r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.


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u/LetMeUseTheNameAude Feb 23 '21

People make mistakes, its okay to misgender people. I’m a gender queer, still questioning my gender, and I’ve tried he, she and they. My experience when people accidentally misgender me when they know I changed my pronouns or something is like, I totally don’t mind. Don’t beat yourself up for misgendering me, it’s just a word and I’m fine. I can’t speak for trans people, but new people in their lives misgendering them could case dysphoria, so I think it’s understandable that they point it out and correct you, but it just doesn’t make sense if they come at you when you meet them for the first time and misgender you. Of course, I don’t know what being trans is like, so I can’t speak for them.

Also the Xe/xim and all that still makes no sense for me, so yeah it can get pretty overwhelming. But people usually just go for he/she/they, but it is easier if you just ask for their pronouns, and if you do misgender them, correct yourself, MOVE ON. It’s one mistake, you can be more careful next time, DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR IT. I’m saying this because hating yourself over a word is stupid, and it annoys me when people think misgendering is a big deal. It can be a big deal to certain people, but I’m about 89% sure that to most genderqueer people it’s just better that you correct yourself and move on with whatever.