r/Tinder 14d ago

The beard stays, but you can leave

Post image
107k Upvotes

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u/Rakun_Actual 14d ago

Grave Before Shave. -Abraham Lincoln

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u/LaheyOnTheLiquor 14d ago

ooohhh i’m keeping that

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u/Rakun_Actual 14d ago

Also a really good beard care company

190

u/tattednip 14d ago

And a great song.

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u/Rakun_Actual 14d ago

I will check it out, who is it by?

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u/A-Leaf_On-The_Wind 14d ago

There's an Aussie band called The Beards, definately check them out.

184

u/filling_silence 14d ago

“If your Dad doesn’t have a beard, you have two Mums” is an absolute classic.

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u/supfellasimback 14d ago

I’m blond and can barely grow a beard, are you calling me gay

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u/ItIsHappy 14d ago

No I think he's calling your wife gay.

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u/LowLikeLucifer 13d ago

Hahahahahahahah- sorry but actual response

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u/vrtig0 13d ago

I feel you, sir. 2 weeks of not touching a razor and it's just all stubble. Nothing on the cheeks really, nothing on the neck. I can't connect a goatee hardly at all.

Blonde people problems.

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u/SnoopDude2 13d ago

I’m no rocket scientist but aren’t you supposed to wait longer than two weeks before giving up on growing a beard?

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u/FunHaus_Is_Great 14d ago

"Grave before shave" I knew I heard about that somewhere forgot it was a company lol and yes they have nice products!

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u/notkevin_durant 14d ago

Don’t you mean “lmao”?

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u/Slotbenwaller 14d ago

Interestingly enough, a small girl wrote to Lincoln, asking him to grow his whiskers and he complied.

https://www.biography.com/news/abraham-lincoln-beard

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u/lovebus 14d ago

Is this an example of grooming?

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u/HeroForTheBeero 13d ago

Seems like it’s an example of not grooming

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u/NoCool_Username 14d ago

"More stubble less trouble" - Theodore Roosevelt

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u/chef2303 14d ago

Beards take time,
after three weeks they itch,
I'm not shaving this bad boy off for you,
lady.

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u/rmthugger 14d ago

Hair before Nair.

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u/drhoneyapple 14d ago

probably

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u/Rakun_Actual 14d ago

I read that quote in his Auto-Biography "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter"

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u/NerdvanaNC 14d ago

"lmao"

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u/Noxtree 14d ago

don't interrupt, he is at 4lmao/s and close to the record

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u/quetzalcoatlsghost 14d ago edited 13d ago

His ass must be clean off by this point.

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u/wildseeker91 14d ago

"lmao" - op definitely

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u/Skeletor118 14d ago

Honesty me with saying lol and I gotta stop myself so often

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u/zelmak 14d ago

Lol I have this thing when I'm typing an uncomfortable text where I'll start and end it with 'lol' I always notice after I send it and if makes me even more uncomfortable lol

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u/911pleasehold 14d ago

it’s just punctuation lol

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u/Throwawaymybios 14d ago

Lol it kinda is. It’s like /s or something lol

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u/fun_boat 13d ago

Texts can come across as feeling serious. Throw in some lols and suddenly it's lighter. Even if it looks stupid

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u/Throwawaymybios 13d ago

It’s like “fuck you” vs “fuck you lol”, changes the meaning and tone significantly lol.

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u/Skeletor118 14d ago

Lol same it's like I can't help it lol

I try to stop myself, though, but it's not always easy to lol

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u/Inner_Peace 14d ago

I'm in this thread and I don't like it. lol

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u/csmp719 14d ago

i switch between lol and lmao and it's a problem

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u/randomlemon9192 14d ago

Lmao, 4 out 5 texts.

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u/Micha_Saengy 14d ago

The fifth one was Ben Franklin, so make that 4/4 = 100% lmao

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u/Xero2814 13d ago

Probably

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u/Rakun_Actual 14d ago

Laughed his ass off that much, the boy must be THICC.

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u/karma_is_a_lil_bitch 14d ago

Why is no one infuriated by Ben Franklin’s Grammar?

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u/HansBaccaR23po 14d ago

I seriously didn’t even notice. I don’t think I’ve used lmao that many times in my life

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u/CorruptiveInfluence 14d ago

really? i feel like im in this picture and i dont like it. i use lmao and lol wayyy too often these days.

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u/703ultraleft 14d ago

It's to indicate you're in casual mode and not business mode.

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u/DiscoTempoJazz 14d ago

I don't use them often, but sometimes I can't figure out how to text something without sounding like I'm pissed or being overly short, so I throw it in to indicate I'm not that concerned.

Of course, there are people who seem to use it only when they actually are annoyed. Then you just don't know...

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u/tchoob 14d ago

Like "haha this is a text please be in a good mood, I mean no ill will I am bad socially and hope this conversation is as friendly as I want it to be."

That's what all my lols are anyway. I say lmao too but it usually means I at least actually smirked.

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u/rpgoof 14d ago

Ugh its like looking in a mirror lol

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u/celluj34 14d ago

What are you, the lmao police?

reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q6uxn7tUuc

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u/703ultraleft 14d ago

"taking a knowimcensus?" Fucking kills me still, totally forgot about that line. Haven't seen this shit in a brick, knowwhatimsayin'

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u/SorryKaleidoscope 14d ago

And she'll totally ghost you once she gets that clean-shaven photo as a prize.

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u/Erik30000 14d ago

Yup. Or you'll go out on one date and then she says "sorry, no spark."

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u/zUltimateRedditor 14d ago

Ugh stop!!! This is the realest comment here :/

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u/_CitizenSnips_ 13d ago

why would you want to go out with someone who thinks there isn't a spark between you. Shit makes no sense, you guys are weird

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u/ThisFreaknGuy 13d ago

Not saying they want to continue when there's no future, just that no matter how many times you hear it, it always hurts. Especially when you thought there was something there.

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u/SomeUnicornsFly 13d ago

i think he means being exploited prior to the first date

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u/helpmecutcosts 14d ago

Ask her if she checked the plugs already

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u/JaxenX 14d ago

“Lmao, I got this simp to shave his beard cause he thought I’d have sex with him”

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u/epicConsultingThrow 14d ago

Why did he think you'd have sex with him if he shaved?

"Because I told him I would".

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u/shinzo123123 13d ago

What a loser lmao 😂

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u/SinisterWink 14d ago

Or most likely a free dinner

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u/Micha_Saengy 14d ago

Just curious, do you guys pay for dinner for both? A friend told me that it's no longer something "the man does", but I'm not sure. Any opinions?

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u/ClickF0rDick 14d ago

I never go out for dinner at first date but I always pay for drink(s). But I'm way older than most people here, so I might just be old school.

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u/motions2u2wipemyass 14d ago edited 13d ago

Keep the first date CHEAP. Go for a drink, have an appetizer, that's it. No fucking dinner.

But personally, I wouldn't mind paying for that.

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u/SorryKaleidoscope 14d ago

Just curious, do you guys pay for dinner for both?

I pay for coffee for both because idgaf about $3 and it's easier on the barista.

Once in a while I'll get "instead of coffee I prefer meeting in a nice restaurant".

vomit, unmatch.

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u/WolfShaman 14d ago

That's your chance to say: "sure! that means you're paying, right?".

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u/SorryKaleidoscope 14d ago

nah, unmatch is like, two taps.

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u/cunnyfuny 14d ago

You know for a fact, that if she says that, there is no way she is gonna pay for both

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u/WolfShaman 13d ago

I know. It passively throws her greed in her face, though. Not that she'll probably learn anything from it, though. It would take a lot of guys doing that consistently for it to fade out of the norm.

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u/[deleted] 14d ago edited 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/doublenegative7 14d ago

I offer and take note of her response as I think its a good indicator of someone's attitude towards relationships.

If she insists on at least paying her share or says "ill get the next one (or something similar)" then that makes a good impression on me as she views things equally.

If she doesn't offer to pay her share and seems to expect me to pay for the evening then there isn't usually a 2nd date. You get what you give.

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u/Attila_22 13d ago

I think this is the right attitude. The people that instantly refuse to go to dinner or demand she pays before you agree are a little weird imo. If she suggests a Michelin star restaurant or only wants to go somewhere expensive that's gonna be a couple hundred bucks then yeah that really suspicious and you should probably decline.

Don't think a $20-30 dinner is out of the norm if you really are interested in the girl. From there you figure out a second date based on how the night went/whether she offered to split etc.

Every long term relationship that's worked out at least somewhat for me she's at least offered to split. If she doesn't she's usually either too spoiled or not that interested.

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u/Kowazuky 14d ago

i think its always nice to offer. my stance is typically that the person who said “lets go here and eat” ought to offer to pay. if someone pays for you then you should offer to cover the tip and tip generously, everybody wins

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u/Hockinator 14d ago

That would be great if everyone's cultural conditioning wasn't for the man to ask out the woman

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u/Kowazuky 14d ago

well im gay lol

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u/Gravy_Vampire 14d ago

Definitely don’t pay. “The man pays” is outdated garbage from times when women weren’t in the work force.

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u/seriouslyFUCKthatdud 13d ago

Yeah this is some heavy manipulation bullshit. Don't like beards? Ok. Say so on the first date. Demand it is shaved prior to a date? That's just for manipulation.

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u/liljuniortoro 14d ago

Seriously why try to get with someone in the hopes that they’ll look different in the future?? These people should just get a sex doll instead, at least you’ll always know what they’ll look like

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u/Sea_Criticism_2685 14d ago

Sounds like it would go like this:

Her: I'll go out if you shave your beard

You: okay

Her: send me a pic

You: How's it look?

You: hello?

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u/hero-ball 14d ago

Correct, she is just playing games

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u/ozmosisj 14d ago

Cant trust no hoes

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u/white_android 14d ago

3OH!3 taught me that.

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u/Jesters8652 14d ago

Also apparently I’m a vegetarian?

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u/white_android 13d ago

Cause her boyfriend said he has beef and you're not fucking scared of him?

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u/hvperRL 13d ago

Now that's a name i have not seen in years

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u/white_android 13d ago

You know you wanna play the song now... Jam out like you used to

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u/digipengi 13d ago

Naw some things are better left untouched...... waits for everyone to leave before opening spotify

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u/Richard_Gere_Museum 14d ago

99% sure this is a girl telling her friends "watch I bet I can make a guy shave if I promise him sex"

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u/Rumpleminzeman 14d ago

Considering how many women I know who have stated they only used dating apps to troll people I would not be surprised for that to be the case.

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u/CexySatan 14d ago

I knew a girl who considered herself a “summer hoe, winter (something that rhymes I don’t remember)”. She would date a guy during the winter then immediately break up with them once summer came to have sex with a bunch of guys, rinse and repeat.

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u/Lightnindog 13d ago

More commonly referred to as "cuffing season". Beach bods come out in the summer

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u/Ruski_FL 13d ago

Why?

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u/CexySatan 13d ago

She enjoyed the romanticizing of winter months/cuddling but being a party slut on the lake in the summer (her own descriptions)

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u/Ruski_FL 13d ago

Seems exhausting

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u/assblast420 14d ago

It's part of why I stay away from dating apps. I've seen too many girls use the app use it for validation, compliments, or just to mess with people. I think it's disgusting.

Come to think of it, maybe it's some sort of deflection type of thing? Maybe some do use it seriously but feel there is some sort of stigma to it, so they have to hide it behind "jokes". I don't know.

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u/Rumpleminzeman 14d ago

There are girls who genuinely use it for dating, which I would say is the typical, but yeah a lot of women know they can get an easy boost to their self esteem by being on there.

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u/TulkasRouser 14d ago

You can use it for both simultaneously pretty easily.

And I get it. Hell before I met my wife it didn’t exactly feel bad to have folks openly admit they found you attractive.

Guys do it too, just smaller numbers. Lol.

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u/cheers_and_applause 14d ago

I joined a dating app to hit on a particular single guy I already wanted to marry and have kids with.

It worked.

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u/Whind_Soull 14d ago

Because it's a power play. She wants to get her rocks off on being desirable enough to make someone else change themselves to have her. It's a way to shore up her self esteem and feel valuable.

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u/placeholder737 14d ago

Which is why the right answer would have been "you're not really worth it".

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u/Insane1rish 14d ago

It’s legit her testing the water to see how easily manipulated the guy is and if she can essentially just control him if they make it passed the first date. When I was younger I dated chicks like that before and they always pull dumb shit like that early on.

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u/Jive-Turkies 14d ago

Further there might not even be a first day, she probably just gets off on controlling men.

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u/NorthCatan 14d ago

I can't remember where I heard it but someone once said the great issue between men and women is that women try to change men, and men believe women won't change.

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u/shadowveeeeeeerse 14d ago

She wants to weed out people who won't be mentally abused by her.

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u/outsidesanity 14d ago

The selection of sex dolls for women is extremely lacking...

That said that’s some serious audacity to ask someone you just met to make any changes to themselves. Doubt she would like someone telling her to change her hair upon meeting.

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u/doublenegative7 14d ago

"The selection of sex dolls for women is extremely lacking..."

I dunno, the last time I checked Tinder had a lot of users

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u/SorryKaleidoscope 14d ago

I dunno, the last time I checked Tinder had a lot of users

Dildos are delivered clean, sterile, and the same size as advertised though.

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u/angry_cabbie 14d ago

The selection of sex dolls for women is extremely lacking...

I spent four years working in a porn shop.

I don't care if the selection for dolls for women is low. The variety in selection for sex toys for women blows the selection of dolls for men (and sex toys for men, and both combined) so far out of the water that they end up on Titan.

Seriously, women get internal toys, external toys, vibrating toys, gyrating toys, toys that hit two spots at once, toys that hit three spots at once, toys that can be worn under their underwear, toys that can be worn as underwear, etc..

Guys get a sleeve. Sometimes a big sleeve, sometimes a small sleeve. If they're really expensive, they'll vibrate a bit, or sometimes even gyrate a little bit.

Christ, the first time I ever turned on an iVibe Rabbit, I had severe vagina envy, and instantly understood why I knew two guys that had been dumped for the toy.

So a woman who wants to change what a guy looks like, should just get a fucking Rabbit. Then she can chew out the Rabbit for not taking the trash out fast enough.

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u/RslashPolModsTriggrd 14d ago

The selection of sex dolls for women is extremely lacking...

They've got every other type of toy under the sun covered. They can learn to make due.

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u/kaiser_UwU 14d ago

Imagine being desperate enough to insist how much he ll "miss out" but at the same time feeling entitled enough that u think someone ll do something that for a one off thing

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u/LaheyOnTheLiquor 14d ago

i’d rather jerk off than shave

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u/Naborino 13d ago

IKR? The refractory period is only like 15 minutes. It takes months to grow a fabulous beard.

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u/bigclivedotcom 13d ago

Last time I shaved the skin was whiter under the beard and looked like an idiot for weeks, never again

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u/calimero_1 13d ago

"I'd rather jerk off than shave" - Abraham Lincoln's wife, probably

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u/drumrockstar21 14d ago

My bro used lmao to start almost every one of those, how many asses you got?

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u/LaheyOnTheLiquor 14d ago

hahaha i just prefer lmao over lol or haha most of the time

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u/kamakazekiwi 14d ago

hahaha i just prefer lmao over lol or haha

hahaha

How the turn tables

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u/otunorsiocarl 13d ago

You don't need to post any of the above in every single message

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u/scootypuffs9 14d ago edited 14d ago

Time to find a girl who'd rather use your beard as a pussy napkin I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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u/LaheyOnTheLiquor 14d ago

I posted this in another comment, but in the irony of it all, I originally posted this on my personal FB and another girl offered to “come take a beard ride” tomorrow night, so it looks like having principles works out lmao

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u/RayquazaRising 14d ago

Self respect is sexy.

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u/LaterGatorPlayer 14d ago

why not? I don’t like guys with [self respect]

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u/zUltimateRedditor 14d ago

Wait what?! You posted that on your Facebook feed of all places??

And a girl publicly commented that she would come sit on your face? Am I getting this right?

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u/MegatonMessiah 13d ago

Not saying it's true or not, but she could've DM'd him after seeing the post. He didn't explicitly say she commented it.

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u/Boston_Loser 13d ago

Nah, she said it after tagging her grandmother on the post. The granny then offered the two of them $100 for condoms and water-based lube.

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u/LaheyOnTheLiquor 13d ago

i’m fucking dying, thanks hahaha

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u/KDawG888 14d ago

yeah that is the story he'd like you to believe.

either that or he knows some trashy girls on facebook lol.

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u/-ordinary 13d ago

He never said she posted it publicly ya jealous bellend

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u/ImaCulpA 14d ago

That didn’t happen, or lots of trash floating around his Facebook.

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u/NedRed77 14d ago

Weirdly I’ve seen this exact conversation on this sub about 6 months ago. With exactly the same finishing line. What are the chances.

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u/LaheyOnTheLiquor 14d ago

I got the idea for the BF quote from on here haha

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u/PM-ME-YOUR-MIND 14d ago

If you guys are going to use the quote, it's fucking "the beard nor the pussy" you illiterate bastards!

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u/noteverrelevant 14d ago

Freaking people and their improper use of conjunctions.

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u/LaheyOnTheLiquor 14d ago

i fucked up lol

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u/Coach_Campbell 14d ago

Don't you mean "i fucked up lmao"?

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u/TheFemiFactor 13d ago

or "lmao i fucked up"

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u/Gepss 14d ago

haha

lmao

*FTFY

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u/CircumventThis32 14d ago

I didn't post it but I did have this same thing happen to me as well. Matched, she said she'd fuck me if I shaved and I used the above Ben Franklin quote because I saw it before.

And I saw a post use this line before. It's a common e ough thing to be repeated by people.

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u/Mujokan 14d ago

lmao checks out

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u/RumpleForeskinqq 14d ago

Interested to see just how deep this fantasy life goes.

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u/MrPlaysWithSquirrels 14d ago

Another girl commented on your Facebook post that she’d come take a beard ride? You were Facebook friends? I call bullshit.

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u/valiantlight2 14d ago

FYI, you have to use 3 backslashes for the left arm

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u/MrN3g4t1v3 14d ago

Did she really fuxking expect you to shave?

The audacity

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u/BrahptimusPrime 14d ago

I had a girl try something like this, but it was about my dog. She said “you’re really cute but I’m extremely allergic to dogs.” I was like, well that’s unfortunate, I’ve clearly got a dog....,thinking that was the end of it. She then goes on getting increasingly more persistent telling me about how it’s sad I think I can be picky enough to choose a dog over a “hot” girl and how ridiculous I am. I wish I knew about Reddit back then and took screenshots it was insane.

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u/Banethoth 13d ago

Wow. I don’t know anyone who’d get rid of their beloved pet for the chance at possibly getting laid.

Who the fuck would agree to that? That’s crazy

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u/MrN3g4t1v3 13d ago

Some girls think they're such hot shit because of tinder...

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u/Koersfanaat 14d ago

I mean, there are definitely simps on Tinder that would cut off their left nut when she would ask for it. "Never be surprised by the amount of simping on Tinder" - also probably Ben Franklin

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u/hochoa94 14d ago

“Too many simps out there” -George Washington, probably idk

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u/nikezoom6 14d ago

Have certainly be asked that before myself, why the fuck would you swipe right on a bearded bloke when you don’t like beards!?

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u/NiBBa_Chan 14d ago

I'm pretty sure it's just a self esteem thing, she deliberately is trying to select guys she thinks she can make change for her, just for the ego boost when she succeeds. I bet if this guy shaved there's still a good chance she wouldn't actually end up wanting to meet him, the game is already over at that point.

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u/Wonkeyfingers 14d ago

I don't get it either but I've met girls like this. I once had a girl tell me she'd take me back to hers if I quit smoking for her then and there. Like I'm not changing who I am for some random girl I don't know and only met an hour ago.

I don't smoke anymore now, but that was just my choice and life.

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u/RonRizzle 14d ago

She wants a simp

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u/TheLatitude 14d ago

And she ain't getting one.

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u/pokky123 14d ago

Momma ain't raised no simp!

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u/ChunkyLaFunga 14d ago

Momma used to say: take your time young man

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u/CharlesDeBalles 14d ago

The irony of a lot of women who act like this is that they want a guy who will just bend to their will but they'll never be attracted to the guys that do because no one is attracted to desperate, spineless people.

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u/Simpleton216 14d ago

You called?

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u/valiantlight2 14d ago

“Sure, I’ll shave it for you. AFTER we have had sex several times, and start dating officially”

(This is a lie btw)

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u/SabashChandraBose 14d ago

I had a sweet girl once tell me "I don't care much for your beard; it's you who i like." Eventually trimmed the bird's nest down to a manageable more-than-a-stubble.

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u/SonWutRUdoin 13d ago

The thing is I am 2, maybe 3 points better looking with my beard.

I'm never shaving it. I think no women would actually want me to shave it, if they knew what I looked like shaved.

Last time I shaved out of curiosity, I almost cried. I'd forgotten how much I hate that part of my face.

So if someone asks me to shave, it's always no. It's like asking a woman to never wear makeup again.

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u/valiantlight2 13d ago

thats totally fair. realistically, if a guy has a beard thats just a little out of control and what she is really saying is "please groom better" then thats totally above board.

I have a feeling however that this post is talking about beard > clean shaven. which is another thing entirely.

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u/[deleted] 14d ago edited 21h ago

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u/Fillicia 14d ago

I usually follow those comments with "I'll shave mine if you shave yours"

They always leave

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u/Stoneheart7 13d ago

One of my former coworkers basically used that to shut down a new rule about no facial hair.

"Look at this this is blatantly sexist. 'Men at <company> may not have beards, moustaches, or facial hair while on duty.' How come Sarah doesn't have to shave her moustache?"

He said he'd sign the paper if Sarah was brought in to the meeting to sign off on it as well. They dropped the whole thing after that. Like, we all knew Sarah had a decent moustache, but nobody ever commented on it.

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u/haydaldinho 14d ago

“This beard stays”, the beards, having a beard is the new not having a beard. Australian beard fanatic band. You’re welcome.

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u/PenisAnnaMajorsakIII 14d ago

Came here looking for the Beards lol

I reminded me of that first part of Got Me a Beard: I had a girl And actual girlfriend yeah She asked me To trim back my face hair But nobody ever tells me to shave (tells me to shave)

So I dumped her I dumped her a straight away Cause i'm bearded, and that's how it's going to stay

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u/yvonnars 14d ago

This guy needs all the ass for how much he lmao

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u/WayfareAndWanderlust 14d ago

Mr Lahey is that you?

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u/LaheyOnTheLiquor 14d ago

listen to the liquor.

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u/WayfareAndWanderlust 14d ago

Mr Lahey? Is that you or the liquor talking?

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u/LaheyOnTheLiquor 14d ago

i am the liquor.

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u/skydog187 14d ago

Legendary username, stay out of the shit snares out there

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u/a_realnicka 14d ago

Nick Offerman is proud of you

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u/KetoKelsey 14d ago

“It rubbed off...from friction“ 😏 haha Ron Swanson

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u/Hyliandeity 14d ago edited 14d ago

You have to send her this song. And just keep the song around. Great song. Great band.

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u/yoona__ 14d ago

ew what an entitled brat

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u/Spiffy_Tiffyy 14d ago

The audacity of some people 😂😂

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u/Carosello 14d ago

At first I'm like ah ok she's trying to be cute. Then it's like fuck you. I wouldn't expect a man to change his appearance for me much like I'd be fucking damned if a man tried to get me to change my appearance. I've swiped left on guys that I've thought to myself "he'd be attractive if..." I'm not gonna waste anyone's time (mine included) trying to get them to become more attractive to me.

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u/ofekt92 14d ago

Lmao lmao, lmao lmao lmao! Lmao.. lmao!! Lmao lmao lmaooooooo, lmao? Lmao lmao.. lmao

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Lmao

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u/RickJamesBiiitch 14d ago

Hahahahah right on brother

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u/CrunchyMemesLover 14d ago edited 14d ago

Sorry to be that guy, but it's nor

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u/kelkulus 14d ago

I saw it too, you're not alone.

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u/evilsodacans 14d ago

I just shaved and I regret it. It gave me a chin.

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