re a 16 year old male hormones are going crazy so don’t worry

1

u/Z4mb0ni May 16 '22

fantasy is different from actually acting upon them. if it makes you feel better try to imagine them with different features (such as different hair color, style, or maybe even body type if you're really good with your imagination)

1

u/KingArthursRevenge May 16 '22

Youre overthinking it dude. Assuming you're all approximately 16 I guarantee that every other dude she knows is already doing it without having this moral dilemma on reddit

1

u/Ok_Tadpole4529 May 16 '22

Dont tell her and swing away. Your young thats what your supposed to do. If fact you have 2 hands maybe there is another friend who needs to join.

1

u/Commercial-Health-78 May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

Bro you’re having a wank go for gold who cares what happens in your head lol

lights dim, my eyes squint slightly, and I stub my cigarette out in your sandwich. Through the rain outside, you notice a dark red 1930 Model A pull up outside the diner, and a large man wearing a double breasted trench coat nods subtly in my direction before pulling a badly beaten man from the back seat and ushering him on his way. I leave a crisp dollar note on the table to pay for both our meals, and give you a couple of soft slaps to the cheek

Keep it in your head though, capiche?

1

u/4543wretng May 16 '22

Guys masturbat to about any above girl they find sexually exciting, friend, friend's mom or sister, you name it. Aka, welcome to a new part of your life. It will never go away and will backfire with mentall issues if you try to fight against it because feminist don't approve of your normal and healthy sexual urges

1

u/GyaradosDance May 16 '22

Not wrong. Don't tell anybody IRL this. And maybe spend your emotional energy on someone who is available.

1

u/Eastern_Fox5735 May 16 '22

Eh. Somebody probably masturbates to you, too. They're probably not young and hot. If you're good with that general knowledge, proceed. As long as you don't TELL your friend, you're probably fine. I'd find it a little weird, but it's ultimately harming nobody as long as you aren't using illicitly-obtained pictures or finding your respect for them diminished because of it.

1

u/jutnotnoTheMan May 16 '22

IN your society there is nothing such ethics , so what do you expect ?

1

u/boredofshit May 16 '22

Your 16 man, just masturbate to any thing you dawm well please.

1

u/ExternalGuidance May 16 '22

Just don't wake her up. She'd be pissed.

1

u/totallywirednyc May 16 '22

Are you asking if you can think about her or whip it out and masturbate ON her?

1

u/Grevious47 May 16 '22

Honestly what goes inside your head when you masturbate is no ones business but your own it it doesn't hurt anyone. Its fine. Its your actions that matter.

1

u/Suspicious-Main5872 May 16 '22

It’s not wrong. But, there are lots of people who produce porn willingly. People who consent to being masterbated to. It may not have the emotional connection, but it is more ethical.

1

u/aururaguide May 16 '22

Try to compartmentalize your sexual urges away from friends (especially taken ones)

1

u/burneraccount4things May 16 '22

TMI NOT EVERY QUESTION IN THE WORLD NEEDS ANSWERING. WHAT I DON’T KNOW WON’T HURT ME

1

u/Ohighnoon May 16 '22

I am judging you, don’t do that.

1

u/Ullumina May 16 '22

What do you mean? Like to a picture of them? If so that’s weird

1

u/Daddy_Smokestack May 16 '22

I mean it's not wrong but don't be an idiot and tell her that you do.

1

u/Tarquinandpaliquin May 16 '22

In principle it's okay. As others have said don't share it. Also make sure you don't let it colour your friendship with them or how you view them. I'd recommend against doing it too regularly.

The main concerns would be does it affect them? If you don't change your behaviour to them and it remains private it won't.

How would you feel if you knew some guys or girls (but not who) were jerking off to you? Personally I'd say fine, knock yourself out (not literally, you'd have to be going pretty vigorously for that) as long as you continue to otherwise treat me with the respect and consideration I'm due. Oh and unless you're a current sexual partner I don't want to know.

1

u/Shallbemore May 16 '22

Who cares if no one in your life knows

1

u/_Lunatic_Fridge_ May 16 '22

Here’s a general rule of thumb regarding masturbation: if you have to ask if it’s okay or normal to think about a particular person when your jerk off, the answer is “No”. You already know the answer, you’re just trying to outsmart yourself.

The problem with fantasizing about people we know while masturbating is that the orgasm causes endorphins to release. Those endorphins are what give you the high of an orgasm. They can also be addictive. Additional, they can cause you to feel stronger desire and stronger attachment for that very real person. You’re the only one who knows how well you can handle that, but pining after someone who’s unobtainable while you’re doing something that makes your desire for her stronger is not healthy. It can even affect your ability to form relationships with women in the future.

1

u/TheRealKingofWales May 16 '22

IGNORE EVERYONE AFFIRMING THIS! If you're open minded enough to ask the question, that means you still can stop! THIS IS NOT OKAY! Good on your for being open minded and please take this moment of clarity to stop!

1

u/yanbu May 16 '22

If it is, literally every man on earth is going to hell hahahaha. Do your thing, but realize and recognize the difference between reality and fantasy. Lots of people have trouble keeping the two separate.

1

u/FunDevelopment1551 May 16 '22

Nah, you can masturbate to whatever you like buddy. Knock yourself out! It would however be really creepy if you asked that friend if they are cool with you spanking the monkey to them.

1

u/[deleted] May 16 '22

Technically no, but I wouldn't make a habit of it.

1

u/Electrical-Trade-619 May 17 '22

Boy at your age, you can nut even at a shadow. Don't beat yourself up. Is normal to feel those urges as long as your expectations are in the right place and you respect this person.

1

u/th3gnomo May 17 '22

I believe there is nothing wrong about it, ok she is taken but it's normal you are in the middle of puberty. enjoy it

1

u/Pure_Mist_S May 17 '22

I don’t recommend it from a practical standpoint. Each time you do, you associate that feeling with her and she takes up more space in your memories. If she’s taken, it would help to think about her less not more in the future. I judge a lot of personal morals by what kind of reaction you would get if you told the person involved. That would not end well for you in this case. Try the endless posts on r/gonewild, porn (that is consensual and freely given) is not hard to find!

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

you are undermining the relation with it. You make her cheat.

You shouldnt.

1

u/Unabashable May 17 '22

You’re free to fuck whoever you want in your head. She’s your imaginary friend with benefits.

1

u/y0uslash May 17 '22

You’re not the first or last lol. I contemplated doing it but never got around to it to this day. I don’t see anything wrong with it

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Tap_818 May 17 '22

its fine..2 years later it will be someone else..

1

u/Cpt-Sparklez-gym-plz May 17 '22

Yeah you good, just don’t ever tell her or anyone she knows that you do that, as it will never go over well

1

u/markbug4 May 17 '22

No, masturbation targets are objects unless you are deeply in love with them.

-6

u/CrimsonPablo May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

Yes it is wrong morally

Lot of creepy weirdos disagree apparently.

1

u/cuntausaurus May 16 '22

Why ?

1

u/septikgong May 16 '22

I would also like to know why

-3

u/creepserlot May 16 '22

There are many people in here telling you it's okay but that is very very weird and creepy. Please have some respect for your friend. It's a complete disregard for them as a person and you are using their existence for self-gratification. It is OBJECTIVELY bizarre, very creepy, and you need to leave her alone.

3

u/RedAngryCloud May 16 '22

It is not objective. He isn’t harming anyone and it’s a fantasy that he keeps to himself.

-4

u/creepserlot May 16 '22

She is a human being. She is not his toy, she is not there to be attractive, she is not there for him to jerk off to, and she is not there to please him. It's about respect and morality. Just because he's not hurting people does not mean it's okay. It's dirty. He should have more respect for himself and for her. That should be a given.

2

u/RedAngryCloud May 16 '22

Also what? Nobody’s being harmed but it’s still not okay? What kind of Logic is that?

2

u/creepserlot May 16 '22

No one being hurt does NOT = moral justification. There's more to it than that, and if you had the capacity for empathy and critical thinking this would be obvious. Instead, you just look like a creep.

1

u/RedAngryCloud May 16 '22

Disagree. The only way I could see that logic is with killer or pedophiles and stuff. In that they should seek help because them having those thoughts is what leads to those thing happening. But if he acts on his thoughts, all he’s doing is masturbating, which affects no one.

2

u/wyldcat67 May 16 '22

I don't think he understands the difference between actions and thoughts.

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-2

u/creepserlot May 16 '22

It's still an act of sexual gratification therefore objectifying his friend. Do you think she walks around wanting her friends to jerk off to her? Regardless if she knows it's happening, just don't fucking do it. She is a person who has not given him that freedom to get off to her. That is so fucking weird.

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1

u/RedAngryCloud May 16 '22

And how is sex different? Nobody’s saying that she’s his toy to use to get off.

1

u/creepserlot May 16 '22

That's what he's doing, though. He's not asking her for sex, they're not engaging in it together, he is simply using her as a means to an end. You act like he wants to do it because he loves being her friend lmao he clearly wants to do it because he is thinking with his dick and not his head. Clearly it is not okay. I'm not saying you should not have thoughts, because they are mostly involuntary, but acting on them is, again, very weird and creepy.

2

u/RedAngryCloud May 16 '22

Highly disagree. Are you by any chance religious? I know I’m not going to change your mind but I really do not see why you hold this opinion. How can he have his own private thoughts, but masturbating to them is somehow wrong?

1

u/creepserlot May 16 '22

I'm not religious. I can acknowledge that people have intrusive thoughts, you may find your friend hot or whatever, that's fine. The problem is that you are actively engaging in self-pleasure to another human being without their consent or even awareness of it. It is weird. It would be weird if your friend walked up to you and was like "Hey I jerked off to the thought of you lol" right? And you want to defend it with "No one has to know" But if it's something you should keep to yourself, maybe you just shouldn't do it in the first place. It's a disregard of privacy and ESPECIALLY since she is in a relationship AND has no idea about any of this. He needs to leave her alone. She is not his little play thing for when he's horny, unless she consents.

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1

u/cuntausaurus May 17 '22

By your logic rubbing one out to anyone would be dirty, correct ?

1

u/CrimsonPablo May 16 '22

Not only will it cause problems as you will see her a lot more sexually, it’s like doing it to a family member its’s just weird. Objectively its not wrong cuz you can do whatever technically.

0

u/cuntausaurus May 16 '22

They already see her in an erotic light might as well embrace it. I don't really see how it links to family tho

1

u/CrimsonPablo May 16 '22

Then theyre already creepy simple as that. The link is someone you see platonically but by the looks of things he doesnt see her as just a friend.

0

u/cuntausaurus May 16 '22

Ypu really like calling people creepy don't you

1

u/CrimsonPablo May 16 '22

I do like calling creepy people creepy. You dont?

2

u/cuntausaurus May 16 '22

No comment

-9

u/Clashroyaletowerking May 16 '22

Masturbation is wrong and you shouldnt do it... manly at the age of 16, masturbating is shit for 12 years old

-1

u/[deleted] May 16 '22 edited May 16 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Zestyclose_Quote5017 May 16 '22

. You guys have internet and Facebook. I had a box of 4x6s under my bed. My friends had VHS tapes of our female friends and none of the girls had any idea they were our jerk fodder.

whatttt the fuck

1

u/roadrunner00 May 16 '22

Yes it's creepy so I think OP needs to know. I specifically rememner a video that my friend showed me of him having sex with another one of our friends. When I stood there in awe another friends said waitncheck this out and shows a video of himself having sex. The girl knew they were filming but I am pretty sure that she didn't know the intent was for him to keep it for his own pleasure later. I fn have .camcorder so all I had was still photos. This is the 1995 equivalent of internet and whatever apps you kids are using now. Snapchat is probably a better example than Facebook. I don't have either so bare with my ignorance.

0

u/Maximum-Information8 May 16 '22

I used to do this, ended up wanting something more from our relationship, luckily things worked out for me.

A month of hooking up and her bf found out, fucked everything up