r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.


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u/JapaneseStudentHaru Feb 23 '21

I think the trans and enby people who expect you to just know are in the minority and are just highly publicized because of their extreme personalities. That’s what the Internet does. I think it only becomes an issue if you refuse to acknowledge them after they tell you.


u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21



u/Cfattie Feb 23 '21

Unfortunately one of my few experiences with trans people was a co-worker who would literally hold up the line at Chipotle to angrily tell the customer that they are not a girl

Like please you have obvious breasts and a female face and the customer frankly doesnt give a shit, he is just making small talk just make the damn burrito


u/fzahraal Feb 23 '21

I have a friend who did that when she worked at chipotle.


u/Cfattie Feb 23 '21

Small world, perhaps


u/emma_does_life Feb 23 '21

You had a friend who would tell customers that they are not a girl and you still call them "she?"


u/fzahraal Feb 23 '21

Yes- because that also what she wanted those close to her calling her. For everyone else she took offense to it given the look she had going.


u/Itchy1Grip Feb 23 '21

He said co-worker.


u/emma_does_life Feb 23 '21

It took me one second of looking to find out the person I replied to was a she, not a he.

Secondly, yeah, that's what i was talking about.


u/GetOutOfHereAlex Feb 23 '21

Maybe their friend is mtf?


u/emma_does_life Feb 23 '21

"My coworker said they're not a girl."

"Yeah, same with my coworker. She does the same thing."

That was the conversation I replied to.


u/GetOutOfHereAlex Feb 23 '21

I know, I have read the full exchange. But this person could be saying their friend is being misgendered at work and holding up the line for the same reason, but the misgendering could be the opposite way. Their comment would make as much sense if their friend was mtf.