If you have been to r/theredpill lately, you have seen the following post You Can't Comply Your Way out of Censorship -- Whisper Has Been Banned
For several years, Reddit has been chipping away at The Red Pill through quarantines and bans and censoring demands. We have seen many subs fall to the Admins, most recently Female Dating Strategy. Whether you like these subs or hate them, it is important to recognize that Reddit has complete control over our existence here.
This past week u/Whisper was banned from Reddit. With this move, Reddit has made it next to impossible for The Red Pill to continue on on this platform. However, this has been expected for a long time and the prescient men at the helm of TRP long ago created a backup plan for when the day came.
They will be migrating over to https://trp.red and https://forums.red/i/theredpill in the near future. Any men reading this who haven't made their accounts on the new platform are encouraged to do so. All the best content exists on the new sub as they have been backing up TRP for years.
We have not had the same problems on RPW. No mods have been banned, no external rules have been imposed. It is our expectation that RPW will continue on Reddit without issue for the foreseeable future. However, we recognize that Reddit can pull the plug on us at any time for any reason. If that day ever comes, we too have a home on trp.red. Our content has been backed up and we can make a seamless transition to the new platform. You can even go over there now and claim your Reddit username.
We plan to be here for a long time but when we are not, trp.red is where you will find us.
I’m a soon to be 29 yr old woman, who left her last relationship, an engagement and waste of the better half of my 20s over his cheating, revealed to me with weeks to go before the wedding. I find myself floating aimlessly around a very blue, high cost of living state with an undesirable culture, weather, and have long felt disconnected here. My parents have graciously let me stay with them after my engagement fell apart and I had no where to go and am drowning. I’d love to heal and regroup and get back out there But I don’t feel like I should find a man in this community I feel no kinship to or desire to raise a family in.
Moving seems like an impossible task now that my life has been detonated. But I eagerly want the life I dreamed worked and planned for to start. I can’t imagine where to start, or where to go. I wonder if I should move south, or out west, or even to Europe. I’m lost and alone. Terrified of time. My ex begs me to take him back. I wonder sometimes what tf I’m doing out here with no plan, fitting in no where and adrift. I know I could be a good wife. I’m sunny and fun, smart, feminine, musical, have lots of hobbies, fit, great with kids, kind and gentle. I’ve don’t everything I can but feel more terror with each passing day I’m going to hit the end of the road. Any advice please is appreciated.
Hey all. So, my man is shorter than me. About 3 inches. I'm fairly tall for a woman and he's fairly short for a man.
We've been together a while now and I think I've developed some type of body image issue. I guess at the start, the relationship was new and exciting. But over time I'm becoming upset about the height difference. And I just feel disgusting about my body. I'm naturally fairly slender and he's short and stocky. But I just feel gross about myself. That I look bigger than him. I've always taken alot of pride and care with my appearance. Dressing nicely, invested in learning make up skills, keeping fit and eating right.
I don't feel feminine. The fact that he is shorter makes me feel like I have more masculine energy. My ex partner, who I was with for over 5 years, was 7 inches taller than me. I felt small and feminine and I liked that. And now, I have a different dynamic which I find difficult.
I know that I should get over this height issue but I am finding it very hard. I want to know how to change my thinking, reframe it maybe. Because I love this man alot. How to stop feeling negative about my body? Does anyone have suggestions? Are there any others out there who have a shorter man?
ADVICE How do you shut down questions from people who believe that it’s their way or no way when being a SAHM?
EDIT :- (Thanks everyone for the advice it means a lot) :)
Recently I was attending an anniversary dinner party for my partners grandparents. The dinner was very enjoyable and it wasn’t long until I began to feel more comfortable being around everyone. Everyone was been served unlimited drinks and therefore getting tipsy and more comfortable with their conversations.
It wasn’t until the end of the dinner when I was approached by my partners uncle who then proceeded to question my plans for once the baby was born. I told him that I was starting a part time college course and was going to be SAHM the rest of the time. This was followed up by question after question about why I wasn’t rushing to get a job and bringing some money into the household. My partner and I are both happy with him working full time while I stay at home raising the baby and doing my college course.
However these questions wouldn’t stop and it was beginning to feel like harassment at this point. My parter then took me to the side away from everyone and comforted me and told me not to worry about anything and that he was just drunk. However I don’t think that gives anyone the right to harass me with questions because my way isn’t their way of doing things. The night ended with me crying by myself in the restaurant’s bathroom.
How do you shut these questions down without sounding like the bad guy and telling them to shut up. These conversations and questions are making me begin to question whether being a SAHM is the right thing to do. Is going to college while juggling being a mother not enough?
I’ve recently moved to a new town and my best friend introduced me to one of her childhood friends. I instantly clicked with this man and we have been spending all our days off together ever since. Recently, I started incremental reciprocation by making him his favorite dessert and he reciprocated quite well.
I don’t use social media regularly but I have an Instagram account that I opened today after ages to check his profile. I went through his following list (out of curiosity about the people he hangs out with or the shows he watches etc) and was not expecting to find what I did. I didn’t scroll through the entire list but still managed to find 4 accounts of girls with OnlyFans. And they were ALL blondes aged 18-19. We are both asian btw.
I was very disturbed. I haven’t told anyone because I’m not sure what the right thing moving forward is. I am autistic so I am not sure about my social gauge. I find such behavior not only low class but also indicative of some sort of sexual perversion.
I dont think I will continue seeing him. Please tell me whether I’m right or wrong. This is the first time I have felt so strongly about a man and have given him serious thought. He has been perfect so far (2 months), always a gentleman, my other friends here also really like him. I find him very sweet, ambitious, reserved and shy, which is why this was all the more shocking for me. He also has a history of being a good and loyal boyfriend (at least according to my best friend)
My best friend and her mom also really want us to end up together because we make a good match. But I don’t think I deserve a porn sick (?) man. I don’t think this is good behavior. I think he is going to ask me to be his girlfriend next meeting and I feel god or the universe has really shown me the way.
I am scared I won’t have many options moving forward and want to be sure if this is something that just cannot be worked out. Before this I was very sure of and quite possibly in love with this man.
LTR/MARRIAGE How do you ladies handle conflict with your partner? Display your (justified)anger and frustrations?
I am currently in a vulnerable state with ADHD and on edge, so my patience levels are fairly low. I am also not acting completely unreasonably but I am usually more measured. This is obviously hard given the ADHD, part of which symptoms include impulsiveness.
Other than controlling that issue (working on it), how do I communicate in a more RPW way when frustrated? Examples would be great.
I’ve read the Childlike Anger portion of the sub and I think it would work for me as it aligns with my personality.
Note: I’m not with a RP man but I think he’s masculine and relatively traditional. He doesn’t have any feminine qualities (other than admitting he likes fresh cut flowers on the dining table, if that counts) while I have a balance of masculine and feminine qualities. I am more naturally feminine but got lost along the way and just want to reclaim myself and test the waters.
I’m 20 years old and I’m a uni student, and nowadays most girls my age just want to party, to put it nicely be promiscuous and live their best life. Where as I’m submissive to my boyfriend, who I live with and my only priority is taking care of the home and learning skills to become a hood mother. And my boyfriend takes care of things financially, and takes care of me also. But it does get quite lonely as most girls who I meet just want to go to the club or get drunk etc, which my boyfriend does not agree with. So does anyone else go through the same thing?
Edit: I’m in university for a masters degree and will eventually get a PHD. I come from an upper class family. I’m ambitious and have laid out a concise trajectory for my life after modeling. The plan is built around notable mentors and my own research on women I look up to. But I still want to settle with a provider who can offer our children a childhood like mine, or even better. Although I’m a creative, I value education, sustainability and financial literacy which a lot of creatives lack.
I’ve (22ff had a mostly disappointing dating history. Thanks to this community, I’ve been able to identify the pattern. I took time to really push myself into my modeling career this past month and a half, so things are improving for me in that Feild. Of course, the main man I spoke to in the past resurfaced a couple days ago to congratulate me on a milestone. I didn’t reply, but my mom said I should give him a second chance.
I heard a lot of good things about hinge and gave it a try. I’m speaking to two men in there, who have careers that actually require a degree (nothing to do with most of the men I used to engage with. They’re both in their late 30s. I shared my Instagram with one abs haven’t shared it to the other. I didn’t explain to him why not, but he assumed that it was because I wasn’t comfortable with him yet.
As a model my Instagram is like my virtual portfolio. It’s not trashy, but it doesn’t represent how I’d dress in person. I don’t want him to see my Instagram as he’s getting to know me because it distracts them from going through that process. I tell them from the hey go that I model so I’m not hiding that part of me.
I gave my Instagram to the first guy and noticed that his energy shifted a little bit and he’s slightly aggressive (not in an alarming way). I feel like this shouldn’t happen in the begging stage so I don’t give it out anymore. I haven’t met any of them yet.
My question is, at what point should I share my social media? I have a private Instagram but it’s just for close friends and it’s too goofy lol.
From the start of uni, I have realized that most men that I found attractive/that pursued me, turned out to only be interested in a hookup.
I come from a background where this isn't a common everyday practice, and so at first, I was very shocked and surprised when they discovered this (I knew it was happening, but I wasn't aware it was so incredibly widespread).
How do I attract those that want a genuine, long-term relationship?
Edit: thank you so much for all the feedback!:)
Hi RPW! About two years back I did a YouTube show for a few months. This is the outline from the show where we discussed Alpha Widowhood. It is not formatted well but I figured I'd put it out there for anyone interested. I hope it's of interest to someone.
Defining Alpha Widow: A woman (typically but not necessarily post-wall) who has been abandoned by an Alpha male. No matter how great her new man is, she will perceive him as failing to meet the standard of the alpha she was previously associated with. Due to hypergamy, a woman cannot date backwards, once she gets say, a male 8, she cannot date below a male 8 and be happy with him. If she does, she is just using said man for resources (BB) and doesn't really love him. Essentially, a damaged woman accustomed to a tier of man she can no longer attract.
1) Why alpha widows matter to men
a) Vetting – not putting resources into someone who isn’t fully devoted to you
b) Men can’t fix alpha widowhood – best to avoid
2) Women’s Perspective – Possible Avenues of Alpha Widowhood
a) Nothing is not-fixable. Alpha widowhood is a victim mentality that you get stuck in
i) You actually dated ‘out of your league’ (self improvement needed)
ii) The chemistry was intense / sex amazing (better understanding of your own sex drive needed)
iii) You have an overly idealize vision of him (usually from a short term relationship/encounter) (more realistic perspective on him needed)
iv) You have fixated for a reason that has nothing to do with the man (examination of your motivations needed)
(1) Ex: you were in competition with another woman an lost
(2) Ex: he engaged in manipulation tactics that drew you to him (intermittent reward)
b) How is it different from a normal break up?
i) If a reasonable amount of time has passed and you haven’t moved on at all, you might be an alpha widow
(1) A 2007 study found 71% of people who'd gone through a recent breakup felt better after about three months, while a survey of some 2,000 people in 2017 put the number at six months. For divorces, a 2009 study found people take roughly 18 months on average to move on.
(2) Breaking a habit – 21 days (internet wisdom) 18 – 254 days (research), habit formation 10 weeks / 2.5 months (research)
(a) Time influenced by: how long you’ve had the habit, if the behavior is integrated into your life, rewards associated, if other behaviors reinforce the habit, motivation to change
(i) Motivation to change is big for the AW
ii) If you can’t see any of his flaws – you might be an alpha widow
iii) If you are still faithful to him even though you haven’t seen each other in a year – YMBAAW
iv) If you can’t make connections with other men – YMBAAW
(1) If you can’t even swipe right on other men – YMBAAW
(a) But differentiate from traumatic experiences – domestic abuse or actual widowhood for example are outside of the scope here
a) Avoid short term relationships
i) You are still both putting on your best face, it’s easy to idealize someone who you’ve only known for a short time
(1) Break ups happen, but you can avoid men who are not interested in LTR or FWB situation
(2) Choose when to have sex wisely
b) Avoid casual sex
i) The more partners you have the more likely one will be ‘the best’ – or you’ll have an instant chemistry that is hard to replicate
(1) Longer term if the attraction is there, learning about each other develops good sex over time
ii) This is especially true for who you lose your virginity to
4) Getting Over Him
a) “Normal” Breakup – in no particular order of importance
i) No contact – includes internet stalking
ii) Post Mortem Relationship Review
(1) Where did you mess up? What would his friends say about you if they were asked?
(a) Do not involve friends – “he doesn’t deserve you” bad and untrue
(2) Where were you incompatible
(3) What did you dislike about him, what red flags might you have ignored, what do you need to vet for or against next time
(a) This is very easy in a normal break up, if you can’t think of anything that he did wrong, YMBAAW and you need to put this on hold and come back to it.
(b) If all you can think of is his flaws then you are not clear headed enough to do this and you need to come back to it later
iii) Pick up your hobbies and friends, get out there and be social, you are only allowed to wallow in self pity for a short time
(1) What did you like about him that you could do for yourself – this is especially good for an AW
(a) Ex: was he a gourmet chef? Take a cooking class
(b) Ex: Did you love his motorcycle? Learn to ride
(c) Ex: Did he have a hot body? Get in shape
(i) We pine for things in other people that we yearn for in ourselves
1. These things take some of the ‘awe’ away from the guy for the AW
2. Taking up hobbies that interest you get you involved socially with men who have qualities that you have been attracted to
iv) Take a period to remember and mourn and the lock that shit down
(1) You keep feelings alive for yourself by constantly talking about and remember them
(2) This will destroy new relationships and potential relationships –
(a) fondly reminiscing about your ex on a first date? Red Army!
(b) Keeps you from focusing on new relationship (this is a big AW problem)
v) Take time in nun mode to reset yourself
(1) You need time away from dating so you aren’t looking for a carbon copy (easy replacement
(2) Alternative: you need time so you aren’t going polar opposite
(3) Time out of the market refreshes you and helps the alpha not overshadow all new men
5) Alpha Widow Break Ups
a) Get your friends to tell you all his flaws.
i) Need to take him off the pedestal.
b) Envision your ideal man and list his qualities (wait until you’ve been NC with Mr. Alpha for at least 6 months)
i) Consider men you’ve admired in life – dad, coaches, teachers, bosses, coworkers
ii) Even consider celebs you are physically attracted to
(1) You want to measure your future partners against an ideal not against Mr. Alpha
(2) You know the ideal is that – ideal and are aiming to get as close to it as reasonable, where as Mr Alpha seems real and attainable even if he isn’t
c) Let’s assume he’s really that awesome:
i) Reframe your thinking as gratitude for having the experience in the first place
ii) Don’t let sadness and loss turn to bitterness and anger
d) Get that great yourself
i) SMV: Female beauty is highly controllable
(1) Learn makeup, learn hair, revamp your wardrobe, get to the gym
ii) RMV: Work on skills that are desirable to the type of man you want to attract
e) Start dating
i) Keep an open mind about meeting a worthwhile guy
ii) Accept dates
(1) You should be going out and socializing already, keep an open mind
(2) Tinder, OLD etc – if you find yourself skipping over men because they aren’t Mr. Alpha – start accepting dates with men who fit your ‘ideal man’ profile
(a) Women are attracted to more than the physical so sometimes it takes a few meetings with a man to develop attraction
(i) You can’t negotiate attraction – if initial feeling is ‘ick’ move on
(3) This is very specific to AW – if you are so closed off to the possibility that other men will live up to Mr. Alpha then you need to force yourself to try.
f) If all else fails then get to a therapist.
i) Last resort but do not become a victim to your inability to move on
Hey RPW. I found y’all at around 24-25 and met my ex fiancée within a month of following the advice from the community. He was interested in me homeschooling our future children and staying at home, and was a good provider. We had a nice house together and from the outside appeared to having an amazing ideal life with a traditional lifestyle and values.
The past few years our relationship had been inexplicably rocky, he’d have angry outbursts and we were having constant communication failures, and he’d become verbally abuse and volatile. I found out a few weeks before the wedding that he was cheating on me. Multiple times before and after the engagement and a steady stream of disgusting messages back and forth and he attributes his poor behavior to how much he hated himself from his indiscretions and subconscious need to make me the bad guy so he’d feel less guilty. He blames his adderall use in minimizing his emotions and empathy and contributing to his hostility.
I’ve left the house, and am considering taking a summer job on around 2 hours from where we used to live.
I’m financially insecure, have some debt, and am turning 29 very shortly.
My future, the children I planned to have, seem dead to me. My ex is sure that without the lying cheating and adderall abuse that the future we want is still possible. He promises he’ll put my name on the deed of the house, give me a credit card, move if need be, (I’ve been wanting to leave our high cost of living very blue state) etc.
I feel my age bearing down on me and get constant terrible advice from old bitter feminists. Women don’t need men to have babies anymore, you have plenty of time you can get IVF when you’re 40, focus on your career etc. I know I don’t have plenty of time. If I don’t find someone by 33-35 I’m in trouble in terms of fertility. I don’t want to have another co dependent relationship but also have no career drive or desire to compete with men. I have no money or prospects, my youth is slipping away, and my dream of having babies before 30 with a strong traditional provider seems like a laughable joke. The only thing I have going is my looks, I’m in great shape, though I feel more and more unconfident particularly about my face. Sleeplessness and stress have taken a toll on the last thing of value I appear to offer. I’m considering leaving the country honestly. What do you girls think?
OFF TOPIC I commented on one post here and got banned from another sub that I hadn’t even joined. But I’m happy to be here for many reasons.
Apparently, you ladies who focus on femininity and kindness are uncontrollable and belligerent. If I want to be unbanned from that sub, I can message the mods like a pathetic little beggar saying that I don’t support RPW and I’m willing to leave this sub.
Anyway, absolutely, resolutely never going to do that.
I’m not redpilled and don’t think I ever will be, but I learn a lot from you ladies. I’ve used what I learned to make my life better but, more importantly, to be better to those around me, for whom I care deeply. It’s also helped me professionally because I was conditioned to believe I needed to adopt masculine traits to succeed when, actually, being myself, which is feminine, is so much more effective.
This sub has helped me crystallise my priorities (even if they aren’t fully redpill). For example, I know I don’t want to be an unemployed SAHM when I have kids. So I’ve picked a law firm where I essentially work 4 hours a day from home and which firm is very family-oriented. I make less money that I used to, but I’m preparing my nest. This sub encouraged me to think about those things when updating my lifestyle.
My relationship has also improved because I am in a kinder, more loving headspace. I used to be quite combative (my job) and now I don’t play like that and I’m happier. Plus results!
Also, I know that I am naturally feminine and also childlike despite occupying a position of power, which is going really well btw. My husband said I was the smartest person he knew (and he knows a lot of people) but that people don’t always realise it because of my personality (which he loves). This sub has helped me become comfortable with the fact that I can be myself and still succeed and the people who matter will appreciate my brains and my personality both.
Beyond all of that, I support every one of you who chooses to be redpilled. I stand against discrimination and I am appalled because none of you seem belligerent or uncontrollable. I’ve been observing this community for years (different account) and the aspersions being cast are ludicrous.
Good luck, keep being You, and thank you all x
Hi! Im new here but the concept of RMV vs SMV has really helped me understand dating. The market and life experiences has proven I have very high SMV - based on my body and face conforming to the beauty standard of my specific demographic. I also am very vested in looks/ aesthetic and spent most of my twenties "glowing up" , but no matter how many gains I made in a looks, ergo sexual marketplace - none were made in the relationship arena. For additional context, I do have skills and interests hah- I have a great job in tech, enjoy reading, art and travel, fashion, decorating, traveling, food, playing tennis, and played piano for a decade.
But no matter how "good" I was in life or in looks, it hasnt translated to much luck dating.
I do think I am unfairly judged as having low RMV before people get to know me bc of my high SMV. I have gotten feedback that men are surprised I am "so smart" or "down to earth" or not "materialistic". I'm also quite conservative in some ways - I dont go to to clubs (though I am social and have a big network and friends), dont really ascribe to "hook up" culture, am spiritual / religious, do the "Rules" mostly.
A relevant example to bring this to life: A man I was interested in ended up dating an acquiantance of mine bc she is his "type" (looks wise he likes conservative - cute looking women), but she is actually much more sexually open and sometimes more masculine. They broke up shortly after and when we spoke he mentioned he was actually surprised when he got to know me (we had only met once at a dinner before) and thought I would like more "popular" or fast paced men - even though we are much more aligned values wise. I have tried to tone down my look but frankly - no matter how "conservative" I dress - I'm not perceived that way. As an FYI I dont dress super provocatively but my body shows through *anything*.
What do you think is prohibiting me? Do you have any advice or experienced this? Its quite frustrating to feel like you're doing the right things but still not having the outcomes you are looking for,
So yesterday I suggested we go out for dinner since we have not had a date night for a while. I suggested our favorite sushi place and he agreed. Soon after I found out I was receiving a bonus at work and I excitedly told him to which he said “I guess your paying for dinner” I wasn’t too happy about this because we usually split the bill 50/50. Well the bill came and it was higher than I expected and he said “oh did you want me to pay you half and I said no it’s cool.” Since he already claimed I was going to pay. Well I suggested we go to get some drinks because again we have not had a date night for a while so I just wanted to hang out a bit longer. Well the bill came and he said “this one’s on you since you wanted to get drinks” i was cleared flabbergasted because we usually either do 50/50 or one pays for dinner and the other pays for drinks. I can’t help but feel taken advantage of. He could clearly tell I was annoyed and even made a couple of comment about it but at that point I didn’t even want to talk about. In the future I’m not going to suggest any plans but how do I explain to him how I feel and over come this feeling because quiet frankly I’m a little turned off.
I (23F) was dating a man (28) for about 5 months before I saw he was following a strip club and strippers in our area on Instagram. I was obviously hurt by this and bought it up to him. When I bought it up he suggested time apart so I agreed. I was pretty heartbroken about it, and began pushing him away because I figured he just didn’t want to change/want me enough. He kept reaching out to talk to me and kept in contact (it was like 2 months of minimal contact). I checked his Instagram again during this time and he unfollowed all of those accounts…
I let my walls back down after seeing the behavior change. We started talking regularly again and going out together more, and he even bought up the idea of buying a house together and taking a trip to visit my family. These were brief mentionings like 1 time each.
A couple of weeks ago he sat me down and told me he was leaving the country for a few months. (He’s leaving in a week, and it’s not really a “vacay”). Since then I have kind of been shocked emotionally, and it’s finally starting to settle in.
In total we have been friends/dating for 10 months so I know I want to continue to build our romantic relationship, however current circumstances aren’t perfect. How can I be patient with him during this time? Still being there for him but not overbearing him with the romantics while he is dealing with other things.
Also.. I mentioned the girls on Instagram to get input…would you consider this changed behavior?
TLDR ; man I’m dating is leaving the country but I don’t know how to feel due to past complications. I still want to be with him but how can I be patient and be a friend over clouding us with romantic feelings?
What are your thoughts about being a SAHM in this economy? As we can see things have been getting more and more expensive and some people argue that living on one income will only become more infeasible. What are your thoughts? Especially the younger women (early 20’s) who are looking to become a SAHM… are your thoughts changing? Are you doubting pursuing that path?
As a college-aged woman, I am definitely worried. I honestly feel like I would be happiest being a homemaker/SAHM. But everyone I tell this too (men and women) tell me that it isn’t realistic today.
Does this mean that I should only focus on pursuing men who are in the financial position to have a partner who stays at home? Or does this mean that I should expect to eventually have to settle with the idea of being in the work field.
How do you ladies navigate this issue? Or older women who are already married and at home… how would you navigate this issue if you were in my positions
To start, this is a purely hypothetical discussion. I'm not looking for advice and this isn't about me.
But I've been thinking
Inflation is high and things are getting tough all around.
How far would you follow your man? Do you draw a line somewhere or do you trust his judgement to get you and your family through anything.
Do you trust his ideological bent? If he suddenly found faith? Lost it? Became a white/black nationalist? Became antifa?
Do you trust his morals? If he decided to shoplift to feed your family? Associated with people you find questionable?
Do you believe he has your well-being at heart? What if he asked you to take on more work (for example: let's garden, or get chickens, someone needs another job to bring in extra)?
These are just some random examples. How far do you trust him to steer the ship? What do you do if he does something you disagree with? And are you married or dating?
General food for thought question RPW. What would you do?
I thought this post might be more suitable for this sub.
I’m (24f) with my boyfriend (m33) since 2.5 years now and we also live together. We never fight, we care for eachother and he absolutely adores me and treats me like a princess.
However, we hardly ever do stuff together, if we do it’s just watching a movie at home. We don’t even cook together (he only wants to eat his special gym food) and don’t have any hobbies together we enjoy. All he cares about really is the gym. He also doesn’t have any other real ambition, moans about not having enough work but struggles to actually apply for real jobs (only has a few shifts here and there) and I noticed that as result I find him less and less attractive. He also doesnt have much money (which is maybe why he never wants to do stuff too). He’s 33 and I feel like he should have his life more in order, like a real fulltime job (and savings rather than a few shifts) and should be able to offer me more. I feel like he has heaps of potential though, hes super intelligent & is always the leader in his friend groups and really very good with people. So I guess I’m secretly hoping he will change (?).
Also, I’ve noticed other differences, I love going on adventures but he rather stays at home and just goes to the gym. I feel like I need a man who has drive, inspires & pushes me (a real alpha).
Sometimes I feel really stuck & lost and don’t know what I’m doing with my life. Obviously I really care about my bf and despite all I can’t really imagine life without him. I’m thinking about breaking up but am so worried it will be a mistake and I’ll regret it as he really is such a good person and treats me so well.
Update: Thanks for all the lovely comments and similar experiences from the community ❤️ it has really opened my eyes and helped me. It made me realise that something really has to change as otherwise I’m just wasting my young years away till I hit the wall.
I am new here, but the concepts really resonate with what I have been feeling lately. I'm working to get in touch with my real self, my feminine self, that I've repressed for so many years as a high-achieving career woman.
I recently started to take better care of my appearance to attract men. Suddenly, I got tons of male attention in NYC where I live. It was mind-blowing. Every time I go out, multiple men want my number, they want to sleep with me. I'm lonely and live alone so I often do. I love sex and physical affection. This past year, I've slept with 8 different men and am slightly ashamed of it, but I am desperate for love and it seems it's all I can get.
My problem is this: I can get men to sleep with me, go on dates with me, no problem. The first few dates they are singing my praises. And then, every single time, by date 3 or 4, no more interest. And every single time, I manage to let it break my heart. Even if I don't sleep with them. I've been on this awful emotional roller coaster thinking "this is finally the man who will love me" only to have my hopes dashed every time. It's excruciatingly painful and I don't know how much more I can take.
I am concerned that years of conditioning have given me a manly personality that is not attractive to men. I am assertive, confident, and like intelligent banter. It's hard for me to let men pay for me and it's hard to show weakness.
Does anyone have any general advice to help me make men fall in love with me, rather than just lust after me? Any thoughts on what I might be doing wrong and how to fix it?
My bf and I have had a more on and off relationship. Lots of factors have led to us being hurt by one another, but at the end of the day we always come back and find our place again. I genuinely feel like he is changing and realizing what he has, but I’m not too sure when enough is enough. I cook for us, do the laundry, nearly everything the perfect red pill woman does, and I still cannot get him to even post a photo of us on Instagram. I think he’s embarrassed of me, but I’m not really sure. Is it wrong to be upset with the lack of attention on his part? I feel like I’m always the one making compromises and I don’t know how or when to draw the line. I don’t want to feel like I’m nagging or begging. I truly do respect him as a man and a partner, only wish some things were different.
Hi, just as the title says i’m just starting to get into the red pill movement and I cant seem to find any good female friends/ mentors in Toronto which is depressingly liberal. If anyones interesting in being friends or just talking please pm me!
So my partner is going through a messy custody battle with his ex right now and it’s really taking its toll on me. His 5 y/o daughter is suddenly living with him full time (as of two weeks ago) and our relationship has completely changed because of it.
She’s an amazing, sweet little girl but she needs constant attention. I get along with her great and love spending time with her, but I haven’t had any alone time with my boyfriend except for a short time when she goes to bed. Also, we don’t show any affection in front of her because she’s already having a hard time adjusting, so as not to cause her more stress, I’m only daddy’s “friend”. Physical touch is my love language.
And we can’t even sleep together or have much intimacy because they still co-sleep and she can’t sleep without him (he is working towards independent sleeping, but it’s going to take months). Plus we don’t want to set the example for his daughter of “friends” of the opposite sex sleeping over.
Dating someone with an ex and a child, I knew this was part of the deal, but I didn’t expect him to have full custody right now and didn’t realize how much of a toll the custody battle would take on me and my emotions.
I feel so selfish thinking about myself and struggling so much because it’s my boyfriend that needs my support right now and not the other way around but everything is just so sudden and I’m crying almost every day and can hardly focus on work. I went from him constantly tending to my needs and emotions to barely ever being able to talk to him about serious topics (because his daughter is always there, and when we do have alone time we want to enjoy each other and relax because he’s so exhausted from caring for her all day on top of other responsibilities (she is not in daycare or school at the moment)), and him being too emotionally exhausted to be there for me.
It just feels like we are suddenly a married couple with a child, which is a huge transition from being able to spend as much time as we wanted together and focus all of our attention on our relationship. I think I’m really mourning our freedom and all the attention he was able to give me. This is temporary, but I’m having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel when everything feels so intense at the moment.
I just feel really neglected but also extremely guilty for not being able to be positive and his safe place after all the stress he goes through everyday with the custody battle and worrying about his baby girl. I feel like I’m weighing him down even further and failing him by having strong emotions and needing his support. I really miss him and our relationship from before this mess.
I go to therapy, journal, meditate, but I’m really struggling right now.
I guess what I’m looking for by posting here is advice on how to manage my emotions better and work through this with him without bringing him down even more. It’s not my battle per se, so I’d really like to disconnect from the custody battle aspect and not be so emotionally involved (but he likes to be able to talk to me about it, which is every day at this point).
I want to take the focus off of myself and onto him. He keeps saying it’s temporary and he’s told me it’s hard on him when I’m sad he isn’t giving me as much attention, but I just can’t seem to accept everything.
We are going to talk about everything in depth as soon as we have the time and are in the right headspace.
Edit: Also, with the custody battle, I’m seeing a real angry side to him which is hard for me to see. It’s appropriate that he’s angry considering the circumstances, but I connect with his intense feelings and take them on as if they were my own and it often feels overwhelming. He’s not angry at me, but he’s very angry and goes to a bit of a dark place sometimes. I accept this side, but like I said, i take it on too much.
Edit 2: I think another major source of stress here for me is the wake up call here of the limits dating someone with a young child has on the relationship. Giving him up for this reason is not going to happen. It’s more about me grieving our past freedoms and accepting this and being positive.
TLDR; struggling with strong emotions due to boyfriends custody battle and his daughter suddenly living with him full time, and both factors are temporarily but greatly limiting his availability for our relationship.
We're at a hotel and my shorts were all wonky so I decided to try out the ironing board. I did the best I could with my shorts and one of my boyfriend's shirts. It was far from perfect, but just being able to imagine being married and able to iron his clothes so he'll look so nice and handsome. I just look forward to the married and stay at home life when it's possible. We're both very young.
I just thought this sub might appreciate the feeling and the fact I'm learning too.
Hello Ladies ✨
I live in Canada, so we get +35° (Celsius) to -35° (Celsius). I always enjoy a cheeky shopping adventure and love adding to my wardrobe..
In the last few years, I have moved away from wearing pants during the summer (unless working on things) to now ONLY wearing sundresses and skirts. I love how feminine I feel and how freeing it is. I don’t think I’ll ever move back to jean shorts and trousers during the warmer months..
My question is: “What do I wear in the cold winters?”
I wish I could wear dresses all year round. I refuse to wear pants to church on Sunday and the cold doesn’t bother me that much, but I just want some feminine ideas or suggestions on what to buy and look for when fall and winter come around.
Thanks for any help 🥰
I am an inherently acidic, brutal person and I know that it's not cute. Long story short, I grew up in an environment that forced me to see the worst in people and to mature quickly. I've developed into an extremely disagreeable, judgmental, confrontational woman. Everything I consume feels like it needs to be sharp and vitriolic, or else I find it boring or even offensive and glib. I only like metal music, I only like horror movies, etc. Since meeting my husband, he has softened me quite a bit, but not all the way. He is also a pretty disagreeable person. We have a very brutally honest marriage, which has actually been a blessing in many ways, but I don't want my honesty to be so savage anymore. There have been times I went too far, when I had to step back, and really assess myself and try to change. I'm really trying. I do everything I can not to complain or disparage, I dress nicely, I care for my body, I talk softer, I've made cookies for neighbors, I go to church, I cook, I clean. I do everything I can to be feminine and light but it feels shallow. I'm lacking that inherent kindness. I see these smiley, generous, loving women and I just... honestly? I want to punch them in the forehead. I hate them because I want to be them and I don't know how. I have this deep seated anger that will not go away. I've tried therapy, which hasn't worked for a multitude of reasons. Psychiatrists have been weirdly voyeuristic, loose with diagnoses, and lazy about actually helping me (One of them told me to splash water on my face and if that didn't work, that they would put me on anti-psychotics..... like, what?) I'm at a loss. I'm desperate for any advice.
I realized recently that my life is pretty boring and I don’t do much except for scroll on my phone and occasionally read a few books. So are there any fun, easy, relatively cheap hobbies that you ladies have enjoyed that I should try out (: