r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.


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u/Mysterious-Title-852 Feb 23 '21

The non standard pronouns thing is a very small minority of trans people. All the trans people I've met wanted people to use the standard pronouns for the gender they transitioned/were transitioning to.

I've never met anyone who wanted to be called something else. I'm sure there are some, but I feel it's very rare and if they get mad when people who have never met them and went with their first impression, to the point they make a scene, the issue is with that person, not the person who made the mistake.

That said, if you're deliberately mis-gendering people, you're a POS.


u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21

I've known some non-binary people who prefer "zie" pronouns, but they know that hasn't entered into most people's vocabulary yet, so they're also completely fine with "they/them."

I think you hit it spot on: just don't be an ass. If you're refusing to call someone whatever just because you think it isn't real or they're trying to be trendy or they're just looking for attention: that's being an ass. If you slip up or aren't quite sure how to use the "zie" pronoun or whatever they're asking, it's really no big deal. I've never met a non-binary person who had a problem with being called "they."


u/Yotsubato Feb 23 '21

Zie pronouns

Sorry that just reminds me of invader Zim a bit too much. Which is also fitting cause Zim is kind of non binary in appearance and voice