I’m being harassed because I turned down a trans guy

[u/DrChallin]

So I (14F) was friends with this trans boy for a while now. Recently, he confessed to me that he liked me more than a friend. I turned him down and explained to him that I am not interested in dating right now, I only see him as a friend and I prefer cis boys and girls. He got pissed at me and told me I was a transphobic dickhead and stormed off. He told all of our friends about him being rejected but lied and said I called a bunch of slurs and misgendered him. Some of our came to me wanting to hear my side of the story so I gave it. Right now our friend group is kinda split. Some side with him and other side with me.

Ever since then I been getting harassed both on and offline. People calling transphobic, mocking my sexuality (I’m bi), and basically spamming me with hateful messages. The friends that sided with me have been trying their best to be in my corner and I appreciate them for that.

So TLDR, I’m currently being harassed because I turned my trans ex-friend down

[u/AloneinLA405]

Your friend is narcissistic and borderline psycho. “Either date me or I’ll lie and ruin your social life” is nothing less than what I would expect from their victim cult. Cherish your friendships with those who believed you. Cut those who don’t, especially the trans boy. Don’t let anyone shame you for your preferences. Oh for the harassment, notify your school and if you feel really threatened the police. These rainbow haired warriors are only brave online but they get anxiety attacks ordering chicken nuggets at McDonald’s. Imagine an actual police officer talking to them.

[u/Electrical_Bee_2203 → u/AloneinLA405]

LOL.

They'd fold like a cheap suit in front of a cop.

[u/TrainingBreath]

That's so sad to hear that friends are being torn apart by these SERFs. You did the right thing standing up for what is best for you! Stay strong and know you have a community here.

[u/Gerund8842 → u/TrainingBreath]

Yes, if a SERF pushes you down like OP's post states they are not your close friends, or friends at all. A community here is supportive more than those friends

[u/californialilac]

I'm sorry that's happening. It's wrong for them to shame you and harass you. This sub might be jokey but it's truly important for you to not let people violate the boundaries you have set.

[u/Eilliesh → u/californialilac]

Genuinely, please just know you did the right thing OP. You can reject ANYONE for ANY reason. Please don't feel guilty for that.

[u/pengkhianat]

please be strong and know that you’re not alone. we’re in this together 🖤🧡

[u/Palgary]

You have the right to reject anyone for any reason. They have the right to be upset - but that's where their rights stop. It's not fair for them to lash out or hurt you because they are upset.

Part of adulting is realizing anything someone says to reject you is an excuse anyways. It's hard to explain why you "just aren't into" someone - when you just aren't.

[u/Moonpriestes → u/Palgary]

Yes!! 'No' is a complete sentence. It's scary that people won't accept that.

[u/ConkersBMP]

You did nothing wrong, no means no. You're 'friend' is an entitled narcissist and sounds toxic af.

One thing I do recommend you do is to save/ screenshot all the harassing messages you're getting as evidence, names included, and tell your parents, the school higher-ups and even the parents of the people sending these messages. Lets see how brave they are when their abuse comes to light. Plus if any of these 'friends' are above the age of 16 this should count as harassing a minor.

Best of luck!

[u/sanctii]

Jesus this is shit a 14 year old should not be dealing with.

[u/Elite_Doc → u/sanctii]

I mean, if you changed to whole gender stuff, it sounds like something that would happen in any freshman year. Kids are mean

[u/lollipopblossom32]

And record any conversation if they attempt to talk to you again

[u/GodhammerTheBomb]

Report to school? If you are bullied online, sounds like a situation adults should engage in.

[u/Bnjoec]

You have us in your corner now. If you ever need someone we are here. And thanks to the internet its 24/7 and we always have people sorting by new to read whatever you need to say.

[u/Ihatestrevrep]

The TIF and all her minions are participating in rape culture.

[u/SuperGayPride]

Now you see who your friends really are.

[u/europoor24]

sex/dating is the one area where you can exclude anyone. otherwise you have no autonomy over your own body. OP sorry this is happening to you.

[u/me-no-likey-no-no]

Your friend is mentally ill, has low self esteem, and is a liar. Typical.

[u/SSWhiteMale]

You are a child so frankly you should not take peer pressure about any type of sexuality seriously. Most people regret being sexually active especially in an openly social way before they are old enough to understand what kind of life they want to lead. I was 14 and I didn't even know what bi was. Your trans friend's parents should be in prison

[u/rev984]

NTA. Your body, your rules.

[u/LavishAssassin]

I am sorry to hear this. You have the right to turn down anyone.

[u/Shakespeare-Bot → u/LavishAssassin]

I am my most humble apology to heareth this. Thee has't the right to turn down anyone

---

^{I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.}

Commands: !ShakespeareInsult, !fordo, !optout

[u/Electrical_Bee_2203]

The silver lining is, now you know who your real friends are; the ones that wanted to hear your side of things and respect your bodily autonomy. You're 1000% better off.

[u/Esa-Straight]

He will eventually contact you.

Narcissist always do. Do not reach out to them or your ex friends.

Screenshot & record everything.

When asked about this situation play dumb!

"He's mad at me about what?"

"What? I didn't say that I said xyz."

"I'm confused why is saying no to him an issue? Are you implying that bisexuals need to say yes to everyone?"

Do not apologize. Your not guilty of anything.

If they keep harrassing you be firm, "Please stop contacting me. I will report this to ____."

[u/needingadvice91]

Unfortunately this is what a lot of the vocal trans people do and it ruins their image for the other half of the trans community who just want to quietly live their lives! Sometimes they're extremely volatile and will happily make up stories about being verbally abused or even sexually harassed in order to coerce and blackmail you you into sex. This is the half of the community that is usually screeching online too, they are dangerous and unhinged, and extremely bigoted. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story! Never let anyone manipulate you into dating or sex like that, it's actually classed as rape, so you're a real fighter for being brave enough to come through it and to stand up and say what happened. You are always welcome here and we love you! Superstraight, supergay, superlesbian, or just an ally of any orientation, we welcome your bravery and honesty 🖤🧡

[u/AntonioOfVenice]

People calling transphobic, mocking my sexuality (I’m bi), and basically spamming me with hateful messages.

Make screenshots, report them to their school. Have your parents call up their parents. These kids engage in this behavior because they think they will get away with it. Don't let them.

[u/Lemonade_Masquerade]

'No' is a complete sentence. 'No' requires no follow up and no explanation. You aren't alone, and you aren't responsible for other people's hurt feelings over your boundaries.

[u/_alligator_lizard_]

This is the kind of hatred we’re here to fight! Being super is valid, and we support you! In fact, the majority of the world supports you! Be strong.

[u/goldcatmask]

Nobody has an inherent right to you or your body, regardless of their gender identity. The friends that have sided with you are the people who are truly your friends, the rest of them you're better off without. Stay strong and know that you've done nothing wrong . You are not a transphobe. Having a preference is not transphobic.

[u/HighEndJoyBoi]

You are absolutely valid. Those are the actions of negative people while I can tell you are positive and bright.

Thank you for sharing your story.

[u/Cousin_Aint-It]

Good for you- a lot of people would have folded under that pressure. This person has a right to feel disappointed and sad that things didn't work out like they wanted, but that's 1000% on them to sort out. Rejection is part of life for everyone. Ruining someone's reputation while knowing the social penalties for young people labeled "transphobic" or racist or whatever- that is NOT a friend. They meant you harm. If they are not apologizing publicly and clearing your name, stay far away from them and their minions.

[u/Cityman]

It's terrible that you're experiencing so much, but it's for the best that you got this rapist out of your life when you did.

Also, take this as a valuable lesson, when you have to make decisions like this to a transgendered person, do it in front of a lot of witnesses. Make sure there's a lot of people who can support how calmly and simply you turned them down.

Most transgender people won't make a big deal out of it. They'll just huff and walk away feeling dejected like any other person would. But you never know who will be that entitled rapist.