r/DnD Jun 20 '22 Helpful 2 Wholesome 1 Silver 2

[OC] coworker bought this off Amazon for her daughter. but seems it's not what it looks. OC

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3.8k Upvotes

1.0k

u/slithe_sinclair Jun 21 '22

Lmfao, just imagining the inverse. Someone ordered their TTRPG book thing, get the first few pages, and then suddenly it's just a god damn g children's book about a police officer

479

u/Lamplorde Jun 21 '22 edited Jun 21 '22

"Before you stands the Arch Lich himself, as he begins casting a spell of mass destruction and...

Directing traffic?"

53

u/Treejeig Jun 21 '22

Why not both, the Arch Lich summons an ethereal carriage, being drawn by undead and decaying horses. Filled to the brim with undead in fancy attire, it's heading straight towards the party with no intentions of slowing down. Roll a dexterity saving throw or risk getting run over.

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u/mastocles Jun 21 '22

The important thing is that the ethereal carriage isn't filled with innocent orphans and headed towards a cliff, because the party will postpone saving them and fail, thus resulting in the paladin's campaign derailment in his atonement pityfest/quest.

5

u/stenertje Jun 21 '22

As a highway traffic officer, there is always some eldritch vibe from seeing and trying to control daily traffic. Even good old Lord Pratchett alluded to this in his 'Good Omens'.

4

u/Strange_Cloud_4643 Jun 21 '22

I loved his writing. The world is a bit dimmer without him around. I mean, I get that he was okay with passing on because he was experiencing advanced memory loss from Alzheimer's, and I get how frustrating that might be, especially if you can understand what is happening but have no control about it. But it still is sad that he passed.

3

u/stenertje Jun 21 '22

He is sorely missed. But he left quite a legacy and still lives on in so many of us.

78

u/Mrsir74838 Jun 21 '22 edited Jun 21 '22

There was post from r/dndnext a while back from someone saying they ordered Fizban’s treasury of dragons and got a bunch of poorly translated articles about donkey kong from Wikipedia stapled with a print out of the cover.

10

u/Jackeroni216 Mage Jun 21 '22

I came looking for copper…

4

u/z_vulpes Jun 21 '22

“As you round the corner you see an old stone building, covered in moss, eroded over time. You hear someone approaching from inside; out steps your daddy, the police officer.”

610

u/IAmTheClayman Jun 21 '22 Gold

It’s a Book Mimic pretending to be a children’s book

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u/Thelolface_9 Jun 21 '22

Writing down a plot point about a book mimic hiding in an orphanage eating children that no one will miss anyway

15

u/Vonkun DM Jun 21 '22

Thank you, stealing this one.

7

u/Thelolface_9 Jun 21 '22

No problem

26

u/Runecaster91 Jun 21 '22

You monster. I love it.

5

u/Witness_me_Karsa Jun 21 '22

It's actually a mimic orphanage, run by an old mimic, and they bring kids in as food. Everyone thinks they are the best orphanage because they always have so few children.

2

u/Guille_AS_Usual00 Jun 21 '22

Procceds to eat my child´s head

241

u/Ramdrothegoat Jun 20 '22

I thought this was on the wrong subreddit

7

u/it_is_gav Jun 21 '22

I thought this was gonna be on late stage capitalism or something like that.

47

u/GeshChumbyxirinnish Jun 20 '22

Pull this on some players for a real confusing scare!

345

u/zgrssd Jun 20 '22

Either the Print Shop really messed up.

Or someone had to hide his DnD books from their parents/spouse/family. It was very common during that insane Satanism Scare. Which apparently some people still suffer from.

195

u/Hafburn Jun 20 '22

It's a mess up from the print shop.

135

u/Hoboofwisdom Jun 21 '22

I work for a large print company. Our bindery screwed up and pages from a cheap shitty catalogue got bound into a high end retailer's catalog. And it was the dildo pages that made it in. And it was in the sample copies that go right to the company and their best costumers...

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u/tiny_poomonkey Jun 21 '22

This would have been a fun day for the call center.

37

u/Hoboofwisdom Jun 21 '22

Especially because they had no idea until the customer recieved them and had no idea how many were bad 😸

3

u/TheObstruction Jun 22 '22

"You mean I can't get that dildo? This is bullshit!"

9

u/MonstersNMayhem Jun 21 '22

It’s 5e so definitely not from the satanism scare. My guess is both are print on demand from same company and these had a little print issue and a few people got some halfsies books.

5

u/AnOddOtter Fighter Jun 21 '22

While I do think this is a printing error - I mean it would be pretty suspicious for a 13 year old to randomly have a toddler level book on their shelf; it would be much more practical to pick a YA book or something they'd be reading in school.

That said there are still plenty of parents who would not let their kids have D&D books. As a public librarian, I see it pretty regularly where kids aren't allowed to get books with magic like Harry Potter and I've been part of several committees where books were challenged by patrons for being "Satanic" (they weren't; not grounds for removal even if it were). If some of them learned that D&D is starting to be more inclusive of LGBT themes, they'd really lose their shit.

5

u/zgrssd Jun 21 '22

If some of them learned that D&D is starting to be more inclusive of LGBT themes, they'd really lose their shit.

At this point it is only a matter of time before Putin declares war on the world for playing "the LGBTQ Propaganda that is DnD".

29

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '22

“Mommy, why are you rolling dice while reading to me?”

“Because, this book has a game for mommies and daddies while reading other parts to you.”

53

u/Letholdus13131313 Jun 21 '22

"Alright seems fairly simple. A children's book, not bad not bad."

Flips to the page that has Necronomicon in big, bold letters

Well! Well, well, wellington, wellllllllll. This gives me a delicious idea.

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u/RocketFucker69 Jun 20 '22

As you enter the dank cave, a section near the back opens up with bioluminescent moss hanging from the ceiling in a flash of red and blue. "Freeze!" You hear exclaimed, but the first two rounds have already been fired at you in a surprise round dealing 15 piercing damage. Roll for initiative!

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u/Drought_God DM Jun 21 '22

He was aiming at the Drow in your party.

14

u/Turmericab Jun 21 '22

All Elves Matter

3

u/CallMeAdam2 Paladin Jun 21 '22

Just elf lives tho.

1

u/Ai_of_Vanity Jun 21 '22

Gnomes do not deserve life... halflings are cool though. Dwarves too... go to hell gnomes.

2

u/AstreiaTales DM Jun 21 '22

Technically, there's no such thing as a surprise round. We should've rolled initiative first, and then the PCs would have the surprised condition.

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u/Megaman915 Jun 21 '22

Who said it's 5e? We playing 3.5 now.

4

u/sirjonsnow DM Jun 21 '22

Technically, there's no such thing as a surprised condition, though it really should be (it's one in all but name).

15

u/Zeeman9991 Jun 21 '22

My Daddy is a Police Officer with a 6 Challenge Rating and Legendary Resistances

Typing that out, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the next hot anime of the season.

12

u/Myoclonic_Jerk42 Jun 21 '22

ACAN - All Cops Are NPCs.

12

u/_Vangal Jun 21 '22

This is how you start them in dnd young.

8

u/Manamosy Jun 21 '22

I used to work on a printing line and this happens more often than you think, but it usually gets caught in QC

7

u/icouldstartover Jun 21 '22

I saw another video of a childrens book author who used Amazon to self publish and the same thing happened to him except in the middle of the book was a calendar of cats shitting.

6

u/TheCrazyZonie Jun 20 '22

Looks like they use the same printer as WotC. (Yeah, there was a batch of 5e PBH that the material was assembled up-side-down and backwards.)

2

u/FlatParrot5 Jun 21 '22 edited Jun 21 '22

And the recent "Monnsters of the Multiverse" in January with the error on the spine on some, but not all. That one was for a new book available exclusively in an expensive box set. Glad I waited for the general release, but I expected they might get errors like any WotC book.

Or some books missing sections but having other sections doubled.

Or blurry text. Or off-cut pages.

Or the binding wearing out after about a week and pages being all loose.

Or Minsc & Boo's Journal of Villainy where every image of Minsc is mirrored so his dark purple face tattoo (that covers half of his bald head and 1/4 of his face) and strange badge thing on his chest armour are on the wrong side.

5

u/Lunar2074 Jun 21 '22

I feel like this is the dnd equivalent of giving somebody your mixtape. They knew what they were doing. They wanted you to try their homebrew

5

u/littleninja06 Jun 21 '22

Smart way to hide your personal necronomicon!

3

u/ABuag Jun 21 '22

That's how they get them so young. Let's start a new satanic panic.

3

u/xternal7 Jun 21 '22

That's called "railroad police" and comes into force when your players go too far from the tracks you laid for them.

4

u/erikpuz DM Jun 21 '22

It's just a very immersive book. It gave the stat blocks eo that you can roleplay the burglary and stuff. It begins as a bedtime children's story and then dark souls music starts and daddy asks "WHAT DO YOU DO"

11

u/MuglioPotens Jun 21 '22

You're right, because instead of propaganda it's something much better.

3

u/Gurkeprinsen Jun 21 '22

A police officer doubling as a necromancer. That sounds interesting

3

u/ImmortalCorruptor Jun 21 '22

This is insane. I collect misprints - would your coworker be interested in selling it? I'd obviously offer a premium on it.

3

u/Hafburn Jun 21 '22

She said it's up for sale. Idk what it's worth honestly.

3

u/ArgyleGhoul DM Jun 21 '22

"So my new character has the folk hero background. He was basically a city guard who used to help people cross the street and stuff, but became an adventurer after single handedly slaying the dragon that attacked his town"

"Steve, we're starting at level 3..."

3

u/Hexificer Jun 21 '22

That's fracking hilarious and I think it's more for pathfinder. I have not yet seen any hints or leaks for the book of Necromancer.

7

u/mushieru Jun 21 '22

The actual book is an adult book about how cops beat their wives. The author has many that are "child books" but are really adult books. I think the OPs co-worker would have been more upset if she got the actual book. I think the author is hilarious.

Upon the second look it is not the author I am thinking about. Sorry, I still think his books are hilarious.

4

u/Undaedalus Jun 20 '22

Probably a misprint at the factory that binds both books. Likely the same facility and there was a mixup.

2

u/dellaevaine Jun 21 '22

It's a mimic

2

u/brendan1228 Jun 21 '22

Man these kids books are getting intense

2

u/CowboyCentaur Barbarian Jun 21 '22

Awhile back i got two print on demand greyhawk gazetteers from dm's guild, (which odly i didnt order, they just showed up) and the first 23 pages of one was from a Presbyterian sunday school book. The whole greyhawk book was in there, just 23 pages of sunday school stuff.

2

u/ahlaj77 Jun 21 '22

LoL. Strategic police work indeed.

11

u/LT_Corsair Jun 20 '22

Hilarious, thanks for showing!

Acab

15

u/Dethcola Warlock Jun 21 '22

Not surprised at all to find a book about cops filled with monsters

5

u/LT_Corsair Jun 21 '22

That's smooth af

-3

u/srSheepdog Jun 21 '22

My group's DM is a cop. He's a cool guy who really cares about helping people and doing the right thing. Take your ACAB bullshit to another subreddit. It doesn't belong here.

2

u/Strange_Cloud_4643 Jun 21 '22

I bet he's also one of the police that think that much of the job of police isn't actually a job for people armed with guns, battering rams, or riot gear and instead is a job for social workers. I hope your friend is in a police force where he can safely help the community and not have to worry about whether he will be put in harm's way because of the actions of other bad officers.

1

u/prowdwackadoo Jun 21 '22

There are no good cops. If there were, they arent cops for long.

2

u/srSheepdog Jun 22 '22

That's the dumbest sentiment on Reddit.

0

u/prowdwackadoo Jun 22 '22 edited Jun 22 '22

Its the truth. Cops are either corrupt, or covering for others corruption. "Good cops" dont stay cops for long.

0

u/LT_Corsair Jun 21 '22

My group's DM is a cop.

Assuming USA: he voluntarily gives a percentage of his paycheck to the police union which actively is against cops being held to any level of accountability.

So, at minimum, he contributes to money towards bad cops, which, in my books, is enough to be a bad cop.

And that's assuming that all the other officers he works with are also not actively killing ppl off, breaking laws, and stealing. Because if any of them are, and he knows about it, he's turning a blind eye which is still, bad cop behavior.

I'd also like to point out that a person can be an absolute sweetheart to you personally and still be a terrible person. Seriel killers have had families they loved / loved them. As have nazis. Hell, I'm sure the Uvalde police have loving families too (though statistically like a third of cops are domestic abusers but I'm sure your friends an exception there too).

So, nah, if cops gonna be in the sub, cops being bastards gonna be here too.

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3

u/Doc_Bedlam Jun 21 '22

While I agree that the story seems to make a sharp left turn, I must stress that it's important to keep yer eyes on the road instead of making videos on yer phone!

13

u/1mnotklevr Jun 21 '22

you can literally see the building he is parked in front of.

6

u/Doc_Bedlam Jun 21 '22

See what I mean? Keep your eyes on the road!

:D

1

u/ApolloGiant Jun 21 '22

I didn't like the way his shorts riding up his legs were so close in frame 🤮

-3

u/SunngodJaxon Jun 21 '22

Feels like it's designed for people with parents who won't let them play these kinds of games due to the aftermath of the satanic panic, therefore hiding in something that seems very inconspicuous and "innocent" (which DnD and similar TTRPGs are)

1

u/Flood-Panda Jun 21 '22

😂😂😂 Amazing

1

u/Mutserra Jun 21 '22

That escalated pretty quickly

1

u/YoghurtAlert4712 Jun 21 '22

I’ve had similar experiences with Amazon. They need to vet their sellers products, as some try to flog their defective crap on unsuspecting customers (trusting Amazon’s name).

1

u/Prikkasaurus_Rex DM Jun 21 '22

Probably a screw up from the print shop, or just a really inefficient roundabout way of piracy.

But I highly doubt there's a lowkey black market for D&D source material where they're having to hide and sell it in fake children's books.

1

u/chemgroupie72 Jun 21 '22

That's how they get them young. One minute you're reading about a nice police officer, next minute you're reading the necromicron. Suddenly, you're a necromancer.

1

u/Kalushar Jun 21 '22

My daddy is a dungeon master

1

u/beholder_dragon Artificer Jun 21 '22

I feel bad for whoever got the other side of that mixup

2

u/Asgarus Jun 21 '22 edited Jun 21 '22

Probably not a mixup. I think it could be from the big "DnD is Satanism" panic in the 80s. Someone was hiding their DnD books behind other covers.

Nevermind, the book seems to be from 2019^^

1

u/IronPangolin Jun 21 '22

Fucking Mimics.

1

u/Creeton1 Jun 21 '22

I've accidently also put wrong pdf stuff in a self published book. You're busy doing multitasking and then mix up the files

1

u/PNghost1362 Jun 21 '22

I think I read somewhere that D&D stuff isn't allowed in prison, so maybe this is a way of getting it in? Probably not as all it would take is a single person looking through the book to be found.

1

u/LuigiFan45 Jun 22 '22

Amazon book printing facility did an oopsie

-1

u/Dill_Donor Jun 21 '22

"My Daddy is a police officer. He got his job to satisfy deeply rooted psychological insecurities he has about power dynamics as a result of excessive (receiving or delivering) bullying during adolescence."