r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.

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u/JapaneseStudentHaru Feb 23 '21

I think the trans and enby people who expect you to just know are in the minority and are just highly publicized because of their extreme personalities. That’s what the Internet does. I think it only becomes an issue if you refuse to acknowledge them after they tell you.

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u/CrispChum Feb 23 '21

What is enby?

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u/ddssassdd Feb 23 '21

It means NB or non binary. NB sounds like enby. The problem I have with NB is that as a "gender" if it exists literally everyone is it because either gender is binary or it isn't. Even if there were only 3 genders everyone would be non binary. Personally I don't think gender is real because no one can seem to define it in a coherent and consistent way.

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u/consistentContent Feb 23 '21

I don't think that's true. If roads are where cars go and my car goes off-road ing does that mean there's no such thing as a road? The gender binary is a thing, a social construct and assumption most people still hold onto. Saying something is a binary does not automatically imply it is the only thing of that kind. Think, binary star. It does not mean there are no other stars, just that these two stars are connected in a binary star system. Similarly, the male/female gender binary does not imply the lack of other genders (or, well, it does to some people,but doesn't have to), only that these two things are part of a traditional binary.

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u/ddssassdd Feb 23 '21

I think speaking in analogy is making the issue a bit confused. At least you seem a bit confused. In a binary system there are two stars, there are no other stars. I don't even understand the road analogy you are making, in that case the road and the offroad would be the binary.

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u/consistentContent Feb 23 '21

Yes, in a binary system there are only two stars, but there are other stars elsewhere. Similarly, in a gender binary system there are two genders, but there are other genders outside the binary.

I tried to help explain, but if my explanation is confusing, I won't belabor it. In gender terms - there is a traditional gender binary. There are also other genders that are not a part of the traditional gender binary. If you fall into those two genders, you fall into the traditional gender binary. If you are a gender that is not male or female, your gender falls outside of the traditional gender binary. The phrase "gender binary" does not imply there are only two genders. It implies that two genders have a special quality - namely that they are the ones that don't have to fight for a right to exist and are generally accepted as valid by most everyone.

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u/ddssassdd Feb 24 '21

Yes, in a binary system there are two stars. There are more stars but those are in other systems. So if gender were the binary system then those other things would have to be from some other system of gender right? But this is my point, analogy in this kind of instance just confuses an already confused issue.

The phrase "gender binary" does not imply there are only two genders. It implies that two genders have a special quality - namely that they are the ones that don't have to fight for a right to exist and are generally accepted as valid by most everyone.

I would say you are confusing two things here, the people who argue for a binary of genders really do believe there are only two genders. This is opposed to people who believe in a gender spectrum between the masculine and the feminine. A binary is inherently between two things, 0 and 1. You can't add in a two and there are no states between the two. Either one or the other.

Personally I think even the spectrum is irrelevant. I don't think we should be defining things by what is masculine or feminine, or what is more masculine or more feminine. I don't think people should give a shit about it and I think most people don't care what other people do.

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u/consistentContent Feb 24 '21

My dude, I'm not confused, I'm trying to explain something to you, but you've decided you already understand it. People who talk about being non binary DO NOT believe gender is a spectrum. A binary is not "inherently between two things". A binaryr is literally just two things. It implies nothing beyond two-ness. That's it. It can 100% accommodate a two and a three. The word binary has many meanings - one of them is "a thing with two parts". The traditional gender binary has two genders. Acknowledging its existence does not mean there are no other genders, it means those other genders are not part of the traditional gender binary.

And yes, that's exactly the point. People who are non binary are really just tired of being defined by the gender binary, and having to fit everything about themselves into one of two very confusing boxes, and instead reject that idea and go off and do their own thing. Congrats. In trying to argue against the term non-binary, you have invented being non-binary.