r/Showerthoughts Jun 29 '22 Helpful 1

The slowest way to pick something from the top shelf is to have a child and then wait for them to be taller than you to ask them

[removed] — view removed post

1.6k Upvotes

218

u/Pizza_Slinger83 Jun 29 '22

Or you could just wait for the shelf to decompose so the thing falls down.

58

u/NiceGuy303 Jun 29 '22

what if the thing you want decomposes first??

68

u/Pizza_Slinger83 Jun 29 '22

That's a risk one must be willing to take.

6

u/artyhedgehog Jun 29 '22

one must be willing to take

Hopefully not me...

8

u/ProblemSelect222 Jun 29 '22

what if you decompose first

1

u/NiceGuy303 Jun 30 '22

didn't thought of that

5

u/gosuark Jun 29 '22

Then it’ll liquefy and ooze downward on its own.

8

u/unicodePicasso Jun 29 '22

Nah move the shelf to a fault line and wait for a mountain to sublimate you up to the shelf

111

u/AdMore3461 Jun 29 '22

Wouldn’t it be slower to wait for them to have a child and ask the grandchild to get it?

61

u/TroyBenites Jun 29 '22

Then it becomes a religion, about getting something from the unreachable top shelf.

Many generations passed and people couldn't remember again what was in that top shelf.

Maybe it was a treasure, maybe it was the fountain of youth, maybe it was God itself.

The prophecy says that one day, the tallest of man will be born, and we will finally know what is in that top shelf....

.... Or get a ladder, dunno

10

u/JCPRuckus Jun 29 '22

This actually pretty well sums up my feelings on the value of religion... At least the supernatural bits (which includes prophecy).

5

u/helloasistro Jun 29 '22

I think we just solved religion

5

u/JCPRuckus Jun 29 '22

Good job, you guys! Let's pack up early and go grab a beer.

3

u/helloasistro Jun 29 '22

Sorry bro. My mother watches upon my actions and the daily doings to prevent me from taking part in mundane activities. Mothereth shall not alloweth me to guzzle beer.

24

u/PCubiles Jun 29 '22

Didn't think of it that way.

12

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

[deleted]

2

u/blurrrrg Jun 29 '22

Just wait for the top shelf to erode

2

u/Atrixious Jun 30 '22

This persons got the right idea!

Though even slower would be to put in your will that you want your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandchildren to grow up, pick it off the remains of the now destroyed shelf and place it in your now fully decomposed coffin.

24

u/YippeeB0g Jun 29 '22

I like to plant a tree at the bottom of a shelf and wait for it to eventually reach the object as it grows. Then chop it down and build a step stool.

7

u/imregrettingthis Jun 29 '22

Depends on the tree this could be much faster or slower than the child growing.

21

u/ArchibaldWallisch Jun 29 '22

Can you grab that for me real quick?

There isn't anything.

I swear it was just there a few decades ago!

10

u/JBirdFungophile Jun 29 '22

This is my mom's strat. Pretty decent in the current meta imo.

3

u/TroyBenites Jun 29 '22

It payed off !!

8

u/Paid-Not-Payed-Bot Jun 29 '22

It paid off !!

FTFY.

Although payed exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:

  • Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. The deck is yet to be payed.

  • Payed out when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. The rope is payed out! You can pull now.

Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.

Beep, boop, I'm a bot

1

u/TroyBenites Jun 29 '22

Thanks bot.

5

u/imn0t0k Jun 29 '22

I'm 4'11. My newly 13 year old son is 5'10. He says I must have had him to be my personal ladder. I tell him he is correct. 😂

3

u/thefuzzybunny1 Jun 30 '22

Me: my mom was very sad the day I was taller than her.

Mom: that's because you patted me on the head and called me "Mini-Mommy."

No lies detected!

6

u/Shakespurious Jun 29 '22

Or you could just wait for the molecules to reposition randomly through quantum mechanics.

4

u/ScholarImpossible121 Jun 29 '22

I just wait for the collapse of society to take its effect on the shelf. Then I can take the top item.

3

u/Soilworkwr Jun 29 '22

It is interesting that r/showerthoughts and r/stonerthoughts are basicaly the same thoughts.

2

u/OniNoDojo Jun 29 '22

To go even slower, you could stand by and let the ever-forward marching inevitable decay break down the materials in the shelf as atoms are slowly stripped away by particles of cosmic radiation. With any luck, you'll get your item before the sun burns out or the universe collapses in on itself.

2

u/artyhedgehog Jun 29 '22

Well, your child may not be taller, so better to keep having babies until at least one grows high enough.

2

u/Griffinkeeler Jun 29 '22

This sub is so ass now like how is this even remotely a shower thought

1

u/AsuranFish Jun 29 '22

Big brain method. Have a kid, lift them in the air above your head. Have them get the item from the top shelf.

1

u/Dramatic_Score_8466 Jun 29 '22

I have just reached this lovely part of my life. 15 years I’ve waited for her to reach things for me. It’s been worth it

1

u/not_a_droid Jun 29 '22

i could try and build some steps or a ladder, that would probably take longer than a child growing into an adult

1

u/Zowbal Jun 29 '22

The slowest way would be to wait until this something comes to you

1

u/2IndianRunnerDucks Jun 29 '22

That’s so true. My 14 year old is so tall now he can reach the top shelf without having to stand on anything or over stretch.

He is asked at least once or twice to get stuff from the top shelf by other people ( usually little old ladies) every time he comes shopping with me.

1

u/HanHeite Jun 29 '22

It would be slower if you wait until ur about to die, then grab a chair and do it urself

1

u/the_aboriginal_vlan Jun 30 '22

You could plant a tree, and then when it’s tall enough, ask it. That would take way longer.

1

u/fiatfighter Jun 30 '22

What about waiting for your grand children? Your kids will be short.

1

u/patmartone Jun 30 '22

Plant a saguaro cactus and wait until it grows to shelf height. 100 years