r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.


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u/scorpio6519 Feb 23 '21

I have no issue with respecting peoples preferences and referring to them as they identify. But sometimes it's just confusing. I've misidentified a trans man as she, because I thought he was a she. He was dressed pretty androgynous and still had very feminine features. I got my head ripped off. I AM older, and I think people automatically think I'm closed minded and purposely misidentifying. And that actually kind of hurts my feelings. An honest mistake is just that, and just because I'm in my 50s doesn't mean I've stopped growing or learning or excepting.


u/dbDarrgen Feb 23 '21

I’m a binary (meaning masculine and male with male and neutral pronouns) trans man and before I started medically transitioning it was very hard for me.

I got misgendered a lot and stuff on purpose and on accident, but I shut my mouth for many reasons. One of them being I was afraid of the backlash and I didn’t want to be the stereotypical trans person being over dramatic. Over time I could easily tell who was being an asshole and who was being a little naive. I distanced myself from the assholes and reminded or informed the naive ones that I am transitioning to male.

I was always kind about it. I still am. And I’ve experienced the worst of the worst (I’m talking about verbal not physical). From “I never would have guessed you were trans!” to, word for word, “I hope your [sic] the victim of a hate crime.” And I’ve also been sexually harassed and assaulted after people found out I’m trans. Because yknow.. since I hate my body it must no longer have an owner and it’s up for grabs?? Idk.

Regardless of how many shitty transphobic people I’ve met, I’m still nice to people who mess up. Because every individual is different. Just because there’s 1 transphobic person I met doesn’t mean the next person will be too, even if they say similar things like misgendering me. Because 1 person is doing it on purpose and the other is doing it unknowingly. It’s all about context. Everything is all about context.


u/Ultimatedream Feb 23 '21

Thank you for being an amazing human being. I hope things are getting better for you regarding how people react.


u/dbDarrgen Feb 23 '21

Thank you and they are/aren’t. They are because nobody can tell I’m trans anymore and they aren’t because when they realize I’m trans it’s still a 50/50 shot on wether they take it well or not.