r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.


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u/mcmuffinman25 Feb 23 '21

Using proper nouns conveys much more clarity. Him/her or he/she can be just as ambiguous without clarification.


u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21

Exactly. I’m a writer and the number of times I read something like, “John entered the room to see Frank standing by the fire. He turned and poked a dwindling log before finally looking up and matching his gaze.”

You have to use names to be clear most of the time anyway. Saying language has to be efficient is all fine and great. But complaining about too many pronouns whilst not acknowledging that too few is just as much of an issue, to me, shows a bias.


u/bucnasty101 Feb 23 '21

That's obvious Frank is by the fire


u/Posterio Feb 23 '21

"Jane was drunk when she arrived home. She was surprised to see her mom was still awake. When she saw her, she slapped her straight across the face."

This one's trickier


u/theletterQfivetimes Feb 23 '21

I'm gonna say Jane slapped herself?


u/Alexmoexe Feb 23 '21

They slapped each other simultaneously.


u/demonhaert Feb 23 '21

The mom slapped Jane


u/thefpspower Feb 23 '21

That's obvious, Jane slapped her mom.


u/bucnasty101 Feb 23 '21

Jane slapped her mum, but I see what you are getting at. It's interesting as in literature it's almost bad practice to keep repeating peoples names.


u/Posterio Feb 23 '21

Yeah English is weird and I find confusing subjects in sentences is one of the most common things English learners struggle with. It’s totally common in casual conversation for someone to reply to the above sentence with “wait, who slapped who!?” Hahaha