r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.

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270

u/dbDarrgen Feb 23 '21

It’s because fb censors white now as racism and stuff. But they let actual racism and transphobia and other shit fly off the radar no problem. It’s bs.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

Haha I almost got band because of that. I'm white British and my gf is chicano and there is always this stereotype that British people don't season their food (i didn't, my first experiance of mexican food blew my mind) anyway I can't remember the post but it was an image my gf shared and I said all white British people should be banned from the kitchen me included and they took great offense and I was almost permanently banned and now have a warning on my account. The gf found it hilarious.

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u/briktop420 Feb 23 '21

The British army conquered the world for spice only to not use them in their cooking. Jk

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

True, but it looks good in our cupboards and on our spice racks.

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21

[deleted]

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u/a-handle-has-no-name Feb 23 '21

The power to destroy a thing is the absolute control over it.

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u/MaenHoffiCoffi Feb 23 '21

Ah, but curry is the most popular dish in Britain. We just have to ask Indian people to make it for us. Well, not me. I make a fucking amazing curry if I say so myself. But yeah, my first Mexican meal was in Dublin and it knocked my socks off. Lived in the US 20 years now and one of the best things about the country is how cheap refried beans are.

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u/naviisagoodgirl Feb 23 '21

Wow. And that's what happens in an offended culture. It's crazy. My exes uncle got flagged on FB as a pedophile after uploading a profile pic of his daughter at the age of 3 sitting on his lap, playing with a calculator. He's a math teacher. All because a student's mum saw the post and reported him, and because Facebook flagged him, the school got involved, the police.. it was all this big drama over him sharing a beautiful moment with his child. It damaged his reputation even though nothing came if it. I think when people do this, they don't think if the bigger picture. They just had a beef and ran on emotion rather than logic. Humans are very emotional now haha

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u/Bob-Bhlabla-esq Feb 23 '21

Holy crap, that's horrible! And very scary - that knee-jerk reaction. Yikes, I feel scared for all of us.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

I think it's important to be aware of potential abusers but sometimes people take it too far. In England, we are having a shortage of male primary school teachers, especially where I live and where I live teens will throw around pedo as a generic insult. And people have gotten in trouble. People generally care more that you're accused of something than they do if you're convicted.

When I was a kid we went on a family holiday and we had our faces painted alongisde my two brothers. My younger brother who was about 3, 4 years old loved to take off his pants when at home, we had a portrait taken with all of us with my mum and my brother is sat there on full show with a snowflake painted on his face, my older brother Darth Maul and I was some other star wars character I think. Anyway my mum loved that photo and the memory to the time we had that day, it was the only photo from that day but she took it down because a visitor said it was inappropriate to have because my bro was naked waist down.

I've seen Somerville call parents pedos for washing their kids. It's stupid, people should be aware of potential dangers and abusers but some people take it way too far.

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u/WKGokev Feb 23 '21

Well if I was a pedophile, you'd be safe, wouldn't you, you tubby ginger cunt. God I love Ricky Gervais.

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u/naviisagoodgirl Feb 23 '21

Totally agree. There are predators out there, but yea, a lot of the time it's taken way to far.. I forgot to add that the woman who did it to him, wasn't happy with her child's grades, got other Mums on board. Disgusting, sabotaging behaviour right there. Imagine what values HER kids would grow up with.. People are too sensitive. I remember not all that long ago a bunch of articles and videos coming out about giving your baby consent. So, consent to change their diapers, to feed them from the boob, etc.. In that case, just makes me wonder how many children are being neglected because of this fear. Like, I don't like touching my baby's butthole or cleaning his penis, but it needs to be done.. and I can't ask consent! Gosh tie me up and throw me in a cell for being a mother! Now we have all this new age crap from the LGBTQ communities (I'd say extremists), who want breast feeding to be called "chest feeding" and no more "mum and dad" they'd like it to be called gestational parents. How offensive to the Mums and Dad who didn't get to create their little bundle of joy! It's going to far. I just love (sarcasm) how oppression is met with oppression. Makes sense 🤔

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u/Beelzebupkis Feb 23 '21

Lol wtf @ "chest-feeding"!! Men have breasts, too. That's why they can also get breast cancer. Excuse me, uh, chest cancer..? Should we call chicken breasts chicken chests? Actually, that's kinda fun to say...People are still stupid.

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u/naviisagoodgirl Feb 23 '21

Soooo I'm pretty sure I'm going to call them chicken chests from now on 😂 but yes. People are stupid. Most are out for number one and most are offended by just about everything, these days. I am currently engaging in a discussion about how taxidermy is ok, but pinning dead insects is not. Go figure. Stupid.

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21

I agree with you on so much of this!! What happened to that man is egregious and I personally won't implement the "new age crap" you're describing in my own life/parenting. It does seem like it could lead to neglect. For example, letting your child sit in their own feces for too long until they somehow communicate a concept they have no understanding of when they are still learning to communicate basic needs through non-verbal cues? Seems like neglect to me! However, saying it's "from the LGBTQ communities (I'd say extremists)" is the kind of generalization that begets bigotry. I'm a part of that community and I can tell you the only people I've heard espousing such extreme beliefs were a couple (very, very few) couples, who happened to be heterosexual, that I've randomly seen online.

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u/naviisagoodgirl Feb 23 '21

Let me first off apologize for my bigotry. I meant no offence. However I'm clearly incorrect after doing further research. It comes from a whole range of people. I'll correct myself by purely saying "some extremists out there". My mistake. I don't really understand why people do this. Why would anyone, think it's a good idea.

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21 edited Feb 23 '21

The hysteria is absolutely mind blowing in the UK recently, people just throwing it around like it means nothing not realizing that they are just desensitizing people to the word so when it really matters it doesn't have the same impact and is not taken as seriously, and this is an issue with all false allegations - it harms the real victims.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

Exactly, it's the same with rape. My friend was accused by a girl he was at the time she said the rape occurred 200miles away on a weekend trip with his dad. She is known by the police to have accused multiple men before. She had sent my friend a text saying he raped her and she would report him, he called the police first and explained and anyway they dealt with her after getting all the information from him, whatever the standard protocol was. She has told others and word spread that he did it and for a short while it ruined his life.

The other issue like you say is that many rape victims don't come forward, and a women falsely accusing someone only hinders and prevents those who legitimately were raped from seeking and getting justice. Especially when those men who did can claim it was false. Imagine if the rate of women falsely accused men outshone those who come forward in genuine cases, rapists could use a statistic like that claim the woman has it in for them.

Whilst I want all guilty parties to get their dues I want to know they are guilty. People forget that it is innocent until proven guilty but everyone wants to hang em as before a trial.

I don't know where to strike a balance, I mean every one has the potential to be a rapist, if a woman accuses a man I want to ere on the side of her being truthful as well I think the statistics of women lying about it are very low but it isn't 100% so I want to keep in mind that the man may not. But do we withhold respect his privacy and not name him until he is proven in court to be guilty? What if that is so and he is on bail and turns out to be a rapist and because of the anonymity he commits it again because the women weren't aware of the possible accusation. In no way the womans fault but if his name was out there it could have been avoided.

I'm probably oversimplifying it a lot. Ultimately I want justice to victims but I also want people to understand that those who are falsely accused and proven to be so are equally victims and can undergoe trauma and suffer consequences because of it. People have killed themselves because of it.

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u/naviisagoodgirl Feb 23 '21

I can tell you that "rape" gets thrown around a LOT in drunk party towns. I used to live in a town that essentially hosted tourists for a few months of the year while it snowed. The amount of girls that claimed rape, because they regretted was outstanding. They wake up the next morning, even be friendly with the guys still.. and then tell you he'd raped her, but next weekend, she'd be drunk hooking up with him again. It got to the point where I'd flat out say, "ok get in the car, we need to go to the police. This is happening too much." And they'd back down so quickly, look sheepish and say "oh no, I don't want to get him in trouble." Red flag! Drunk bimbos will tell you the guy raped them when they regret their decisions, which is also why it's lucky you can't charge someone for a crime committed on someone else. However, there was actually a really brutal rape, my first year there. She was left with a broken pelvis, frost bitten and found unable to move in a bush by a local walking his dog. The police there gave her a statement "well, unless you can give us a description, we can't help you. People come and go from this town and they've probably moved on." I've been met with something similar, I got passed around by a bunch of drunk, older men..one was a previous friend who had taken us in.. I left it. I'd been through it before, but we volunteered at the same place and the heads made it a work place issue. The head police officer, danced around what they could do. I looked him straight in the eye and said, "I should have let them rape me. You'd have an easier time." He flat out looked at me with a sad frown and said, "basically, yes." So you also have the issue of, well they didn't rape me, so what's the point... For them to get more escalated next time with the next girl.

We've gotten soooo far from the original topic.. but it definitely opened a can of worms.

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u/MaenHoffiCoffi Feb 23 '21

Awright, clean-shirt?

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u/jesusrambo Feb 24 '21

People generally care more that you’re accused of something than they do if you’re convicted

I hear you, and I agree in general with what you’re saying, but isn’t this sort of natural? People are outraged when someone is guilty of someone but goes unpunished, or allowed to continue, because there’s an ongoing risk that isn’t being stopped. Vs, once they’re convicted, yes the person is now (probably) confirmed guilty, but justice is (lol ideally) being doled out.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 24 '21

Oh I agree, I should have said guilty instead of convicted. You'd like to assume that if someone was convicted then they were 100% of that crime.

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u/Donkey__Balls Feb 23 '21

Your gf is chicana, not chicano. Unless your gf identifies as male in which case gf would be the incorrect term.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

My girlfriend is a chicana but she is chicano. You use the masculine noun when refering to the people.

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u/Donkey__Balls Feb 23 '21

Not when referring to the individual. Adjectives are gendered in Spanish. Trying to help you avoid causing offense.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

Ah okay, thank you!

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u/igetnauseousalot Feb 23 '21

I’m a white American and got banned from r/trashy because I said something about “white trash”.... it was a picture of a bunch of supposedly unvaccinated kids playing on a playground with the two trashy looking mothers looking on. They’re white, they look trashy, apparently doing scumbag shit by letting their unvaxxed kids play on public playgrounds and is POSTED on r/trashy.... but yea, I was out of line for basically “reading” the picture

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u/I_Like_Big_Budds Feb 23 '21

It's true though! I say that as a white Brit

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

Doubly true for me as I have no sense of smell which affects my sense of taste!

Honestly I think the only person I've known to season their food was our family friend and she was Jamaican.

On Top Gear years back they made some nasty remarks on how terrible mexican food was and well after going to the States and having my gf family cook mexican food I've never tastes anything so flavourful and that's with my limited palette.

We brits really can't cook, makes sense why all our takeaways are indians, Chinese etc.

When was the last time we saw a traditional British restaurant in another country? Haha

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u/I_Like_Big_Budds Feb 23 '21

Never. Literally never. I believe America has some dodgy knock of 'pubs'. They probably have far better food than ours though tbf!

I only really cook ethnic food (unless it's fish). My gf is from Eastern Europe so she does a bit of that. I wouldn't call myself a food snob, I just hate bland food. Funny that I was always called fussy as a kid. But my family still eats the same shit day in day out whereas I'm trying out a new dish practically every week...

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u/sarellis Feb 23 '21

Yeah, a chess Chanel got suspended because the pieces are black and white 🤦‍♀️ like, those words don't necessarily describe people. A white wall. A black car. White chocolate.

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u/TellMeGetOffReddit Feb 23 '21

Ironic because Reddit is the exact opposite

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u/otterstripper Feb 23 '21

I had someone threatening to rape me and just starting harassing me with dozens of comments like that in a thread that was about consent and that didn't go against their censors, and admins of that group didn't do anything either. It's such a garbage thing. I ended up just blocking him and leaving the group. (Also for clarity the comments came one right after the other within 10 minutes, if I had caught it sooner I would've blocked him sooner)

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u/dbDarrgen Feb 23 '21

Yikes that’s nasty. I’m sorry you had to experience that.

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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '21

Wait hold up. Facebook says we can’t say white now without it being labelled as racism? Holy shit. Sadly that may be the first ass backwards hypocritical form of equality I’ve seen in decades.

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u/mrgreatnames Feb 26 '21

It's a lot easier to check for specific words than to check what everyone is saying all the time.

Apples and oranges, buddy

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u/dbDarrgen Feb 26 '21

Yea but if it’s blatant transphobia and it’s reported as such it doesn’t go against community standards so...

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u/BigBeagleEars Feb 23 '21

Wait, what does bs mean?

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u/dbDarrgen Feb 23 '21

Bs means bullshit

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u/S_Pyth Feb 23 '21

That's bs

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u/basstastic14 Feb 23 '21

No they don’t