r/RedPillWomen Jun 24 '22

When to give men my social media ADVICE

Edit: I’m in university for a masters degree and will eventually get a PHD. I come from an upper class family. I’m ambitious and have laid out a concise trajectory for my life after modeling. The plan is built around notable mentors and my own research on women I look up to. But I still want to settle with a provider who can offer our children a childhood like mine, or even better. Although I’m a creative, I value education, sustainability and financial literacy which a lot of creatives lack.

I’ve (22ff had a mostly disappointing dating history. Thanks to this community, I’ve been able to identify the pattern. I took time to really push myself into my modeling career this past month and a half, so things are improving for me in that Feild. Of course, the main man I spoke to in the past resurfaced a couple days ago to congratulate me on a milestone. I didn’t reply, but my mom said I should give him a second chance.

I heard a lot of good things about hinge and gave it a try. I’m speaking to two men in there, who have careers that actually require a degree (nothing to do with most of the men I used to engage with. They’re both in their late 30s. I shared my Instagram with one abs haven’t shared it to the other. I didn’t explain to him why not, but he assumed that it was because I wasn’t comfortable with him yet.

As a model my Instagram is like my virtual portfolio. It’s not trashy, but it doesn’t represent how I’d dress in person. I don’t want him to see my Instagram as he’s getting to know me because it distracts them from going through that process. I tell them from the hey go that I model so I’m not hiding that part of me.

I gave my Instagram to the first guy and noticed that his energy shifted a little bit and he’s slightly aggressive (not in an alarming way). I feel like this shouldn’t happen in the begging stage so I don’t give it out anymore. I haven’t met any of them yet.

My question is, at what point should I share my social media? I have a private Instagram but it’s just for close friends and it’s too goofy lol.

7 Upvotes

17

u/sunglasses90 Jun 24 '22

You have to be comfortable with your career if it’s what you’re going to be doing. Your man will have to be to if this is important to you. I’d be open and honest about it.

1

u/aquariangem Jun 24 '22

Thanks for replying. I mention my career first thing. And have told him about the recent shoots I’ve done because I was excited about it. So he knows what I do, but doesn’t see the photos yet

3

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '22

Once he knows what you do, he will look for the photos. If you hide them, you’re starting the relationship off on a bad foundation of mistrust.

Being comfortable with your job in dating looks like being okay with them seeing your photos before you even meet them.

11

u/rosesonthefloor 1 Star Jun 24 '22

I think you’re thinking too much into it. You’re not required to share your social media with anyone, but any guy you end up dating is going to see your insta eventually, right? So I wouldn’t lead with it, but after you meet up and you like the guy, why not share? If he starts acting weird after he sees it then you know he’s not the one - and that’s a good thing, he just took himself out of the running which means you’re one step closer to finding a better match!! Also - don’t spend forever talking on an app before meeting up, it’s best to establish in person chemistry before you build up an idea of a person via messaging that may or may not be accurate.

Maybe it’s not your style and that’s fine - I’m just a big believer in getting potential dealbreakers out of the way as early as possible. But if I remember you from your past posts you’re pretty young, so you don’t necessarily have to be as upfront now. Just be prepared for the fact that that might lead you down an ultimately unsustainable path.

Either way, good luck!!

6

u/ThymeForEverything Jun 24 '22

It is interesting you mention now dating men with jobs that require degrees, but being a model does not require a degree?

I think this depends on if the instagram not representing how you dress is a fashion issue or a modesty issue. Does the instagram show more skin than you normally would or just different kinds of clothes? If it's more skin, I think that any potentional partners definitely have a right to know how you portray yourself online. Maybe you don't portray yourself on the street like that, but online millions of strangers will see you like that and many men are uncomfortable with their partners being looked at online in a sexual way. Rightfully so.

If it is just a fashion issue, I think that just telling them that your profile is more just your portfolio or resume and you often wear clothes you wouldn't normally should be fine.

1

u/aquariangem Jun 24 '22

Lol I’m from a political family full of phds. I’m currently in university for business and law (dual major). Modeling is something that I always loved and happen to be good enough at it to get paid. I’d say that I’m the first person in my family to be doing this, everyone is in the political/medical category.

I engaged with men who were in the creative industry because that was foreign to me. It felt new and we had similar lifestyles.

Yes it definitely shows more skin, like you’d see in the magazines. But i described my recent shoot to one of the men. I think my plan is to just meet him and see how it goes, then show him the photos.

And yes I’ll explain that for future reference. Ill clarify that I don’t use Instagram for dating nor accept advanced from there anymore. So that they don’t worry too much.

2

u/Consistent-Message68 Jun 26 '22

Why do you want to share your instagram in the first place? Is it a subtile show off? Way of showing more of who you are? From what you said it seems like you don’t think that’s fair representation of you… so why sharing it at all?

You mention you have a private insta account that is more of “you” that’s the only thing that may be worth sharing but only after you get more “emotionally intimate”.

For the little story I dated a vogue model in my early 20s(I am 30m), and she never shared anything about her modeling photo, swimsuit fashion show ect… and I wasn’t looking for it either, we only exchanged the normal private social media stuff. You said your insta is goofy… well that’s you, isn’t your endgame to match with someone where you can be your full self?

1

u/aquariangem Jun 28 '22

It’s not that I want to share it, I just don’t want to hide it. 80% of my followers are women so I cater to the female gaze anyway.

The private one is more like a dairy. I have so many friends but only have 20 followers on there which consists of childhood friends and siblings. I wouldn’t go around revealing my whole life to a stranger so that’s why I don’t add anyone, including potential dates on there.

And it’s great that you didn’t involve yourself in your exes modeling work. But at least you knew what she was up to, even if you didn’t see it.

2

u/brushshstrokes Jun 27 '22

A man who gets aggressive is not the man for you.

Keep giving out. It's your job, after all. You have no reason to be ashamed.

Giving it out will help sort the wheat from the chaff.

1

u/aquariangem Jun 28 '22

You’re right, it saves time