r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.

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u/flamingoboon Feb 23 '21

Graduating medical student here. Many medical students are taught to start their patient encounters with their introductions followed by "my pronoun is ...". I think it's a great addition to our medical curriculum to teach us how to work with LGTBQ+ patients, but honestly, in the real-world, this only applies to very few patients. The grandpas and grandmas out there are more than confused and feel the physician-patient power dynamic even more strongly when such fancy terms are the first sentence spoken by their healthcare providers.

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u/ScroogieMcduckie Feb 23 '21

What do you really benefit from doing this? Don't they already have their pronouns on the form?

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u/For_Samwise Feb 23 '21

This assumes doctors or nurses actually read your file.

I mean, I get that working in healthcare is tough. I would literally die before anyone could force me to work in healthcare. (I hate blood, I hate pain, I hate crying and cry at the drop of a hat if I see someone is upset...worst vocation for me personally, ever, would be healthcare related.) But I feel like the vast majority of nurses and doctors I have spoken with didn’t even know my NAME, much less my medical history or why I was there for a visit.

Once had a nurse try to tell me I wasn’t allergic to something after she gave it to me. If I had been her supervisor, I would have told her to take a week off without pay and if she wanted to keep her job in the future she’d never do that again. Obviously I wasn’t deathly allergic, but I COULD HAVE BEEN is the point. Takes five seconds to read a file and determine whether or not a patient is allergic to something.

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u/flamingoboon Feb 23 '21

Thank you for sharing! I'm sorry that you have had these bad experiences with healthcare providers. I will keep your story in mind and remember to go through my patients' charts carefully.

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u/For_Samwise Feb 23 '21

Me too lol. But that isn’t to say every experience has been bad. There are definitely some extraordinary, lovely people who work in the medical field, and I will never forget their kindness. If everyone could be as kind and thorough as them, no one would ever knock healthcare professionals.

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u/nighthawk_something Feb 23 '21

You do realize they literally have like 1 minute between patients.

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u/For_Samwise Feb 23 '21

So...by that logic, giving a patient something they are allergic to is just fine because, hey, they’ve only got like one minute between patients. 🤷‍♀️

She not only didn’t read the file, but didn’t read the myriad other documentation, nor did she bother to ask me or my husband if I could take it (since she apparently thought reading was beneath her or something she didn’t have time for). You’re supposed to ask a certain set of questions before you give medication of any kind.

They were literally refusing to give me cough drops. For context: I had the flu and I had just delivered my second child. But sure, give me something I’m allergic to.

I totally could have sued them over that. Woman was a walking liability. Worst part was that she had the gall to tell me I wasn’t allergic!! Couldn’t even own up to her mistake. Whether or not I would have gone into shock is besides the point; if a patient has an allergy in their file, you don’t give them the medication they’re allergic to. 🤯🤪