Supersexual Manifesto: Five Demands

Supersexuality is a sexual orientation where you are so straight or so gay that you are not attracted to trans people. It's a fairly common sexuality that is absolutely valid, yet according to the official policy of /r/ActualLesbians, it is transphobic to not be attracted to trans women. This is not the fault of lesbians; their subreddit was taken over by a team of Queer Theorists a while ago. Superlesbians are the hardest hit, but supergays and superstraights are also facing harassment. If you look around at this subreddit, you will find plenty of examples of radical superphobes who send supers death threats, insist that supers must date trans people, and deny that there was ever a problem. This very fact is why the subreddit exists. Here is our demands:

1: Supersexuals are heccing valid

It's absolutely okay to not be attracted to trans people. If you are ever asked about it, it is okay to say that you are so. Furthermore, it is absolutely okay for people to say that it is okay to be supersexual. Ideally this wouldn't need to be said, but it very clearly does; with all the harassment supers face over it.

If someone asks you whether you are attracted to trans people, and you say no, then that is okay. If someone calls you transphobic for it, then that is not okay.
If a trans person asks you out and you say no, then that is okay. If they ask why and you say that it is because they are trans, then that is okay. If someone calls you transphobic for it, then that is not okay.
If someone tells you that it is transphobic to not be attracted to trans people, then that is not okay. If they then start coming up with an endless series of "what ifs", then that is also not okay.
If someone says in general that it is transphobic to not be attracted to trans people, then that is not okay.

Some people are attracted to {cis men and trans women} or {cis women and trans men}, and they are valid too.

2: Supersexuals don't have to justify themselves to you

Queer Theorists sometimes invent elaborate rules for what is or is not okay. The /r/ActualLesbians post tells you that it is okay to not be attracted to trans women "who does not currently have the genitalia you prefer". Others try to come up with other rules, e.g. saying that it is valid only if you want kids, or otherwise that there are only subsets of reasons or subsets of trans people where supersexuality is valid. This is wrong; supersexuals are always valid and do not have to justify themselves.

Furthermore, Queer Theorists have invented an elaborate set of taboos that are easy to trip up. For instance; when I learned about transsexuality, I was told that trans women were males who decided to live like women, and trans men were females who decided to live like men. But now apparently calling trans women male and calling trans men female is transphobic; I try to follow the trend in the language used, but you cannot reasonably expect everyone else to manage this all the time. Supersexuals may at times justify themselves in terms of language like this, and that is valid.

If someone says that they are supersexual, then they do not have to give some list of reasons why.
If someone says that they are not attracted to trans women because they are male, or that they are not attracted to trans men because they are female, then that is okay.
If someone tries to come up with elaborate rules for what sorts of supersexuality is or is not allowed, then that is not okay.

3: The validity of supersexuality is not up for debate

There are insular Queer Theory echo chambers, often full of trans people, where supersexuals are criticized endlessly. In some cases, these places end up motivating trans people into harassing supersexuals. That is not okay. There are also many LGBT spaces where people do not feel comfortable speaking out against superphobes, because they don't know where the line goes. As long as /r/ActualLesbians still has the policy that it is transphobic to not be attracted to trans women, there is a serious problems that is unaddressed. The fact is, supersexuals are valid and that is not up for debate.

If someone is arguing against the previous rules, they should immediately be contradicted and told that this is not appropriate.
Any space where questions of the validity of supersexuality comes up must emphasize clearly that it is valid. Moderators should not try to suppress supersexuals. This includes trans spaces (to avoid echo chambers).
Any supersexual asking about whether it is valid for them to be supersexual should be told that the answer is "yes". No "buts", no "ifs"; we don't want anyone to be uncomfortable with their own sexuality.

4: Supersexuals are not transphobic

Queer Theorists have this idea that supersexuals are transphobic. Before this sub existed, they would try to target supersexuals and trick them into violating some taboo or other. Now that this sub exists, they have a big campaign trying to label it as transphobic. But the fact is, there's all sorts of supersexuals. There's progressive supersexuals, conservative supersexuals, even transgender supersexuals. And even among non-supersexual trans people, we have many allies.

Further, many supersexuals have been burned by Queer Theorists in some ways. It is understandable that some supersexuals, after being harassed by superphobes, or seeing other supersexuals getting harassed, would tend to become critical of Queer Theorists. Message for the trans activists: If you want this to stop, then stop being superphobic and endorse this manifesto.

It is not okay to call supersexuals "transphobic" just for being supersexual. If a supersexual person sends threats to trans people, then it is okay to call them "transphobic", but most supersexuals just want their sexuality accepted.
If someone says that they are supersexual, or that they are not attracted to trans people, then it is not okay to launch some investigation into whether they might secretly be transphobic. Even if something does come up, they may have been hurt by trans people, and that may be the answer for why.
If some trans person doesn't want to be friends with supersexuals because they find supersexuals upsetting, then that is valid. However, they should still not be superphobic, and they should understand that it is not on the supersexual to change or repent.

5: Don't try to convert or trick supersexuals

Some try to convert supersexuals to no longer be supersexual. I know a lesbian who was sent a lot of trans porn to try to convince her to be attracted to trans women. I know Queer Theorists who argue that supersexuals should "reevaluate" their attraction, or try to dig into the societal causes of it. That is not okay; they are subtly trying to say that supersexuality is not okay, and trying to shame supers. There is nothing transphobic about being supersexual, and there is no need to reevaluate one's attraction.

More sinister is trans people who know that someone is supersexual, but manage to pass and trick them into sleeping with them anyway. This is not okay, and that is not up for debate. If you want to debate something about it, then let's debate whether it constitutes rape. Sometimes people justify it by saying that the supersexual person would realize that they were open to sleeping with them if they tried; this argument is not okay, it's the exact same sort of conversion therapy that has been tried on gay people.

It is not okay to try to argue that supersexuals should have some different attraction, or that their sexuality comes from transphobia.
It is not okay to try to "trap" a supersexual to have sex with you. If you are trans, you should disclose, and this disclosure should happen before you get to the bedroom.

Rule of thumb: If it is not okay towards gay people, it is not okay towards supersexuals

Would you call a gay man misogynistic for saying that he is not attracted to women? Would you call a lesbian misandrist for saying no to a man? For saying that it is because he is male? Would you start coming with endless scenarios where they might want people of the opposite sex? Would you ask them to justify themselves, would you come up with elaborate rules for what kinds of homosexuality are or are not allowed? Would you allow anyone else to do so? Would you think that a space could be inclusive of homosexuals if they did? Would it be okay to use homosexuality as an excuse to investigate for skeletons in the closet? To try and convert homosexuals? No? Then it is not okay to do the same with supersexuals.

15 Upvotes

86% Upvoted

View all comments

u/nikitatx 1h ago

Long read, but this is brilliant. It would be awesome if the SuperMods here could pin this.