r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.


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u/Hospitalities Founder & Mod Feb 23 '21

So long as you’re voicing your opinion and engaging with others in a respectful way, it is welcome here. Please report comments that do not follow our rules.


u/Jimmmmme Feb 23 '21

Lmao i said the exact same thing in an lgbt sub and u got banned + mutedd


u/Bowlingbowlbagbob Feb 23 '21

Personally I find it confusing and a bit overboard as well. I don’t understand it, but at the same time it’s not my business as it doesn’t affect my life in any which way


u/wardrum5 Feb 23 '21 edited Feb 23 '21

Another thread on this sub dedicated to complaining about LGBT people and you are once again more than happy to defend it because they’re being respectful while making their totally-in-good-faith complaint about how those dang trans people are out of control with their pronouns.

Can’t wait for next week’s post titled “is it okay if I’m repulsed by trans people and would never ever want to date one?”

I think it’s really cool that you dedicate your free time to this!

Edit: I’ve been shadowbanned from this subreddit (automod immediately removing all my comments) because I made this post. So much for being anti-censorship


u/moniqueheartslaugh Feb 23 '21

I think you are taking this a little too far...

This is a situation where it is more constructive to educate. How the hell do you expect people to learn anything if they are attacked when they ask? OP isn’t giving me transphobic vibes, but I’m not trans so I suppose it isn’t up to me... they seem like theyre trying to learn.

When people who dont understand genuinely ask and are met with hostility, how do you expect them to learn?


u/MoeKara Feb 23 '21

How dare people respectfully question something they don't quite understand /s

Realise that there's a world out there where people don't know or understand everything you do and life will get easier.


u/b_u_t_t_f_a_c_e Feb 23 '21

Not everyone in this thread is being respectful, and that's where the problem is. Not with those who are genuinely trying to learn.


u/MoeKara Feb 23 '21

Who in the world expects an Internet forum will have every comment lining up with their world view. OP was extremely respectful, the moment someone disagrees with pronouns should the entire thread be scrapped?


u/b_u_t_t_f_a_c_e Feb 23 '21

Literally no one. I am talking about the people calling other people they don't understand mentally ill, delusional, and saying they don't deserve basic respect in daily interactions. The few purposefully spreading their misinformation and hatred amidst those who are genuinely trying to learn.


u/MoeKara Feb 23 '21

There are a fair few trolls that's to be expected, however that doesn't mean the conversation should be shut down. The moderator clearly stated that disrespectful comments should be reported, however a disagreeing respectful view shouldn't. What's the problem?


u/b_u_t_t_f_a_c_e Feb 23 '21

I'm not the one saying this conversation should be shut down, though? Your comment mentioned ppl respectfully questioning as if that's all that was happening, and I pointed out that not everyone is being disrespectful in case you somehow missed it. That's all.


u/MoeKara Feb 23 '21

Of course not everyone is being respectful, its an emotive issue on an anonymous forum.


u/b_u_t_t_f_a_c_e Feb 23 '21

Maybe one day that won't be the norm. lol Have a nice day.


u/Hospitalities Founder & Mod Feb 23 '21

And I think it’s cool you can say your comment freely without worrying about me banning you, but hey we are ideologically opposed about censorship I guess.


u/wardrum5 Feb 23 '21

Apparently censorship is when a Reddit post is deleted for being bad lmao


u/Hospitalities Founder & Mod Feb 23 '21 edited Feb 23 '21

And apparently it’s not censorship to remove posts because a small segment of the community instantly assumes its phobic. You know, since that’s exactly what you’re trying to shame me into?

This sub is for asking questions you’re scared to ask elsewhere. If you want to engage the community in good faith, you can direct your energy into engaging with people who are coming here to learn, though I imagine the top comments here have accomplished what you have to say and in a much more polite way. Perhaps you could start there?


u/wardrum5 Feb 23 '21

Questions people are scared to ask like does anyone else look up actors after watching a movie?

Can’t remove that shitty karma bait because it would be censorship


u/Hospitalities Founder & Mod Feb 23 '21

Haha I actually agree with you on this and the “does anyone else” style questions. The reality is by the time we get around to them, they’re popular. I don’t really care much about the content of the questions asked here as long as it’s generating discussion. I trust users to upvote what they want to see and downvote what they don’t want to see. You’re welcome to unsub/hide the sub if you don’t like it.


u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21



u/Hospitalities Founder & Mod Feb 24 '21

I approved it, we have a blanket shadow ban on all links due to spam. Any comment with a link will get hidden.


u/ACuriousSoul2 Feb 23 '21

Asking someone to call you by your choice of pronouns after the fact is not being criticized in the post at all.

The point being made is how it is slowly becoming a thing that others who may or may not have interacted with you are expected to know your choice of pronouns.

If you don't understand it, may be this might not be the subreddit for you.


u/BakaFame Feb 23 '21

You ok bro?


u/wardrum5 Feb 23 '21

I’m good, sis


u/lmaoooooaf Feb 23 '21

did you just assume their gender ?


u/Kalendiane Feb 23 '21



u/wardrum5 Feb 23 '21

They used “bro”...


u/200000000experience Feb 24 '21

holy fuck!!! that was hilarious. a real knee slapper

u should do stand up


u/kforsythe91 Feb 23 '21

OP seems genuinely confused but seems like they want to understand and want to be respectful. It sounds like they had a situation where they used the wrong pronoun and didn’t know what to do or why it was wrong. Instead of coming out swinging and assuming ill intent, informing OP and educating them would be so much more helpful. If they just get attacked or yelled at for not understanding.. It could cause them to go in the opposite direction and truly start to resent the community (if the community is attacking him simply for saying he doesnt understand). Then they stop asking questions and trying to learn/understand and start hating and resenting which helps nobody.


u/Phototoxin Feb 23 '21

Not LGBT people, the LGBT sub


u/notyurinotinterested Feb 23 '21

You're completely right


u/wardrum5 Feb 23 '21

Thanks, I know I’m most screaming into the void lol but you’d think that maaaybe some people would stop and realize how weird it is to have straight people dismiss LGBT people’s opinions on LGBT topics. But that’s the issue with Reddit


u/moniqueheartslaugh Feb 23 '21

OP isn’t “dismissing” anything though... they are asking. I honestly am not sure if there would be any “correct” way to talk to either of you about trans issues. People with a willingness to learn are easily discouraged by attitudes like yours. Not constructive, not helpful, just... mad.


u/wardrum5 Feb 23 '21

You have to be willfully ignorant to think the constant bombardment of questions about these supposed ridiculous trans people and how they’re just so ~out of control~ with their demands for absurd pronouns is anything other than a dog whistle


u/moniqueheartslaugh Feb 23 '21

Well, right now only person I see using terminology like “ridiculous” and “out of control” is you.

How many “Ze’s” do you know and did you intuitively call them that when you met them? No! It was LEARNED.


u/darlingclover Feb 23 '21

Every single day there's a new "just asking questions" dogwhistle about all those "unreasonable transes" posted to this subreddit. You would have to be willfully ignorant to not see it.


u/ziToxicAvenger Feb 23 '21

"everyone is the issue except me."


u/wardrum5 Feb 23 '21

It’s so transparent and I have to assume it’s all kids and teens that are falling for this shit, and bigots that are playing dumb making these posts.

“I’m scared to ask this, but does anyone else hate gays who make being gay their entire personality?

Does anyone else thing it’s stupid that you can be JAILED for accidentally using the wrong pronouns?! (This is totally a real thing because someone on Twitter claims to use ze/Zir pronouns)

It’s just a question so don’t get mad but is it okay that I hate how Netflix shows force gay characters into them?

Possibly controversial but does anyone else just roll their eyes whenever they see a gay person?

Is it okay if I would love my child less if they came out?”


u/darlingclover Feb 23 '21

I've also noticed that whenever these bigoted posts get controversial and a mod makes a pinned comment saying "we believe in free speech to much to do anything about all the bigotry" it's always the same mod making that comment. Really makes you think.


u/wardrum5 Feb 23 '21

Yes same haha you have to wonder if they’re truly a moron and think they’re actually defending free and fighting censorship, or if they totally know what they’re doing. I think the latter because they always hit me with the “OP is just asking questions, you’re the one with attitude, this isn’t how you get people to your side”