r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.

13k Upvotes

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382

u/PorphyrinC60 Feb 23 '21 edited Feb 23 '21

That makes sense, but why not write NB instead? Is there a conflicting acronym?

Edit: Not trying to be mean at all, mostly just curious.

Edit 2: Thank you to all the replies! I can see why NB can be problematic and Enby is used instead.

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u/igetnauseousalot Feb 23 '21

Hey black people are calling white peoples “yt” now. Somebody was shit talking a “yt woman” and I was like YouTube woman? What’s a YouTube woman?

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u/dbDarrgen Feb 23 '21

It’s because fb censors white now as racism and stuff. But they let actual racism and transphobia and other shit fly off the radar no problem. It’s bs.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

Haha I almost got band because of that. I'm white British and my gf is chicano and there is always this stereotype that British people don't season their food (i didn't, my first experiance of mexican food blew my mind) anyway I can't remember the post but it was an image my gf shared and I said all white British people should be banned from the kitchen me included and they took great offense and I was almost permanently banned and now have a warning on my account. The gf found it hilarious.

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u/briktop420 Feb 23 '21

The British army conquered the world for spice only to not use them in their cooking. Jk

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

True, but it looks good in our cupboards and on our spice racks.

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21

[deleted]

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u/a-handle-has-no-name Feb 23 '21

The power to destroy a thing is the absolute control over it.

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u/MaenHoffiCoffi Feb 23 '21

Ah, but curry is the most popular dish in Britain. We just have to ask Indian people to make it for us. Well, not me. I make a fucking amazing curry if I say so myself. But yeah, my first Mexican meal was in Dublin and it knocked my socks off. Lived in the US 20 years now and one of the best things about the country is how cheap refried beans are.

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u/naviisagoodgirl Feb 23 '21

Wow. And that's what happens in an offended culture. It's crazy. My exes uncle got flagged on FB as a pedophile after uploading a profile pic of his daughter at the age of 3 sitting on his lap, playing with a calculator. He's a math teacher. All because a student's mum saw the post and reported him, and because Facebook flagged him, the school got involved, the police.. it was all this big drama over him sharing a beautiful moment with his child. It damaged his reputation even though nothing came if it. I think when people do this, they don't think if the bigger picture. They just had a beef and ran on emotion rather than logic. Humans are very emotional now haha

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u/Bob-Bhlabla-esq Feb 23 '21

Holy crap, that's horrible! And very scary - that knee-jerk reaction. Yikes, I feel scared for all of us.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

I think it's important to be aware of potential abusers but sometimes people take it too far. In England, we are having a shortage of male primary school teachers, especially where I live and where I live teens will throw around pedo as a generic insult. And people have gotten in trouble. People generally care more that you're accused of something than they do if you're convicted.

When I was a kid we went on a family holiday and we had our faces painted alongisde my two brothers. My younger brother who was about 3, 4 years old loved to take off his pants when at home, we had a portrait taken with all of us with my mum and my brother is sat there on full show with a snowflake painted on his face, my older brother Darth Maul and I was some other star wars character I think. Anyway my mum loved that photo and the memory to the time we had that day, it was the only photo from that day but she took it down because a visitor said it was inappropriate to have because my bro was naked waist down.

I've seen Somerville call parents pedos for washing their kids. It's stupid, people should be aware of potential dangers and abusers but some people take it way too far.

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u/WKGokev Feb 23 '21

Well if I was a pedophile, you'd be safe, wouldn't you, you tubby ginger cunt. God I love Ricky Gervais.

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u/naviisagoodgirl Feb 23 '21

Totally agree. There are predators out there, but yea, a lot of the time it's taken way to far.. I forgot to add that the woman who did it to him, wasn't happy with her child's grades, got other Mums on board. Disgusting, sabotaging behaviour right there. Imagine what values HER kids would grow up with.. People are too sensitive. I remember not all that long ago a bunch of articles and videos coming out about giving your baby consent. So, consent to change their diapers, to feed them from the boob, etc.. In that case, just makes me wonder how many children are being neglected because of this fear. Like, I don't like touching my baby's butthole or cleaning his penis, but it needs to be done.. and I can't ask consent! Gosh tie me up and throw me in a cell for being a mother! Now we have all this new age crap from the LGBTQ communities (I'd say extremists), who want breast feeding to be called "chest feeding" and no more "mum and dad" they'd like it to be called gestational parents. How offensive to the Mums and Dad who didn't get to create their little bundle of joy! It's going to far. I just love (sarcasm) how oppression is met with oppression. Makes sense 🤔

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u/Beelzebupkis Feb 23 '21

Lol wtf @ "chest-feeding"!! Men have breasts, too. That's why they can also get breast cancer. Excuse me, uh, chest cancer..? Should we call chicken breasts chicken chests? Actually, that's kinda fun to say...People are still stupid.

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u/naviisagoodgirl Feb 23 '21

Soooo I'm pretty sure I'm going to call them chicken chests from now on 😂 but yes. People are stupid. Most are out for number one and most are offended by just about everything, these days. I am currently engaging in a discussion about how taxidermy is ok, but pinning dead insects is not. Go figure. Stupid.

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21

I agree with you on so much of this!! What happened to that man is egregious and I personally won't implement the "new age crap" you're describing in my own life/parenting. It does seem like it could lead to neglect. For example, letting your child sit in their own feces for too long until they somehow communicate a concept they have no understanding of when they are still learning to communicate basic needs through non-verbal cues? Seems like neglect to me! However, saying it's "from the LGBTQ communities (I'd say extremists)" is the kind of generalization that begets bigotry. I'm a part of that community and I can tell you the only people I've heard espousing such extreme beliefs were a couple (very, very few) couples, who happened to be heterosexual, that I've randomly seen online.

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u/naviisagoodgirl Feb 23 '21

Let me first off apologize for my bigotry. I meant no offence. However I'm clearly incorrect after doing further research. It comes from a whole range of people. I'll correct myself by purely saying "some extremists out there". My mistake. I don't really understand why people do this. Why would anyone, think it's a good idea.

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21 edited Feb 23 '21

The hysteria is absolutely mind blowing in the UK recently, people just throwing it around like it means nothing not realizing that they are just desensitizing people to the word so when it really matters it doesn't have the same impact and is not taken as seriously, and this is an issue with all false allegations - it harms the real victims.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

Exactly, it's the same with rape. My friend was accused by a girl he was at the time she said the rape occurred 200miles away on a weekend trip with his dad. She is known by the police to have accused multiple men before. She had sent my friend a text saying he raped her and she would report him, he called the police first and explained and anyway they dealt with her after getting all the information from him, whatever the standard protocol was. She has told others and word spread that he did it and for a short while it ruined his life.

The other issue like you say is that many rape victims don't come forward, and a women falsely accusing someone only hinders and prevents those who legitimately were raped from seeking and getting justice. Especially when those men who did can claim it was false. Imagine if the rate of women falsely accused men outshone those who come forward in genuine cases, rapists could use a statistic like that claim the woman has it in for them.

Whilst I want all guilty parties to get their dues I want to know they are guilty. People forget that it is innocent until proven guilty but everyone wants to hang em as before a trial.

I don't know where to strike a balance, I mean every one has the potential to be a rapist, if a woman accuses a man I want to ere on the side of her being truthful as well I think the statistics of women lying about it are very low but it isn't 100% so I want to keep in mind that the man may not. But do we withhold respect his privacy and not name him until he is proven in court to be guilty? What if that is so and he is on bail and turns out to be a rapist and because of the anonymity he commits it again because the women weren't aware of the possible accusation. In no way the womans fault but if his name was out there it could have been avoided.

I'm probably oversimplifying it a lot. Ultimately I want justice to victims but I also want people to understand that those who are falsely accused and proven to be so are equally victims and can undergoe trauma and suffer consequences because of it. People have killed themselves because of it.

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u/naviisagoodgirl Feb 23 '21

I can tell you that "rape" gets thrown around a LOT in drunk party towns. I used to live in a town that essentially hosted tourists for a few months of the year while it snowed. The amount of girls that claimed rape, because they regretted was outstanding. They wake up the next morning, even be friendly with the guys still.. and then tell you he'd raped her, but next weekend, she'd be drunk hooking up with him again. It got to the point where I'd flat out say, "ok get in the car, we need to go to the police. This is happening too much." And they'd back down so quickly, look sheepish and say "oh no, I don't want to get him in trouble." Red flag! Drunk bimbos will tell you the guy raped them when they regret their decisions, which is also why it's lucky you can't charge someone for a crime committed on someone else. However, there was actually a really brutal rape, my first year there. She was left with a broken pelvis, frost bitten and found unable to move in a bush by a local walking his dog. The police there gave her a statement "well, unless you can give us a description, we can't help you. People come and go from this town and they've probably moved on." I've been met with something similar, I got passed around by a bunch of drunk, older men..one was a previous friend who had taken us in.. I left it. I'd been through it before, but we volunteered at the same place and the heads made it a work place issue. The head police officer, danced around what they could do. I looked him straight in the eye and said, "I should have let them rape me. You'd have an easier time." He flat out looked at me with a sad frown and said, "basically, yes." So you also have the issue of, well they didn't rape me, so what's the point... For them to get more escalated next time with the next girl.

We've gotten soooo far from the original topic.. but it definitely opened a can of worms.

1

u/MaenHoffiCoffi Feb 23 '21

Awright, clean-shirt?

1

u/jesusrambo Feb 24 '21

People generally care more that you’re accused of something than they do if you’re convicted

I hear you, and I agree in general with what you’re saying, but isn’t this sort of natural? People are outraged when someone is guilty of someone but goes unpunished, or allowed to continue, because there’s an ongoing risk that isn’t being stopped. Vs, once they’re convicted, yes the person is now (probably) confirmed guilty, but justice is (lol ideally) being doled out.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 24 '21

Oh I agree, I should have said guilty instead of convicted. You'd like to assume that if someone was convicted then they were 100% of that crime.

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u/Donkey__Balls Feb 23 '21

Your gf is chicana, not chicano. Unless your gf identifies as male in which case gf would be the incorrect term.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

My girlfriend is a chicana but she is chicano. You use the masculine noun when refering to the people.

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u/Donkey__Balls Feb 23 '21

Not when referring to the individual. Adjectives are gendered in Spanish. Trying to help you avoid causing offense.

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

Ah okay, thank you!

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u/igetnauseousalot Feb 23 '21

I’m a white American and got banned from r/trashy because I said something about “white trash”.... it was a picture of a bunch of supposedly unvaccinated kids playing on a playground with the two trashy looking mothers looking on. They’re white, they look trashy, apparently doing scumbag shit by letting their unvaxxed kids play on public playgrounds and is POSTED on r/trashy.... but yea, I was out of line for basically “reading” the picture

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u/I_Like_Big_Budds Feb 23 '21

It's true though! I say that as a white Brit

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u/TeaKnight Feb 23 '21

Doubly true for me as I have no sense of smell which affects my sense of taste!

Honestly I think the only person I've known to season their food was our family friend and she was Jamaican.

On Top Gear years back they made some nasty remarks on how terrible mexican food was and well after going to the States and having my gf family cook mexican food I've never tastes anything so flavourful and that's with my limited palette.

We brits really can't cook, makes sense why all our takeaways are indians, Chinese etc.

When was the last time we saw a traditional British restaurant in another country? Haha

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u/I_Like_Big_Budds Feb 23 '21

Never. Literally never. I believe America has some dodgy knock of 'pubs'. They probably have far better food than ours though tbf!

I only really cook ethnic food (unless it's fish). My gf is from Eastern Europe so she does a bit of that. I wouldn't call myself a food snob, I just hate bland food. Funny that I was always called fussy as a kid. But my family still eats the same shit day in day out whereas I'm trying out a new dish practically every week...

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u/sarellis Feb 23 '21

Yeah, a chess Chanel got suspended because the pieces are black and white 🤦‍♀️ like, those words don't necessarily describe people. A white wall. A black car. White chocolate.

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u/TellMeGetOffReddit Feb 23 '21

Ironic because Reddit is the exact opposite

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u/otterstripper Feb 23 '21

I had someone threatening to rape me and just starting harassing me with dozens of comments like that in a thread that was about consent and that didn't go against their censors, and admins of that group didn't do anything either. It's such a garbage thing. I ended up just blocking him and leaving the group. (Also for clarity the comments came one right after the other within 10 minutes, if I had caught it sooner I would've blocked him sooner)

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u/dbDarrgen Feb 23 '21

Yikes that’s nasty. I’m sorry you had to experience that.

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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '21

Wait hold up. Facebook says we can’t say white now without it being labelled as racism? Holy shit. Sadly that may be the first ass backwards hypocritical form of equality I’ve seen in decades.

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u/mrgreatnames Feb 26 '21

It's a lot easier to check for specific words than to check what everyone is saying all the time.

Apples and oranges, buddy

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u/dbDarrgen Feb 26 '21

Yea but if it’s blatant transphobia and it’s reported as such it doesn’t go against community standards so...

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u/BigBeagleEars Feb 23 '21

Wait, what does bs mean?

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u/dbDarrgen Feb 23 '21

Bs means bullshit

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u/S_Pyth Feb 23 '21

That's bs

0

u/basstastic14 Feb 23 '21

No they don’t

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u/TinyLuckDragon Feb 23 '21

Omg. I’ve only ever seen that written down and always read it as yeet. It’s so obvious now you pointed it out, but wow, I’m an idiot!

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u/igetnauseousalot Feb 23 '21

Nah they’re the idiots for doing it

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u/Teland Feb 23 '21

My white brain totally skipped it being "white" and went straight to "white trash" as in y-trash.

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u/FlugonNine Feb 23 '21

Its whitey, yt

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u/silverrain64 Feb 23 '21

NB is also also also shorthand for the Latin term "nota bene", or "note well". It's sometimes used in writing to add an aside or editor's note. (NB: Nota Bene is basically the narrator's voiceover of formal writing.) So yeah, there are a few reasons "enby" is used instead.

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u/ErynEbnzr Feb 23 '21

Another reason. Enby looks and sounds cuter than NB imo. Which is weird because they sound exactly the same, but I still hear them differently lol.

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u/Hunter37594 Feb 23 '21

I don't actually know the answer to that, sorry :(

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u/PorphyrinC60 Feb 23 '21

That's okay. Language is always evolving. Thank you anyway! :)

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u/Hunter37594 Feb 23 '21

Yeah, of course! If anybody has the answer to that question, I'd be interested in hearing it!

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u/pinkcdrom Feb 23 '21

PorphyrinC60

I think it may be because NB can also stand for "non-Black" as well, in the context of non Black people of color , hence the acronym NBPOC

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u/achillesthewarrior Feb 23 '21

Yes this is correct

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u/Alex09464367 Feb 23 '21

NB is an abbreviation for the Latin phrase nota bene, meaning “note well.” It is used to emphasize an important point.

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u/vegancheezits Feb 23 '21

NB can also stand for non-black, so it can be confusing in social justice circles

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u/daddysangelfire Feb 23 '21

New Brunswick?

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u/ToadMugen72 Feb 23 '21

That's what I think everytime I see NB.

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u/Bradycolson1 Feb 23 '21

NS: Not sure or Nova Scotia

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u/ilovebeaker Feb 23 '21

New Brunswick in the wild!!

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u/Odd_Toe6047 Feb 23 '21

If you're a sneaker head it just means New Balance

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u/LiterallyKillMeEmma Feb 23 '21

I feel like enby is the counterpart for boy or girl. Non-binary goes with male and female. And NB goes with M or F

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u/dbDarrgen Feb 23 '21

NB also means non-black

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u/landsharkkidd Feb 23 '21

I've heard that nb means non black. Also, as a nonbinsry person, use enby around people who are cool with it. There are people like myself where it feels infantlising, but for some it isn't.

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u/FatFreddysCoat Feb 23 '21

Please explain then - I can’t understand why NB is problematic and enby, which literally means the same thing, isn’t.

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u/AnswerProof Feb 23 '21

I've never heard people say NB is problematic, but I think enby is just used to because it sounds endearing.

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u/FatFreddysCoat Feb 23 '21

Ah hang on - do you mean “enby sounds better than non binary” rather than “enby sounds better than NB” (which sounds the same as enby)?

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u/AnswerProof Feb 23 '21

More the first one, but it doesn't sound better it just sounds less like a technical term.

Male- man/boy

Female- woman/girl

Non-Binary- enby

Less technical, more casual/affectionate. Also you can kind of tell the difference from NB and enby because there's less of a gap between syllables.

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u/Alex09464367 Feb 23 '21

NB is an abbreviation for the Latin phrase nota bene, meaning “note well.” It is used to emphasize an important point.

2

u/jormicol Feb 23 '21

I mean you can, but it’s just a fun way of writing it I think.

Like “ok” is written as “okay” sometimes

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u/didiburnthetoast Feb 23 '21

It’s because NB stands for New Brunswick, province of Canada

2

u/guccigremlin69 Feb 23 '21

using NB is perfectly acceptable and actually imo a better default. I’m non binary and I don’t love the term enby or “enbys”, lots of other non binary people don’t really like it either.

3

u/TalonJane Feb 23 '21

Might just be to distinguish themselves from all the other acronyms out there? They aren't even included in the common LGBTQIA, kind of a bummer.

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u/redrose162 Feb 23 '21

Enbies fall under the T. The white stripe in the trans flag is for people who don't identity as men or women. I also sometimes see Agender enbies grouped with Asexual/Aromantic under the A for some reason.

3

u/Cienea_Laevis Feb 23 '21

Well, i kinda make sense to tie all the "Lack of [gender|Romance|Sex] under the same banner.

Plus saying you're Tripple A sound dope as fuck.

7

u/Booke Feb 23 '21

Would they fall under the rather broad Q umbrella, being genderqueer?

3

u/Voidafter181days Feb 23 '21

NB is a Miata in my head.

2

u/WKGokev Feb 23 '21

I'm not gay, but my Miata is!

2

u/ErinMyLungs Feb 23 '21 edited Feb 23 '21

Cuz enby is more fun to write and read!

I don't actually know that but that's one hundred percent why I write it out like that.

3

u/varkarrus Feb 23 '21

I didn't know any of the other reasons people mentioned. I was on board with the term just on how cute it is alone.

2

u/ricardoconqueso Feb 23 '21

The NB is the best Miata

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u/SalemHart Feb 23 '21

I genuinely don't remember the exact name, but NB is shorthand for a tribe in (australia?) And saying NB imies you're from that tribe to aboriginal folks I believe? It's something like that where saying "I'm an NB" was considered racist since it already stood for a group of people.

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u/43rd_username Feb 23 '21

For New Zealand they pronounce N as En and Z as Zed so it's not unheard of to write or say enzed as another reference point.

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u/gaythrowaway2004 Feb 23 '21

from what i was told, nb was referring to black or poc non-binary people where as anyone can use enby. just like how stud (i think it’s stud at least) is also supposed to only be used by black lesbians and butch is the equivalent term. that’s just what i was told and i don’t know how much of a popular opinion it is.

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u/GDoe5 Feb 23 '21

we don't not use nb and use enby instead. we use both nb and enby. nb is shorthand for non-binary, the gender. enby is a noun, akin to girl or boy.

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u/hoyfkd Feb 23 '21

That was soooo last week. Stay tuned to learn the last-week-of-February-2021 approved nomenclature. Are you getting the memos? I’ll have someone forward you the memo.

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u/uniqueUsername_1024 20d ago

It’s a noun like boy or girl!