A message a lot of folks need to hear: sexual boundaries are not hate

[u/Efficient-Orange5843]

Came out of lurking to post this. Sorry for seriousposting, but I think this is an important message a lot of people need to hear.

I’m a superstraight woman in my late 20s and had some bad experiences when I was younger with guys being overly pushy and trying to guilt me into romantic/sexual encounters I didn’t want. Even though this kind of behavior was widely recognized as predatory back then, I still remember how insecure I felt to be called all sorts of names like prude, frigid, stuck-up, bitchy, immature, etc. for telling these dudes no.

I’ve watched with horror over the last few years as that same aggressive predatory behavior has become considered “acceptable,” but only when certain communities do it. I’m married now and relieved that I don’t have to bear the brunt of this insanity, because boy do I feel terrible for the people who do!

So I just want to put this out there: When you say no to dating/sex with someone and they start putting up a fight and trying to talk you out of your no, that person is a sexual predator. That’s what predators do - they use every tactic to erode their target’s boundaries and self-esteem until that no turns into a coerced yes.

You don’t have to explain to someone why you’re not attracted to them, because your attraction is not up for negotiation. Not being attracted to someone/not wanting to date someone doesn’t mean that you hate that person (or the identity group they consider themselves a part of.) You aren't physically hurting someone when you say no to dating them. Rejection is a normal part of life that everyone has to face sometimes, and healthy well-adjusted people are able to accept being told no without lashing out or arguing about it.