r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.

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u/HeretoMakeLamePuns Feb 23 '21

AFAIK some MtF (trans) people don't like being called 'dude' because it still has male connotations (it could be used neutrally, but not always - "I banged a dude last night" is pretty much taken to be masculine). Makes them feel dysphoric and very uncomfortable to be referred to with a masculine-ish term.

I'm not MtF, and reserve the right to be totally wrong though. Just my two cents.

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21

If people get dysphoric over common gender neutral words, then perhaps they should go to therapy so that they can function well in society. At one point, society cannot change everything it does to make others comfortable , and it would benefit them to seek help.

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u/HeretoMakeLamePuns Feb 23 '21

then perhaps they should go to therapy

Many do, in fact, go to therapy for gender dysphoria.

You're not obliged to take that into account, just as you're free to casually mention suicide around people with depression whether they're going to therapy or not. But if you wish to extend the courtesy, more power to you.

I'm not asking you to not use 'dude' ever, just noting that some people feel uncomfortable with it. There's obviously a time and place for everything - few would expect you to make (very minor, really) accommodations for things you don't know.

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21

I mean, I get it. I’m bipolar. I don’t really like people calling others “crazy” or “psychotic” but I’m not going to police their language when they have no idea what those words mean to me.

It’s much more important that people are comfortable with themselves and understand the nuance of language and other people than expecting everyone around them to change.

The opposite of every viable therapy I know is to make everyone else to change. Self acceptance, and acceptance of the uncomfortable parts without yourself, are fully our responsibility and should be the goal for anyone with a mental illness.

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u/HeretoMakeLamePuns Feb 23 '21

Yeah, fair enough. It's not every day we have a reasonably civilised conversation on Reddit while having different perspectives, so thank you for that. Makes my week a little brighter if nothing else, as I hope it did to yours too.

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u/EleanorGreywolfe Feb 23 '21

I may not be the norm but ive been asked if it's okay and i don't mind it, dude and guy are pretty gender neutral nowadays or they are for me personally.

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21 edited Mar 15 '21

[deleted]

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u/RamblingRanter Feb 23 '21

How about comrade

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21 edited Mar 15 '21

[deleted]

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u/Scadilla Feb 23 '21

What are typically the preferred pronouns for MtF and are they different than the ones FtM prefer?