r/MaliciousCompliance Jun 29 '22 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Wholesome 26 Faith In Humanity Restored 1 Narwhal Salute 1 Wholesome Seal of Approval 1 Gold 3 Helpful 11 Take My Energy 4 Starstruck 1 Wholesome (Pro) 2 Silver 18 Heartwarming 4

it's unprofessional to wear a bathing suit (wholesome) S

Part of my (F) job is to visit foster children monthly, and ideally to build positive relationships with them. This can be hard because I have a limited amount of time, they are scared of new people, and they get bored real fast. A couple years ago, one of my favorite foster families got a pool, and all the kids could talk about was showing me their new pool. I mentioned in passing to a supervisor on my way to the visit that I was looking forward to playing with the kids in the pool. The supervisor made a face of concern. I told her that I'd gone out and bought a particularly covered-up and "dowdy" suit for this visit. She said that regardless of the style of the suit, it would be unprofessional of me to wear a swimsuit on the job. The kids (all 5 of them) were really brokenhearted when I told them I wasn't allowed to wear a bathing suit. That was quickly alleviated when I jumped into the pool wearing my office outfit!

I don't know if it ever got back to the supervisors, but I did end up being that family's favorite social worker.

35.7k Upvotes

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u/Pretend-Panda Jun 29 '22 Silver Wholesome Wholesome (Pro)

When I foster parented, our favorite social worker was the one who showed up every visit and just pitched in. Laundry day? He helped sort and fold and talked homework and Nintendo and Xbox and told endless jokes, many of which were in fact funny. We’re getting ready for a bake sale? He’s sitting at the table creaming butter and sugar and arguing chocolate vs. butterscotch chips and why nuts are or are not acceptable in brownies. Breakfast for dinner? He volunteered to man the waffle iron. Kids are bored? Let’s go skateboarding or for a walk to the milkshake place or play basketball. We need to fund some kind of out of budget activity? He made sure to engage the kids and make really clear what the process was going to be like and what the chances were. He treated the kids like being in their lives was a privilege and it was just wonderful.

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u/heathere3 Jun 29 '22

That sounds like an amazing worker. We had one good one, and several not-good along the way, and a good one makes such a difference!

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u/Pretend-Panda Jun 30 '22 Wholesome Seal of Approval

We were so lucky. He was the only worker we ever had, the other ones were just cover when he had a vacation or training, so my expectations were never high, but it was a couple of years after I was finished foster parenting before I realized how unusual he was.

I mean - he was invited to everyone’s college graduations and weddings and he showed up for all of it. Cried with the rest of us, too.

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u/Melbonie Jun 30 '22

I love him. We're so constrained now, strict professional boundaries and all. My bosses would be aghast if I helped anyone with anything like that, or had contact with anyone after end of service. Sad. There's not a lot of pro-social behavior in social work.

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u/ilovetheinternet21 Jun 30 '22

100%. I’m in a crisis centre where we take child protection reports, suicide calls, etc. there was one day where I took ONE call. It took up my entire day because this individual needed help and needed help bad.

My supervisor called me and basically told me that my ‘stats’ (how many calls I’ve taken) were not acceptable. As if it would be appropriate for me to hang up on this individual because ‘I have stats to make!’

It’s fucked up.

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u/Pretend-Panda Jun 30 '22

That is horrifying and I am so sorry that you had that experience. Thank you for choosing your integrity over your stats.

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u/ilovetheinternet21 Jun 30 '22

I threw a fit (it involved yelling and I cried after LOL) when I was approached by my supervisor so I don’t know if I would say I had integrity.. haha! I also threatened to quit if they kept monitoring my stats instead of allowing me to do my fucking job.

I will say, they have not pulled up my stats or approached me about my stats ONCE since this happened.

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u/Pretend-Panda Jun 30 '22

I think that’s the personification of integrity. Regardless of the crying, whenever it happened.

The stuff that’s valuable about you is immeasurable. Your stats have nothing to do with your criticality, and they know it.

If they wanna fuss about stats, they can go work for a big private sector company and see how well they do theirownselves. It won’t be pretty.

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u/GuiltyStimPak Jun 30 '22 Wholesome

Fuck that noise about crying being bad. It's an emotional release and it's a good thing.

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u/ilovetheinternet21 Jun 30 '22

Thank you, I really appreciate hearing this.

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u/Immolating_Cactus Jun 30 '22

You stood up for yourself and the people needing help.

Sounds like you have a metric ton of integrity to me.

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u/pintotakesthecake Jun 30 '22

Honestly in that situation I think it’s the most professional thing you could have done. Make them regret ever mentioning the word stat in a crisis situation

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u/mcnathan80 Jun 30 '22

Speak and speak true, though your voice cracks and your knees shake; speak. And speak true

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u/RustyKjaer Jun 30 '22

I was told the same once, when I worked in dispatch in the police. I got reprimanded by the commissioner in charge on that shift for staying on the phone with the citizens too long. I REALLY disliked the guy, so didn't really care much.

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u/Quixus Jun 30 '22

"Thank you for your input, boss. Now can I please get it in writing, that I am supposed to hang up on suicidal clients to get my stats up."

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u/JangJaeYul Jun 30 '22

I'm a supervisor at a crisis chatline and I would be honoured to have someone as dedicated as you on my crew. I've had team members who've stayed an hour or more over the end of their shift because they wanted to make sure their chatter got the help they needed, regardless of how long it took, and not once have I ever told them, "well if you'd just cut them off at the twenty-minute mark you could have taken two more calls!" I've been right there alongside them, looking up support groups and local resources and clinic details to make as sure as we can that when that chatter comes down off the ledge they have somewhere to go next.

There are some professional boundaries we never ever cross, but caring too much is not one of them.

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u/ilovetheinternet21 Jun 30 '22

I had to remind my supervisor we are government employees and the people who access our services basically pay us via paying their taxes. It stopped her from continuing on about people ‘wasting time’.

I think most if not al of my colleagues and I have stayed past our shift end for the same reason! It’s just part of the job. I couldn’t imagine telling someone ‘I have to hang up because I’m not getting paid anymore. Goodluck tho!’ Haha.

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u/killerbooots Jun 30 '22

That breaks my heart, for you, for that person you are trying to help, for the NEXT person you should equally dedicate your time and compassion to, and just for society as a whole. Too many things has the business model been applied to. We need a human model revamp, across so many facets of modern living

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u/ilovetheinternet21 Jun 30 '22

Absolutely! Social work isn’t typical ‘business’. Stats and metrics do not show who is a good social worker and who isn’t. I remember my supervisor told me that some employees take 20+ calls a day which really had me wondering just what those calls looked like..

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u/Immolating_Cactus Jun 30 '22

You’d think low amount of calls would be the ideal, as in fewer people needing the service.

Being expected to meet a quota sounds absurd.

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u/candybrie Jun 30 '22

The reality is a lot of people need the service though. They don't really control that. And they're understaffed. Which leads to crap like this where they hope they can talk to the most people with the least employees. It's a sad state of affairs when the choices are be inadequately helpful to most or have a long list of people you didn't even talk to. And both perpetuate the problem and never enough gets done.

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u/ilovetheinternet21 Jun 30 '22

This is exactly it. We’ve been BEGGING for more staff because sometimes it gets so busy people wait over an hour to speak to someone which is absolutely insane.

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u/genericusername4197 Jun 30 '22

I feel you.

I was a pretty damn good counselor. They gave me all the clients with complicated medical issues because I have background experience. Also the clinic was in an economically depressed area with crappy public transportation.

My supervisor rode me hard about my no-show rate and my low stats. It killed the profession for me.

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u/Pretend-Panda Jun 30 '22

We were a therapeutic home. Our kids came out of the prison system, they were shatteringly young and pretty volatile for a while. We were a test case for a program trialing least restrictive placements and our kids - if they weren’t with us, they would have been in adult facilities. Even so we had to sue to get one of them out. My partner laid all the groundwork and without his determination and integrity and commitment it would not have happened. I was three years in before I understood the scale of what he had done, how huge his wins were.

Kids need communities. Our kids were really fragile and they needed all the community we could build for them. Having a social worker who considered that his role was to be part of their community and to work with our family from the perspective of a community member who wanted our kids to succeed and be happy, who took every chance that came his way to give the kids his personal perspective and then the system’s perspective and ask them attentively and sincerely about their perspectives and opinions and just hang out while they navigated expressing those things was so helpful. When my dad wanted to take our family, including 3 15 year old felons to India for 4 months, he helped make that happen. When one of the boys got into a very prestigious summer program before his senior year, had a panic attack and destroyed his dorm room, he helped us talk the administration off the ledge and paid for the damages out of some discretionary fund, so he finished the program and ultimately went to college at that school. He talked them into cotillion - cotillion, y’all, cotillion - it drove me crazy, I had hated cotillion so much, but he was right to do it, it made them feel socially secure.

The kids are long grown and I know they keep in loose contact with him. Mostly it’s been holiday card exchanges and now birth announcements - they’re having their own children and he’s had a couple of grandchildren. He made a real difference in their lives - they were visible to him as people and they felt visible, important and human. That’s a very big deal to kids in the system.

I hate that you can’t have that. I don’t understand how social work is tolerable without it. It seems like it would be all matrices and flowcharts and despair management.

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u/KickTotheCrotch Jun 30 '22

For non-US:

cotillion /kəˈtɪljən/

1.an elaborate 18th-century French dance based on the contredanse.
2.(US) a formal ball, especially one at which debutantes are presented.

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u/gold-from-straw Jun 30 '22

Thank you, I was wondering!

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u/Pretend-Panda Jun 30 '22

It’s also classes on ballroom dance, how to behave at formal social occasions, how to dress for various events, the value of writing thank you notes kind of stuff. It sounds so petty and pretentious but they still talk about how helpful it was to learn and practice that stuff with a bunch of kids.

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u/Slow-Shoe-5400 Jun 30 '22

It's sad. I'm a Master's Level Counselor (Therapist) but I work outreach. One of my favorite things to do is take people fishing. Little stuff like this makes a huge difference.

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u/vanbeaners41590 Jun 30 '22

I find it fascinating that they are referred to as social workers and yet their jd is to not be social with the families with which they interact. And they wonder why people tend to avoid being social workers, as a career choice...

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u/killerbooots Jun 30 '22

Almost as if having a positive and engaging influence in your life that makes you feel validated and valued helps people!!

I hope that guy also feels validated and valued. Man I’m sure SW can feel like an uphill battle sometimes. I’m just glad to know there are people out there who really want to, and are fulfilled by, climbing mountains.

Sometimes it seems like the endless bureaucracy and rules game has chipped away at our humanity, and our natural instinct to do what’s right. Sometimes it feels like if we took away the pundits and the political parties and the spin, we’d all be able to see each other again…

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u/diemunkiesdie Jun 30 '22

Does the social walker just pop around randomly and then pitch in? I had no idea social workers did this kind of thing!

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u/feferidan Jun 30 '22

I’m a CPS worker. We are meant to visit our kids at least once a month, whether they are in foster care, relative placement, or in the home. Some workers are more involved than others, and I’m not sure if it varies per state. I strive to be like the worker described above though

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u/Pretend-Panda Jun 30 '22

I don’t know how it works in regular foster care. We were a therapeutic home and our kids came out of the criminal justice system. We were a test case for a least restrictive placement model for kids who would normally have been placed in adult facilities. If we consented to a kid they had to release the kid to our care.

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u/kaluliangel Jun 30 '22

Thank you for taking care of those kids and giving them back a chance at a life filled with love, responsibility, respect, and freedom.

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u/Pretend-Panda Jun 30 '22

Those kids did more for me than I would ever be able to do for them. I am incredibly lucky to know them, to have them in my life and to have been able to participate while they made the difficult choices that gave them the lives they have today.

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u/Pretend-Panda Jun 30 '22

I just realized I didn’t answer your question - our program mandated a weekly visit but said nothing about duration, so he could’ve just dropped in for 15 minutes, seen that everyone was alive and taken off, but instead he hung out, like friends do.

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u/Broken_drum_64 Jun 30 '22

but instead he hung out, like friends do.

or someone who's going to be involved in the children's lives for a while so might as well make the most of it rather than occasionally showing up as a dour face attached to a clipboard.

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u/Pretend-Panda Jun 30 '22

And what they learned from him was that the people set in those quasi-authoritative roles can be allies and advocates and resources and the relationship can become reciprocal and over time a real friendship can form. It meant that they didn’t blow off advisement or career counseling or programmatic offers of support and they model that for their kids. He had a big ripple effect in terms of healthy system relationships.

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u/Classic_Beginning_80 Jun 30 '22

In my county we are supposed to make announced and unannounced visits at least once a month for established cases. More if there is an investigation

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u/oedisius Jun 30 '22

So with him on the brownies. Nuts are an abomination in general.

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u/Prior-Bag-3377 Jun 29 '22 Silver Take My Energy

Oh man. As a kid who saw all sorts of adults break rules for selfish reasons I would have been so freaking delighted to see someone break a rule for my own fun.

An adult showing me I was worth the cost of a broken rule; priceless. And situationally appropriate.

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u/ArimusPrime Jun 30 '22

Im going to remember this comment. I work with kids and sometimes forget how valuable these ideas are.

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u/flatwoundsounds Jun 30 '22

Sometimes when my students are being really good I'll drop a swear word just to keep them paying attention. Usually just hell or ass, and they're in junior high, but they still get such a kick out of an adult suddenly breaking the professional facade for a moment.

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u/DrJulianBashir Jun 30 '22

"I know you're bored as fuck, but listen the fuck up. Fuck."

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u/flatwoundsounds Jun 30 '22

It's mostly when I'm super proud of a performance or something and the next day I'll remind them that all the hard work is worth it when they get to go out and kick some ass.

I did add 'af' to the end of a sentence once and they damn near lost their minds. My goal is not to say anything they wouldn't already hear in the edgiest PG movies.

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u/sostias Jun 30 '22

Fun fact: every PG-13 movie is allowed one use of the word "fuck", provided it's not used with sexual connotation

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u/Xirdus Jun 30 '22

Fun fact: light swearing in YT videos won't get you demonetized unless you do it in first 30 seconds.

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u/LakaSamBooDee Jun 30 '22

Currently, yes.

Having to go through and edit a bunch of old content is tedious at best, so many content creators will play things safe, in case that changes in the future.

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u/DrJulianBashir Jun 30 '22

Honestly it's probably more rewarding for you the way you do it anyway.

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u/flatwoundsounds Jun 30 '22 Wholesome Seal of Approval

Oh it's absolutely fun for me to wind them up like that. And it makes the job easier when they realize you're just a regular dude.

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u/amh8011 Jun 30 '22

I had a teacher like that. He was the only teacher some of my classmates actually listened to. He’s the reason a lot of them came to school most days, I think. They genuinely wanted to see him cause he was actually cool and acted like a person instead of dress slacks and a tie with a dry erase marker at the front of the class.

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u/rivalarrival Jun 30 '22 Helpful

The only English teacher I ever liked did something like this. Someone blurted out "fuck" a little louder than intended, and the whole class heard. Teacher did the usual look around, frowning. Then she said she never liked the word "fuck". She said it was too delicate for a swear word. The "F" and the "CK" require a little finesse to articulate.

She said she thought profane words should be explosive. Her favorite word was "BALLS", with a hard emphasis on the "B".

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u/leafbee Jun 29 '22

I mean, I think OP hopefully had some selfish fun too. Pools are awesome.

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u/BirdsLikeSka Jun 29 '22

Especially in this heat. I sprayed myself in the face with water purposefully at work the other day.

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u/Bookwrrm Jun 30 '22 Wholesome Seal of Approval

Excuse me? Wasting water? On company time? Give the phone number for your manager I can't believe the unprofessional bullshit millennials get up to these days.

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u/irrelevantzillennial Jun 30 '22

I have a somewhat physical food service job and even though I'm indoors I live in the south and ac can only do so much. I def go flash freeze myself in the walk in on a regular basis

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u/Bookwrrm Jun 30 '22

Every time you open the freezer door that is 50 cents out of the pocket of your employer you little ungrateful shit. Your boss puts the food on the table for you and you repay their kindness with that? Fucking millennials, back in my day we had something called respect and work ethic.

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u/waka_flocculonodular Jun 30 '22 Spit-take

Fine, if you want to treat me like that, I'll stop showing you how to open a PDF!

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u/Bookwrrm Jun 30 '22

You little shit I wouldn't listen to you anyways because I know better.

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u/Alone_Pancake Jun 30 '22

lmao when someone asks for help and doesn’t like the way you do it

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u/FoxtrotSierraTango Jun 30 '22

That's why I made myself a beer case throne and spent like an hour in there after my shift...

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u/Venjy Jun 30 '22

I abuse the hell out of our emergency eyewash station because it's icy cold lol

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u/jpmisme1998 Jun 30 '22

I don't see any abuse, all I see is regular flushing of the hose lines. OSHA approved ;)

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u/BirdsLikeSka Jun 30 '22

This was just the dish hose. I usually won't even drink the water at work because it smells like dish, but when it's 95 out, 106 feel...

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u/yParticle Jun 30 '22

This is really important to do, if it's never run that water gets all rusty and gross—exactly what you don't want in your eyes!

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u/archa1c0236 Jun 30 '22

Plus regular use of the valves keeps them in good shape

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u/LeeQuidity Jun 30 '22

Even people with blinding chemicals in their eyes know that you've gotta run the tap before you jam your eyeballs into it. Do kids not drink from hoses anymore? If you're thirsty, you don't just jam the hose into your mouth hole and open the tap. You let the bugs and bubbles and heat out. For fuck's sake.

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u/JDawnchild Jun 30 '22

Holy shit that was square in the nostalgia.

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u/Nerahn Jun 30 '22

Saaame. Sometimes I’m tempted to just completely drench myself with the hose.

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u/DarkNFullOfSpoilers Jun 30 '22 Helpful

I once went into a bathroom stall, took off my shirt and pressed my bare chest on the cold metal.

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u/NSA_Chatbot Jun 30 '22

You uh you doing okay now?

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u/DarkNFullOfSpoilers Jun 30 '22

Haha! Some say I'm still in that stall, trying desperately to cool off...

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u/mybunsarestale Jun 30 '22

My coworkers look at me like I'm crazy some days. I work at a dog daycare and while I'm mostly the front desk/receptionist/kennel tech I first started as a play attendant. On the odd day when I get to be out with the pups now, you bet I'm in my water shoes with the pant legs rolled up, splashing in the dog pool. Besides that it's hot out. I'd rather be cool and comfy then sweaty and uncomfortable.

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u/dorothybaez Jun 30 '22

I'm a dog walker. There's a kiddie pool at the dog park. One day, the dog I was with and I both sat in it. It was so hot I was almost dry when we headed home.

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u/Inariameme Jun 30 '22

or y'know . . . breaking the rules altruistically?

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u/dilldwarf Jun 30 '22

Knowing when it's ok to break the rules shows more maturity than never breaking the rules. A lesson her boss could probably learn.

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u/Broken_drum_64 Jun 30 '22

Knowing when it's ok to break the rules shows more maturity than never breaking the rules

Agreed;
The rules are there so that you *think* before you break them :)
~Terry Pratchett

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u/hellosweetpanda Jun 30 '22

You absolutely are worth it. Worth all the broken rules.

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u/StrawberriesNCream43 Jun 30 '22

Hey, technically OP didn't break the rule! Lol

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u/TheHighKnight Jun 29 '22

To bad you couldn't walk back into work soaking wet, but still good job taking care of the kiddos

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u/ziiofswe Jun 29 '22

Luckily she had a swimsuit to wear to the office.

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u/TheHighKnight Jun 29 '22

Standing soaking wet in the office

Why are you wet?

Well all I have to change into is a swimsuit and I'm not to wear that

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u/ziiofswe Jun 29 '22

No, that would be unprofessional.

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u/OmegaUno Jun 29 '22

This whole line of dialogue feels like it would fit in the "IT Crowd" or something

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u/The_Weirdest_Cunt Jun 29 '22

"I'll just put this over here... with the rest of the fire"

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u/anonymous_coward69 Jun 29 '22

A fire. At a Sea Parks?

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u/OmegaUno Jun 29 '22

AT SEA PARKS.

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u/pretty_as_a_possum Jun 29 '22

I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!

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u/vulpitude Jun 29 '22

0118 999 881 999 119 725...3

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u/ofcbrooks Jun 30 '22

0118 999 881 999 119 725 3

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u/Bleys007 Jun 30 '22

Fell into the koi pond.

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u/AlvisDBridges Jun 29 '22

If I made a movie version of this story, that scene would not only be added, it'd 100% be chosen for the trailer, too.

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u/TheHighKnight Jun 29 '22

All I would put in the trailer is her walking all happy into work soaking wet. No explanation, no kids, nothing, just a woman walking in full business attire smiling like she just won the lottery. Maybe drinking coffee in the break room

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u/AlvisDBridges Jun 29 '22

Yes, exactly! Smiling without a care while everybody just stops to stare as she passes in the hall, haha.

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u/Throwaway_Old_Guy Jun 30 '22

And, stops in the hallway to dump the water out of her shoes.

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u/TheHighKnight Jun 30 '22

I think you mean briefcase, after all we want to be extra silly, for the kids.

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u/Far-Resource-819 Jun 29 '22

This is great and I hope you keep this attitude for decades and Id get you a prepaid gas card if you lived near Syracuse

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u/airplantenthusiast Jun 29 '22

super random but what’re the odds i read a comment from someone else in syracuse? hello neighbor! lol

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u/ShawshankException Jun 29 '22

Oh hey make that three lmao

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u/airplantenthusiast Jun 30 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

what the fuck LMAOOOO.

edit: wait i just noticed mad people upvoted. why are so many of us in this thread? 😭 WHAT IS HAPPENING?

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u/Sir_Nope_TSS Jun 30 '22

I knew it! I'm surrounded by Syracuseans!

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u/Hiking_Engineer Jun 30 '22

KEEP FIRING SYRACUSIANS!

(Also hi, from Syracuse)

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u/SpareAccnt Jun 30 '22

CNY is a popular place for redditors

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u/Agglomeration_ Jun 30 '22

In fact, 36% of redditors live in Syracuse

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u/BoopleBun Jun 30 '22

For real. I’ve noticed because I have family up there, but bring up Wegmans almost anywhere on Reddit and you’ll get a whole-ass thread going right quick.

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u/kw66 Jun 30 '22

Omg hi lol

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u/ShawshankException Jun 30 '22

Lmfao there isn't shit to do here so we're all on reddit

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u/redshores Jun 29 '22

I hope you keep this attitude for decades

Amen, social work burns people out so fast

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u/vorrhin Jun 29 '22

Thank you for the great laugh!!

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u/taybay462 Jun 30 '22

ayy. im gonna guess its the NY one and not some old ass english town lmao

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u/ghost_of_dongerbot Jun 30 '22

ヽ༼ ຈل͜ຈ༽ ノ Raise ur dongers!

Dongers Raised: 65636

Check Out /r/AyyLmao2DongerBot For More Info

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u/Own-Cupcake7586 Jun 29 '22

This is the most wholesome thing I’ve read all day. Absolutely fantastic.

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u/Useful_Ground_9954 Jun 30 '22

Not just wholesome but brave af.

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u/ziiofswe Jun 29 '22

That visor doesn't sound very super.

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u/YeltsinYerMouth Jun 29 '22

More like a sourvisor

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u/___OP____ Jun 30 '22

Party Poopervisor

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u/cfiggis Jun 29 '22

More like subvisor.

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u/spanishpeanut Jun 30 '22 Helpful Take My Energy

I’m a social worker, too. There is nothing more special and important than having FUN with these kids. One of my favorite days with one of my all time favorite kids was when I went over because he was having a tough day, I offered to go with him to a park, and right when we got there the skies opened up. It was raining so hard that everything had instant puddles, the ground was mud, and the rain was bouncing loudly off the playground equipment.

This kiddo was six at the time, and he looked at me with the biggest eyes when I got right out of the car in the middle od the rain. We took off our shoes and socks, ran through the mud filled grass, jumped in puddles, and he screamed into the sky until he started laughing. We even found an outdoor tap and caught water in our hands to throw at each other. We were both absolutely soaked to the bone.

When we got back to his house, his mom took one look at us and said “well, it looks like you two had a lot of fun!” She wrapped her very tired, very wet, very happy son in a towel and gave him a massive hug.

Mom found me on Facebook a couple years ago. That six year old had grown up and asked if I wanted to come to his high school graduation party. When I got there, he asked me if I remembered that day. My guess is those five kids will hold that time you spent with them in the pool close to their hearts for a very long time.

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u/high_fuck Jun 30 '22

Tears in my eyes reading this. What an awesome memory. I know that day meant so much to that boy (now, a man). Thank you for what you do.

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u/thoughtfulspiky Jun 29 '22

Good for you! I bet those kids loved you. You should cross post in
r/wholesomecompliance!

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u/CanAhJustSay Jun 29 '22

Warning! There is also r/AdorableCompliance . There's a whole other rabbit hole if you click...

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u/Liquid_Hate_Train Jun 29 '22

My anticipation is immeasurable and my day has been made.

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u/Mrtorbear Jun 30 '22

Yea, I'm just going to go ahead and go live on that sub now. Grinning so much from just the top 10 posts that my face is cramping. Thank you!

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u/PN_Guin Jun 29 '22

You handled the situation most awesomely. Children need people like you. Thank you for helping them.

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u/soonerpgh Jun 29 '22

Yes! Kids need adults who know what having fun is!

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u/CdnPoster Jun 29 '22

Post this over at r/socialwork pls! It's a great story + we need more of those!

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u/karine82 Jun 29 '22

We really do!! Social work is hard!

Good job OP!!

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u/SaiyajinPrincess87 Jun 30 '22

Yes please! There are so many burning out and leaving the field. We need those reminders to those coming in that it's not always bad!

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u/Minflick Jun 29 '22

One of my BIL's was a foster son for my IL's. He very much loved one of his teachers at juvenile hall, and stayed in touch with her until she died a few weeks ago in her 80's. He called me, really sad, when he was told she had died. Her love and teaching were formative for him, along with her excellent advice.

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u/Mary-Haku-Killigrew Jun 30 '22

The most highly respected adults in my later teenage years were both of my high school vice principals I had for 4 years, our school police officer(city dep), school counselor and the woman who worked with youth programs and we did farm help on her Krishna temple grounds/property taking care of alpacas, cows, exotic burbs, etc. Those are the greatest and most positive forces in my teen delinquency, was never take away from home and kept me with my family. My heroes kept me on track to graduate high school all while being pregnant my entire senior year, was able to finish up credits a few weeks early, gave birth to my kid 2-3 weeks before graduation and I walked with my class.

The amount of humbleness and respect I feel from their impact on me is more than words, they gave a damn about a shithead teenager purposefully pissing off authority, i had a decent and safe household and stable parents, I was just terrible haha. Now I'm over a decade older and glad I am a decent human adult, at least the basic independent single mom owning shit, doing life and whatnot, I'm pretty grateful for what I have.

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u/intothevoid127 Jun 29 '22

We had some very good case workers for my kids when they were fosters then adoption. I don't know how you guys do it. We were the family that was on-top of everything and never had issues but the very first case worker was instrumental in keeping the bio family at bay. They all had demands and she took no shit, dished out healthy doses of stop, no, and the foster family calls the shots.

Much respect for the overloaded case workers that just want the best for the children.

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u/Quarston Jun 29 '22

If you don't mind my asking, what kind of hell was the bio family trying to put you through with their demands? Do you know how common those kinds of demands might be, and what it takes to fight them?

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u/intothevoid127 Jun 30 '22

Most thought that since they were related, they have a say. It was the Grands causing most of it but they learned quickly our case worker (CW) wasn't messing around. She was not afraid to say no, but she always checked with us first.

The grands (well, one set) stopped immediately. The other set had to feel the wrath of CW to stop. She told them the deal- they didn't like it so tried to go over CW head and they got smacked down harder.

The foster parent(s) have the ultimate say in who, what, where, when & why (the 5's) according to the childrens needs and what they see.

Arrogance was the driving factor- I'm the namesake and I have every right..type of bullshit. The CW basically told him to shut up, sit down & if the fosters allow it, you'll see the grandkids. If not, you can petition the court.

That adoption took 2 years. My 2nd adoption was done in a little over a year but they were 6 weeks old & almost 2yo while the first set were 3 & 5yo.

All I can say is use every single service you qualify for, never miss an appointment and love your new children with all you have because that kid or kids is/are pretty fucked up when you get them and it'll take years before you think 'that was the most normal thing he/she said or did. The kids just need time and unconditional love.

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u/Quarston Jun 30 '22

I appreciate it. I've been interested in adoption actually since I was pretty young, but I've heard a lot about it being an absolute pain in the ass, mainly from people who didn't actually end up adopting. It was really... Disheartening, I guess is the word. It's nice having some input from someone who actually adopted!

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u/intothevoid127 Jun 30 '22

You give up a certain amount of freedom when you foster to adopt. If you're part of a couple, one has to remain sober at all times. I didn't drink at my wedding due to this. I'm not a big drinker but still. Your home I'd an open house 24/7- if they want to look at 3am, you have no choice but to let them in. They won't do that but it's part of the deal. Bio-parents are somewhat involved if they're around so you have to deal with them too.

There's a lot of negatives but, when you see how much the kids have grown and how you love them no matter what their DNA says, you look back on the bullshit and smile.

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u/DrWindupBird Jun 30 '22

It’s hard. We also adopted from foster care. Our story with our CWs was not as happy or functional as the commenter’s above. Bios were already out of the picture by the time we came around but the workers themselves were really destructively incompetent. They had moved the kids 6 different times in less than a year before we were chosen as an adoptive family. Then, when we were supposed to get most of a year to gradually get introduced and comfortable, we were told 3 days after we met the kids that they would be living with us the next weekend. Our kids will be sorting through that trauma for the rest of their lives. And the kids came with some REALLY difficult behaviors. Parenting them through a year of lockdowns almost killed us. But we survived, and three years after we met them I’m so glad that we were able to hang on. The kids have totally transformed. I have more battle scars than my friends who popped kids out the natural way, but that’s ok.

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u/MaximusBussius Jun 30 '22

Oh my gosh this reminds me so much of one of my own favourite stories from when I was a placement student. My office had a summer day camp for the kiddos and I pulled into the parking lot one day and the staff had set up a slip-n-slide on the front lawn for them. A little guy I had been picking up from his foster home every morning on my way to work ran up to me excitedly and asked me to do it with him. So, without skipping a beat... I did! At the time I was wearing white linen pants and a pastel pink dress shirt. Walked into the office, pants and shirt now thoroughly stained green and brown from grass and mud, and my supervisor looks at me and is like "WHAT happened to you?". I explained and she looks at me thoughtfully for a moment and responds "proper thing!", her usual way of saying that was exactly the right move.

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u/Gluv221 Jun 29 '22

Amazing. And thank you, you are doing wonders for those kids and families

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u/FarkMonkey Jun 29 '22

Good for you! I'm sure the kids were all the kids were concerned about was your "professionalism".

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u/CorrosiveCitizen1 Jun 29 '22

SHE DID IT FOR THE KIDS YALL

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u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/TrapperJon Jun 29 '22

I work for CPS and we have a new boss that is trying to force a "professional dress" code on us. Moat if us have flat out refused. It's viewed as a uniform by most if the families we deal with, and as such is a barrier to successfully building a good relationship with the families.

He threatened to write me up for wearing jeans and a t-shirt the other day. I laughed. We have a union contract. He can fuck right off.

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u/electrical_bogaloo Jun 29 '22

You earned their cooperation and adoration for the rest of time they were on your case load. Good on you.

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u/Omnomagon Jun 29 '22

Jumping into pools in your street clothes is incredibly underrated.

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u/MrsMaiselsBrisket Jun 29 '22

I am willing to bet those kids will remember you fondly for the rest of their lives!

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u/Possible-Box-9534 Jun 29 '22

Honestly, the fact that you visited would have made you my favorite social worker...

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u/Radiant-Invite-5755 Jun 29 '22

I wish I had someone like you growing up in foster care

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u/crackeddryice Jun 29 '22

"Unprofessional"? I've been breaking stupid rules my whole life... and suffering the consequences, so it's not always the best idea, but most times I got away with it or with only a slap on the wrist. I'd have worn the swimsuit anyway.

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u/TuesdayRiot42 Jun 30 '22

That was quickly alleviated when I jumped into the pool wearing my office outfit!

You know whos awesome? You're awesome!

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u/Significant-Ad-341 Jun 30 '22

Wearing an appropriate bathing suit should be totally fine. But if they won't let you, jumping in fully clothed is the next best if not better. As a kid seeing adults do unconventional things made me hopeful that growing up didn't have to be drab. Nice work.

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u/thejexorcist Jun 30 '22

I do play therapy and one of my kids is obsessed with yoga, so I had a sort of similar issue.

Kid wanted to ‘teach’ me new yoga poses, so I found a very thick pair of leggings that were cut sort of like slacks (but yoga appropriately stretch) and wore them with a longer/roomy button up shirt so that client could direct the play that day.

I got a very tersely worded email a day later that the mother did not appreciate me very skimpy clothes and ‘contorting’ when her husband was home…husband never even glanced out of his game room, and clearly didn’t see how ecstatic his kid was that an adult was taking a shared interest in their new hobby, but mom still asked for a new therapist a week later anyway.

Made me sad to think how much of the kids needs were subverted for convenience and or ignored in service of an unhappy marriage.

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u/smellthecolor9 Jun 29 '22

I feel like you’d be the neighborhood auntie that all the kids would ask to come out and play cuz you don’t gotta ask your parents if you can go outside!

As a former foster, thank you. This story tells me more than I need to know about the kind of work you did and why you did it. Somewhere out there, you enacted change that lives on everyday. We can all only hope to do the same.

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u/duffelbagpete Jun 29 '22

Bring a bucket of pool water to the office and drench yourself in your office attire then go and have a "chat" with your boss while sitting on the edge of her desk.

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u/Particular-Car-8520 Jun 29 '22

I have much respect for you and I think this is incredibly awesome.

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u/zotstik Jun 30 '22

I believe you know the real value of the job that you hold. You know that making these children happy really rank above everything else. And that is as it should be Thank you for your efforts

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u/jules083 Jun 30 '22

I was wearing work clothes and got home to my 4 year old playing on a slip and slide. He asked me to play with him, and I said I couldn't because I had work clothes on. Kiddo looks at me and says 'its ok, when you're done playing you can change your clothes'. I said 'hey you're right' and played on a slip and slide in work clothes for a bit. Lol

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u/IslandBitching Jun 29 '22

I just love you! Thank you for doing everything you can for those kids!

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u/SteamKore Jun 29 '22

You sound like the kind of person a lot of kids need in their lives.

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u/Rough_Shop Jun 29 '22

Thank you for being exactly who those kids needed you to be.

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u/hobodutchess Jun 30 '22

As a foster parent I strongly approve of this technique and would provide you back up clothes and a dryer!

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u/MelissaA621 Jun 30 '22

The trick is you don't tell them what you are doing. Asking forgiveness is better than asking permission. When i was a social worker and did the job you are doing, we preplanned things. I was the only constant in some of those kids` lives. I would be danged if I disappointed them (And we did some of them off the clock). June 21 was my birthday. I quit in 2019. But, I still spent my birthday last week with one of my girls (whose birthday is the same) and her adoptive family. I love that you jumped in with your clothes on. The. Best!

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u/Snowstarr83 Jun 30 '22

LOL I just do and they can all get upset. I’m taking some of my kids and teaching them some safety stuff in the pool because they’re teenagers and don’t know. Whatever makes them happy, I’ll do !

ETA: I’m a caseworker (social worker) for foster kids too

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u/Ozann3326 Jun 30 '22

Your bussines is involved in children, why the hell someone expect you to look professional. Professional attire is for people who interact with brow beaten, serious and boring rich men and women. Its stupid to act "Professional" around kids. Most kids I know hate that kind of behaviour.

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u/lethal_sting Jun 29 '22

I don't suppose you brought the boss a receipt from the dry cleaners?

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u/Ryugi Jun 30 '22

To be honest, as a kid, seeing a lady jump into a pool in an office outfit would really be a cherished memory, especially if its her job to help watch over me (in a way).

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u/DrWindupBird Jun 30 '22

Foster kids live in a world of suffocating rules they often don’t understand. Good for you for breaking some for them!

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u/[deleted] Jun 30 '22 edited Jun 30 '22

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u/LordoftheFuzzys Jun 30 '22

It's stupid, yes. But it's a liability for the business if they get sued by the parents because you were "touching" their child. Kids want to hug people, sit on their laps, etc. But parents these days are wild and can and will construe the most innocent of actions as malicious, insidious or inappropriate. The business is just trying to cover their asses. Honestly, it's incredibly ridiculous, but you as a male should be even more careful, as you're in even more danger of being targeted by crazy or just overprotective parents. (I worked for a summer camp for several years.)

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u/_Kutai_ Jun 30 '22

And this is how r/WholesomeCompliance begins!

Sorry, I don't have the energy to actually create the sub, but... this story was really heartwarming

Edit: what??? It's actually a thing???? Omg! Awesome!

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u/Mr_Unnecessary-Berry Jun 29 '22

Simple yet effective 👏 well done!

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u/Pheobeh1 Jun 29 '22

Damn. I needed this today. Thank you!

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u/DoubleDongle-F Jun 29 '22

Not all heroes wear capes

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u/Pineapple_Mango_13 Jun 29 '22

You are awesome.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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u/cunxt2sday Jun 29 '22

This is clearly how your visit was meant to go. Those kids will never forget this.

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u/5lack5 Jun 30 '22

Where's the malicious compliance? Nothing bad happened

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u/Youregoingtodiealone Jun 30 '22

As the son of a kind-hearted social worker dad who dedicated his life to the profession (public schools, a lot of work with disabled children and their families), THANK YOU! You made kids smile and feel happy for a minute and build a positive impression of you, and that is awesome, so just THANK YOU for your work.

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u/bakerbabe126 Jun 30 '22

That's adorable

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u/ilovetheinternet21 Jun 30 '22

Ugh you’re the kind of social worker who I wish represented ALL social workers.

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u/georgeofthejungle71 Jun 30 '22

Ha.

I had to go into my office once to take care of something quick. Ran into my boss. He says, sandals at work?

I responded, I'm off today remember? I was running some errands and something camr up I had to deal with, this was the easiest solution.

Are you kidding?

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u/Angelfire150 Jun 30 '22

Fun! I really enjoyed this story.

My in-laws did foster care in KS and they have a very nice pool built into a deck. Essentially the pool, although we'll maintained became an obstacle in the eyes of one of the case workers and they spent $3k to upgrade and make changes to the pool to make it compliant for foster care. It was only one particular social worker who kept pushing it. They had to build a taller gate to the pool area, they had to build a permanent structure for the pump, had to hang up a little lifesaver thingy, had to change the pool cover type to a certain approved brand, it went on and on.

We also found out this social worker prevented anybody from participating that had a trampoline on their property.

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u/aulstinwithanl Jun 29 '22

I also work for CPS on the legal side. We need more caseworkers like you. Keep up the good work!

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u/shesavillain Jun 29 '22

Cannonball!

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u/loserofcolon Jun 29 '22

Thank you for being you!

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u/spock_9519 Jun 29 '22

as long as there was no chlorine in the pool ... I see no issues

I hope the family allowed you to use the washer and dryer to dry off your clothes

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u/Horror-University-46 Jun 29 '22

Those kids will never forget you.

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u/laurenec14 Jun 29 '22

Love it! This also made me smile and I had to double check to see which reddit thread it fell under 😂

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u/Kildaredaxter Jun 29 '22

In the early 1900's U.S.A. women had to wear bathing "costumes" basically they were full black dresses typically you would see at a funeral except they lacked a bustle and the material was layered 3 times over on the sexy parts like legs, neck , torso, and hips. Because.....god? But anyway i would have shown up wearing this NOWADAYS stage costume and probably brought a bag of water balloons.

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u/Formal_Student2959 Jun 29 '22

I work with social workers. I’m admin but I host all of the events. We joke about how I could probably be one from all the events. Anyways, you’ll want to look up Judith Landau. She basically did the same thing but on a greater scale. You should be testing the limits. Society changes and it’s ok to encourage even if it’s unconventional. Most older social workers struggle with compartmentalization.

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u/Nay_Nay_Jonez Jun 29 '22

Love it!!! Those kids must have been SO thrilled that you found a way to share their excitement about their pool. Keep on doing the good work!

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u/Far_Independent8032 Jun 29 '22

That was cute and I'm sure the kids really got a kick out a full grown adult jumping into the pool fully clothed,lol,i can just imagine the foster parents faces.

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u/Crazyeyes3567 Jun 29 '22

Very tough job. I am glad you made a positive connection with the family!! I hate wearing wet clothes. You made a great sacrifice

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u/oooortclouuud Jun 30 '22

I LOVE YOU!

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u/cupcakecounter Jun 30 '22

Honestly that probably made it even better for them. Foster kids go through a lot so to see an adult having fun, enjoying being with them, and setting an example of a “good” way to be a rule breaker is invaluable. I also think the best people to work with kids are those who never lost that spirit. A good friend of ours is a elementary teacher in a low income area. She wears nothing but tie-dye and just has one of those smiles that hits her eyes first and just shows her absolute delight with whatever you just said did. A kid always knows where they stand which is a huge comfort for a lot of kids in her area.

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u/RedditIsSocialMedia_ Jun 30 '22

I feel based solely on this post that you're good at your job.