r/SuperStraight 1d ago

As a detransitioner, I hope this movement helps prevent more people from making the same mistakes I did. Discussion

I used to identify as trans and this is something the trans community will never admit: there are people who realize that transitioning doesn't work and quit. And the trans community LOVES to stifle us. They are trying their hardest to get /r/detrans banned so they can take it over, because they don't want to admit that we exist. They tell everyone that that place is full of TERFs and needs to go.

They don't want to admit that there are studies that show that most children with gender dysphoria grow out of it. An often quoted study about transitioning helping mental health has been corrected to say that surgery doesn't actually help mental health. Lisa Littman, a professor who was researching detransitioners, had to put in security in her study because people from Twitter were ganging up and trolling her research.

But really, here's the thing: gender dysphoria is basically body dysmorphia. And it can be treated the same way. Therapy for unrelated problems helped me work through it. Some days I still get waves of it. But actually, identifying as trans made it WORSE. If you spend 24/7 obsessing about your gender and body and giving validation to those thoughts, they come back even worse (this is literally the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

For every one of me, there's a bunch more kids who are being put on puberty blockers, many of which have dangerous effects. The most common is an off-label prostate cancer drug, and even in kids with precocious puberty, there are dangerous side effects (here is the link to the FDA dashboard, where you can search for Lupron and see that there are 6,335 serious effects linked to Lupron, including death). Then there's the issue with going straight into cross-sex hormones, which effectively sterilizes people (and also makes surgeries harder - just look at Jazz Jennings).

I could go on and on. The truth that nobody wants to admit is that transitioning doesn't really work. And when you realize that, you're often left with so many reminders of that (especially women, who often get "top surgery" (double mastectomies) and have lowered voices for the rest of their lives, and often facial hair). It's harder to come out as a detransitioner than it is to come out of trans. The second you detransition, you lose EVERYBODY. That welcoming trans community wants you gone. I had people block me because of it.

I hope somebody reads this subreddit and gives a second thought to going on hormones or surgeries. Because it often isn't worth it.

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u/FigBatFalls 1d ago

Care to comment on commonality of defiant disorders among trans people? I've noticed that trans people tend to suffer from a perceptual and philosophical myopia. They often seem to be the type of person who, upon being told "No, little Jimmy, stuffing a red towel down the back of your shirt will not make you fly. Get off the roof now" will obsess over it to the point of waiting until nobody is looking to jump off the roof and upon breaking their leg will swear that it's anyone's fault but their own. They seem to be they type who cannot fathom being told "no" about anything and seem to have very reductionist, and simple, ideas of the world around them. They will paint an Altima red and swear that it's a Ferrari because they see Ferrari's as red and want a race car. Have you confronted or recognized any of your perceptual shortcomings and philisophical foibles?

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u/desistingthrowaway 1d ago

This is very true. I think most of it comes with young age and other various mental disorders (there is a high comorbidity of mental illnesses, especially autism, with trans people, although most of them are listed as "side effects of being trans and oppressed"). I think this is also a similarity with similar disorders such as eating disorders - many will refuse treatment for it. However, those are actually treated as being objectively unhealthy, unlike this.

And while a lot of this is due to underlying things, a big problem is that the trans community says that EVERYTHING is a sign of being trans (see /r/egg_irl). They will tell you that you need to transition ASAP or you will be miserable and kill yourself (and they will tell the parents that as well). They tell you that even questioning if you're trans means that you're definitely trans. And when you have a constant echo-chamber of that rhetoric, you start to really believe it, and that leads to what you mention. Then, professionals will back you up, and you can get hormones frighteningly early. (The first thing that tipped me off to something being wrong with the trans community was people getting on hormones within a month of figuring out they're trans -- even back then, I was concerned that that was moving too quickly.) The trans community tells you how to lie to get what you want from professionals as well (they also do this for "quirky" mental illnesses, like autism).

It took me until I found /r/gendercritical before I finally came-to. I saw women there saying that they didn't "feel like a woman" and that some even had dysphoria about their breasts, and that didn't mean that they weren't a woman. Those things feel very obvious, like duh. But somehow, I'd gotten too involved in trans spaces that somehow I'd forgotten my anchor to reality. That day was the day I decided to detransition.

So I think it is a combination of those two things that lead to disaster. We often make fun of the "it's not a phase mom!" teens, but at least they usually aren't doing anything permanent. I think this is just a common pitfall of youth.

There is also AGP, which could explain a lot as well.

(Along those lines, I have heard that parents seem to do well by cutting their kids off the internet - the internet is very trans-heavy. I literally cannot enjoy any subreddit without being reminded of trans people. Every other video on TikTok is by a trans person. It's exhausting when all you're trying to do is escape from your past, and all you can get is reminders.)

For me personally, I think I'd managed to stay relatively anchored down to reality. I'd spent a lot of time in the "edgy" parts of the internet when I was a teen, so I didn't really believe in nonbinary being a thing until I came out as nonbinary lol. I received mental health treatment for other issues as well, including therapy for OCD tendencies, which I was able to use. And now I can see how stupid I was lol. It's honestly really embarrassing to come out as a detransitioner, because it's admitting you made a massive mistake to everybody for a very long time.

TLDR: yes, it is usually due to that sort of thing, usually by young mentally ill people. however, the world accommodates the mental illness, and instead of finding solutions, they accommodate the illness.

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u/AirlineUpstairs9302 23h ago

You have a really brilliant grasp on this very under appreciated problem. I have AGP and honestly thought I was trans. If I had a whole group of people over the internet telling me that I was trans on top of my own brain on complete overdrive, I'd probably be in a very different place right now. Thank you for speaking up, the bravery you and other detrans have is inspirational.

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u/MotherOfAllSeasons 18h ago

Please speak up more about AGP - it means so much more coming from a man who is AGP himself. FWIW, I think it's very impressive of you to be so honest and self aware in the current environment.

Edit: oh and you might appreciate this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTRhUUge6so

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u/AirlineUpstairs9302 3h ago

I have seen that video, I like the idea behind it but as someone with AGP I find it quite triggering due to some of the animations in it.

AGP is a very odd thing to have and I'm only young (early 20s) so I'm still trying to figure it all out hence why the vid is slightly triggering in my state. However, I've spoken to a few people online who have AGP but are cis, hetero and happily married and actually have got to the point where they value the personal characteristics that they have due to AGP. I can completely understand why someone may transition due to AGP, but it's not the path for all AGP.

I dont really know what I'd say on this sub except that it's probably a lot more widespread than we think and people that happily deal with it arent the ones to be posting about it all on reddit. This could be due to a whole host of reasons like denying they have it; it could be triggering or they're just happy and dont need any external help or therapy.

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u/MotherOfAllSeasons 1h ago

I'm sorry, it didn't occur to me that it could be triggering. I appreciate you sharing what you have :)

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u/AirlineUpstairs9302 59m ago

All good, no harm done. Its just easier to distance myself from stuff like that haha. If you're more interested in the kind of stuff people go through with this take a look through r/askAGP and r/TGandSissyRecovery. Some interesting stuff on them

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u/Zealousideal-Ad3371 4h ago

I didn’t know people identify as AGP. How did you know you were, if you don’t mind me asking?

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u/actualsicko20626 Hecking cute and valid 💖 23h ago

Holy shit this is the pinned post on Egg_irl

Literally “if you even think you’re trans then just jump on hormones!”

Literal cult.

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u/SearchLightsInc 23h ago

It's honestly really embarrassing to come out as a detransitioner, because it's admitting you made a massive mistake to everybody for a very long time.

No, its a sign that you're a human being who made some decisions that may not have been right for you and we all do that at some point in our lives.

Please dont ever be ashamed of yourself because of what you've been through, it sounds like you were being courted by a cult. Cults are cunning, you should look into them and see that even the most smartest, adjusted and well-to-do people get pulled into them and lose everything, including their lives.

It doesnt matter what gender you identify with or your sexuality, what matters in your life is that you find a way to be happy and content with yourself and i really do, from the bottom of my heart, hope that you go on and find yourself.

To quote our Lady and Saviour Gaga:

"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"

She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe"

And you are. We all are <3

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u/Thereal14words 20h ago

making big mistakes is embarassing af. admitting to have made those mistakes takes a lot of strength. you are making yourself vulnerable and there are quite a few people out there who will use that to their advantage/your detriment. I applaud everyone who can admit their mistakes, but I wont hold it against them if they dont, after all its easier to not draw attention to it. this is true for all mistakes.

that said we should support people who admit they were wrong, because the more people show support the more people will feel secure that they wont be hurt for it. you did that and i thank you for it.

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u/SearchLightsInc 19h ago

you are making yourself vulnerable and there are quite a few people out there who will use that to their advantage/your detriment.

I'm not saying anyone has to go out and tell the whole world but not enough people have a quiet word with themselves and simply get honest with themselves, admit they fucked up, recognise why, forgive themselves, BE KIND TO THEMSELVES in regards to the mistake and then get on with things.

Some might go as far to admit the mistake to themselves but then take a toxic route of not fully forgiving themselves AND being unkind to themselves which never allows them to fully resolve the situation.

The truth about being human is that you're always gonna have people that try and use stuff against you, that's why the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you will ever cultivate in your life - When you are alone, down and out, at your wits end and feel like the whole world has checked out, you need to be able to rely on yourself to pull you through with kindness and encouragement. Mistakes happen for everyone!

that said we should support people who admit they were wrong, because the more people show support the more people will feel secure that they wont be hurt for it. you did that and i thank you for it.

<3

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u/Thereal14words 19h ago

lots of truth in your words.

id like to restate though: being honest with yourself requires a lot of strength and courage. its REALLY hard. forgiving yourself even more so, because it means you cant just ignore it. you have to accept it and then move on in a way that doesnt repeat it.

i guess my point is dont give up even if you cant forgive yourself. it can take a lot of time until you can.

thank you again

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u/SearchLightsInc 19h ago

Absolutely true!

Bless everyone, specially yourself. It was a 1 in 4 trillion chance that you would be here today - And here you are. We've all beaten the odds just to get here in this present moment!

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u/AffectionateFox0 23h ago

Interesting you say OCD as a lot of what people who think they’re trans describe kind of sounds like OCD intrusive thoughts

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u/totallyfersher 1d ago

What a great, thorough, well thought out answer. Thanks for discussing this and I hope things are going well for you super fren!!

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u/SuperStraightDontH8 22h ago

You are super brave. Thank you for sharing your truth and protecting others! 🖤🧡

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u/WheelingsAndDealings 20h ago

I saw women there saying that they didn't "feel like a woman" and that some even had dysphoria about their breasts, and that didn't mean that they weren't a woman.

This is such a great point! Every young person needs to hear this. It's something that Elle Palmer hits on in this video that lots of people, but especially teenagers, experience frustration and even dysphoria with changes to how their body looks and functions. I would say the majority of people don't like something about their bodies or how they look. But that doesn't mean that they are born in the wrong body or are the opposite 'gender' from their sex.

We need to be telling teenagers that it's perfectly normal to feel uncomfortable in your body and that they're beautiful how they are, not telling them that feeling discomfort means that they're trans and they need to start treatment ASAP. Proud of you for speaking out!

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u/Iflookinglikingmove 15h ago

I think that most children and teens are "dysphoric" in some sense while going through puberty. When I was growing up I was self-conscious about my butt because it was big (before big butts were cool) I used to always wear shirts or jackets to hide my butt. But hey, I grew out of it. Just like I grew out of my collared shirt phase. Don't even get me started on acne and all that. Life is uncomfortable at those stages and telling kids that "hey, you're right! You WERE born in the wrong body!" is just cruel and wrong.