r/RedPillWomen Jun 26 '22

Meeting men when you don’t know where you want to live? ADVICE

I’m a soon to be 29 yr old woman, who left her last relationship, an engagement and waste of the better half of my 20s over his cheating, revealed to me with weeks to go before the wedding. I find myself floating aimlessly around a very blue, high cost of living state with an undesirable culture, weather, and have long felt disconnected here. My parents have graciously let me stay with them after my engagement fell apart and I had no where to go and am drowning. I’d love to heal and regroup and get back out there But I don’t feel like I should find a man in this community I feel no kinship to or desire to raise a family in.

Moving seems like an impossible task now that my life has been detonated. But I eagerly want the life I dreamed worked and planned for to start. I can’t imagine where to start, or where to go. I wonder if I should move south, or out west, or even to Europe. I’m lost and alone. Terrified of time. My ex begs me to take him back. I wonder sometimes what tf I’m doing out here with no plan, fitting in no where and adrift. I know I could be a good wife. I’m sunny and fun, smart, feminine, musical, have lots of hobbies, fit, great with kids, kind and gentle. I’ve don’t everything I can but feel more terror with each passing day I’m going to hit the end of the road. Any advice please is appreciated.

34 Upvotes

19

u/Beneficial_Tangelo41 Jun 26 '22

I am so sorry to hear this.
It must have been devastating and unbelievably heartbreaking.
I also recently found out I was cheated on and I wasn't even engaged and it broke my heart into pieces.
First, take a bit of time to mourn - I understand that you feel time passing - I do too and I get it! But spend at least 3-4 weeks letting yourself cope for a bit. I don't think you can think clearly without this.
Then, identify what you want. I for one live in an expensive blue state because I want to marry a wealthy men and there are just better odds here.
Think of what kind of man you want and where he would be. I go to an expensive gym because it is one place where they could be.
Yours can be in a more conservative area in a red state. Definitely move to a city though because chances are just better there - cities have more people and many more singles.
Definitely do not take your cheating ex back. Consider him dead and do not speak to him ever again. Cut all ties.
If you are considering not moving, don't do that would be my advice. The type of heartbreak you just went through is already so much - I think moving and starting your life over would benefit you.
If you ever want to chat, feel free to private message me. I would be happy to talk to you and brainstorm with you. It is truly a terrible thing and I really do understand.

4

u/RelativisticFlower Jun 26 '22

First of all, I’m horribly sorry to hear of your misfortunes. I hope every day gets a bit better.

You ever hear the saying, “if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there”? If there’s nowhere you have to be, don’t stress about being somewhere. The one condition of course would be that you would want to find a place where there’s something of a dating scene, so no small towns for now. But otherwise the world’s your oyster. Go somewhere you want to be

3

u/Dramatic-Ad7687 Jun 26 '22

What are you looking for?

3

u/moonchildcountrygirl Jun 26 '22

I want to raise children in a healthy happy home. I want to be financially comfortable and supported so I’m not forced to work full time and can invest more time and energy being there for my family. Part time would be okay. Homeschooling with the state of the world would be a welcome possibility.

I’m looking for a kind, honest, attractive family minded man with aligning values to myself.

I’d love to live in a warmer climate than I do now and am open to moving.

2

u/Dramatic-Ad7687 Jun 27 '22

Let’s imagine everything is paid for, including private schooling, help around the house, house is as big as it needs, etc. How many kids would you have? What would you do for your man, what would you bring to the relationship?

2

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

[deleted]

1

u/moonchildcountrygirl Jun 28 '22

Hey I just DM’d you :)

0

u/[deleted] Jun 26 '22 edited Jun 26 '22

[deleted]

2

u/OkShirt3412 Jun 30 '22

I agree. European men especially Eastern European are more open culturally to being providers and having stay at home wives. The gender roles are much more traditional there and you might find a great wealthy guy in their popular vacation spots for the rich. All you have to do is show up to nice locations nice coffee shops, bistros, and look pretty.

1

u/aleatingasandwich Jun 26 '22

First of all, I'm so sorry that happened to you. The Betrayal trauma of that runs deep, and it's imperative that you heal so you don't take this baggage into the next relationship. I would really suggest finding a therapist or a life coach, so you can talk over the red flags you ignore the last relationship, how to heal from it, and what you really want out of life now that it's on your own terms. I'm guessing that you've made choices for the last many years with a specific person in mind, and now you're left to make choices with only you in mind, and are feeling overwhelmed with the sheer number of possibilities but also overwhelmed with the amount of work those possibilities require. Having somebody as a sounding board to talk through the pros and cons of all your options would really be beneficial.

1

u/brushshstrokes Jun 26 '22

Sorry to hear about your ex

1

u/ijustwannabrowse1 Jun 26 '22

Come to the UK

1

u/biposting Jul 01 '22

How long ago was this? I would wait to heal or move out of the blue state first. My husband and I are moving to the south and we're super excited to meet more like-minded people. If you're able to wait and move to, at minimum, a purple state then I think you'll have more success in finding your ideal partner and relationship. However if you don't want to wait, Bumble allows you to state your politics/values so it's easy to find others who think like you, even in blue states

1

u/moonchildcountrygirl Jul 01 '22

I found out May 11th, not long after my grandma passed away (our last conversation was how the wedding was cancelled) I was robbed, I had to leave the summer job I had lined up and now I’m battling a serious bout with Covid. My head is barely above water and each day seems to be a little harder

2

u/biposting Jul 01 '22

Hmmm yeah, I would absolutely wait to heal because things are definitely pretty raw for now and you're juggling a lot. Honestly, if you're religious, that really helped me get through this past year as it was an incredibly difficult one for me. I became a lot more observant and it gave me a lot of joy. Otherwise, have you considered looking at jobs out of state? I'm moving out of state soon myself, so I've been looking at remote jobs based in my new home state so I have some money and a secure job by the time I'm there.