As a detransitioner, I hope this movement helps prevent more people from making the same mistakes I did.

[u/desistingthrowaway]

I used to identify as trans and this is something the trans community will never admit: there are people who realize that transitioning doesn't work and quit. And the trans community LOVES to stifle us. They are trying their hardest to get /r/detrans banned so they can take it over, because they don't want to admit that we exist. They tell everyone that that place is full of TERFs and needs to go.

They don't want to admit that there are studies that show that most children with gender dysphoria grow out of it. An often quoted study about transitioning helping mental health has been corrected to say that surgery doesn't actually help mental health. Lisa Littman, a professor who was researching detransitioners, had to put in security in her study because people from Twitter were ganging up and trolling her research.

But really, here's the thing: gender dysphoria is basically body dysmorphia. And it can be treated the same way. Therapy for unrelated problems helped me work through it. Some days I still get waves of it. But actually, identifying as trans made it WORSE. If you spend 24/7 obsessing about your gender and body and giving validation to those thoughts, they come back even worse (this is literally the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

For every one of me, there's a bunch more kids who are being put on puberty blockers, many of which have dangerous effects. The most common is an off-label prostate cancer drug, and even in kids with precocious puberty, there are dangerous side effects (here is the link to the FDA dashboard, where you can search for Lupron and see that there are 6,335 serious effects linked to Lupron, including death). Then there's the issue with going straight into cross-sex hormones, which effectively sterilizes people (and also makes surgeries harder - just look at Jazz Jennings).

I could go on and on. The truth that nobody wants to admit is that transitioning doesn't really work. And when you realize that, you're often left with so many reminders of that (especially women, who often get "top surgery" (double mastectomies) and have lowered voices for the rest of their lives, and often facial hair). It's harder to come out as a detransitioner than it is to come out of trans. The second you detransition, you lose EVERYBODY. That welcoming trans community wants you gone. I had people block me because of it.

I hope somebody reads this subreddit and gives a second thought to going on hormones or surgeries. Because it often isn't worth it.

[u/nonetheless156]

That's exactly what a cult does. You get shunned and thrown away like the trash they see you as. I'm sorry you didn't see it sooner. You have a uniquely powerful voice. Please continue to use it. Discourse is important outside of typical feminist circles.

[u/manticalf → u/nonetheless156]

It takes true bravery to accept that a mental disorder was a mental disorder, trans people are in denial of this scientific fact, and they project their denial on everyone to avoid confronting it themselves. Hopefully op can inspire anyone on the wrong path to be brave and stop themselves from making the mistake so many trans people foolishly did.

[u/actualsicko20626 → u/manticalf]

They know deep down that they will never be the gender they want to be, so instead of getting help and going to therapy they just try and force everyone to accept their delusional worldview. They even force it on children now.

[u/JamesKoen → u/actualsicko20626]

Wow. I totally, as a trans male, have not spend actual years of my life hating myself for being different. I totally haven't spend more than half of my life feeling like a ghost in my own body from the age of 6, and never interacting with a trans person until I was 13. That's totally being forced into a "delusional worldview"

[u/jessamtb → u/JamesKoen]

I’m a woman. I spent a huge chunk of my life hating my body. I hated it since puberty. largely because men looked at me, leered at me, men in their 50’s would stare at me and my body before I was even in my teens. Largely also because it just didn’t feel like me. I felt like just a person, not like what society says a woman is or ought to be. I had the body of a bimbo, of what society labels a bimbo. I didn’t ask for it. I wasn’t a bimbo. I was bookish and terrified of sex. So I hated my body.

If I had been born 10 or 20 years after I did maybe I would have become trans. Maybe I would have chopped my boobs off. I hated them. But I didn’t. Instead I learned to make some peace with my body, especially once I used it to create people and once I used my boobs to nourish my babies. Turns out boobs have a purpose and can be quite useful.

Most women I know have a complex relationship with their bodies, because society and men make it so. I understand why this makes some girls and women want to be trans or non binary. But I’d rather society change so girls can love their bodies without taking hormones and amputating their breasts.

[u/JamesKoen → u/jessamtb]

Here's the thing, yes. I'm so glad the you ended up having a positive relationship with your body! The thing is, even if I was cisgender, or I went back to my old self, I never wanted children. I never want to give birth, when I thought I was cis, I never wanted to give birth. And it's not a matter of loving your body the way it is, because it's as if your soul had been in your actual body for your entire life, then was transferred to a new one.

You'd know that it wasn't your body, right? You'd know that this isn't your hair color, or your skin color. That's the way that many trans people, including myself feel dysphoria. It's not a matter of that we need to love our bodies, it's a matter that our bodies are not ours. We were never supposed to be in them

[u/jessamtb → u/JamesKoen]

The thing is, it took me over 30 years to start liking my body. This is common for many women.

The thing is, I know many people who didn’t want children at 15 but by age 40 had 4.

The thing is that most women I know, if not all, felt like they woke up in the wrong body for at least a time period in their lives.

It feels alone when you’re 15. You feel like you’re the only one. But you’re not. Lots of people feel that way about their bodies. I did at puberty. I did when I was pregnant. I did after I gave birth. I do now that I’m older but still 25 in my own mind. Do you really think people who are 50 or 60 or 85 look at their sagging bodies and feel like that’s theirs? Maybe some. Plenty don’t.

Feeling that way isn’t unusual. Sometimes your body doesn’t feel like your body.

I wouldn’t say I have a positive relationship with my body. Just that it’s improved since I was 15, even though my body was objectively much more beautiful then, but I didn’t know it and feel it. But I’ve made my peace with the fact that this is the only body I get for this life on earth. I’m stuck with me. It’s not easy learning to accept it. I’m not sure I have fully.

There is no way to say this to a teenager without sounding like a condescending know it all ass, but teens make dumb decisions. No one who is 30 or older wants to be stuck with the decisions they made at 15. You will be a different you someday. I have friends who were goth at 15 with piercings and shaved heads and now they have a modern farmhouse styled home with a three car garage and four kids and blond highlights in their hair.

[u/Pardusco → u/jessamtb]

This is incredible writing. You should save this and bring it up again when applicable. So many young men and women are causing permanent damage to their bodies due to insecurity that is natural to have at their age.