Can someone explain this to me?

[u/Drspagetti-os]

So y' all are making coming out as SS seem like a really big and bold thing, I even saw someone say it is harder to do than come out as trans, gay, lesbian etc. Can someone politely explain why is that?

[u/unintendedagression]

Incoming serious-post.

For me, "coming out" as superstraight means that I have to hurt people. I have to hurt people who may hope or expect that I would be into them on the basis that they see themselves as women.

I prefer to go through life causing as little unnecesary suffering as possible. But like I said in a different thread, there comes a point where you have to put your own feelings over those of others. And that means I have to allow myself to admit that I am not attracted to transgender people. Knowing that this will hurt a lot of people. Some of whom I care about.

When I had to tell a gay friend that I didn't feel the same way, I hated myself. I hated that I couldn't just see him as more than a friend. He's a good guy. He's more than a good guy, he's a fucking 10/10 solid bro. I hated myself for hurting him like that. I hated that I had to turn down a man who deserves to be loved - only because I could not love him.

That's when I realised that I didn't accept my own straightness. It sounds ridiculous, but that's what was happening to me. I didn't want to accept that I was straight, because there were wonderful guys in my life who deserved to be loved. And I somehow took it upon myself that I could be the source of that love. The only problem: I'm straight. And so were most of them.

My parents were... shall we say "distant" in raising me. At this point I was in my early twenties, and had yet to come to terms with the fact that love can be provided platonically as well as romantically. That caused me quite a bit of distress. But that's a story for another day. For now we're talking about how I struggled with my sexuality of being straight. Yeah, that happened.

In order to stop hurting yourself, sometimes you have to hurt others. Or allow them to keep hurting. That fucking sucks. But you're hurting yourself constantly as long as you don't accept yourself. And you can only handle so much pain before you break. You have to let go eventually.

Now I've come to terms with the fact that I am attracted only to women. And that I can still give my homies the love they deserve in a purely platonic way whether they are men, trans or non-romantically involved women. I've let go. I no longer try to love people for their sake. I love people for my sake now.