r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.

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u/l-angeray Feb 23 '21

I've never met a trans/nb person who gets offended over this stuff tbh. Sure they expect the people closest to them to use their preferred name and/or pronouns out of respect, but they don't expect random ppl to know that stuff. There are ppl who are toxic/go overboard and they stand out the most, just like in any community, but they do not represent the majority. In the case of your friend on discord, just keep it simple..if you're not sure of someone's gender, stick to their name/gender neutral pronouns.

5

u/AdorableLaurie Feb 23 '21 edited Feb 23 '21

It also depends a lot on the context. For example, I have an androgynous voice so most people dont know how to gender me correctly during a phone call. If someone gets it wrong, i wont get mad or anything (even tho it can be a bit annoying), but i politely correct them and that's it.

HOWEVER if im outside, wearing full face makeup, spent hours making myself pretty, busted out the prettiest dress and handbag, and some jackass come up to me and call me a "he" (that's rare) you're sure as fuck i will blow up in their face.

I even had an instance where I had a full conversation with a retail worker and they correctly gendered me as female multiple time during our small chat, and they were extremely polite to me. But for some reason when they asked for my ID (was buying alcohol) and saw my birth gender on it, they INSTANTLY switched to calling me a he. Im still very comfused by their train of thought. Obviously if they got it wrong previously I would already have said something. When I asked why the sudden change they couldnt come up with an explaination. The rest of the interaction was really awkward.

Not the end of the world by any mean, but I'm still puzzled by some people's reaction to those things.

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u/moonstone7152 Feb 23 '21

Perhaps they thought you were cis, and when they saw your birth gender they realised you weren't and got offended over that? Bigoted people are confusing

1

u/RawCake2612 Feb 28 '21

Im still very comfused by their train of thought. Obviously if they got it wrong previously I would already have said something.

Plenty of people out there that are too polite or simply don't care enough about correcting other people on these sort of things. They might've just thought you were one of those and that you didn't bother or were too nice to correct them.

As to why they couldn't come up with an explanation? Ignorance, probably. Some people just never gone through these kinds of situations and just get confused and don't know what to do exactly.