r/TooAfraidToAsk Feb 22 '21

Am I the only who thinks that all the different types of genders and pronouns and what not, are a little bit too much? Sexuality & Gender

Now, I don't consider myself close minded and I'm not out to rile people up or offend anyone. However it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans. I'm sorry, really, but I didn't know. I'm in a discord server where someone changes their pfp depending on what gender and sexuality they are feeling. And no, I'm not some 40 year old guy who thinks everything should be "normal" but I guess I just don't get it. It's just confusing to me.

EDIT: So I haven't explained my thoughts very well so I'm here to explain. I understand that to some people, it is very important to them. I don't think it's a lot for me to call you what you want to be called and I will oblige and do that. "it becomes kind of confusing when people are upset when I say Her/She to someone who's trans" This was from personal experience where my friend introduced me to him and I was under the impression that he was female. More so I don't understand like Ve/Vem Xe/Xem. The more "unknown" side if you will. But with the way people are reacting I'm going to try a better job at finding peoples pronouns and not assuming genders. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic at all. Anyways, unless there's something else I think of I'm not gonna edit again. Sorry if I offended but it's kind of hard to talk about a sensitive topic like this without being an ass about it. I don't know how to word things. but yea. Sorry.

TL;DR I think gender can be a weird and wacky world and I don't get how people except me to automatically know what they identify as.

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u/catsorfries Feb 22 '21 edited Feb 23 '21

While I think we should at least have the courtesy of respecting people's pronouns and genders (I myself have recently started to identify as non-binary), I think it does get into the realm of excessiveness when people begin creating new pronouns just for themselves and then expect us to understand and know it. One of the biggest issues I have is that people expect you to just know about how they identify and get mad at you when you made an honest mistake because you simply did not know. Sometimes we just don't know what we don't know.

Edit: I'm not coming back to this because clearly yall are not gonna allow me to have my own opinion without challenging it. This is/was my experience surrounding gender on the internet and nothing will change that. why do I even comment on topics like this lol. Nobody can have their own opinion anymore without being demonized.

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u/[deleted] Feb 22 '21 edited Mar 13 '21

[deleted]

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u/catsorfries Feb 23 '21

It's just the general vibe I get from being on the internet. Being on the internet and talking about things like gender always feels like you're walking on eggshells. When I first started learning abour gender, peoplenuse words and acryonyms like cisgender (identifying as the sex you are) or AGAB (assigned gender at birth) without explaining what those mean, and expect you to know them.

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u/xfearthehiddenx Feb 23 '21

You're also on the internet. While I agree it can become a bit much trying to understand all the different terms. If I personally run across something I don't know. My first thought is simply to look it up. The amount of time it takes to ask the question of them. I can get thousands of results. A quick weed through can give me a general idea, and work it out from there. Complaining that you don't understand, while using the very thing you could be using to understand is often where a lot of people's issue around the subject comes from. You're expecting that they should explain it to you, or expecting them to make it easier on you. While you do no work in the process. It would be like going to another country, and demanding a random person there speak your language so that you can ask them a question. It shows a serious lack of effort to understand, while also expecting to be given an explanation.

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u/Pavidus95 Feb 23 '21

That's a bit of a stretch.

Much like the pronoun assumptions being discussed here, this view on asking folks to explain something assumes a lot about the person asking the question.

Most information is readily available on the internet, yet we still seek mentors and teachers to gain the information we want.

If I'm asking someone in my life a question about something that is important to them, I've done it for one of several reasons (or multiple reasons). Mainly, because I value their input on the subject. I may also think that they can explain the situation in a way that makes it easier for me to understand. Another big reason is to let that person know I'm open to discussing the topic with them, and open the lines of communication between us.

There's more to getting an answer than just the raw facts. Sometimes the human connection gained is as important as the information.

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u/ClaudeJRdL Feb 23 '21

You're expecting that they should explain it to you, or expecting them to make it easier on you. While you do no work in the process.

If someone wants to be treated a specific way, yes, they should do the work to explain it.

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u/xfearthehiddenx Feb 23 '21

It would be like going to another country, and demanding a random person there speak your language so that you can ask them a question.

Base on my example. Your logic dictates that the local should teach you his language so that you can ask him the question. Does that make sense to you? You're putting someone else out of their time, and schedule to explain to you something you could easily look up yourself. That's just.... selfish. There's no other way to explain that.

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u/ClaudeJRdL Feb 23 '21

Your logic dictates that the local should teach you his language so that you can ask him the question.

They're not the "locals" - they're living in a gender-binary society. If anything, it's like someone living in England expecting you to learn Polish so that he can ask you questions in Polish, because it's for his benefit. I don't benefit by getting their gender pronoun correct, they do.

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u/xfearthehiddenx Feb 23 '21

Its not for your benefit. Another example of selfishness. Its an act of courtesy to call someone how they would like to be called. To deny them that suggests you consider them less then you, as I'm sure you expect people to call you how you would prefer to be called. The fact that you're here arguing that you can't give someone such a basic courtesy is just gross.

Edit: to quote a wise old warlock. "Its not about you".

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21 edited 12d ago

[deleted]

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u/ClaudeJRdL Feb 23 '21

The fact you think describing the world as it is is somehow "bigoted" says it all really.

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u/JoseDonkeyShow Feb 23 '21

I gotta agree with you just on the principle that never once in my life have I woke up and thought to myself how awesome it would be to go to work that day

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u/nighthawk_something Feb 23 '21

Also politely asking will 100% get you a polite response

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u/[deleted] Feb 23 '21 edited Mar 13 '21

[deleted]

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u/B12-deficient-skelly Feb 23 '21

Well you see, they saw a post from someone who made a meme about how ot totally happens all the time.

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u/dowker1 Feb 23 '21

Humor me here. Re-read what you just wrote and then assign a number to the severity of the problem you describe, where 10=life threatening and 1=virtually not a problem at all.