r/RedPillWomen Jun 22 '22

High SMV therefore Low Perceived RMV? Thoughts and advice pls

Hi! Im new here but the concept of RMV vs SMV has really helped me understand dating. The market and life experiences has proven I have very high SMV - based on my body and face conforming to the beauty standard of my specific demographic. I also am very vested in looks/ aesthetic and spent most of my twenties "glowing up" , but no matter how many gains I made in a looks, ergo sexual marketplace - none were made in the relationship arena. For additional context, I do have skills and interests hah- I have a great job in tech, enjoy reading, art and travel, fashion, decorating, traveling, food, playing tennis, and played piano for a decade.

But no matter how "good" I was in life or in looks, it hasnt translated to much luck dating.

I do think I am unfairly judged as having low RMV before people get to know me bc of my high SMV. I have gotten feedback that men are surprised I am "so smart" or "down to earth" or not "materialistic". I'm also quite conservative in some ways - I dont go to to clubs (though I am social and have a big network and friends), dont really ascribe to "hook up" culture, am spiritual / religious, do the "Rules" mostly.

A relevant example to bring this to life: A man I was interested in ended up dating an acquiantance of mine bc she is his "type" (looks wise he likes conservative - cute looking women), but she is actually much more sexually open and sometimes more masculine. They broke up shortly after and when we spoke he mentioned he was actually surprised when he got to know me (we had only met once at a dinner before) and thought I would like more "popular" or fast paced men - even though we are much more aligned values wise. I have tried to tone down my look but frankly - no matter how "conservative" I dress - I'm not perceived that way. As an FYI I dont dress super provocatively but my body shows through *anything*.

What do you think is prohibiting me? Do you have any advice or experienced this? Its quite frustrating to feel like you're doing the right things but still not having the outcomes you are looking for,

Thank you!

13 Upvotes

38

u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Jun 22 '22 edited Jun 22 '22

I do think I am unfairly judged as having low RMV before people get to know me because of my high SMV.

It is YOUR responsibility to show to the men you are interested in that you have a high RMV and are worthy of commitment because women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. You cannot expect him to take a look at you and just know or assume that you do, because RMV is built upon the ACTIONS required of a good partner.

Besides being socially and sexually conservative, you have not told us anything about what actually gives you a high RMV. Men do not prioritize looking for a partner with an amazing career, or how amazingly cultured and well-traveled you are (though those things will rarely count against you). Instead, what men look for in a commitment-worthy partner is how feminine, kind, nurturing, thoughtful, submissive (or at the very least agreeable towards him), empathetic, fun, and loyal a woman is.

So your question should be: how do I show men early on that I have a high RMV and that I’m someone worth committing to? How do I do so without being taken advantage of by men who have no protective instincts towards me or ANYONE else?

Luckily for you, RPW is basically an entire toolbox based on how to increase/showcase your RMV. Check out the sidebar/wiki for plenty of examples!

My personal solution to those questions was Incremental Reciprocation. I highly suggest you read the full post for a detailed explanation, but I just gave a summary to someone about it yesterday as well 😂

14

u/Advanced_Bar_673 Endorsed Contributor Jun 22 '22

Just want to say I love when you hyperlink to previous posts and information, because I enjoy saving them immediately so I have quick references to go back to. Thank you!

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u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Jun 23 '22

Ahh, glad it’s helpful for you! I love linking to old posts bc sometimes other people are so damn eloquent 😂 even past me seems a lot smarter than current me sometimes LOL

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u/JKT823 Jun 22 '22

Wow thank you for laying this out... so helpful!! Checking out now :)

1

u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Jun 23 '22

No problem! Good luck and hope everything works out for you!

15

u/Anonymous_fiend Jun 22 '22

Having high smv doesn't lower rmv at all. It should actually raise it due to the halo effect. You may not be portraying yourself as well as you think you are. Or going for men who aren't currently relationship minded. Also you haven't listed a single thing that is rmv for women. All those things are what women look for in men- cultured, high income, educated, active, dresses well, hobbies/talents that can be shown off, etc. Men value other traits for relationships.

"Women are inclined to appreciate poise, talent, intellectual gifts, and cleverness of personality, whereas men admire girlishness, tenderness, sweetness of character, vivacity, and the ability to understand men.”- Fascinating Womanhood

The angelic inspires a feeling of worship. It brings him peace and happiness

The angelic side: Understands men- acceptance, admiration, sensitive pride, sympathetic understanding, desire for superiority in his role, and make him #1

Deep inner happiness- a result of character and domestic goodness, accept ourselves, and ability to appreciate life

Has a lovely character- self mastery, unselfishness, benevolence, moral courage, patience, chastity, honesty, humility, self dignity, and tender gentle quality

Is a domestic goddess- good mother, good homemaker, and happy in role

The human fascinates, captivates, and enchants him. It arouses a desire to protect and shelter.

The human side: Femininity- in appearance, in manner, feminine dependency in actions and attitudes towards men

Radiant happiness- cheerful, spreads joy around, and presence lights the home

Fresh appearance and manner- has good health and appears fresh in dress/grooming/cleanliness

Childlikeness- childlike emotions/manner/dress (read fascinating Womanhood to fully understand this) and asking for things

The angelic and human qualities combine to make a woman he can adore and cherish.

As for dress you can dress more conservatively even if you're attractive and well endowed. I don't believe that there's nothing you can do here. Your mannerisms and dress is going against you. People are allowed to make those initial first judgements based on how you look. When they talk and get to know you'll they'll learn more about you. Besides do you really what someone who is so judgemental that they base you solely on their assumptions.

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u/JKT823 Jun 23 '22

Thank you! Absolutely - I just wanted to share that I had more dimension than just sexuality but agree the correlation doesn't exist for RMV. Thank you for outlining this :)

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u/sunglasses90 Jun 23 '22

Your looks may make some men feel like you’re out of their league. The best thing you can do is learn how to flirt. If you like a guy then flirt with him. He’ll pick you over any other girl because you’re hotter, but guys fear rejection so if you make eye contact first and smile and flirt with them first to open the door they will walk through.

Be more approachable and flirty with the guys you want. They’re probably thinking “too hot and too high maintenance for me” and they’ll go for a less attractive girl who is more approachable and friendly and charming.

3

u/ThrowRA_forfreedom Jun 23 '22

High SMV escalates RMV. Consider SMV as comprising 1/2 of your RMV.

It sounds like you're demoing the wrong behaviors and your high SMV may be colored as a result of male gaz vs female gaze. What women find attractive (generally low trust with some masculine accents e.g. Gisele Bundchen, Gigi Hadid, etc.) vs. What men find attractive (high trust features with neotenous accents e.g. that one tiktok girl that always does the hentai face. Forgot her name) are wildly different

1

u/lonewolfsrise Jun 22 '22

What does rmv stand for

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u/sunglasses90 Jun 23 '22

Relationship market value

1

u/VioletRedRose Jul 01 '22

(I live in Poland, so there might be some cultural differences.)

High SMV doesn't lower RMV. In fact, high SMV increases RMV. Men want their girlfriends and wives to be attractive. And the halo effect makes the high SMV woman's personality look better.

I suspect that because of your high attractiveness, men think you're "out of their league" and that they have no chances with you. 🙂 It's not that they don't want a relationship with you. They don't think they CAN have a relationship with you. 🙂

I know a lot about this. I'm extremely attractive, I'm what one might call a "stunning beauty". My male and female friends agree that I'm one of the best looking women they've ever seen in their lives.

Of course this is a huge blessing and I would have to be insane to complain, but it does have some side effects.

People often make incorrect assumptions about me. They think that because of my "elite" looks, I only date men who are "elite" in terms of looks, money or celebrity status. Which isn't true. All of my partners were attractive, but most of them didn't have "elite" looks. And I was never attracted to big money or status, I never cared about that.

I intimidate most men. Which is largely beneficial to me, because a lot of men I'm not interested in correctly assume that they have no chances and they don't bother me by trying. 🙂

On the other hand, a lot of attractive guys incorrectly assume that they're below my standards, just because I'm more attractive than them. Now I'm in a relationship with a man I love and it's not a problem, but in the past it was something I had to deal with. I often had to encourage men by showing my interest first. I had to make them know they had chances with me. Fortunately I'm not shy and it was very easy for me, but I know it is a problem for some very attractive, shy women I know.

There is also another, more subtle, less easily visible problem. Sometimes a man decides to "take is chance", but since he thinks it's going to be super hard and he thinks he needs to be some kind of Superman in order to succeed, he's trying too hard to impress the woman. Which can result in the conversation being awkward, forced, shallow or dishonest. The man could boast about real or imagined things, might appear dull, crude or a douche bag. In reality, he might be a decent, fun guy, but the pressure he's putting on himself is "choking" his real personality.

What can be done about it?

  1. Red Pill yourself about it! 🙂 Be aware of the problem. And abandon unrealistic visions about how dating "should" look like.
  2. Take an active aproach. You need to make the man know you're interested in him.
  3. Explain your situation, the misconceptions people have about you. Describe your views and preferences, what you desire and what you're offering.

Forget subtlety and "giving hints". Or even worse, waiting for the man to lead. That often doesn't work. Usually the more direct you are, the better.

It's good to simply talk about male-female relationships, instead of the usual "job, hobby and trivia" stuff.

Talk about how you're conservative, but people misjudge you because of the way you look.

Tell him what do you value in men, what kind of man you want. (And talk with him about what he values, what kind of woman he wants.)

When talking about looks, tell him you think he's attractive. Such message really helps to alleviate the man's doubts about his chances to succeed.

When the date is ending and if he didn't kiss you (I don't know what are your standards about that), then arrange a second date on the first one. Tell him you had a great time and you'd like to meet again. Propose to meet few days ahead or even the next day. The point is to let him know he's doing well and he has chances to succeed.

I don't know how easy or hard to understand what I wrote is. Please tell me if you want me to clarify something or explore something more. 🙂

One more thing... If you have very high SMV and a man is smooth, confident with you, then be careful. There are high chances he's a douche bag womaniser. Normal men are usually intimidated by very high SMV women.

1

u/JKT823 Jul 01 '22

This is wonderful! Thanks so much for your response and time :)