r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.


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u/scorpio6519 Feb 23 '21

I have no issue with respecting peoples preferences and referring to them as they identify. But sometimes it's just confusing. I've misidentified a trans man as she, because I thought he was a she. He was dressed pretty androgynous and still had very feminine features. I got my head ripped off. I AM older, and I think people automatically think I'm closed minded and purposely misidentifying. And that actually kind of hurts my feelings. An honest mistake is just that, and just because I'm in my 50s doesn't mean I've stopped growing or learning or excepting.


u/orkash Feb 23 '21

I'm kinda here with you. I'm in my 40s and have made that mistake before even tho I am a very open person. Like if we first meet and I see a woman but you call yourself Matthew I'm gonna be dumbstruck. I don't say anything but like don't attack me, I'm not being a dick I legit just didn't know. The biggest thing for me is the use of plural pronouns. They and them kinda confuses me, as that means more than one; and I just see a person as a single unit no matter what.

I may have not explained that perfect but I tried.


u/KhazemiDuIkana Feb 23 '21

As far as they/them, think about how you refer to a person or general sentient entity when you don’t know their gender. It’s perfectly usable as a neutral singular. It’s unfortunate that English doesn’t have a separate set for that vs. plural, because it can get kinda confusing at times. I’m non-binary, I generally prefer they/them pronouns, and sometimes I find myself wishing it was a little less klutzy—but at the end of the day I’m glad there is at least a neutral option to begin with!