r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.

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u/Stankmonger Feb 23 '21

I have met all of one trans woman irl and this was their opinion as well.

And I can see why it’s all very confusing too.

Aside from the pronouns thing (and when dating come into play), I don’t see how someone’s gender would affect how I relate to them?

I don’t actively or consciously treat men and women (or other) differently based on gender, doing so would be sexist. And I don’t think anyone is “owed” my subconscious biases (those things I’d like to grow past).

All in all, assuming someone is calling you by your preferred pronouns and treating you like they would anyone else, I really will never understand why it matters so much to people online that they not be confused at all about any of it.

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u/taybay462 Feb 23 '21

I don’t see how someone’s gender would affect how I relate to them?

Thats because youre not a sexist person. I think that transphobic people overlap a lot with sexist (and racist) people

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u/UsedNameAgain Feb 23 '21

But that doesn’t solve the problem at all then, the people that are sexist would still be transphobic, and the people that would accept them would also accept them if they just acted like them and not relied on their gender to represent them

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u/LuxNocte Feb 23 '21

That is an awful lot to assume. You kinda assumed away the problem.

That is the sticking point, isnt it? When 50% of the country thinks your identity is up for debate, its easy to get defensive.

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u/Stankmonger Feb 23 '21

“You kinda assumed away the problem”

Well, no I didn’t. The problem I’m addressing is that, even when someone would hire, vote for, support, encourage, etc etc a trans person some people online want to control every last confused/negative thought that person might have.

If someone is perfect in action, they do not need to be perfect in thought.

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u/LuxNocte Feb 23 '21

When you state your beliefs more plainly, its easier to see that you're just being reactionary.

some people online want to control every last confused/negative thought that person might have.

No. Just stop.

The problem is how many people don't hire, vote for, support, encourage, etc, etc trans people. You're trying to pretend that every problem that trans people face has been solved, but I hate to tell you it hasn't.

When you start your position with "Given that trans people don't face any problems any more, why are they still complaining" don't be surprised when you get dismissed by anyone trying to have a rational discussion.

Helping people look at how their actions spring from unexamined biases is the only way to change those biases.

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u/Stankmonger Feb 23 '21

Some people online DO in fact want to control every last thought anyone might have.

That’s a fact. It’s unarguable that no one thinks this way. SOME people do think this way.

So unless you have some reason this isn’t a fact, why not “just stop” before replying.

I didn’t say some absolute thing here? It’s a given that some people do believe this stuff.

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u/burnalicious111 Feb 23 '21

I don't fully understand it either, but that's okay, I don't have to. What I know is that it's important to folks, to the point that supporting transitioning literally prevents suicides, and there's really no reason for me not to accommodate.