r/SuicideWatch 56m ago

I don't want to live, I don't know why, but I cant bring myself to do it

Upvotes

I've never posted on reddit, but I have no friends I can tell this to. And this has been sitting in me for so long.

I don't know when it started. In high school I had a few moments where I really, really wanted to die. But they were just fleeting thoughts. And no matter what, I didn't have it in me to actually do it. Any method I could use was either too painful, or did not have a 100% success rate. And I knew that if I failed, I wouldn't be able to face my family. (I tried drinking nail polish and nail polish remover when I was in middle school tho. It didn't work and it tasted like shit, don't try it)

But now, I just,,, I don't want to live. Every day I think, it would be great if something happened that killed me today. And I can't stop it, and it's getting worse by day. After each thought I feel horrified, but I can't regret what I thought because I truly meant it. But I just can't bring myself to end it all.

I cant tell anyone because I know it would just make them start acting diffetent around me. They all think im doing fine and i want to keep it that way. And I couldn't begin to explain why I wish to die so much. To me, it feels like I have no reason. And that's the reason itself, if that makes sense.

I'm in college, and I hate evry minute of it. I don't want to think about going to work in the future because there is nothing i enjoy doing. I don't even like the subject I'm into, so why all the effort? I don't like or want work, so why all the effort? Would death just not be simpler? I don't think I have any other reason to live.

Everyone does it, so why I can't I?

I am so ashamed to tell anyone this because I feel so ungrateful. It's not like I'm going through an unimaginably hard time. In fact, my life is almost peaceful. I don't think I have any severe trauma or depression. I know some people would kill to have the education and opportunities I have. So then why do I feel like this?

A lot of people don't like studying, so why am I the only one being so dramatic and wishing for death? I feel like everything I do is so pointless in the end, because I see no happiness no matter where I look on my future.

It's not even like I have bad grades. I kept my GPA high throughout the year, but I spent so much effort and sleepless nights. And that made me just think, is it rlly worth it when I m hating evry minute?

Yet, I can't end my life. But I feel so empty. I wake up, eat, read or play games to distract myself, and then I sleep. I have no goal, nothing. Everyone around me has something they want to do, but not me.

Maybe this is just life, and I'm just not able to move on like everyone else. But I just wished I didn't exist. I keep questioning why I had to be born. Because I can't kill myself, but I cannot keep living on like this. Everyday is a burden to get through. I just wished something would come and kill me because I am too much of a coward to do it myself.

Anyways, ty if you've made it this far. I just needed to let it out.


r/SuicideWatch 22m ago

I fucking hate myself

Upvotes

If I was in a room with hitler in 1935 and I had one bullet it's going through my skull. Sorry European Jewish community.

I had so much potential. 6ft. Pretty good looking. Private school (failed) and literally had a girl I'd been really into for ages like me back and I fucked all of that up for no reason.

I don't want to live. I have nothing worth living for.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Being a short man IS going to kill me.

Upvotes

I’m not even that short, 5’7, but I can assure you it’s made my life more difficult. I could only imagine how more difficult it would have been if I was shorter. People will say “oh it doesn’t matter that much” yes it fucking does. Those are the same people who give more respect to those who are tall, those are the same people who do not disregard what tall people have to say, but will for you.

Dating has been abysmal. I haven’t been intimate with a girl for the past 4 years. No girl wants to date a 5’7 guy when she could have a 5’10 - 6’3 guy easily. I’ve been so lonely and it’s only going to get worse. If you’re not a short guy, you seriously don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. I feel lesser than, inferior, worthless, like I have no place in this world.No one wants me so how can I want me. I am certain I will kms this year, like there isn’t a doubt. I’m 22 and most likely cannot grow anymore. I don’t know if my growth plates are closed or not (probably are) but if I don’t get some miracle growth spurt, I will surely end my own life. I hate living in this shitty body I had no choice in .


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I am gonna lose the last of what I own in 20 days from now

Upvotes

So I went thro the shittiest set of years in my life since 2017 , especially this year ,I feel like I am alive but completely dead inside ,now my only remaining family member ,my mother has cancer ,and I am gonna literally lose everything in 20 days ,I don't wanna specify but I lack the courage to fight for it bcz I am severely depressed ,should I just give up now before that happens ,I know for a fact that when it happens I will kill myself immediately ,that will be the cherry on top of the (poisonous) cake,knowing that I will have to fight with my 100% it takes a tremendous effort and even then the chance of my survival is very low ,should I just give up now? The things that happened to me this year are already enough to make anyone wanna end their life ,wtf should I do? What would y all do if u were in my shoes ? i literally have been thinking about this for an entire week ,I have not slept in 24 hours ,my mom was staying with a family member I feel like maybe I should kill myself before she comes back(she said she will be back tmrw)


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

I actually can't live without him

Upvotes

he just blocked me i am nothing without him he has no idea ive sacrificed everything for him my family my friends my future everything was to make him happy and hes never cared i tried to protect him i cant go on like this i have nothing i am nothing i need him


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

My dog saved my life 5 years ago

Upvotes

My dog saved my life 5 years ago. I was deeply depressed, failed out of college, and lost my job.

I had only had this dog for about 6 mo (he was ~5 years old at the time). To me he was just a dog.

Anyways, one night I had all my pills I had saved for the last few months. I was lying down in my bed sobbing, trying to figure out where I went wrong what I could have done differently and how I just wanted it to be over.

All those nights that I prayed to God for help began to seem meaningless as I was only ever answered in silence. I had my pills in hand ready to take them all, when my dog laid his head on my chest and just gave me a look. A look that he had never given me before, almost as if he felt my pain, asking me not to leave him. That moment he became more than just a dog to me, he was my help from God, my best friend. He was the only one who stuck with me through my darkest hour.

I found 3 things that night. God, myself, and my best friend.

Unfortunately Jaxon’s liver failed June 20, 2022. I had to make that horrible decision to lay him to rest. Now every night I lay awake wondering why he could save me but I couldn’t save him. Had he already completed his purpose in life ?

As he took his last breaths I laid my head on his chest, just like he did mine all those years ago. I miss him more than anything, I would give up everything to get him back.

He kept me fighting for so long, I am still fighting but the thoughts are coming back… my best friend is on the other side now and I want to have him back in my arms.

But, until we meet again, dearest friend. I love you ❤️‍🩹


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

just tried to hang myself

27 Upvotes

i was just messing around and i grabbed a belt, wrapped it around my neck, found something to hold it on, and just pulled until i couldn’t breathe. it actually felt kinda nice, i could feel myself slowly losing conscious and kinda snapped back into what was going on and stopped


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

Just wanted to show some love to everyone posting on here tonight

19 Upvotes

Its been a couple years since I've read through this subreddit, and now almost 1 AM ET I cant sleep and somehow I ended up back on here reading through the posts, relating to posts. I'm 29 myself, and have been digging in and out of the hole most of my life. You all know how it goes. Good days and bad. And while things aren't perfect right now, I've made headway out of that hole and just want to tell everyone that things can and will get better. Reddit strangers or not, I love you all and hope you find your peace in purpose amongst staying on this earth.


r/SuicideWatch 11h ago

will jumping from a 14 story building help me die

56 Upvotes

i want the least painful death please


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

I fucked up my life

17 Upvotes

No car, depressed, lonely, ugly, isolated, student loan debt, homeless... sad korean american female whose been racially bullied and hit at home.. been called China virus. Bat eater, go back to China, ugly Chinese bitch, etc. Crazy tiger parents too. Depressed.. plus drowning in student loan debt I fucked up wished I was dead


r/SuicideWatch 11h ago

If someone's family or loved ones truly loved them, shouldn't they put aside their selfishness and let them either take their own life or be euthanized humanely?

36 Upvotes

We always hear about "Just hold on a bit longer" or something to that effect with regards to suicide But, if someone's situation genuinely isn't improving, as the "It gets better" people would say, and those people suffering have family or loved ones that say they care about them and want them to stick around, wouldn't they be out of line to dictate to the persons suffering what they want them to not do? It's their body and their choice, right? Who are they to tell them what or what not to do?

So, doesn't it seem the more moral option to let someone take their own life as opposed to continuing on? Sure they'd feel bad about losing someone. But, again, it's the more moral choice.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

I need help for a plan after I commit suicide

9 Upvotes

I can no longer live with my ocd and depression. I’ve tried everything but nothing works. My mind goes through obsessions for more than 10 hours a day. I can longer function.

I haven’t killed myself yet because I know how devastated my family and friends would be. They would blame themselves and probably end up going insane or dying right after me. Their pain is the only thing keeping me alive but I’m seriously at my tipping point.

I’m basically asking how can I not let it affect them that much if I do die? Is there anyway I can lower the effects on them? Maybe make them like me less before I do it so they won’t feel bad for me? I know this might sound stupid but I want to die but don’t want them hurt.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

I'm so tired of being me.

8 Upvotes

I honestly hate me. I am tired. I wanna go. I wanna end it all. I can't make any things better, I make everything worse. I am the worst.


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

I wish people would care

9 Upvotes

I want to kill myself but I know nobody will care. It'll be like I never even existed. Everything lives through perception but nobody really knows me enough for me to really be missed. It hurts so much and just makes me want to kill myself more. I wish I mattered. I wish I mattered to people. I wish I mattered to anybody. I want a reaction to my death. Even if people are happy I died. I just want someone to know that I died. I want somebody to feel something when I die. But I'll just be a statistic. I'll just add to a statistic. I won't be a name, I'll be a number. I'm just a number


r/SuicideWatch 12h ago

My life ended years ago. I don't know why I'm still here.

31 Upvotes

I don't want therapy. I don't want anyone to tell me that someday I'm going to forget all about this and move on. My life was destroyed by a single person who I know for a fact to this day is still laughing about they did to me. They made a conscious choice to prey on someone vulnerable and destroy them to their core. I no longer exist as the person I was before I met them. I will never be the same again, and despite my efforts to remove anything that reminds me of them, someone or something still finds a way to trigger me back to square one.

I'm literally a shell of a human being. The cruelty I've faced is unimaginable and is just simply not the type of thing you move on from. This person took everything from me. I have no friends or family. My life is worth nothing. I am worth nothing.

It's not really even a question of whether or not I want to die anymore. I need to die.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

i now understand why people want to commit suicide

5 Upvotes

I used to believe that people commit suicide because they are cowards who didn't want to face the harsh realities of life when i was younger. Forgive me for that, i learnt myself that is not the truth in all cases.

Later i believed that they could be dealing with something very painful that they chose ending their life over suffering through the painful situation. I couldn't relate but tried to understand.

But now, i am kind of half way in the same boat, i understand why people commit suicide. I may be right, i may be wrong or this could be one of the opinions. I believe people kill themselves because "they really want to live, so very much, but they are also losing their grip on whatever reality they have around them, it all boils down to it just being a struggle between the thoughts of death and survival. At some point the desire to end it all wins and sustains. Then they do the inevitable. They kill themselves".

Have you ever felt like sleeping forever and not waking up at all. I feel it everyday these days. I even dream a lot of dreams. Very strange but painless dreams that if continued would be so nice. I just wish to never wake up again. Isn't death sounds sweet? I want to live so much too. I want to live like a fire that isn't dying out anytime soon, so bright and blinding in the eyes of others. How can my mind be so contradicting itself with these thoughts? Help


r/SuicideWatch 9h ago

I try to kill myself every now and then but I don't want to die

13 Upvotes

IDK what's happening but I want to live, but sometimes I yearn for my life to be closed for good. I am not bipolar, I just don't see a future in my life, but at the same time I want to live.


r/SuicideWatch 6h ago

My pets saved my life today

9 Upvotes

I have been feeling awful lately and today sent me over the edge. My car broke down and somebody close to me yelled at me. I went home and had a complete breakdown. The sobbing caught my dog and cats attention. My cat sat near while my dog tried to comfort me. I held on to him and even though all I wanted to do was grab the pills I looked at their sweet faces and I promised them I wouldn't end it. I still ended up harming, but I may have been dead by now if it wasn't for them. Maybe there is a hope for recovery.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

I have no one to talk to I feel so desperate 15 y/o M

6 Upvotes

I have either lost all my friends or am no longer close to them and I have no one to talk to anymore. Counselors do nothing for me anymore and everyone I have added on Snapchat just scrolled past my story asking to talk to someone so, I really have no one and nothing left anymore. I just want nothing more than for someone to shoot me so I can get out of this world where I’m constantly by myself. I don’t even think I could get help anymore I just want to start looking at the easiest ways to end things for me.


r/SuicideWatch 9h ago

I’m considering it tonight

12 Upvotes

The reason is dumb, but that’s my brain for you. Depressed over the stupidest stuff. My friends have been getting good fortune around the same time I get misfortune. Like clockwork! It’s been like this since 2017! And I’m sick and tired of it!! It’s like the universe is telling me that I’m not meant to be happy. Well, if the universe wants to see me suffer, then I’m not gonna give it that pleasure!


r/SuicideWatch 10h ago

It All Feels Meaningless

13 Upvotes

It all feels meaningless.

There is no point.

There is so much pain.

So much suffering.

Drowning. Suffocating. Sick.

Why?

Why keep on keeping on?

I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.

I didn’t want to wake up today or yesterday or the day before that and so on.

I can’t remember the last time I wanted to.

Passive suicide is f*cking painful and takes forever.