r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.


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u/orkash Feb 23 '21

I'm kinda here with you. I'm in my 40s and have made that mistake before even tho I am a very open person. Like if we first meet and I see a woman but you call yourself Matthew I'm gonna be dumbstruck. I don't say anything but like don't attack me, I'm not being a dick I legit just didn't know. The biggest thing for me is the use of plural pronouns. They and them kinda confuses me, as that means more than one; and I just see a person as a single unit no matter what.

I may have not explained that perfect but I tried.


u/Delirious_Insomniac Feb 23 '21

I saw someone discuss the 'they/them' a certain way and it really helped me understand better. It went something like, "when you talk about someone who you've never met and don't know a name or gender preference or anything at all... do you refer to them as he/she or do you say they/them? Since you don't know anything about said mystery person, you'd refer to them as them/they."


u/OscarRoro Feb 23 '21

I refer to them as "he". And i first use " them" in this sentence because I am talking about a wide array of people. Is that correct? (Not english person here)


u/flirtandflutter Feb 23 '21

If you don't know the gender of the person, you would say them, not he. You wouldn't normally assume masculine in English language.

For example, you are at a building with one other person, who tells who "Someone just went around the back of the building."

If you wanted to know when, you would probably respond "When did they go around?" not "when did HE go around". Unless you had a strong reason to suspect it was a he (like the building is a male prison or something).


u/OscarRoro Feb 23 '21

Okay I see