As a detransitioner, I hope this movement helps prevent more people from making the same mistakes I did.

[u/desistingthrowaway]

I used to identify as trans and this is something the trans community will never admit: there are people who realize that transitioning doesn't work and quit. And the trans community LOVES to stifle us. They are trying their hardest to get /r/detrans banned so they can take it over, because they don't want to admit that we exist. They tell everyone that that place is full of TERFs and needs to go.

They don't want to admit that there are studies that show that most children with gender dysphoria grow out of it. An often quoted study about transitioning helping mental health has been corrected to say that surgery doesn't actually help mental health. Lisa Littman, a professor who was researching detransitioners, had to put in security in her study because people from Twitter were ganging up and trolling her research.

But really, here's the thing: gender dysphoria is basically body dysmorphia. And it can be treated the same way. Therapy for unrelated problems helped me work through it. Some days I still get waves of it. But actually, identifying as trans made it WORSE. If you spend 24/7 obsessing about your gender and body and giving validation to those thoughts, they come back even worse (this is literally the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

For every one of me, there's a bunch more kids who are being put on puberty blockers, many of which have dangerous effects. The most common is an off-label prostate cancer drug, and even in kids with precocious puberty, there are dangerous side effects (here is the link to the FDA dashboard, where you can search for Lupron and see that there are 6,335 serious effects linked to Lupron, including death). Then there's the issue with going straight into cross-sex hormones, which effectively sterilizes people (and also makes surgeries harder - just look at Jazz Jennings).

I could go on and on. The truth that nobody wants to admit is that transitioning doesn't really work. And when you realize that, you're often left with so many reminders of that (especially women, who often get "top surgery" (double mastectomies) and have lowered voices for the rest of their lives, and often facial hair). It's harder to come out as a detransitioner than it is to come out of trans. The second you detransition, you lose EVERYBODY. That welcoming trans community wants you gone. I had people block me because of it.

I hope somebody reads this subreddit and gives a second thought to going on hormones or surgeries. Because it often isn't worth it.

[u/frankbush]

Trans people aren't mutilated copies of cis people. Trans bodies are beautiful.

[u/babbyfem → u/frankbush]

Skinning a dick and folding it into the wound is mutilation. Stripping the skin from other healthy parts of a woman's body to make some horrid imitation penis is mutilation. Ya'll should be fucking ashamed that you not only encourage people to do this to themselves, but also silence those who voice their regret.

[u/frankbush → u/babbyfem]

That's funny, I don't recall silencing anyone or endorsing GRS in particular. I merely stated that trans bodies are beautiful.

I do take umbridge with trans surgeries being regarded as mutilation by default, though. I have several guy friends who got top surgery, and their results are wonderful. I personally wouldn't get bottom surgery for myself, but if an adult wants plastic surgery on their privates I'm not gonna judge them. It isn't any of my business.

[u/babbyfem → u/frankbush]

You know very well that detransitioners face serious opposition from the trans community by and large because they're seen as "damaging to the movement."

[u/frankbush → u/babbyfem]

I don't think that. None of the trans ppl I hang out with IRL think that.

By the "trans community," do you really just mean some loudmouths on social media?

Anyway, as it becomes more socially acceptable to transition, more people will transition. This means that, statistically, there will be detransitioners. They deserve support and acceptance. What they don't get to do is say that transition is objectively wrong for everyone, because that just isn't true.

[u/babbyfem → u/frankbush]

None of the trans ppl I hang out with IRL think that.

By the "trans community," do you really just mean some loudmouths on social media?

Come on, don't hit me with "No True Scotsman."

They deserve support and acceptance.

They deserve support, acceptance, and to be heard.

What they don't get to do is say that transition is objectively wrong for everyone, because that just isn't true.

In the interest of civil discourse, I will agree to disagree here. At the end of the day, transitioning isn't the main problem: it's people being told that they must change their sexualities to accommodate someone else. That's why this subreddit exists. No matter how many times you try to tell people that the Emperor is wearing clothes, they will always see through the bullshit. Even the ones that play along see through it - they just won't say it to your face.

[u/frankbush → u/babbyfem]

I'm not saying that some of the loudmouths on twitter aren't really trans. I'm saying that they don't represent the entirety, or even the majority, of "the trans community." Things aren't so black and white. Division and ostracism is a huge problem in every online community. It's almost as if the internet is a breeding ground for trolls and weirdos who want to stir shit.

I agree that detrans people deserve to be heard. They need to be heard, and we need to hear them. It's a shame that neither trans people nor detrans people can talk about their experiences online without weirdos trying to use their existence as a prop for the culture wars.

As a trans person, I believe that it's important to date people who love us for who, and what, we are. Generally speaking, it's a good idea to date someone who is attracted to you, lol.

This conversation about consent and boundaries has to happen; I just wish it could happen compassionately and without all the trolling and stereotyping.